Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
WOW! I don't even know what to say. I hope he isn't a creep. Hopefully just all talk.

Here's the biggest problem I have.  I recently established my first photo studio.  I'm not expecting to make money off of my own photography any time soon, so part of my business plan is to run photo events.  Basically I get a model who will pose in figure-nude or glamor-nude styles, and then I find 12-16 photographers to photograph her over the course of a day.  Usually I have 4 photogs at a time.  Well, this business is all about reputation, and this guy signs up for the events.  Now, I have no problem with that, but if he's going on about the strippers he dates and the prison time he's done it reflects badly on me, scares the customers, and worst of all scares the models.  So I have to explain to this guy that he needs to change how he talks during a shoot.  I can do that, no problem.  The question is, will he actually be able to do it?

I seriously don't think I have the right to refuse to let him attend events.  At every event I've been at where he attended, his behavior was proper with the exception of his choice of conversational topics.  Nevertheless, I dread events that he attends.

Anyway, this is off-topic and belongs in a different thread, if I should even be discussing it at all.

The strange thing is, part of me likes the guy.  He's honestly trying to make friends and interact in the only way he knows how.  And if he really did spend 20 years in prison, wouldn't you expect him to have a skewed sense of "normal" conversation?

Everyone deserves a second chance.

EDIT: Everyone deserves an unlimited number of chances.

SPierce Photography wrote:
Thats really creepy. However, i'm (usually) of the belief that we meet people we're meant to meet, if that makes any sense. Maybe you're meant to help him in a strange way?

I share that belief.  Or maybe, even more interestingly, he's meant to help ME in a strange way.  I mean, I've already broken my rule about judging people, so I have to sit down and re-evaluate my stance on that.  And I've broken my rule about talking about people behind their backs, even though I left out names and details.  So at the very least I've got food for thought regarding my hypocrisy.  And I'm sure I can come up with a dozen more ways that this situation can be a growing experience for me.

I don't necessarily believe in God.  I do believe in fate and karma.

Dark Angel Photography wrote:
...MAD LOVE...

Are you sad, are you mad, are you raging?
Are you locked up in a cage and slowly aging?
Are you crying are you dieing, are you wishing, are you even there, some where in your body can you care?
Are you laughing, are you scoffing, are you killing, are you maiming, are you pushing me down, roughly forcing me into the ground while your blaming?
Are you murdering, are you fighting, I have teeth marks from your biting.
Are you crying?
Are you begging, is you soul slowly fading…in your heart what are you hating?
Are you screaming in my face, are you gleaming in that grace?
Are you crazy?
Are you dieing, do you know that you are lying?
Are you sad, are you mad, are you raging?
Is insanity a ploy, am I nothing but a toy?
Can you see me, can you feel me?
Do you think that you might kill me?
When you kiss me do you miss me, do you think you might hurt me?
Is it painful and disdainful to think that you might love me?
Do you wish that you could hold me?
Not just look at me and scold me?
Aren’t you happy with me now, you made and you molded me, you corrupted and destroyed me.
I am crying and I’m dieing,
I’m wishing you could miss me, that just once more you would kiss me.
Are you breaking my heart, and pulling me apart?
Do you know that I am crying that I’m sobbing and I’m fading that my heart is slowly dieing?
Do you love me just a little?
Might you miss me just tad, if you killed me could you feel just slightly bad?
Do you know that I love and I miss you?
That I’d kill and maim for you, I’d take all the blame for you.
Are you sad, are you mad, are you raging?
Can you love me, can you care?
Is there a heart somewhere in there?
Do you listen when I say I love you?
Do you understand why I hold you tight?
Do you like it when I long to kiss you goodnight?
Do you know I’m under your thumb?
Do you know you’re the reason I play dumb?
Do you know that I’m there…?
Are you pushing me away because you hate me?
Are you treating me so coldly and ignoring me so boldly to irate me?
Are you telling me you love and then acting like you hate me just so I can suffer, do you think that you are tougher?
That no one can ever love you?
Is there laughter all above you?
Is it driving you mad?
Are you sad, are you mad, are you raging?
I am yours to be pained, and to suffer, because I love you like no other.
But do you really think it’s right to always start a fight, and beat me down into the ground, because I’ll always around?
Do you really think it’s fair to abuse me, and to use me, just because I love you, and because I’m always there?
Are you sad, are you mad, raging?
Do you think that I might leave you or that I could deceive you?
Do you think I want to lock you up and keep you all for myself?
Do you think that I am crazy that I’d hurt you if you stayed?
Do you think that I think you obeyed?
I know that you are hurting, that your really falling down, that your so lost and alone and you aching.
Therefore I know that you are taking, you pillaging and slaying, you are spiteful and betraying.
Yet you sound so sweet to me,
even when your beating me and constantly mistreating me, deep down inside I know that you love me.
That you put no one above me, and your pushing me away so not to beat me and to slap me, so that you won’t pop a cap in me
I can feel you hurting me and killing me, but I know that you are trying, even though you leave me crying and now you hardly care and notice that I’m there.
I wouldn’t stay, but I know that you are dieing. I can look at you and see that you badly do need me, even when your cursing me and killing me, when you are harassing and so cruel.
I can see right through you. I know that you are mean and your trying hard to be, I feel that you don’t like me and wishing I would go away.
Is that how you feel?
Do you want me dead?
Or do you love me?
Do you remember when you held me, and stroked my hair and kissed me?
Do you think that you might miss me?
Why are you running?
Why do you hide?
Why don’t you think that I’m not still on your side?
Why can’t you see, it’s you and me, and that I love you still?
Why don’t you know you were never just a thrill?
Because I’d die for you, and I all to often lie for you, because I kill for you…because my soul has grown ill for you.
Do you know that I’m dead because of you?
And destroyed is the life that I once lead because of you.
Are you breathing?
Can you hear?
Are you running because of what you fear?
Are you scared that you might love me?
That you might want told hold me, and you feel bad for how you molded me?
Does is frighten you?
Are you worried that I could enlighten you?
Why are you running?
Why won’t you let me kiss away the tears that you are crying?
Why do I look at you and know that we dieing?
Why are you hurting me?
Why are you lying?
Are you sad, are you mad, are you raging?


