Lawrence Guy wrote:
I'm up.  Just got back from seeing my therapist.  She told me she doesn't want me to visit this thread anymore because it keeps me attached to the subject of suicide.  She has a good point, which I happen to agree with, but I'm not gonna skip out just yet.

It's what I've been saying all along.  I think I can help people by being an ear to talk to, who understands.  But I also know that I am not trained to help people, so there's a danger that I might say the wrong thing and make things worse.  That's why I think the most important response is to recommend medical treatment.

It's true that this thread has been becoming more of a burden for me.  I want to help everyone, but wanting isn't enough.  And I don't need to come here to tell my own story, because I've beaten my own demons, at least for now.  I can offer help, but I don't need to seek it.

Anyway, I love all of you and I'm not going anywhere, but I'm thinking more about this thread, what it means, how it works, and how it helps or even hurts the people who come here.

Guy

Interesting point of view. 

I know this thread doesn't hurt me.  Although I'm in no ways trying to "solve" anyones issues for them, this thread does allow me an avenue to reach out to those who have dealt with the issue in silence without knowing how to get help.  I think this thread serves two fold in that it does provide information for those who might need it and because of our own personal experiences we give them someone to identify with. 

Knowing that someone has felt much of the same feelings is great comfort when trying to battle through.

but you're still welcomed to blog with the turtle..

Lawrence Guy wrote:
This is a somewhat off-topic post, but only somewhat.

I have this little quirk where I always want people to like me.  I don't think that's all that unusual.  With me, I tend to end up letting myself become the "class clown."  When I get to know people I start teasing them if I think it will go over well.  I also make a lot of jokes about things that are going on at the time.  Sometimes these jokes are self-deprecating.  After awhile, a pattern emerges: people start teasing me back because I've demonstrated that I'm okay with that.

The problem comes when I'm in a group of people who know me, like I was yesterday.  Then I can end up with half a dozen people teasing me at once, and sometimes (inevitably) someone says something that comes too close to the line, or crosses it entirely.  Then I have a choice: I either have to suck it up, because I created the situation in the first place, or I have to be excessively firm in explaining that I will tolerate most teasing, but nothing that's outright insulting.  I have to be excessive because by that point people think I'm still making jokes, and I have to be very clear that I'm not.  Also, when in a group situation, people who are being "reprimanded" fight back.  This can cast a cloud over the mood of the group.

I'm not asking for advice or anything.  I'm just expressing this because it's something that's close to me right now.  It's a situation I created myself and I know how to get out of it; I'll work on it gradually by having private conversations with particular people, and I'll stop with the teasing and self-deprecating humor.  I'll also work on my desire to have *everybody* like me.  I know that's impossible, but it still hurts when I hear about a person who isn't at least polite when speaking of me.

Anyway, I hope all is well with everybody and I give you my love.

Guy

I'm very much the same way so I know where you're coming from. One difference, however, is that I really don't take anything sad about me as insulting. Sure, some things bother me but only up to the point where I actually wonder how the person got the idea they expressed, not that they expressed it.

I hope things work out for you.

SPierce Photography wrote:
I got a job rejection again

blar... here, have some ice cream w/ cookies.

Kayelless wrote:

blar... here, have some ice cream w/ cookies.

I'm sick and tired of getting no's from every single fricking job I actually want! I can't keep going like this!

SPierce Photography wrote:
I got a job rejection again

*Sits next to Stephanie and offers his shoulder*

Sorry.

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:
My brother rents a room at the back of a house.
He is on vacation, so I went to check on his cat.

After there for a few minutes I hear some loud pounding sounds.
Then what sounded like a grown woman crying and whimpering.

Then an adult man yelling "see what happens when you fuck around?"
And some more yelling and pounding.


I called the cops.
And I am unnerved

I went and ranted about it on another website and this is the response I got:
Them: Sounds like she was asking for it.
Me: That is not even fucking funny
Them: I wasn't being funny. Please don't curse at me. It hurts my feelings, and I will start crying.
Me: If you weren't being funny, they pray tell me what a woman can do in which they DESERVE to be beaten?
Them: I think you already answered that in the original post
Me: Seriously?
First off, cheating does not mean it is ok to beat a person. Leave them if you are that unhappy.
Second, if a man is that INSECURE to beat a woman, then he is insecure enough to be paranoid about that person cheating, even if they aren't
Third, people around here often say "stop fucking around", etc to mean stop wasting time or fooling around


And someone else wrote "It really is funny, and if she was "fucking around" maybe she should be slaped. CHEATING DESERVES A BEATING"

That's just....disgusting. I can't believe anyone would respond like that. Well, this is the internet so I guess I can believe it. Just can't wrap my mind around it.

