Jules NYC wrote:
When this thread pops up every now and again, it makes me shudder.
Previously I would post encouraging words and still feel empathetic to all.  With that said, I am going to speak my peace:

I know all too well what someone feels like with mental illness.  I went out with a man that has mental illness, anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia.  If anything else was not diagnosed, it's a mystery to all but in my humble studies of psychology, I'd say Narcissistic Personality disorder, possibly Bi-polar of some kind and maybe throw in a Borderline.

This man had a very dark past and had multiple suicide attempts.
I had NO IDEA what I was getting into until I 'was in it'.

Without divulging anyone's privacy here, it affected my life in a very negative way.  I even lost my job because of it, not due to my work performance, in fact my contract was extended shortly before I got canned. Don't ever think a conversation is private in a bathroom.

I have great compassion for people with mental disorders but people with such should not be in relationships.  Yes, everyone needs and deserves love but a mentally disturbed person can really negatively affect another person's life.  Learn to cope and be alone and seek professional help.

Unless one is trained as a professional in the mental health arena, there is no room for a relationship.  Trying to have one with someone who doesn't have a foundation of normal behavior is a very depressing, volatile life.

The ones with mental illness will use their illness as the greatest weapon of guilt to your sympathy and regular excuse for their behavior.  I have watched a grown man suffer so badly that no amount of love can 'fix'.  The only way that 'helps' is if the mentally ill party gets what they want when they want it.  It's a very selfish existence. On a positive note, I am watching somewhat afar these days and he is getting better yet when confronted with real emotional intimacy or closeness, he falls apart like a ton of bricks.

What breaks my heart a bit is watching him cling for dear life to the people who caused the greatest amount of destruction. 

I write this because caring people fall into caretaker roles they are ill-equipped to handle.  It is mentally exhausting and drains one's 'happy spirit'.  What is ironic is how the mentally ill project.  They exhaust you, so YOU  are exhausting, etc.  Every conversation is flooded with unfairness and irrational logic, it's frustrating.

All I know is life is short.  I don't want anyone's life to be full of misery and suffering.
I don't want mine to be full of it either.

I don't know what breaks my heart the most here. That this over generalized, "mentally ill are all the same" rant was posted. Or, that it was posted by you Jules.

Clearly, you have been devastated by someone and hurt very badly. That's it, that's what breaks my heart. Because I know your heart and it is  sweet and kind and I am crying my eyes out for you right now. For those of you who don't know, Jules has given tons of love to people in this thread who were hurting badly. Maybe too much. This man you speak of, he sounds like what we call a psychic vampire. A person who sucks your life force away and then moans when you can't give more. This a terrible person who happens to have a mental disorder. If he didn't he would just be a horrible person who treats people like shit.

There are people with mental illness who are good people. I know many of them. I'm one of them. Jules, you say that EVERY person with mental illness should be avoided and shunned. Should I? Tell me because I want to know, should people run from me because I am going to suck them dry and break their heart?
"The ones with mental illness will use their illness as the greatest weapon of guilt to your sympathy and regular excuse for their ." Do you really think everyone with a mental illness is like this?

I'm up at 2:30am writing this because I had a PTSD dream. I got up so's not to wake my fiancee. Yea, I have a mental illness and someone loves me and I don't use my illness, "as the greatest weapon of guilt to your sympathy and regular excuse for their behavior." I, like most people with mental illness, don't burden my love with my issues. I have a therapist who is paid for that. In fact, I have a team of MD's, PA's LCSW's and LPC's that get to hear all of that stuff from me. My fiancee isn't a nurse or a doctor or a therapist. To burden her with my "stuff" would be cruel. She has mental issues as well. Like me she is a burn survivor and has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also has her team. We just love each other.

"I have great compassion for people with mental disorders but people with such should not be in relationships."

Tell me why Jill and I should not be together Jules. Tell me how we are hurting you or anyone else. Earlier today I was told that people like me (meaning in a wheelchair) are not welcomed at a place I liked to go to. So I'm feeling pretty bad. But I really need to know from you Jules how you can say everyone with a mental illness should be alone.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I don't know what breaks my heart the most here. That this over generalized, "mentally ill are all the same" rant was posted. Or, that it was posted by you Jules.

Clearly, you have been devastated by someone and hurt very badly. That's it, that's what breaks my heart. Because I know your heart and it is  sweet and kind and I am crying my eyes out for you right now. For those of you who don't know, Jules has given tons of love to people in this thread who were hurting badly. Maybe too much. This man you speak of, he sounds like what we call a psychic vampire. A person who sucks your life force away and then moans when you can't give more. This a terrible person who happens to have a mental disorder. If he didn't he would just be a horrible person who treats people like shit.

There are people with mental illness who are good people. I know many of them. I'm one of them. Jules, you say that EVERY person with mental illness should be avoided and shunned. Should I? Tell me because I want to know, should people run from me because I am going to suck them dry and break their heart?
"The ones with mental illness will use their illness as the greatest weapon of guilt to your sympathy and regular excuse for their ." Do you really think everyone with a mental illness is like this?

I'm up at 2:30am writing this because I had a PTSD dream. I got up so's not to wake my fiancee. Yea, I have a mental illness and someone loves me and I don't use my illness, "as the greatest weapon of guilt to your sympathy and regular excuse for their behavior." I, like most people with mental illness, don't burden my love with my issues. I have a therapist who is paid for that. In fact, I have a team of MD's, PA's LCSW's and LPC's that get to hear all of that stuff from me. My fiancee isn't a nurse or a doctor or a therapist. To burden her with my "stuff" would be cruel. She has mental issues as well. Like me she is a burn survivor and has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also has her team. We just love each other.

