Dannielle Levan wrote:
I think you're utterly gorgeous.  Skinny isn't for everyone and you're not fat. But i know how you feel - i'm a bit different from your average girl too and sometimes it hard to feel pretty when 'pretty' seems to be not what i am.  (i'm really tall and shaped like a 50s movie star, not popular these days).

It's cool to find someone that understands... It's hard to find people like that haha.
You have gorgeous features though, eyes, nose, your whole face to be exact. I wish I had cool hazel eyes like you! (I think they're hazel...)
And dude, vintage is in! Haha. But no seriously, you have such a timeless look. I'd kill for it.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
If you lived close to me, I'd have you out every day possible to shoot. You're gorgeous. I love the bone structure in your face.

And, I still say you're not fat.

I wish you were near.
=/
I wish my face were skinnier though, so it'd show. That's the one thing I actually think I have decent. My bone structure.
But there's chubchub cheeks in the way...

Demonika Devour wrote:
You are so not fat oh my god i wish i looked as good as you! Someday someone will find you and think oh my god where have you been this whole time! Im not ones muse but i like to think that people that shoot with me like me. your 17 good age to start and man i hope this isnt considered a  critique but your freaking beautiful you have so much going on for you screw other girls sometimes i look at Mosh and i think god fat be gone fat be gone then i just get more upset and over eat.

WHAT. I'd love to look like you! let's trade bodies then! haha.
That's what I like to think as well. Hopefully people do.
and yeah, I tend to overeat too. But then it makes me more depressed and I end up er... sometimes doing things I regret in the bathroom.
But I don't know. I feel fat. Especially when it's hot, I get all sticky and feel sluggish and gross. HAHA

Lawrence Guy wrote:
You are not fat, ugly, or a disgrace to ANYONE.  If I were a psychiatrist I'd say that you suffer from body dysmorphia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder).  If that's true, you have GOT to get treatment for it, because it is much more dangerous than clinical depression.

But, how do I go about treating myself for it?
I really don't have the money for a doctor right now... nor does my mom. Who would rather like to know her daughter isn't a freak.

Demonika Devour wrote:
Sorry i need to vent.
Life sucks It just keeps getting fucking worse i hate crying i want to GODDAMNIT!! I try so fucking hard so fucking hard and people just get shit handed to them!! Oh my god i need a drink and a hot bath. My exs bitch ass slut of a girlfriend just dyed her hair the same fucking color as mine! and she black listed me for no fucking reason im not on anyones fucking black list! MY tummy hurts im so mad. Why cant one thing ever go right why cant i fucking sleep why! Why cant i find one friend to hang out with am i that much of a social loser that noone likes me? This is not my day. Im so sick of crying so fucking sick of crying.

*hugs* dear if you lived here i'd hang with you all the time!
You seem to be a lot like me. And you vent the same way haha.
I hate crying too, especially since I feel and look like complete shit after.
Please feel better.

Kayelless wrote:
Here's some tips. Please look to them.

http://www.feministing.com/archives/005444.html

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ … e_ID=41159

http://www.womenshealth.gov/bodyimage/

Thank you dear ~

Julia Gold wrote:

It's cool to find someone that understands... It's hard to find people like that haha.
You have gorgeous features though, eyes, nose, your whole face to be exact. I wish I had cool hazel eyes like you! (I think they're hazel...)
And dude, vintage is in! Haha. But no seriously, you have such a timeless look. I'd kill for it.

I would die just to fit in on your shoes...today i just want to breakdown and cry about my weight 5days ago i weight myself and luckily i am 108 i used to be 115 or more i didnt weight myself for the last couple months and im afraid what is going to be my current weight (the only time i see my weight is when im at the doctors office)

there's alot of time people here in MM tells me im not skinny enough to work with them (because they think most asian women are born skinny) i mean not everyone will be skinny forever yes i lived in las vegas everyone has high standard thats is why i can't wait to be out of this place i want to be around with people that likes me for who i am..

