Natasha240 wrote:


miss you guys!

Hiya!!!!!

Miss you too! Hugzzzz

Dee wrote:
Just checking in to say hi....still around mostly lurking in the shadows.....

Hey Dee.

Glad you came by to say HI. Hope all is going good for you and your family.

Take care.

Mike

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Let's all have a party!  I vote we all drive down to 'Tasha's house and camp out until she lets us in.  Then it's music and arythmic jerking motions that we'll call "dancing" until dawn!  After that we'll clean her house and paint her walls sky-blue.  It'll be great!

No booze.

If you guys just wanna come over and clean my house, that's cool too.

Natasha240 wrote:

If you guys just wanna come over and clean my house, that's cool too.

Erp. Can we have the party after we clean it?

Kayelless wrote:
If anybody can explain to me why I'm awake right now I'd appreciate it.

'Cause you aren't asleep, silly. Or maybe you are, but you're just dreaming you're awake and sleep-walking, sleep-posting, sleep-whateverelseitisyourdoing.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Erp. Can we have the party after we clean it?

It would be smarter to have the party and THEN clean the house.

Kayelless wrote:
If anybody can explain to me why I'm awake right now I'd appreciate it.

1.  Something in your subconscious is nagging you.
2.  You're not tired.
3.  Caffeine.
4.  Amphetamines.
5.  You have turned into a super-hero who needs no sleep.
6.  Leaky faucet.
7.  Model Mayhem has finally taken over your mind completely.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

It would be smarter to have the party and THEN clean the house.

It depends on how much you actually want to clean.

Shelby Jane wrote:
A while ago, I wrote on my stomach that I had finally realised I was considering suicide. I took a picture of it to remind myself, and forgot it was on my computer. Going through my pictures on my laptop with my boyfriend just now, I sped past it. He got mad because I was keeping secrets, and I told him if I admitted what it said, he'd understand why I didn't want him to know. He got pissed off and said he was leaving. As he was standing up, I blurted out, "It said I want to kill myself."

He stood there in the hall for two minutes. Didn't say anything. Didn't come over to me. Didn't try to understand it. He walked out without saying anything.


I'm not in a great place right now.

Some people don't know how to deal with stuff like that. Some people think it's stupid, some just don't understand and others are scared. Sorry that your boyfriend is one of those people and I hope that he texts or calls you soon once he has had some time to absorb the information and think about it clearly.
Wishing you all the best xox

Shelby Jane wrote:
A while ago, I wrote on my stomach that I had finally realised I was considering suicide. I took a picture of it to remind myself, and forgot it was on my computer. Going through my pictures on my laptop with my boyfriend just now, I sped past it. He got mad because I was keeping secrets, and I told him if I admitted what it said, he'd understand why I didn't want him to know. He got pissed off and said he was leaving. As he was standing up, I blurted out, "It said I want to kill myself."

He stood there in the hall for two minutes. Didn't say anything. Didn't come over to me. Didn't try to understand it. He walked out without saying anything.


I'm not in a great place right now.

I'm sorry that his reaction was quite the opposite of being supportive or comforting to you.  Please try to understand that his lack of a response is not your fault.  Being told suddenly that the person you love had been suicidal by accident like that is unexpected.  I don't believe that it's not that he didn't try to understand it ...

It's quite possible that he emotionally froze at that moment because he could not think what to say or do.  Men (like myself) tend to want to "fix" things, and when presented with an emotional issue that we can't "fix" ... well you get the picture! 

Many years ago, a friend of mine from high school committed suicide.  It came as quite a shock to me because I thought she was doing well.  As a result of that loss, I became a volunteer for the suicide hotline and have had some training in suicide and crisis intervention. 

I would not walk away from you!  I would get you talking about your feelings and offer a hug if it seemed appropriate.  Most importantly, I would keep you talking for the obvious reason that communication helps!   When ever I get a bit down in the dumps, I find writing or talking with a friend helps me. 

However, that is me, NOT your boyfriend, and he is not to be blamed for his reaction.  He is probably young like you, and has not experienced situations like what happened when you blurted out what it said on your stomach.  Please forgive him for his lack of a comforting reaction towards you at that moment. 

