Dee wrote:
I am going to lose it...........I know I need to get back to the doctors and get some meds...but i just alwqys seem to find some excuse..or i feel fine at the moment so i dont need them...but I am going to rip my hair out over these teenage kids...........my oldest is 16 and she keeps getting into trouble at school......she is just disrespectful and I am at a loss for what to do with her anymore......She has been in the hospital she has been to juvie more than once...she refuses to listen to people at school...she refuses to go to bed when I tell her...she has run away many times.......I am just at a loss....

I feel like a failure...but i know I have done my best with her....we have family night 2 times a week with my parents one night and my husbands parents another night...EVERY week...we always eat dinner together...I try to get her to talk to me and she wont....she lies iike there is no tomorrow...she has been in therapy for a year on meds for over a year and I am just at the end of my rope..I dont know what else to do to try to get her back.......she is just hateful to her younger sister.....she flies off the handle with every little disagreement........We walk on eggshells around here because we dont want to upset her and make everyone in the houses life a living hell........i get a call almost every day from her school...she skipped class again, she has bic yet again.....I AM SOOOOOO CONFUSED...

Not only that but I have to live with my life and the failure I have become.......my studio closed....I am too scared to get out of the house and talk to people....I cant talk on the phone..........I am too scared to call someone and talk because i feel like i am whining...

I dont even know why I am typing this here....I feel like there is no end in sight for this misery of teenagers........ i want to help her so bad but i just dont know how.........I want to feel alive again..I just want to be able to breathe...... it is so hard having children....and i just went and had another one who is gonna be 5 months old.......i want those days back with my first baby girl but she doesnt want anything to do with me......

I am rambling...i will go cry to myself until I have to pick her up in 25 minutes...

Have you tried family therapy? Maybe it will help to get everyone together with a detached 3rd party professional, and hash out problems there? That way the shrink can mediate, and stop arguments from derailing the focus of therapy.

I'm sorry you feel so bad. Your whole paragraph about being afraid to go outside, to talk to anyone.....I feel just like that most of the time myself. That is why I am glad this thread is here. There are also regular posters on here (myself included) who will gladly talk with you privately, either in PMs or on the phone, if you need it.

Natasha240 wrote:
Ok guys, I'm not doing so good here. I feel like I'm sliding downward,fast. Thoughts keep coming into my head, and they are not so easy to shut up. I feel so worthless, like it's all so pointless. Even thinking of danielle is not helping as much, it's getting easier to tell myself she'll grieve and heal.

What is the point of my life? I have no interest in anything. I have no, I mean zero self confidence. I don't do anything. I used to at least model, read shit on the internet, watch tv. Nothing interests me. Is this what I have to look forward to? I want to go back to work, but I'm too scared. I can't right now, I know it. My future just looks like a boring hopeless carbon copy of today, and yesterday, and so on. Life is really not looking so attractive, no, not at all.

I know how you feel. But I finally went to the doctor today and told them and they rushed me to a therapist.  I have to go back to get evaluated to see what drugs I should take. Are you on meds? Do you see a therapist?

Natasha240 wrote:
Not now, but I was. They did not work for me anyway. I cannot go to a doctor now anyway, I have no insurance. But I've given up on meds/therapy anyway.

I wish you would feel better

Natasha240 wrote:
Not now, but I was. They did not work for me anyway. I cannot go to a doctor now anyway, I have no insurance. But I've given up on meds/therapy anyway.

uhm..... how about brownies and milk?

Natasha240 wrote:
Thank you so much guys, for the calls/pms/texts. I cried, just knowing that you all cared so much to take the time. It really touched me. I'm not doing so good, but I'm still here. I'm just getting very overwhelmed again, I guess. I'm getting sucked down into those negative thoughts, and they keep feeding on themselves, growing. Just knowing that I have you all rooting for me helps. I will try to keep that in my mind when I get deep down into this dark place I am in.

I don't mean to ignore anyone, I just isolate myself hardcore when I feel like this.

I love you all

edit: I just want to add that this now proves that this board helps. I posted here about how bad I am feeling, even while I am trying to hide it from everyone else. Who knows, if I did not have this place to do it, I may have continued to hold it all in, pretending everything was fine.

stay with it you! I believe in you and I know you can make it.

Kayelless wrote:

stay with it you! I believe in you and I know you can make it.

{{{{hugs back}}}

Natasha240 wrote:
Thank you so much guys, for the calls/pms/texts. I cried, just knowing that you all cared so much to take the time. It really touched me. I'm not doing so good, but I'm still here. I'm just getting very overwhelmed again, I guess. I'm getting sucked down into those negative thoughts, and they keep feeding on themselves, growing. Just knowing that I have you all rooting for me helps. I will try to keep that in my mind when I get deep down into this dark place I am in.

I don't mean to ignore anyone, I just isolate myself hardcore when I feel like this.

I love you all

edit: I just want to add that this now proves that this board helps. I posted here about how bad I am feeling, even while I am trying to hide it from everyone else. Who knows, if I did not have this place to do it, I may have continued to hold it all in, pretending everything was fine.

I hope you cheer up soon. We'll all be thinking about you. I wish I could do more.