Demonika Devour wrote:

I just always feel like people in the forums are judging me. Makes me more depressed. Im broke, no real job, no college future, no friends to hang out with, my married is almost to the point of unrepairable. I jsut feel like im falling with no way out and fuck it sucks this whole months ive concidered suicide i havnt had those feelings since i was 14 ive always been depressed but never really suicidal this is god forsaken month. noone wants to listen my mom or my husband

I hear your pain if its not to my husband i will probably lived on the streets right now or lived with my parents i do not have real job at the moment which is really sucks as i am used to have 2-3 jobs before i did have job last year i had to quit that job because i used to work with this girl (if you met her you think she's complete innocent) it turns out she is liar and she tried to destroy my relationship with my husband and all drama at work so i decided to quit i apply to alot of jobs here in las vegas either you dont have nice ass or nice boobs body you aren't getting a job
i even apply to like gas station dollar tree taco bell etc still don't have a job. i do have some college and i hope i will finish it.i hate people when they told me im not skinny enough im like you got to be kidding me right??? my husband has alot of medical problems going on and that is depressing too he got 3 back surgery's(one is recently)last year he start having some heart problems that he has to take some medication for it he can't missed it or else he ended up in hospital he also have hip problem thank goodness on his 3rd back surgery his right hip isn't hurt as much before but when they did his 3rd back surgery the doctor found another heart problem called murmur they told him the next time he see the doctor in the base to get check out with his heart and on top of that we did a fertility test couple wks ago and so far on me the doctor didnt find any problems the  dr said that my husband has the problem and they want to do him couple test to help him out i there's is time he comes to me and teary eye how he is all messed up and can't even give me a kid because of his medical issues... this coming friday he had another fertility test until then we will have to wait for the results.

2yrs ago i commit suicide i was in icu for couple days( i did this before i got married to my husband) thats the time i just want to give up at this moment i dont have intend to commit suicide i am just depressed because i found this great guy but had alot of medical issues it just sometimes why does he have to have this sh!t he's only 36 and i dont want to be alone again..

all my friends are out of state there;s few i still keep in touch with thats the only sucks when you're married with someone in military you constantly moving and some of them you lost track communicating with them i do talk to some military wives here in vegas but only thru email i did hangout with this girl 3times she's airforce wife as well but it seems she's stuck up i tried my best to motivate her to go out go out just me and her but it seems she's clingy with her husband i don't know i guess people are different..

C Russell Photography wrote:
there comes a time when making yourself happy can only go so far. I reached that moment long ago. I lose myself in my photography and writing because those are the two things that no one could take away from me. Alas my camera has worn out, my backup gear stolen. What is next, will my pen run out of ink or shall the keyboard break? The last six months have been hell, far too much than I know I deserve to feel.
The death of my first child due to a miscarriage that no one could have foreseen. The death of my girlfriend from suicide due to miscarriage. The death of my mum a month later due to a heart attack. The loss of my 100,000 dollar a year job, my vehicle breaking down and not having the money to fix it because all of my money had been tied up with caring for my mother. I was homeless for a wee bit, ready to just give up, but a friend saw me and took me in. Things started looking up, I started making tonnes of money as a photographer and made enough to fix my vehicle, start paying rent, buy groceries and some new lenses. Then my main camera wears out, my back up gear stolen, I no longer have any income, am having a hard time finding a job in this area because I am over qualified. I have come to the realization I am only meant to make others smile and be happy, there is no comfort meant for me. Beauty, comfort, and happiness are meant for others.

    I am not one of the beautiful people, that is swooned o'er. After a few hours I would not be missed, easily forgotten, but still I struggle on, because I need to create, I need to express, but alas this very moment I would give my very life for just a hug, something that simple, just some warm contact, and not one of those fleeting fake hugs that have become common place, but a real hug, one that you feel deep down inside, one that lasts as if it will n'er stop. I don't have family to turn to, I don't have friends where I live that are worth a damn, if it doesn't benefit them then they are not interested. I'm so tired these days, and I wish not for fame and fortune, but for love and support, for when I had those in my life, there was nothing that could bring me down. When I try to reach out, all I hear are people saying things like boohooo just think of all the people that lost homes, all the people effected by the economy, you know what? That has no bearing upon my situation what so ever. At least a lot of those people had the chance to start a family, buy a house, and so what if they lost the house, they still have their family. To hell with your material possessions, I am so sick of seeing people take things for granted.

    I am sick of going to sleep in an empty bed. I am sick of crappy friends, I am sick of feeling like this, no matter what I change in my life, it always ends in disappointment. I do not suffer from depression, I suffer because of the selfishness of others. I give and I give, expecting nothing in return, yet I do not go so far as to allow myself to be walked upon. Just being myself is good enough for me, but n'er good enough for those around me, fuck em then. I don't even know why I am bothering with typing any of this out, I'm just rambling I suppose, it's not like anyone cares about what i have to say, or would even truly listen to what is wrong.