...(M)...

Bloody Brilliant! And brings me back to a time where heartbreak and D/s ruled my life. Thank you for the flashback and appreciation of where I am today.
Best Wishes for you and all that you face....

SPierce Photography wrote:
I think i've been in depression denial the past few days, but i've been sleeping for 14 hours a day I just can't seem to get out of bed. Once i'm out, i'm awake and okay and out of the house, it's the getting out part i'm having issues with I guess

So try to figure out the cause.  You probably know what it is already, but are simply pushing it aside because it discomforts you.  Maybe it's situational, maybe you developed a subtle anxiety that's lurking in the background, or maybe aliens are abducting you at night and doing unspeakable things with probes.  A little introspection is in order.

And check your cornhole.

Shiggily Weebonk McGee wrote:
Please post phone numbers to hotlines, links to websites, and any resources you can find to help support people from being hurt by or dying from suicide or violence. Please also provide specific support groups, such as single parents, gay and lesbian, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, etc. I will consolidate them into the OP as a resource. Also feel free to provide supporting messages.

Should this be an Off Topic discussion?? Sorry if Iam wrong..

Danielle

Danipmodel wrote:

Should this be an Off Topic discussion?? Sorry if Iam wrong..

Danielle

Where else would it go?

Lawrence Guy wrote:
So try to figure out the cause.  You probably know what it is already, but are simply pushing it aside because it discomforts you.  Maybe it's situational, maybe you developed a subtle anxiety that's lurking in the background, or maybe aliens are abducting you at night and doing unspeakable things with probes.  A little introspection is in order.

And check your cornhole.

I figured it out. Even if i get the job i'm interviewing for tomorrow (it starts next week) there's no way in hell i'll be able to pay the bills that are coming due at the first of the month. We only get paid every 2 weeks, and it's the start of a new pay period. I have absolutely no money left at all, and i don't even know what i'm going to eat for dinner next week. Theres no frickin way a random $300 is going to just drop into my lap.

La Bella Durmiente wrote:
I could do with talking to someone.

I'm really really down, drinking alone kinda down.

My parents are splitting up. I've become reclusive, on one hand I need and want my friends but on the other I just want to be alone.
I'm doing shit at university, today I disovered I was the only one in my class who'd failed the Italian grammar test.
I hate where I live, but it's worth sticking it out one for one more year, and there's no point moving back to Plymouth to my parents house because I'm pretty sure that's getting sold soon anyway.

My boyfriend is being wonderful to me about everything, he's really trying to be there for me, but for some odd reason I'd rather talk to people on the internet, probably because I don't want him to see me upset.

And I can't cry properly, it's really annoying. I'm a bomb waiting to go off and I want to let off steam but I can only get a few tears out at the most and then I just become numb again.