"I have great compassion for people with mental disorders but people with such should not be in relationships."

Tell me why Jill and I should not be together Jules. Tell me how we are hurting you or anyone else. Earlier today I was told that people like me (meaning in a wheelchair) are not welcomed at a place I liked to go to. So I'm feeling pretty bad. But I really need to know from you Jules how you can say everyone with a mental illness should be alone.

I don't know what to say but I am very sorry.

If I were to explain my standpoint in a public manner, it would completely go against every belief that I have over my values of privacy and respect.

I could write to you in a PM, but someone from the inside told me that all MM messages are not truly private. 

I will say that I know you through your posts and you deserve love in your life, everyone does. I said what I did because I don't know how a person with -0- mental illness can successfully remain free of dominion and any element of co-dependence with a person with mental illness.  Seems like a constant struggle of defense to be free of psychic/emotional attack.

That is what it is feels like rationalizing with a person that has no ration in the throes of mental illness. The kindest rationale/talk most of the time doesn't work until an apology is given:

When a dog can't jump over the fence

This feeling makes you tired/exhausted/sapped of emotional reserve and physical energy.

I have no tolerance for disrespectful behavior from anyone.  When someone is sick (mental illness), it is not their fault and my compassion/empathy usually trumps all 'natural' responses (leave/fuck that, etc.).  When does compassion/empathy become an automatic response to unjust, sick behavior?  I do not have the answer for that.  Contradictory to say "I have no tolerance for disrespectful behavior from anyone" only to accept it because someone is sick. 

Please enjoy your relationship and again, I am sorry that my words hurt you even in the slightest.  You appear to be a very good, kind person.

So please tell me, do people with mental illness fare better with other people that also have mental illness?
Or does the person with -0- mental illness get a wash/rinse/repeat cycle of unfairness forever?  Have you ever been to an Al-Alon meeting?  There is a lot of learned helplessness there.  A bunch of people finding comfort and low-level expectations to deal with/navigate their life.  Substance abuse is different from mental illness but the effects are shockingly similar.  Add the two and it's a dangerous combination.

That was the crux of this heavy statement,

"I have great compassion for people with mental disorders but people with such should not be in relationships.  Yes, everyone needs and deserves love but a mentally disturbed person can really negatively affect another person's life.  Learn to cope and be alone and seek professional help."

It takes a long time for old wounds to heal even with professional help.

These variables make healing more difficult:
Physical pain
Substance abuse
Toxic family members

Peace & Love Always,
Jules

P.S., I am very sorry you were recently discriminated because of you being in a wheelchair.

no-one wrote:
Hiya haven't posted for a long time but i just needed someplace  to vent or someone to talk to i used to post here alot during a bad time in my life i used to live in  an abusive situation and i became suicidal self harmed ect ect  didn't have any friends or anyone to talk to so this used to be a place for a little comfort - i did manage to get out of that place moved on and turned things around ..but recently have found myself back there due to being 6 months pregnant ! modelling was my full time profession and i have barely any cash due to to lack of work because of pregnancy ect

At first when i moved in everything was great good even in terms of threats of violence and the people around me behaving normally, stupid of me to think that anything would have changed, but it was also this or homelessness.  Recently the abuse has started again and i am scared not for myself i couldn't care really what happens to me  but for my unborn baby .

The farther of the child doesn't want to know and suggested i get an abortion when i told him .I do have friends now not close friends so couldn't stay with them & also no-one knows of my past

so i  guess i am at a bit of loss of what to do because i haven't anywhere to go but i also don't want to risk my baby
getting hurt- not going to hurt myself but do feel very low upset and worthless as feel like no where to turn

I'm sorry that you're having these troubles again ... the people who normally post in this thread are more active on facebook.   I don't know what to tell you here.   Perhaps there maybe more support on Facebook.   I sent you a friend request there.  Hoping some good things are coming your way!  Please be safe for you and baby!

no-one wrote:
Hiya haven't posted for a long time but i just needed someplace  to vent or someone to talk to i used to post here alot during a bad time in my life i used to live in  an abusive situation and i became suicidal self harmed ect ect  didn't have any friends or anyone to talk to so this used to be a place for a little comfort - i did manage to get out of that place moved on and turned things around ..but recently have found myself back there due to being 6 months pregnant ! modelling was my full time profession and i have barely any cash due to to lack of work because of pregnancy ect

At first when i moved in everything was great good even in terms of threats of violence and the people around me behaving normally, stupid of me to think that anything would have changed, but it was also this or homelessness.  Recently the abuse has started again and i am scared not for myself i couldn't care really what happens to me  but for my unborn baby .

The farther of the child doesn't want to know and suggested i get an abortion when i told him .I do have friends now not close friends so couldn't stay with them & also no-one knows of my past

so i  guess i am at a bit of loss of what to do because i haven't anywhere to go but i also don't want to risk my baby
getting hurt- not going to hurt myself but do feel very low upset and worthless as feel like no where to turn

Suicide Help Line:
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Please seek out psychiatric and psychological help.
Friends and strangers can only do so much.
Professional help is the only way to go.

I hope things turn out well for you and your family.