I am sorry for what happen to you your one tough person and survive all this miserable things happen in to your life i would probably go insane in the other hand i highlighted some stuff that i think i can relate on those 1 the material possessions i hate it when people are mooch on other peope's money just because "oh my stuff got stolen and now i don't have anything on my possession etc etc something really stupid.. are you serious F*ck is it that end of your life?? when i was 19 my roomates bf(at that time) stole my video camera and my old school camera i was devestated because my mom bought it from me with her paycheck and some money from my stepdad and i so loved my camera because i take picture wherever i go i look at them as an art or video something really nice things did i ask people for money for it NO!?? i suck it up when my bf 2yrs ago(now my husband) just have his 1st/2nd back surgery tricare always sends you a receipt of your medical expense when we saw it came up to 284,000 and something jeez! we are thankful that i didnt came out our own pocket i would probably stressed and be depressed im happy i still got my husband everyday him and i don't really care for material stuff as long we both have together. i hate some  family/friends just because you're in the military you will always not have the paycheck because they screw you once in awhile some people will blow there entire paycheck  for fucken stupid things etc.. and ask us if they can borrow money which is redicolous sometimes. i hate people's selfishness when you need someone help or just to hang out or talk as if they are totally busy when they have the free time in the world they just don't spare time with you for little bit. they always had this bad excuses.

I hear you and feel your pain some people just don't give any damn.

Demonika Devour wrote:
Sorry i need to vent.
Life sucks It just keeps getting fucking worse i hate crying i want to GODDAMNIT!! I try so fucking hard so fucking hard and people just get shit handed to them!! Oh my god i need a drink and a hot bath. My exs bitch ass slut of a girlfriend just dyed her hair the same fucking color as mine! and she black listed me for no fucking reason im not on anyones fucking black list! MY tummy hurts im so mad. Why cant one thing ever go right why cant i fucking sleep why! Why cant i find one friend to hang out with am i that much of a social loser that noone likes me? This is not my day. Im so sick of crying so fucking sick of crying.

You're another one that if we were closer, I'd want to have you out every day possible to shoot with. Does that count for "wanting to hang out with" too?

Sometimes when we're busy trying so hard, we miss something that's right there. Something that would bring us a lot of joy and happiness. All it takes is to step back and look around you. See what you have and work from there. Don't worry about what you don't have or what others have. Set your goals high but realistic. Then develop a plan to get there.

Then keep in mind that we are all here to cheer you on. Your very own fan club.

Julia Gold wrote:

I wish you were near.
=/
I wish my face were skinnier though, so it'd show. That's the one thing I actually think I have decent. My bone structure.
But there's chubchub cheeks in the way...

Well, I started writing a reply here, but I don't want it to seem to be an unsolicited critique. Suffice it to say that I would love to have a model available with your features.

Seriously, get your butt out here. I'll put a nice summer dress on you, garnish with  a bunch of flowers, throw you in the water near some waterfalls, and then you'll see what I'm seeing in my head. You'd be proud.

Julia Gold wrote:

But, how do I go about treating myself for it?
I really don't have the money for a doctor right now... nor does my mom. Who would rather like to know her daughter isn't a freak.

Just learning what the problem is, and admitting that you do have a problem, is half the battle. From there you can find online support groups. Seriously, there are online support groups for everything anymore. Google searches are wonderful for that.

Lots of hugs to get you started. Please do get started.

Crazybeautiful Surf_Grl wrote:

I would die just to fit in on your shoes...today i just want to breakdown and cry about my weight 5days ago i weight myself and luckily i am 108 i used to be 115 or more i didnt weight myself for the last couple months and im afraid what is going to be my current weight (the only time i see my weight is when im at the doctors office)

there's alot of time people here in MM tells me im not skinny enough to work with them (because they think most asian women are born skinny) i mean not everyone will be skinny forever yes i lived in las vegas everyone has high standard thats is why i can't wait to be out of this place i want to be around with people that likes me for who i am..

You are with people who like you for who you are in here. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

I don't want to appear to give an unsolicited critique, but I will say that I see you as a blank canvas waiting to be painted up with a photographer's ideas to create something amazing. I'm impressed.

