SPierce Photography wrote:

None of that is ever easy, or ever really able to be able to "gotten over". Just try to honor them in the best way you can, and don't dwell.. (most of the time) no one would want that. If you ever need to talk, or just vent, send me a PM and i'll be happy to either listen through MM, or i can get you my cell phone number and will be available after my shoot tomorrow

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to think about suicide and how hard it must be on everyone. (not that I don't, for me mentally it's more of thinking--and knowing-- that i'm going to die early, so i live every day like i might not be here tomorrow)

Thank you! I'm doing okay, it still hasn't fully sunk in. I'm sure it will get more difficult with the funeral and everything. I have a 10-day break from school now so I'll have time to reflect and heal. It is horrible to think about those who feel there is no other option but suicide, and it pains me that she thought she had no other way out. So many people love and adore her.

Patrick Walberg wrote:
Hello!  This belongs on page one, thank you! 

Yes it does!! :]

Natasha240 wrote:
All I can add is I have also been dealing with this for many many years. I ended up in the ICU last year. It is a very dark and lonely place, if anyone needs to talk to someone who can relate, I'm here.

I ended up in ICU 2yrs ago sept 2007 because i tried to kill myself by overdosing myself with my anti-depression pills i was in ICU for 3days i didnt woke up till the 4th day. i don't know if i can do another suicide. i thank my husband(jeff) despite what i did 2yrs ago we are still together.

inna l wrote:
I feel very low at times too...Can't force myself to do anything, feel angry, anxious, empty, cry a lot... I also feel socially inept in school, (I am in an art school) and the critiques are often hard for me, because I am not self confident as is....But it all goes away when I am in friends, that's why I can't talk about it with them...I only go through all this alone.

You should feel free to open up here. You have to get it out to someone....anyone. If you don't feel comfortable talking with it to your friends then by all means come here. Or PM one of us. Just don't try to hold it in and deal on your own.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
You know, it's weird.  I've beaten my own depression, but now I feel this compulsion to help others.  As a result I don't get away from the pain; it's just not my own pain.  I've been finding it harder and harder to post on this thread because there are so many people suffering and I want to help them all.  But I'm just one person, and an untrained one at that, and I don't know if I do more harm than good.

All I can say is I love you all, I understand, and remember that you always have the option to ask for help.

thanks for being here.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

It's really a vicious bastard, isn't it.

cosign

Natasha240 wrote:
Hey everyone,

Just checkin in. Thanks for the emails/texts/calls. I'm not trying to ignore anyone, it's just what I do. If I don't reply, don't think I don't appreciate it, because I do. I hope everyone is hanging in there.

Love you guys

Hope you're doing better. *huggles*

Natasha240 wrote:
Hey everyone,

Just checkin in. Thanks for the emails/texts/calls. I'm not trying to ignore anyone, it's just what I do. If I don't reply, don't think I don't appreciate it, because I do. I hope everyone is hanging in there.

Love you guys

Glad to see you around.  Hope things are getting better for you.

Feral Oneiric wrote:
My schedule has me all fucked up.
I usually wake up at 2:30 am to go to work. But on my days off, I still wake up around 3am.

I hate waking up at 3am without being able to go to work, because then all I have is time to sit and think. Even while doing something (usually reading or playing video games), it's too quiet and still, and I think very quickly and in depth without wanting to.
Then when the sun finally comes up, it feels like night time. Then it's night time all day, but I have no desire to go out... because it feels like night, and I always have to go to bed so damn early. I can't differentiate between 5am and 5pm without looking out the window, and I usually avoid doing that.

So today will likely be another of pensive disorientation.

perfect opportunity to create art


                                       or text the hell out of friends....

Kayelless wrote:

perfect opportunity to create art


                                       or text the hell out of friends....

I lack the inspiration for either.

Feral Oneiric wrote:

I lack the inspiration for either.

throw rocks at the garbage man?

Kayelless wrote:
Another day has come around bringing with you another opportunity to knock this enemy on its ass

I love it!  Each day is another day to kick depression's ass!

Why should we take all the bruises?  Give that damn depression a bloody nose!

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I love it!  Each day is another day to kick depression's ass!