Today, I hope you feel better.  Tomorrow is a new day!  There will be changes as every day is a new opportunity to have a better day.  You can feel hurt or awful right now, but you can get help.  You can make some choices that will help you get better. 

I do understand feeling depressed.  I can listen to you and help you.  However, I have a little joke as to why I wont commit suicide.  It is the same reason that I wont get a tattoo ... it's permanent, and if I change my mind, or if I make a mistake, there's no going back!   Live is a precious gift!  Enjoy it!

Best wishes!

Jacinta85 wrote:

Some people don't know how to deal with stuff like that. Some people think it's stupid, some just don't understand and others are scared. Sorry that your boyfriend is one of those people and I hope that he texts or calls you soon once he has had some time to absorb the information and think about it clearly.
Wishing you all the best xox

X2

Patrick Walberg wrote:
I'm sorry that his reaction was quite the opposite of being supportive or comforting to you.  Please try to understand that his lack of a response is not your fault.  Being told suddenly that the person you love had been suicidal by accident like that is unexpected.  I don't believe that it's not that he didn't try to understand it ...

It's quite possible that he emotionally froze at that moment because he could not think what to say or do.  Men (like myself) tend to want to "fix" things, and when presented with an emotional issue that we can't "fix" ... well you get the picture! 

Many years ago, a friend of mine from high school committed suicide.  It came as quite a shock to me because I thought she was doing well.  As a result of that loss, I became a volunteer for the suicide hotline and have had some training in suicide and crisis intervention. 

I would not walk away from you!  I would get you talking about your feelings and offer a hug if it seemed appropriate.  Most importantly, I would keep you talking for the obvious reason that communication helps!   When ever I get a bit down in the dumps, I find writing or talking with a friend helps me. 

However, that is me, NOT your boyfriend, and he is not to be blamed for his reaction.  He is probably young like you, and has not experienced situations like what happened when you blurted out what it said on your stomach.  Please forgive him for his lack of a comforting reaction towards you at that moment. 

Today, I hope you feel better.  Tomorrow is a new day!  There will be changes as every day is a new opportunity to have a better day.  You can feel hurt or awful right now, but you can get help.  You can make some choices that will help you get better. 

I do understand feeling depressed.  I can listen to you and help you.  However, I have a little joke as to why I wont commit suicide.  It is the same reason that I wont get a tattoo ... it's permanent, and if I change my mind, or if I make a mistake, there's no going back!   Live is a precious gift!  Enjoy it!

Best wishes!

I am doing better, thanks everyone He came back about ten minutes after I posted that (never really left, sat in his car for a bit thinking) and sat down. I tried to kick him out (oh, vindictiveness), but he just waited, and eventually sat next to me and held me for a little while.
He said that he couldn't understand why I would want to keep that to myself, so I know he doesn't get that I feel ashamed of this and I feel weak for it. But he also said that he wanted to know these things, and not to let myself feel so bad or keep it to myself, since he wants to help me.
I'm really glad that I have him to listen to me, and I AM glad that he knows now. This is the only way I'm going to be able to get in-my-life support easily, I think.
And it's also helping because now he's considering my motives for things a lot more deeply. Thank god.

Shelby Jane wrote:

I am doing better, thanks everyone He came back about ten minutes after I posted that (never really left, sat in his car for a bit thinking) and sat down. I tried to kick him out (oh, vindictiveness), but he just waited, and eventually sat next to me and held me for a little while.
He said that he couldn't understand why I would want to keep that to myself, so I know he doesn't get that I feel ashamed of this and I feel weak for it. But he also said that he wanted to know these things, and not to let myself feel so bad or keep it to myself, since he wants to help me.
I'm really glad that I have him to listen to me, and I AM glad that he knows now. This is the only way I'm going to be able to get in-my-life support easily, I think.
And it's also helping because now he's considering my motives for things a lot more deeply. Thank god.

That is wonderful news! 

So you were feeling ashamed about your being depressed and thinking about suicide?   That is something to examine, but perhaps the feeling of shame is the safety valve that kept you from doing it in the first place? 

Come back and visit this thread again sometime. 

Have a nice weekend!