C Russell Photography wrote:
there comes a time when making yourself happy can only go so far. I reached that moment long ago. I lose myself in my photography and writing because those are the two things that no one could take away from me. Alas my camera has worn out, my backup gear stolen. What is next, will my pen run out of ink or shall the keyboard break? The last six months have been hell, far too much than I know I deserve to feel.
The death of my first child due to a miscarriage that no one could have foreseen. The death of my girlfriend from suicide due to miscarriage. The death of my mum a month later due to a heart attack. The loss of my 100,000 dollar a year job, my vehicle breaking down and not having the money to fix it because all of my money had been tied up with caring for my mother. I was homeless for a wee bit, ready to just give up, but a friend saw me and took me in. Things started looking up, I started making tonnes of money as a photographer and made enough to fix my vehicle, start paying rent, buy groceries and some new lenses. Then my main camera wears out, my back up gear stolen, I no longer have any income, am having a hard time finding a job in this area because I am over qualified. I have come to the realization I am only meant to make others smile and be happy, there is no comfort meant for me. Beauty, comfort, and happiness are meant for others.

    I am not one of the beautiful people, that is swooned o'er. After a few hours I would not be missed, easily forgotten, but still I struggle on, because I need to create, I need to express, but alas this very moment I would give my very life for just a hug, something that simple, just some warm contact, and not one of those fleeting fake hugs that have become common place, but a real hug, one that you feel deep down inside, one that lasts as if it will n'er stop. I don't have family to turn to, I don't have friends where I live that are worth a damn, if it doesn't benefit them then they are not interested. I'm so tired these days, and I wish not for fame and fortune, but for love and support, for when I had those in my life, there was nothing that could bring me down. When I try to reach out, all I hear are people saying things like boohooo just think of all the people that lost homes, all the people effected by the economy, you know what? That has no bearing upon my situation what so ever. At least a lot of those people had the chance to start a family, buy a house, and so what if they lost the house, they still have their family. To hell with your material possessions, I am so sick of seeing people take things for granted.

    I am sick of going to sleep in an empty bed. I am sick of crappy friends, I am sick of feeling like this, no matter what I change in my life, it always ends in disappointment. I do not suffer from depression, I suffer because of the selfishness of others. I give and I give, expecting nothing in return, yet I do not go so far as to allow myself to be walked upon. Just being myself is good enough for me, but n'er good enough for those around me, fuck em then. I don't even know why I am bothering with typing any of this out, I'm just rambling I suppose, it's not like anyone cares about what i have to say, or would even truly listen to what is wrong.

It seems you and I have some things in common. I also seem to live to bring joy to others without a care for myself.

I care, if that makes a difference to you.

Edit: Do you shoot only digital or can you work with 35mm film also? If you can shoot 35mm, I have a camera you can use. Minolta Maxxum 7. Not a bad entry level camera.

Dannielle Levan wrote:
Bleh   My lil bro and his GF were in a car accident (they're ok thank goodness) cos some drunken idiots slammed into them.
I heard from his best friend.  It makes me realise how far away i am from them (they're in Australia, i'm in Canada)...and it's depressing and making me homesick.

I wish I could offer more than just "I'm sorry". I know it doesn't mean much, but it's sincere. I hope everything works out for your brother and his GF.

You take care too.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I wish I could offer more than just "I'm sorry". I know it doesn't mean much, but it's sincere. I hope everything works out for your brother and his GF.

You take care too.

thanks...unfortunately my day just got worse.
I found out my husband only thinks of kids as a financial burden   i really want kids soon and he doesn't...plus for some reason he wiped his full FB and left a status message that freaked me out a bit and now he won't talk to me...he doesn't even want to talk to me it's like he doesn't trust me enough   i don't know what the fuck to do now, i'm even questioning how long our marriage will last cos i really don't know at this point, and i'm bawling my fucking eyes out

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

It seems you and I have some things in common. I also seem to live to bring joy to others without a care for myself.

I care, if that makes a difference to you.

Edit: Do you shoot only digital or can you work with 35mm film also? If you can shoot 35mm, I have a camera you can use. Minolta Maxxum 7. Not a bad entry level camera.

