Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

Conceptually Black wrote:
I believe in tough love, so here is what I have to say. Suicide is selfish. Don't do it.
People you don't even know care about you, give them time to meet you.

Ditto.

There are people who care. People you can talk to. A lot of them right here in this thread. Do not give up.

Don't look for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

Ditto.

There are people who care. People you can talk to. A lot of them right here in this thread. Do not give up.

Don't look for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Why would anyone care?  What difference would it make if there is one less person?

Gee, I never thought I would be on this thread.

Conceptually Black wrote:

I believe in tough love, so here is what I have to say. Suicide is selfish. Don't do it.
People you don't even know care about you, give them time to meet you.

Granted, there are people we can talk too, but suicide is not selfish. If you have ever reached this point, it's not about selfishness, it's about reaching a level of depression to the point that the pain is not just emotional, it has become physical as well. Suicide is literally the end of the road and patience both emotionally and physically.

I've been there, and I'm still there. It's a constant struggle. Yes, talking with friends, or even strangers helps only so far.

Model Instincts wrote:

Why would anyone care?  What difference would it make if there is one less person?

Gee, I never thought I would be on this thread.

Neither did I, but don't give in....

Model Instincts wrote:

Why would anyone care?  What difference would it make if there is one less person?

Gee, I never thought I would be on this thread.

People care because that's what they know. It comes naturally to some people. It's who and what they are.

One less person is one less person. One less straw and the proverbial camel's back wouldn't have broken. One less bolt in the bridge and it collapses.

It always makes a difference. Always. I was there. Wanted so badly to just end it all. I didn't care about anything else but seeking the end. Then I posted here. I found out that some people that I don't even know do care. They not only calmed me down right then and there, they continue to show they care even after my crisis is past. They weren't just saying it to make me feel better.

Those who post here.....they do care. It matters.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

People care because that's what they know. It comes naturally to some people. It's who and what they are.

One less person is one less person. One less straw and the proverbial camel's back wouldn't have broken. One less bolt in the bridge and it collapses.

It always makes a difference. Always. I was there. Wanted so badly to just end it all. I didn't care about anything else but seeking the end. Then I posted here. I found out that some people that I don't even know do care. They not only calmed me down right then and there, they continue to show they care even after my crisis is past. They weren't just saying it to make me feel better.

Those who post here.....they do care. It matters.

QFT...well said. I haven't posted here often, but just reading some of the posts have helped me get past the stage of giving up.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

People care because that's what they know. It comes naturally to some people. It's who and what they are.

One less person is one less person. One less straw and the proverbial camel's back wouldn't have broken. One less bolt in the bridge and it collapses.

It always makes a difference. Always. I was there. Wanted so badly to just end it all. I didn't care about anything else but seeking the end. Then I posted here. I found out that some people that I don't even know do care. They not only calmed me down right then and there, they continue to show they care even after my crisis is past. They weren't just saying it to make me feel better.

Those who post here.....they do care. It matters.

+ a bajillion.

I post here for the same reasons - and cos i know how bad it feels not having someone to talk to.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

+ a bajillion.

I post here for the same reasons - and cos i know how bad it feels not having someone to talk to.

Lotsa hugs to you and thanks for the nice comment you wrote about me in a previous post here. You are wonderful also.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Lotsa hugs to you and thanks for the nice comment you wrote about me in a previous post here. You are wonderful also.

YW!

Taboo Nudes wrote:

Granted, there are people we can talk too, but suicide is not selfish. If you have ever reached this point, it's not about selfishness, it's about reaching a level of depression to the point that the pain is not just emotional, it has become physical as well. Suicide is literally the end of the road and patience both emotionally and physically.

Absolute truth.
I detest the "suicide is selfish" line...  Regardless of the intention, it just seems so glib and off base.  Unless you have actually reached that point yourself, you can never understand the pinnacle of misery and hopelessness that it represents.  I was just explaining this to my boyfriend last night, ironically...(after he used the "selfish" line).  I was trying to think of how to explain it to him, and all I could come up with was to imagine that your head was on fire, and there was a bucket of water right at your feet.  Your head is on fire, you are in excruciating pain, you want to put the fire out more than anything on this earth.......and there, behind you, are people scoffing that reaching for that bucket of water is just pure selfishness.

I know it's an odd analogy- but that's exactly how it feels. 
Never been to this thread before, since it hit way too close to home (yes, I know that's its purpose!) but stumbled in tonight...

Glad to see all of you...

EvaScarlet wrote:

Absolute truth.
I detest the "suicide is selfish" line...  Regardless of the intention, it just seems so glib and off base.  Unless you have actually reached that point yourself, you can never understand the pinnacle of misery and hopelessness that it represents.  I was just explaining this to my boyfriend last night, ironically...(after he used the "selfish" line).  I was trying to think of how to explain it to him, and all I could come up with was to imagine that your head was on fire, and there was a bucket of water right at your feet.  Your head is on fire, you are in excruciating pain, you want to put the fire out more than anything on this earth.......and there, behind you, are people scoffing that reaching for that bucket of water is just pure selfishness.