How did it all turn out?

SPierce Photography wrote:

I'm sick and tired of getting no's from every single fricking job I actually want! I can't keep going like this!

You have to keep going. You have things to do yet. Lots of things for lots of years. And if I have to get behind you and push, I will. Don't make me do it.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

SPierce Photography wrote:
I'm sick and tired of getting no's from every single fricking job I actually want! I can't keep going like this!

You have to keep going. You have things to do yet. Lots of things for lots of years. And if I have to get behind you and push, I will. Don't make me do it.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

*Sits next to Stephanie and offers his shoulder*

Sorry.

Well, i'm in the location I want to be. I'm happy photographically, but all of that does jack shit for income I just want to give it up and call it a day, instead of stressing out and just getting rejections. I don't feel like I belong anywhere at all!

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

That's just....disgusting. I can't believe anyone would respond like that. Well, this is the internet so I guess I can believe it. Just can't wrap my mind around it.

How did it all turn out?

The cops said they were on their way.
I left, because I was afraid it was my brother's landlord and I didn't want to get my brother in trouble
(though if this guy IS his landlord and he DOES get arrested for this shit and my brother loses his apartment....oh well, but I don't want the guy freaking out to my brother).
It did get quiet right before I left....I don't know if that is good or bad.


I could not believe those people.  My thread already got removed from that website....I wonder why

SPierce Photography wrote:

I'm sick and tired of getting no's from every single fricking job I actually want! I can't keep going like this!

Yes you can.  Remember what I told you.  It will happen.  Stay positive and fearless.  Frustration is a tool of the adversary.

I really understand what you're going through, but stay with it. You are going through this for a reason, but you will get through and you will make it.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Kayelless wrote:

Yes you can.  Remember what I told you.  It will happen.  Stay positive and fearless.  Frustration is a tool of the adversary.

I really understand what you're going through, but stay with it. You are going through this for a reason, but you will get through and you will make it.

I guess and im trying. everytime i think its going to be okay, it goes downhill again

SPierce Photography wrote:

I guess and im trying. everytime i think its going to be okay, it goes downhill again

No guess. Seriously. This is one of your toughest battles, but you will gain so much from it.  Ping me everyday 16 times a day to remind you, but stay strong.
There is something way big coming to you. Believe it.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

SPierce Photography wrote:
I guess and im trying. everytime i think its going to be okay, it goes downhill again

Kayelless wrote:
No guess. Seriously. This is one of your toughest battles, but you will gain so much from it.  Ping me everyday 16 times a day to remind you, but stay strong.
There is something way big coming to you. Believe it.

Listen to what Kevin says. Something is coming your way. It will work out for you.

Kayelless wrote:

No guess. Seriously. This is one of your toughest battles, but you will gain so much from it.  Ping me everyday 16 times a day to remind you, but stay strong.
There is something way big coming to you. Believe it.

but i feel like a bum; i'm so far in debt with no way to pay the bills. I want to help my roommate pay for the bills, and i cant do crap! I know im not a squatter, but i dont like not being able to earn my way. I keep getting lucky and things come up to save me, but i dunno how much longer i can go!

SPierce Photography wrote:

but i feel like a bum; i'm so far in debt with no way to pay the bills. I want to help my roommate pay for the bills, and i cant do crap! I know im not a squatter, but i dont like not being able to earn my way. I keep getting lucky and things come up to save me, but i dunno how much longer i can go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNB1EUJg … re=channel

Feral Oneiric wrote:
I believe I've stopped feeling for the most part. After some recent events, everything just kind of went away. I still have little stuff (like amusement, annoyance... boredom), but the entire love/hate spectrum is gone. It's happened before, so I knew it was coming this time. Before when it happened there was always at least one person in my life who wouldn't let me slip completely into being some sort of robot, but those people who I trusted to do so are now at the dealing end of what I've gone through to get to this point.

And yet, with this emptiness, I feel better than I have in years. There's no addition of any good feelings, but all of the bad feelings have evaporated.