Danielle Maree wrote:
This thread is a really good idea.
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and I know its a huge weight off my chest when I can just tell anyone, even if its someone I don't even know.

After going to heaps of psychologists, I'm lucky that I have found a good one, who is absolutely amazing and offers me the best advice I could ask for.
And I literally trust her with my life.

Welcome to the group.

DA PHOTO wrote:
Antonello Venditti - Che Fantastica Storia E' La Vita
listen up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID_B7Nq8 … re=related

that was a beautiful song and video!  So much is stated. The ending and how it relates to the beginning is just fantastic!!!

Had to add it to my YouTube favorites. Thanks.

Danielle Maree wrote:
This thread is a really good idea.
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and I know its a huge weight off my chest when I can just tell anyone, even if its someone I don't even know.

After going to heaps of psychologists, I'm lucky that I have found a good one, who is absolutely amazing and offers me the best advice I could ask for.
And I literally trust her with my life.

Yes, welcome.

Kayelless wrote:
Guy, you're awesome!

You rock pretty hard yourself.

Kayelless wrote:
Never stop fighting. I learned today that I wasn't allowing myself or giving myself permission to feel worthy of anything good.

Is this you?

This was me, definitely.  I've said it before in this thread, and I'll say it again: to beat this feeling, you have to let go of the idea of "worth."  Worth is not a valid concept to apply to people.  People just are; they should be accepted unconditionally.  There is nothing that anyone has to "live up to."  Unconditional acceptance of others, and unconditional self-acceptance -- understand these terms, incorporate them into your basic belief system, and you'll be able to beat any feeling of worthlessness, inferiority, or unworthiness that comes your way.

Learn not to define yourself in terms of other people.  It's corny, but another way to say it is: just be yourself.  No comparisons to others, no judgments, just... you.

--Guy

Kayelless wrote:
I learned today that I wasn't allowing myself or giving myself permission to feel worthy of anything good.

That in itself is a good thing. People should never feel "worthy" of good things. That's the backbone of the current "entitlement" generation.

Instead, rejoice when good things happen to you. Some will call it bragging. But those of us who have suffered will call it "exciting" - and rejoice with you.

Kayelless wrote:
Well the thing is if I accomplished something good or could do something good I typically don't allow myself to feel good about it as if I'm not worthy to feel good about something that's good about me.  Kind of like "reverse pride" or "negative ego."

Self worth is one thing. Not allowing oneself to feel good about doing or being something good is another.  The later was my issue.

I completely understand. I get that way too. Mostly from people telling me my whole life that whatever I did was never good enough. If it's good enough for me, it's good enough. That's what matters. But I still get that feeling that I shouldn't feel good about my accomplishments.

Kayelless wrote:
Well the thing is if I accomplished something good or could do something good I typically don't allow myself to feel good about it as if I'm not worthy to feel good about something that's good about me.  Kind of like "reverse pride" or "negative ego."

Self worth is one thing. Not allowing oneself to feel good about doing or being something good is another.  The later was my issue.

"Humility is a virtue, pride is a sin."  My theory is that these ideas were spread by the church during the medieval period in order to keep the rabble down and under control, and they're still affecting us today.  Blame the dark ages!

Danielle Maree wrote:
This thread is a really good idea.
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and I know its a huge weight off my chest when I can just tell anyone, even if its someone I don't even know.

After going to heaps of psychologists, I'm lucky that I have found a good one, who is absolutely amazing and offers me the best advice I could ask for.
And I literally trust her with my life.

Thanks god you found a good one.  Good therapists are worth their weight in gold.

Kayelless wrote:

Jessica Aniki wrote:
I just want to say how happy I am to see that someone posted this because it is a lot of us out there going thru a lot and don't know where to turn to or where to go and I am one of them

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Horrible day for me...
20 years ago Feb 2 at 11:25 pm the only girl that has ever loved me unconditionally was taken from me by a drunk driver...She was just about to sign on with Ujena Swimwear as a model.
You would think I could have gotten over her and find someone else,but she was the only one to see through my extreme social awkwardness and the fact I had the social skills of a 13 year old(the result of being severely picked on)I have been told the big lie for the past year(oh,there is someone out there for everyone),I would like to know where?All I seem to atract are girls with every undesirable trait,from appearance to personality or both,the last "relationship" ending in me being used and getting destroyed emotionally and financially.I'm convinced she was the one and because she was taken from me,I'm destined to spend my life alone.

It is hard to understand why things happen to us in life.  Am I going to tell you that line about someone for everyone? No.  I will tell you that I understand how difficult a day like today can be.  Anniversaries of tragic memories don't feel good.

I do want to encourage you to not let a desire for companionship draw a defining line of self worth or esteem for you.  Companionship is another mystery of life all to itself and the desire or need of it can easily be used against us.

Feral Oneiric wrote:
I'm home.

how ya doooin?

Feral Oneiric wrote:
Meh. I've been worse, but I could be a hell of a lot better for damn sure.

*offers cookies*

Feral Oneiric wrote:
Meh. I've been worse, but I could be a hell of a lot better for damn sure.

*offers wine & chocolate chip cookies with sprinkles*

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

*offers wine & chocolate chip cookies with sprinkles*

you just had to out do me didn't you?
*runs off crying*