Kayelless wrote:

sweet!

Kayelless wrote:
Anybody fall down or up today?
How about yesterday?
Tomorrow?

I'm doing somewhat better today. Both Stephanie and I had some good shoots recently. How about you?

Plus, I'm shooting with that same girl again tomorrow.

Great job with Anna and Tess, Stephanie! Very nice.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I'm doing somewhat better today. Both Stephanie and I had some good shoots recently. How about you?

Plus, I'm shooting with that same girl again tomorrow.

Great job with Anna and Tess, Stephanie! Very nice.

She canceled on me. Busy girl. She's home on leave from Iraq so I feel lucky enough she had any time for me to begin with.

Now I gotta wait until June when she comes back again. Gives me something to look forward to.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

She canceled on me. Busy girl. She's home on leave from Iraq so I feel lucky enough she had any time for me to begin with.

Now I gotta wait until June when she comes back again. Gives me something to look forward to.

Aww but you got to shoot with her at least once!

SPierce Photography wrote:

Aww but you got to shoot with her at least once!

Yes. And it won't be the last time.

I'm not upset about it. I was kinda wondering if she'd have the time anyway. I remember coming home on leave. I never had time for doing anything I wanted.

Besides, I got lots of pics already with her that I still have to edit so this gives me more time. And at least she let me know and didn't flake.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Yes. And it won't be the last time.

I'm not upset about it. I was kinda wondering if she'd have the time anyway. I remember coming home on leave. I never had time for doing anything I wanted.

Besides, I got lots of pics already with her that I still have to edit so this gives me more time. And at least she let me know and didn't flake.

Cool And yeah, i had a model i was supposed to shoot do that. We just rescheduled for later (I had already shot her last thursday, so i don't feel left out!)

Jellokittie wrote:
*peeks in thread*

I don't get suicidal.

But I have days when I just lie around and wonder why anything matters. Yep, like today.

It's not rational. There are actually quite good things happening in my life. But I still want to cry.

It sucks! There's so much I should be doing!

*hug*

SPierce Photography wrote:

*hug*

Thanks!

Jellokittie wrote:

Thanks!

Double hugs

Suki_ wrote:
This is a great thread to see

It's nice to know that even in this community, there are others suffering from the same problems, and it's even more wonderful to see people actively offering help and support.
Makes me smile.

YAAY! Keep smiling.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
I think I'm going to take a break for awhile. Maybe for good.

How is it when you try to help someone you suddenly become a monster? How?

Calm down. Read the PM I sent you. Remember these are the MM forums, not real life!

SPierce Photography wrote:

Calm down. Read the PM I sent you. Remember these are the MM forums, not real life!

its the extent of my life, shooting, networking, editing. the forums are 1/3 of my current life. i  know thats pathetic but its all i have in life

Elisabeth West wrote:
Why do all the mean people just keep talking at me? Saying they don't mean anything personal and then going off on me personally doesn't make it right. Just make them stop. I'm dealing with enough without that too.
And insomnia again...

i have not slept sound ,in years

LeDeux Art wrote:
i have not slept sound ,in years

Nor have I. I either sleep at most 4 hours or more than 14(often up to 36) hours at a time. I seem to operate in extremes.
:hugs:

Dark Angel Photography wrote:
...I haven't slept in four days straight now (off and on for the last two weeks accumulating about 20 hours total)

...I haven't eaten in four or five days (drinking water)...

...and I took three trips to the beach at 2am only to return cold and wet (the sharks don't seem to like me in New Smyrna)...

...I've been writing endlessly in two steno pads about what is going through my head...   poetry, songs, stories, etc...

...I am still lost...

...and this is how I feel.......

..."Evenesence"...   "tourniquet" as sung by Amy Lee...

tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

..."NIN"...   "something I can never have" as sung by Trent Reznor...


I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head till I dont want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldnt do the things that I can do now.
This is slowly take me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
I just want something I can never have.
In this place it seems like such a same.
Though it all looks different now,
I know its still the same
Everywhere I look youre all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweet and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.

Big big hugs. That's all I have right now. I know it's not much help.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Double hugs

double thanks

Today has been a better day. Whenever there are places I have to go, and things I have to do, I'm better off. Just gotta keep busy.

Dark Angel Photography wrote:
...I haven't slept in four days straight now (off and on for the last two weeks accumulating about 20 hours total)

...I haven't eaten in four or five days (drinking water)...

...and I took three trips to the beach at 2am only to return cold and wet (the sharks don't seem to like me in New Smyrna)...

...I've been writing endlessly in two steno pads about what is going through my head...   poetry, songs, stories, etc...

...I am still lost...

...and this is how I feel.......

..."Evenesence"...   "tourniquet" as sung by Amy Lee...

tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

..."NIN"...   "something I can never have" as sung by Trent Reznor...


I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head till I dont want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldnt do the things that I can do now.
This is slowly take me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
I just want something I can never have.
In this place it seems like such a same.
Though it all looks different now,
I know its still the same
Everywhere I look youre all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweet and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.

Whats going on? Email me if you need to vent [email protected] *hug*

Dark Angel Photography wrote:

You're doing the right things: writing, going to the beach... Just keep doing them. And talk to someone if you can. I find the more I can express my feelings, somehow the less they hurt.

*hug*

Dannielle Levan wrote:
I really want to chase my cat with my camera now, but i don't think he's in the mood for it, he saw my camera and hid under the bed!

chase him anyway.  Little sucker needs to learn some manners.  What's up with that hidin' when the camera comes out? 

My cats have me figured out.  They either suddenly need to take a nap or will hold the pose just long enough for me to get it framed and ready to shoot and then....... !@%4^(*)$$!!!!! cat.

Kayelless wrote:
chase him anyway.  Little sucker needs to learn some manners.  What's up with that hidin' when the camera comes out? 

My cats have me figured out.  They either suddenly need to take a nap or will hold the pose just long enough for me to get it framed and ready to shoot and then....... !@%4^(*)$$!!!!! cat.

I actually got some pics of him today with hubby ^_^  Will upload one in a sec.

EDIT: Piiiicture.  Aren't they cute!

Dannielle Levan wrote:

I actually got some pics of him today with hubby ^_^  Will upload one in a sec.

EDIT: Piiiicture.  Aren't they cute!

So cute!

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:

Been thinking a lot of bad things lately
......

*hug*

I know how that goes.

Elisabeth West wrote:
Something's off today. Not sure what.
Need to stop operating in extremes.

I shouldn't feel like I do. The logic does not follow.

I'm eating too much... I'm afraid of what may follow again. *sigh* Thought I'd finally left that behind mostly.

Hugs. Baby steps. One day, or one hour, or one minute, or even one second at a time.

Find something to occupy your mind.

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:

Been thinking a lot of bad things lately
......

Me too. When that happens, I find something to completely occupy my mind. Otherwise, I'd drop way down.