Shelby Jane wrote:

I am doing better, thanks everyone He came back about ten minutes after I posted that (never really left, sat in his car for a bit thinking) and sat down. I tried to kick him out (oh, vindictiveness), but he just waited, and eventually sat next to me and held me for a little while.
He said that he couldn't understand why I would want to keep that to myself, so I know he doesn't get that I feel ashamed of this and I feel weak for it. But he also said that he wanted to know these things, and not to let myself feel so bad or keep it to myself, since he wants to help me.
I'm really glad that I have him to listen to me, and I AM glad that he knows now. This is the only way I'm going to be able to get in-my-life support easily, I think.
And it's also helping because now he's considering my motives for things a lot more deeply. Thank god.

This is good. He took the time to think and evaluate the situation before reacting. He will be your emotional rock.

I'm glad it worked out.

Shelby Jane wrote:
I am doing better, thanks everyone He came back about ten minutes after I posted that (never really left, sat in his car for a bit thinking) and sat down. I tried to kick him out (oh, vindictiveness), but he just waited, and eventually sat next to me and held me for a little while.
He said that he couldn't understand why I would want to keep that to myself, so I know he doesn't get that I feel ashamed of this and I feel weak for it. But he also said that he wanted to know these things, and not to let myself feel so bad or keep it to myself, since he wants to help me.
I'm really glad that I have him to listen to me, and I AM glad that he knows now. This is the only way I'm going to be able to get in-my-life support easily, I think.
And it's also helping because now he's considering my motives for things a lot more deeply. Thank god.

Sounds like you have a first-class boyfriend there.  True, he reacted badly at first, but he pulled himself together and came back to give you the support you need.  The first part I expect from most people; the second part, not so much.  Many people think that depression and suicide are "pretend" illnesses, histrionics, demands for attention, or "all in your head" (well, of COURSE it's all in our heads - that doesn't make it less real!).  Only a few people realize that it might be something they don't understand.

Realize that there is one danger here.  He will do his best to understand how you feel, but in the end he will never TRULY understand, because he would have to experience the same emotional turmoil in order to really comprehend.  I've found that at a certain point you just have to tell a person to accept that what you're saying as true, and not try to understand it.  Let him know that he can't solve your problems, but he can support you while you seek professional help.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Sounds like you have a first-class boyfriend there.  True, he reacted badly at first, but he pulled himself together and came back to give you the support you need.  The first part I expect from most people; the second part, not so much.  Many people think that depression and suicide are "pretend" illnesses, histrionics, demands for attention, or "all in your head" (well, of COURSE it's all in our heads - that doesn't make it less real!).  Only a few people realize that it might be something they don't understand.

Realize that there is one danger here.  He will do his best to understand how you feel, but in the end he will never TRULY understand, because he would have to experience the same emotional turmoil in order to really comprehend.  I've found that at a certain point you just have to tell a person to accept that what you're saying as true, and not try to understand it.  Let him know that he can't solve your problems, but he can support you while you seek professional help.

Yes, it seems to have worked out for the best.  I knew a couple who split on Valentines Day.  The guy was a buddy of mine, and he was talking about "ending it."  So I kept him on the phone for a couple hours until I was convinced he was not going to hurt himself.  I kept telling him that things can change quickly ... he was sitting in a motel room thinking about how he had lost his job, his apartment, his truck broke down and his girlfriend walked out on him.   How much more does one need to happen? 

Well He called me the next day.  His girlfriend had came back that night, and he got a job the next day in sales that provided him with a car!  (This was in the 1990's while Bill Clinton was President when sometimes such things did turn around that fast.)   He thanked me because I helped him not to do something that he would never have come back from.  As long as there is life, there is hope. 

As for having to be suicidal to truly understand and help others who are, I disagree.  One does not have to have attempted suicide to help prevent others who might make such an attempt.  It's like a disease.  One does not have to be infected with cancer to help someone who is.  One does not have to be addicted to drugs or alcohol to help someone who is.  It is not necessary to have suffered the same, but if one has had such an experience to draw from, they can be more personally understanding and compassionate.

Little Miss Allie wrote:
So, here's my life lately:

A nearly $3000 trip to the ER for some as yet unexplained abdominal issues which make it nearly impossible to eat anything.

The ex and I are no longer friends because upon telling him of my plans to go back to dating women he asked how I could "go so wrong when we had the perfect relationship. Why would you want to hurt me like that?"...like being bisexual is a fucking DISEASE or disorder designed to simply hurt him. *sigh*

I haven't been able to afford to go see my family in months, and I really just want a hug from my mother

Yeah...just really exhausted by everything

I'm so sorry you've been going through such a difficult time! 
Where is your family?  I'll write to you in a pm.