Why should we take all the bruises?  Give that damn depression a bloody nose!

that's what I'm talking about. As much as we can suffer we are the one's who have to fight back.  When we do we need to bring it..

Kayelless wrote:

bumpin from page 3.

Feral Oneiric wrote:
So a friend earlier was doing his best to pick me up from a pretty low spot. He tells me to find something else to live for. To go out and do something that will change me. Climb a mountain, chase a tornado- he says.

Those were all things that interested me greatly before. I used to hike and hunt and camp and fish and horseback ride, and then had a million artistic endeavors going on at any given time. I wanted to travel and see new places and try new things and all of that.

And I've realized, I don't care about any of that. I just can't see how it can possibly be that interesting anymore. Actually, I'm kind of afraid to do these things now, because it will allow me too much time to think, which is the last thing I need. My brain has been wracked with the same horrible shit for over a year now, and that's all that seems to be left in there when there is no more input to muffle it out.

I lack all ambition, motivation, and curiosity. I'm at a loss.
What now?

I've always believed that everyone has a reason for being in this world.  In my lowest of lows I lost sight of that belief in regards to myself.  This past summer when I turned things around I focused on who I really was and what really mattered to me.... there were many depressing days of facing tough answers to tough questions, but I did it because I knew I didn't want to end up useless and dead to the people whom I love and who love me.

On a day to day basis where is your focus?  What are your beliefs in life?

Teresa Wylie wrote:
Hiya guys and girls.
No been in this thread for a wee while.
Had some pretty low days but since upping my medication and really pushin myself to do things out of my comfort zone, also known as the safe little bubble of my home, i feel a little better about the future.

I actually got a call from that job i mentioned i applied for and have an interview next week.
Am nervous as hell really the more i sit and think about it, but i so want to be back in the land of the living and think this is a good place to start.
Hopefully it will work out and am not rushing things too.

Tryin to stay positive though.
Anyway, thought it would be cool to show a wee positive thing.
Hope all of you folks are doin a bit better too.
You are still in my thoughts, and am glad you are all still here talkin things out, it does help.
xxxx

Good luck with the job! I'll be pulling for ya!

Solstice Rain wrote:

Good luck with the job! I'll be pulling for ya!

Cheers hon, appreciate it.

Kayelless wrote:

I've always believed that everyone has a reason for being in this world.  In my lowest of lows I lost sight of that belief in regards to myself.  This past summer when I turned things around I focused on who I really was and what really mattered to me.... there were many depressing days of facing tough answers to tough questions, but I did it because I knew I didn't want to end up useless and dead to the people whom I love and who love me.

On a day to day basis where is your focus?  What are your beliefs in life?

I try to find a point, some reason to stick around.
No matter how much I try, even if I try to lie to myself, I still can't seem to justify my continued existence.

Feral Oneiric wrote:

I try to find a point, some reason to stick around.
No matter how much I try, even if I try to lie to myself, I still can't seem to justify my continued existence.

Makes me think there's an underlying reason not too visible. This is the "couples" holiday weekend. Are you hurting from something?

Kayelless wrote:

Makes me think there's an underlying reason not too visible. This is the "couples" holiday weekend. Are you hurting from something?

I most certainly am, and have been for the last year. I've gone beyond the point of being able to hurt any more emotionally without it having physical manifestations, and the cure for those isn't exactly healthy.

Feral Oneiric wrote:

I most certainly am, and have been for the last year. I've gone beyond the point of being able to hurt any more emotionally without it having physical manifestations, and the cure for those isn't exactly healthy.

Two years ago my mother passed away.  Last month my sister passed.  I've hurt from them, but those things are part of living..... I hope your hurt isn't brought on by someone who shouldn't have brought it..

Feral Oneiric wrote:
I try to find a point, some reason to stick around.
No matter how much I try, even if I try to lie to myself, I still can't seem to justify my continued existence.

Your existence is something that does not need to be justified.  You do not need to pass an exam to be entitled to life.  You do not need to "measure up" to ANY standard, nor do you need to satisfy anybody but yourself.  Accept yourself without conditions.  Do not compare yourself to anybody or anything.  Your existence is justified by virtue of the fact that you exist.  It is as simple as that.