I think the only reason it concerns me this time is because I don't want to have it back. Before, I made the effort in order to attain some semblance of a normal life, complete with all of the emotional ups and downs, just because I figured that was what I was supposed to do. Most of the time I just faked it, anyway. Something is broken. In my head I know what emotional response any situation warrants, but the connection never gets made and translated into an actual feeling.

What sucks the most about it is that there are people who count on me loving them. And I can't. I can barely even say the words. I don't really tell many people this stuff, because I know that for the most part there's no way they can understand, and they usually take it personally. I don't want to hurt anyone, it's not their problem, and I don't want anyone else making it their problem.

I don't know when this all started, but I know it was a long time ago. I've thought about it a lot, but I still have no answers.

What's the most interesting to me- this is deadest I've ever felt, and yet it's the first time in my life that I didn't want to end it.

I don't really know what your back story is, but I would say definitely do-and go for- what's best for YOU and not anyone else right now. Look out for yourself first, because you're the one that has to live with you. If you aren't doing yourself any harm in the mode you're in, and you aren't harming anyone else (yet?) then I don't see anything wrong with hanging out in that regard for a while at all. Just worry about you, and what's going on in your life. Follow instinct on where you want to move to from there...

Natasha240 wrote:
*waves*
Hi everyone

Hi! *Hugs*

SPierce Photography wrote:

I don't really know what your back story is, but I would say definitely do-and go for- what's best for YOU and not anyone else right now. Look out for yourself first, because you're the one that has to live with you. If you aren't doing yourself any harm in the mode you're in, and you aren't harming anyone else (yet?) then I don't see anything wrong with hanging out in that regard for a while at all. Just worry about you, and what's going on in your life. Follow instinct on where you want to move to from there...

Truth.  And perhaps this is the threshold to a new kind of life for you.  You might be feeling "dead" inside right now, but that very feeling might breathe new strength into you.  It wasn't until I hit rock-bottom that my own life changed for the better.  So if you're not feeling bad, maybe you're on track to beating the demon and being able to "live, not just survive."

Natasha240 wrote:
*waves*
Hi everyone

Hey there Miss Hidesalot!  Nice to see you peekaboo!

Kayelless wrote:

take advantage of them... and be on the offensive and it will be your victory to claim.

I do...i'm super productive on my highs.

Feral Oneiric wrote:
I believe I've stopped feeling for the most part. After some recent events, everything just kind of went away. I still have little stuff (like amusement, annoyance... boredom), but the entire love/hate spectrum is gone. It's happened before, so I knew it was coming this time. Before when it happened there was always at least one person in my life who wouldn't let me slip completely into being some sort of robot, but those people who I trusted to do so are now at the dealing end of what I've gone through to get to this point.

And yet, with this emptiness, I feel better than I have in years. There's no addition of any good feelings, but all of the bad feelings have evaporated.

I think the only reason it concerns me this time is because I don't want to have it back. Before, I made the effort in order to attain some semblance of a normal life, complete with all of the emotional ups and downs, just because I figured that was what I was supposed to do. Most of the time I just faked it, anyway. Something is broken. In my head I know what emotional response any situation warrants, but the connection never gets made and translated into an actual feeling.

What sucks the most about it is that there are people who count on me loving them. And I can't. I can barely even say the words. I don't really tell many people this stuff, because I know that for the most part there's no way they can understand, and they usually take it personally. I don't want to hurt anyone, it's not their problem, and I don't want anyone else making it their problem.

I don't know when this all started, but I know it was a long time ago. I've thought about it a lot, but I still have no answers.

What's the most interesting to me- this is deadest I've ever felt, and yet it's the first time in my life that I didn't want to end it.

I'm the same way. Maybe slightly different. I seem to feel more for strangers than I do for people I know. This is perhaps because I have been hurt by everyone I know in some way or other.

I've lately started retracting myself from the world again. Like a turtle going into its shell. I don't want to know nor do I care what's around me. Just leave me alone and I'll be fine.

I, too, have so little emotional feeling left that I wonder if I'm truly alive. I often sit and cry for hours but for no reason. It bothered me for awhile, but whenever I start to come out of my shell, find a few "friends" to associate with, and start being more social it all comes back to the same thing over and over. So again I withdraw back into my shell. Each time I care less and less to venture back out.