I know it's an odd analogy- but that's exactly how it feels. 
Never been to this thread before, since it hit way too close to home (yes, I know that's its purpose!) but stumbled in tonight...

Glad to see all of you...

Thanks for stopping in. I hope you'll spend some time here with us.

That is an very apt analogy, also. Fitting on quite a few levels, actually. I'll take that analogy a bit further if I may:

The water represents your life. The fire your torment. Those around you are "thirsty" to share some of your life with you, so they each want to drink from the bucket. However, sometimes that fire gets to the point where you need to use your own water to put it out and at that moment, there is none left for anyone else to drink.

People need to realize that if they help you with your fire, they'll have more of that water to drink.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Thanks for stopping in. I hope you'll spend some time here with us.

That is an very apt analogy, also. Fitting on quite a few levels, actually. I'll take that analogy a bit further if I may:

The water represents your life. The fire your torment. Those around you are "thirsty" to share some of your life with you, so they each want to drink from the bucket. However, sometimes that fire gets to the point where you need to use your own water to put it out and at that moment, there is none left for anyone else to drink.

People need to realize that if they help you with your fire, they'll have more of that water to drink.

That is very apt!

Dannielle Levan wrote:
I think i'm feeling a bit stagnant with my photography.  I need to do something different but i dunno what :

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:
Balls!
Another photoshoot attempt FAILED.

No shooting for 9 weeks
And I am really sick, they may cancel my surgery

Sorry about your surgery. Hope it all works out.

Wish you lived closer. I'd have so much fun shooting with you...if you would want to shoot with me that is. I wouldn't cancel on ya.

Topless New York wrote:
Sorry, not to rain on a pretty good idea, but shouldn't this really be in Off-Topic?

...umm, yeah, it IS

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Do what I do when the weather gets nice. Get outside with a model and throw him/her in the water. Fun times. Just make sure they don't drown.

Gahahaa.  My hubby wants some headshots but i have no idea what to do honestly.
I have a shoot lined up at the end of the month with a friend of mine.  Bit miffed cos my usual awesome MUA might not be available.  Which means i have to find another one, lol.

Dannielle Levan wrote:
I think i'm feeling a bit stagnant with my photography.  I need to do something different but i dunno what :

Kayelless wrote:

take pictures of Photons

YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get me a passport and take a roadtrip. I'm due for another one anyway. Stephanie is working so she won't have time for me But that's a good thing. She likes her job.

I'll even bring some models with me.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Gahahaa.  My hubby wants some headshots but i have no idea what to do honestly.
I have a shoot lined up at the end of the month with a friend of mine.  Bit miffed cos my usual awesome MUA might not be available.  Which means i have to find another one, lol.

Something tells me that hubby won't mind if you do a shoot with him and don't use a MUA. Can he swim? If he can, throw him in the water and tell him it's a new way of getting headshots. Works for me.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Dannielle Levan wrote:
Gahahaa.  My hubby wants some headshots but i have no idea what to do honestly.
I have a shoot lined up at the end of the month with a friend of mine.  Bit miffed cos my usual awesome MUA might not be available.  Which means i have to find another one, lol.

Something tells me that hubby won't mind if you do a shoot with him and don't use a MUA. Can he swim? If he can, throw him in the water and tell him it's a new way of getting headshots. Works for me.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

I'll get me a passport and take a roadtrip. I'm due for another one anyway. Stephanie is working so she won't have time for me But that's a good thing. She likes her job.

I'll even bring some models with me.

Kayelless wrote:

take pictures of Photons

Ok but you have to come too, i liek turtles!

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Ok but you have to come too, i liek turtles!

Oh, yes!!!!!! Definitely! He can drive up here then we can drive from here up to your place together. Fun fun!

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Oh, yes!!!!!! Definitely! He can drive up here then we can drive from here up to your place together. Fun fun!

  That'd be fun for sure.  My husband would go nuts with all the camera-nuts in the house though...

Speaking of, we looked at a nice place today.  I wanna move there so bad!  Gonna let hubby think about it. 
It's HUGE and has approx. 10ft ceilings.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

  That'd be fun for sure.  My husband would go nuts with all the camera-nuts in the house though...

Speaking of, we looked at a nice place today.  I wanna move there so bad!  Gonna let hubby think about it. 
It's HUGE and has approx. 10ft ceilings.

way coolness!

Kayelless wrote:

way coolness!

I keep poking him about it, lol.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

I keep poking him about it, lol.

Poke harder!

C Russell Photography wrote:
I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle.....

i won an appeal today on a work related issue.  yesterday i felt i was losing.  today i won.  therein lies the importance of tomorrow.  one shouldn't deny oneself in what it might bring.