I've been a photographer since 1991. I shot film up until 2007 and that is when I went digital. My first camera was a miranda, then a pentax k1000 then I went from nikon fm2 to f3hp to f4 and then a n90s. I shoot Canon now. I am in much better spirits, and thank you for the offer but I must decline. I will have my XTI back from Canon and I will eventually get another 40D. It may take awhile to get my L glass back though, but really I can do anything I need with a 50mm. I have a friend that has a 10D I can use if need be in the meantime but it's not the same. Thank you for your kindness though

Dannielle Levan wrote:

thanks...unfortunately my day just got worse.
I found out my husband only thinks of kids as a financial burden   i really want kids soon and he doesn't...plus for some reason he wiped his full FB and left a status message that freaked me out a bit and now he won't talk to me...he doesn't even want to talk to me it's like he doesn't trust me enough   i don't know what the fuck to do now, i'm even questioning how long our marriage will last cos i really don't know at this point, and i'm bawling my fucking eyes out

I hope everything works out. Hubby may be stressed from financial worries. Men are very proud as a gender (stereotyping here) as to providing for the family unit. They rarely will ask for or admit they need help. This can lead to pulling away from those closest to him in order to "protect them".

I would say don't push, but let him know everything will be OK.

C Russell Photography wrote:

I've been a photographer since 1991. I shot film up until 2007 and that is when I went digital. My first camera was a miranda, then a pentax k1000 then I went from nikon fm2 to f3hp to f4 and then a n90s. I shoot Canon now. I am in much better spirits, and thank you for the offer but I must decline. I will have my XTI back from Canon and I will eventually get another 40D. It may take awhile to get my L glass back though, but really I can do anything I need with a 50mm. I have a friend that has a 10D I can use if need be in the meantime but it's not the same. Thank you for your kindness though

AWESOME! I'm happy for you then. I hate to see a photographer have to go without his/her "eyes" so to speak. It would drive me nuts.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I hope everything works out. Hubby may be stressed from financial worries. Men are very proud as a gender (stereotyping here) as to providing for the family unit. They rarely will ask for or admit they need help. This can lead to pulling away from those closest to him in order to "protect them".

I would say don't push, but let him know everything will be OK.

Thanks for the advice, i'll try that.  It's just really frustrating.

Kayelless wrote:
I'm seeing some folks here upset about the challenges in life that they are facing.  To you I say take heart because challenges are just that, challenges. In you is the power to overcome them, but the first step is for you to realize this.  That's the hard part. Believing that you are someone capable of overcoming these challenges.

If you are suffering from depression believing that you can be successful at anything is a huge task. That's why I'm here.  That's why we're here.  To help you believe in yourself.  To help you realize that you have not been defeated.  Yes you have been attacked by mighty, mighty forces, but these forces are never greater than you.  Believe it and you will see it manifest in your lives.

I can remember when Stephanie was so upset about being unemployed.  I wrote right here in this thread that she will get that new job and be able to move forward.  Guess who is now working and excited about her new job?

The power is in each of us... yes, you too.  Believe it.  You can and are winning this battle. Never give up. Never stop fighting.

VA Photography wrote:
I fucking hate my life

im drinking alone in my bedroom and crying my eyes out because youre not here

i have no one to talk to and i dont know what to do

I feel like I have no one to talk to either, I mean I do, but it's so hard. You do have people to talk to, you have us. I'm sure at least one of us can sympathise with what you're feeling.

Anonymous Person wrote:
I fucking hate my life

im drinking alone in my bedroom and crying my eyes out because youre not here

i have no one to talk to and i dont know what to do

I feel like that a lot to, that's what this thread is for   *hugs*
Feel free to rant whenever you want, there's lots of awesome people here to talk to.  This has been such a good outlet for me lately.
People like Photons 2 Pixels and Kayalless, especially, are such great people.

Natasha240 wrote:
I think I am decompensating again. I feel it, and I don't know how to put on the brakes. I'm so fucking tired of this shit.

/hugs


Man. I keep feeling like I just want to spill, like, my entire family history.

Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

You can talk here.

But either way, aspirin is a bad idea

Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

:hugs:

I'm really sorry you've had it so rough lately. Everyone here is available to talk to at any given time, and we all understand the urges.

Stay strong!

Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

You can talk here, or PM me. I'll give you my number if you need it.

Model Instincts wrote:
I've thought about it for the past few weeks.  I was researching online on how many aspirins it would take.

Salary cuts...debt...losing friendships.  I can't take it.

After a falling out with my friend, I have absolutely no one to talk to.

I believe in tough love, so here is what I have to say. Suicide is selfish. Don't do it.
People you don't even know care about you, give them time to meet you.