I'm no fun to talk to or be around, I have the lowest self esteem ever despite all the compliments that I'm coming along nicely with my modeling. I feel ugly on the inside and the outside, and I can't stop eating cheese lol.

The counselling service in my little town is basically non existent. I don't know who to go to or where to run.

i'm here if you want to vent anytime; just send me a PM or if you want, i'll forward you my phone # and you can call me here. And don't think for a moment you're ugly- because you're not, even if you feel that way. I've been in a very very similar situation so i kinda understand,

And cheese is yummy, and good for your teeth!

talk to a teacher you trust about whats going on, IMHO, so theyre aware on why you are the way you are in class


Man, your day so far sucks more than mine. I just found out that the job i was supposed to start on Monday fell through; i'm back at square one again.

La Bella Durmiente wrote:
I could do with talking to someone.

I'm really really down, drinking alone kinda down.

My parents are splitting up. I've become reclusive, on one hand I need and want my friends but on the other I just want to be alone.
I'm doing shit at university, today I disovered I was the only one in my class who'd failed the Italian grammar test.
I hate where I live, but it's worth sticking it out one for one more year, and there's no point moving back to Plymouth to my parents house because I'm pretty sure that's getting sold soon anyway.

My boyfriend is being wonderful to me about everything, he's really trying to be there for me, but for some odd reason I'd rather talk to people on the internet, probably because I don't want him to see me upset.

And I can't cry properly, it's really annoying. I'm a bomb waiting to go off and I want to let off steam but I can only get a few tears out at the most and then I just become numb again.

I'm no fun to talk to or be around, I have the lowest self esteem ever despite all the compliments that I'm coming along nicely with my modeling. I feel ugly on the inside and the outside, and I can't stop eating cheese lol.

The counselling service in my little town is basically non existent. I don't know who to go to or where to run.

Well, the first thing you have to do is stop the drinking.  You know that only makes your problems worse.  Remember the first three rules of drinking: never drink alone, never drink to get drunk, and never drink when you're depressed.  Breaking those rules is a sure-fire way to make yourself miserable.

Secondly, it sounds like you're being hit by grief, anxiety, and situational depression.  The inability to cry is not surprising; crying, in a way, indicates that you have accepted the situation, and you're probably not ready to accept what's happening.  Hence, you can't cry.

Third, indulge yourself in physical contact with your boyfriend.  I'm talking hugs, cuddling, that sort of thing.  Therapy doesn't have to involve words.  Direct human contact can be the best therapy for situations like these.  Having a shoulder to cry on may be a cliche, but that's because it really helps.

Fourth, there's nothing wrong with cheese.  I just had 10 cheese sticks and a can of coke for lunch.

Guy

EDIT: Just looked at your port.  You're... um... gorgeous?  As in, the exact opposite of ugly?

SPierce Photography wrote:
I just found out that the job i was supposed to start on Monday fell through; i'm back at square one again.

God that sucks.  I was out of work for a year and a half after 9/11, and it was the second-lowest point in my life.  Then I got a job, and it turned out to be almost worse than not having one.  I quit that one and just started my own business; who knows if it's going to succeed.

Hang in there and try to keep a positive outlook is all I can say.  I wish I could say more.

Guy

Lawrence Guy wrote:

God that sucks.  I was out of work for a year and a half after 9/11, and it was the second-lowest point in my life.  Then I got a job, and it turned out to be almost worse than not having one.  I quit that one and just started my own business; who knows if it's going to succeed.

Hang in there and try to keep a positive outlook is all I can say.  I wish I could say more.

Guy

Thanks for the positive thoughts I hope so. Someday, I suppose, things will be back to normal

La Bella Durmiente wrote:
I could do with talking to someone.

I'm really really down, drinking alone kinda down.

My parents are splitting up. I've become reclusive, on one hand I need and want my friends but on the other I just want to be alone.
I'm doing shit at university, today I disovered I was the only one in my class who'd failed the Italian grammar test.
I hate where I live, but it's worth sticking it out one for one more year, and there's no point moving back to Plymouth to my parents house because I'm pretty sure that's getting sold soon anyway.

My boyfriend is being wonderful to me about everything, he's really trying to be there for me, but for some odd reason I'd rather talk to people on the internet, probably because I don't want him to see me upset.

And I can't cry properly, it's really annoying. I'm a bomb waiting to go off and I want to let off steam but I can only get a few tears out at the most and then I just become numb again.

I'm no fun to talk to or be around, I have the lowest self esteem ever despite all the compliments that I'm coming along nicely with my modeling. I feel ugly on the inside and the outside, and I can't stop eating cheese lol.