Natasha240 wrote:
Ah, just need to vent!  This thread is making me so MAD

https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=445576

I'm shaking with rage here at the judgementalness of it. It only furthers the stigma that comes with mental illness, and sometimes stops people from getting help. AGHHHH

I kind of stayed away for that reason.  Being judgmental is human nature as it is, but in the virtual world of the world wide internet folks tend to be unrestrained at how they address things. Words of ignorance and speeches which required a few moments more thought before being made come out in unedited "draft" versions.

It just sucks and I can understand why you're upset over it.  This is the kindling I use to fuel my art.  I want it to make a statement.  I want it to make someone pause and think.  And it's in my art that I provide my response to these pains.

Natasha240 wrote:
Ah, just need to vent!  This thread is making me so MAD

https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=445576

I'm shaking with rage here at the judgementalness of it. It only furthers the stigma that comes with mental illness, and sometimes stops people from getting help. AGHHHH

Yeah.  I can't believe the responses on that thread.  One guy actually emailed me and said "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."  Then he blocked me, the coward.

I just posted a long rant there.  Probably will only make things worse.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Yeah.  I can't believe the responses on that thread.  One guy actually emailed me and said "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."  Then he blocked me, the coward.

I just posted a long rant there.  Probably will only make things worse.

It made things better for me. I relate, I agree, and you sound like you know your shit.

Really? "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."?  If its the person I think it was that is truly pathetic...  Plus, if he really wants to shag you, why not ask you out properly?  Just kidding... I just think its a dumb thing to say.

Sorry you had to take that aggressive reaction for saying something that seemed obvious to me as well.
x x

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Yeah.  I can't believe the responses on that thread.  One guy actually emailed me and said "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."  Then he blocked me, the coward.

I just posted a long rant there.  Probably will only make things worse.

I'm going to applaud and cheer for you here 'cause I think thread should die.  Love what you said.

Industrielle wrote:
...

Really? "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."?  If its the person I think it was that is truly pathetic...  Plus, if he really wants to shag you, why not ask you out properly?  Just kidding... I just think its a dumb thing to say.

...

Yeah.  He didn't even offer me a reach-around

Kayelless wrote:
I'm going to applaud and cheer for you here 'cause I think thread should die.  Love what you said.

Thanks, I appreciate it.  And I think you're the smartest one of us for avoiding that thread entirely.  Not that we're any slouches, of course.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Yeah.  I can't believe the responses on that thread.  One guy actually emailed me and said "I'll take you out in the street and fuck you."  Then he blocked me, the coward.

I just posted a long rant there.  Probably will only make things worse.

Jackasses. How very mature.

Kayelless wrote:
huggs for my threadmates.  we do help each other.  just knowin' y'all are around is a big lift to me.

Edit: also.. https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=446132

gonna be a tough week.

::hugs::::

Kas_ wrote:
*needs hugs*

*teh huggles*
*thread huggles*
i'm nervy about putting my work up for sale, wish me luck!


EDIT:  I just noticed you're in Kelowna Kas!  I'm in New Westminster

Natasha240 wrote:

Jackasses. How very mature.

I'd end up in the brig if I went in that thread.

Especially with the way I'm feeling right now.

Kayelless wrote:
huggs for my threadmates.  we do help each other.  just knowin' y'all are around is a big lift to me.

Edit: also.. https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=446132

gonna be a tough week.

I'm here for you too, Kev.

Kas_ wrote:
*needs hugs*

Hugs to you too.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

*teh huggles*
*thread huggles*
i'm nervy about putting my work up for sale, wish me luck!


EDIT:  I just noticed you're in Kelowna Kas!  I'm in New Westminster

Good luck, Danielle. You'll be fine.

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:
I can't get a productive sleep for the life of me.
I have so much built up anxiety and stress it is unbelievable.

I just want to reach the REM cycle for one night

One of the things I always do to try and get to sleep is I just make up stories in my head.  I usually think of good things or future events that I believe will come to pass.  I just focus on those until I fall asleep.  Sometimes doesn't work.  Most of the time it does.