C Russell Photography wrote:
I don't know why I am posting this, but tonight is a really really bad night, was moving a box in my closet looking for stuff and came across letters from my girlfriend who killed herself, I can't help but feel if I had been good enough she wouldn't have done it. I want to sleep, but I can't stop hurting and crying, and I laid down, but I just can't sleep right now, I n'er had problems like this before, but after that happened it's been a roller coaster of emotions, and I feel guilty for even trying to reach out, feel like people are just going to say stop whining, or think I just want attention, or what have you, I just feel that no one really cares when it comes down to it. Everyone has their own problems, why should I bother anyone with mine, I just feel like I am fighting a losing battle.....

A big low can be triggered by a memory of something like that........ yeah, the pain and the feeling of helplessness as well as having to deal with things now that she is gone.

I kind of felt the same way when my mother passed away. My finances were messed up and couldn't afford to pay for a decent funeral. That ate me up... and ultimately is what got me to seek help.
With the assistance of my therapist I learned to stop blaming myself for the way things work out. 

There is no shame in feeling sad or speaking about it... you hurt. That's not a bad thing. Whining? Those who must perceive it that way have to deal with their own demons. Their opinion is not yours to ponder.

This thread is here because of people like you and me. We've felt the pain and the struggle...... you're not alone and there are many who understand.

On the final note..... you must fight... you are alive for a reason and the world needs you for that reason.. you will gain for it. you will be better for it, but for now
fight

291 wrote:

i won an appeal today on a work related issue.  yesterday i felt i was losing.  today i won.  therein lies the importance of tomorrow.  one shouldn't deny oneself in what it might bring.

i like that.  Never deny yourself what tomorrow might bring.  That's usually what keeps me going.

One of the most profound experiences i had, was when i saw myself.
I was about 6-8yrs old.  I saw a vision, i guess, of my older self standing in the kitchen doorway where i was.  She smiled at me.  Everytime i got close to committing suicide it popped into my head and i stopped.
I guess i was telling my younger self that everything would get better, just hold on.  Hold on, it'll be ok someday.

Julia Gold wrote:
I ate almost a whole bag of chips. The big kind. Luckily it was Sun Chips. Still bad, but not as bad.
I feel horrible. I drank a lot of water, so hopefully that'll settle stuff. Or something.
Shit.
Edit:Plus, I have a huge ass pimple under my nose! Ickkkk. I always get them in the worst places! I want to shoot it.
I feel like a freak. And it hurts...
Plus my mom's starting to make me feel bad, about money and everything. And my friend's keep stealing my food, which may be free for them but not my mom and I. I feel bad since we don't have a dad and she needs to pay for mortgage, my schooling, food, and everything.
I give her all the money I make from my job though. I feel bad. It's like we're poor but she's so proud and stuff. She fights so hard to not be. I don't know how to explain it. Life's been shitty. I don't want her working at a bar at late hours anymore. Or massaging.
Ugh.

You mom sounds like a strong woman.  it's good to be proud of what you have, even if it may only be a little.  Don't let anyone else bring you down.  Your mom is probably just feeling a bit low and stressed.
And if your friends are stealing food...well, they're not real friends. 
One this i learnt from being homeless is don't be afraid to ask for help!  You're not superwoman.

Dannielle Levan wrote:
You mom sounds like a strong woman.  it's good to be proud of what you have, even if it may only be a little.  Don't let anyone else bring you down.  Your mom is probably just feeling a bit low and stressed.
And if your friends are stealing food...well, they're not real friends. 
One this i learnt from being homeless is don't be afraid to ask for help!  You're not superwoman.

Yeah she is, but it's sad that she has to work so hard and all. That's what I hate about some people who still decide to depend on their parents after they graduate and everything. I mean, they need some slack too. Don't make them work till they die for you =/ get a job, grow up.
and the whole friends thing, I think their just looking in on getting free food. Cuz it's not like they politely ask once in a while. Every time they come to my house they empty practically my whole fridge. And ask if I have food before coming -__-

Yeah, help is nice..

Thanks a bunch btw.

Julia Gold wrote:

Yeah she is, but it's sad that she has to work so hard and all. That's what I hate about some people who still decide to depend on their parents after they graduate and everything. I mean, they need some slack too. Don't make them work till they die for you =/ get a job, grow up.
and the whole friends thing, I think their just looking in on getting free food. Cuz it's not like they politely ask once in a while. Every time they come to my house they empty practically my whole fridge. And ask if I have food before coming -__-

Yeah, help is nice..

Thanks a bunch btw.

Kayelless wrote:
Hey Mike & Shelby I've updated your blog pages on my site. Check 'em out when you get the chance.

Mike's page

Shelby's page

I look like Fifi. Cool. I'm HAWT!!!!! Look at my damn schmexxy self, would ya?