The counselling service in my little town is basically non existent. I don't know who to go to or where to run.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
Check this website for some information that can help you find good counseling.

And I'm glad that you're here chatting with us.  I've been following your comments for a while now and it's quite apparent that you're takin' it hard on the chin right now.  Hang in there with us.

SPierce Photography wrote:
Man, your day so far sucks more than mine. I just found out that the job i was supposed to start on Monday fell through; i'm back at square one again.

Aaaawww sorry *Hugs* that's always super awful when it happens. People can be so inconsiderate of others feelings when it comes to something that means so much to someone! Don't give up though!

La Bella Durmiente wrote:

Aaaawww sorry *Hugs* that's always super awful when it happens. People can be so inconsiderate of others feelings when it comes to something that means so much to someone! Don't give up though!

They couldn't have known and found out this morning about the deadline change; nothing I can do when the federal government's budget is involved *Hugs to you too* hang in there, and be sure to take care of you first. I'm here if you ever need to vent.

Kayelless wrote:
Today I will forgive myself.

Today I will not persecute myself for my mistakes.

Today I will look to my victories instead of my losses.

Today I will see my greatness instead of my shame.

Today I expect success and embrace it as it stands before me.

Today I will not beat myself down.

Today I will not torture myself.

Today I shine in my light instead of hiding in my darkness.

Today I will not die because of myself.

Today I LIVE for myself.

Kayelless
©2009 Kayelless

thank you

Kayelless wrote:
Today I will forgive myself.

Today I will not persecute myself for my mistakes.

Today I will look to my victories instead of my losses.

Today I will see my greatness instead of my shame.

Today I expect success and embrace it as it stands before me.

Today I will not beat myself down.

Today I will not torture myself.

Today I shine in my light instead of hiding in my darkness.

Today I will not die because of myself.

Today I LIVE for myself.

Kayelless
©2009 Kayelless

I printed this out and have it hanging next to a mirror, gonna try to get myself in the habit of reading it daily.

And Terra ... without a doubt one of the dearest people in my heart ( and a damn good photographer https://www.modelmayhem.com/722870 ) Thank you .. for everything youve done and for being the person that you are

Scottsworld71 wrote:

I printed this out and have it hanging next to a mirror, gonna try to get myself in the habit of reading it daily.

And Terra ... without a doubt one of the dearest people in my heart ( and a damn good photographer https://www.modelmayhem.com/722870 ) Thank you .. for everything youve done and for being the person that you are

I wrote that on the way to work one morning while battling my detractors.  As usual, I was running late and angry at myself for being so.  I realized then how much I had been beating myself up and not allowing myself to live.  Even though I wrote that poem it's amazing how difficult it can be to let those words breathe into my heart and sing from my soul.
I'm glad you've found use for them. 

La Bella Durmiente wrote:
I found out today that my friend commited suicide

We hadn't heard anything from him since October, he took his own life in November and his mum has been going crazy trying to contact someone to tell us.

We didn't know eachother for a very long time, but I'm still sad.



Rip John!

 
huggs

La Bella Durmiente wrote:
I found out today that my friend commited suicide

We hadn't heard anything from him since October, he took his own life in November and his mum has been going crazy trying to contact someone to tell us.

We didn't know eachother for a very long time, but I'm still sad.



Rip John!

So very sorry. *hug*

Kayelless wrote:
Speak to me.

Ruff Ruff!

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
Well, I just crashed. Not looking good for me right now.

Tomorrow will be worse. I dread tomorrow.

email sent

btw, when's the last time anybody talked to Natasha?

Scottsworld71 wrote:
Crashed? what happened?

Family stuff. Every time my life starts going the way I want it to and I build up momentum, a wall gets placed right in front of me. Never fails.

Makes me feel more and more like my life is destined to just suck.

Kayelless wrote:

email sent

btw, when's the last time anybody talked to Natasha?

Got a text msg from her a few days ago.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Scottsworld71 wrote:
Crashed? what happened?

Family stuff. Every time my life starts going the way I want it to and I build up momentum, a wall gets placed right in front of me. Never fails.

Makes me feel more and more like my life is destined to just suck.


Got a text msg from her a few days ago.

the detour around that wall!  Positive thoughts lead to positive actions

Natasha240 wrote:


miss you guys!

Let's all have a party!  I vote we all drive down to 'Tasha's house and camp out until she lets us in.  Then it's music and arythmic jerking motions that we'll call "dancing" until dawn!  After that we'll clean her house and paint her walls sky-blue.  It'll be great!

No booze.