Natasha240 wrote:

Hey, and thanks for the info.

I know Walmart has the $4 meds. It's finding the right one/ones. The new stupid psychiatrist I went to wanted to put me on the exactsame meds as before, even thought I told her they didn't really help much. Sigh.

I really have given up on meds, I dont believe there is anything out there that can help me.  Just to list some, over the past 15 years I have been on (in combination, and alone)Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Xyprexa, Effexor, Depakote (made my psychotic), Lithium(I got Lithium poisioning, NOTpretty!), Xanax, Kolonopin, Ativan, Buspar, Gabapentin, and that is all I  can recall.

I've been to 6-7 therapists. CBT is great for a lot of people, and I know it helps. Just never seemed to take with me. One of my psychologists gave me a book once, I think it was called "Feeling Better", or "Feeling Good", or something like that. I can't remember who wrote it, I just remember it had a yellow cover. He swore by it, and it was also brought up by a couple of others.

The only thing I know about medication is their purpose is to help, but we have to be in the battle with them. Not sayin' you're not. Just highlighting that part.

You have a PM from me.

Danger Ninja Production wrote:

to put it this way, the only person who can stop themselves from cutting is you and it's all a matter of willpower.  if you don't have willpower to tell yourself to stop, then you're the only person bringing yourself down

now i don't know about you but it's an awfully lame and depressing situation to not feel like you can force yourself not to do something as extreme as committing self harm, so you should do something about it and be a stronger person

no one should ever be content with beating themselves up and not being strong enough to tell themselves not to, so are you a strong person?  if not, make yourself one and you'll be better off in the long run not only for yourself, but for your loved ones

***biting my tongue****

It is NOT a matter of willpower! No one wants to feel this way, if we could will it away, no one would have mental illness. These are the types of comments that tend to make us feel worse.

A stronger person????? Is a diabetic a weak person? Is someone having a heart attack a weak person??? Very poor choice of words. Very poor thought process and post. I'll leave it at that because I have not been brigged yet, and I want to keep it that way.

Insatiablekisses wrote:

as awkward as it sounds...I feel extremly depressed when I DONT cut,
and when I DO, I feel complete.
I kept asking my fiance if Im a screwed up person for thinking this way...
I dont even understand my thinking.
The two weeks of not doing it made me stressed.
after I did it this morning, my day went well.
Im trying.
In this situation, IM NOT a strong person.

Don't listen to that douchebag. Strength has nothing to do with it honey. I also cut for quite a few years. It has slowed down a lot, now I only get the impulse every once in a while, and I can usually distract myself by doing something else. Please feel free to PM me.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im trying.i realy am

i dont want to do anything stupid, i really dont want ot

PM sent

Kayelless wrote:

The only thing I know about medication is their purpose is to help, but we have to be in the battle with them. Not sayin' you're not. Just highlighting that part.

You have a PM from me.

Hey Kayless!

I'm really glad you are feeling better! I got your PM, I'll work on it tonight

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
Hi Natasha. I'm glad you're back. Missed seeing you in the thread.

I feel a bit better now. You seem to have that "touch" with the people here that I lack.

that's a self depreciating statement. *cough*

Kayelless wrote:

that's a self depreciating statement. *cough*

Need a smack....I mean pat...on the back?

Kayelless wrote:
that's a self depreciating statement. *cough*

Well said!  Hey, I missed you too! I sent you a PM....P2P that is

Natasha240 wrote:

Well said!  Hey, I missed you too! I sent you a PM....P2P that is

???

Kayelless wrote:

???

Sorry, long road trip, lots of traffic. I meant that I PMd Photons, but I was saying well said to you!

Natasha240 wrote:

Sorry, long road trip, lots of traffic. I meant that I PMd Photons, but I was saying well said to you!

Kayelless wrote:

She always did like you better...

Kayelless wrote:
BTW, I'd also like to note that maybe "cutting" is a form of addictive behavior that some do in response to depression, very much along the lines of drug addiction or alcoholism.  As such it would seem logical to consider similar concepts of treatment.  Depression + the addiction go hand in hand, but the leader of the gang is depression.  What say you?

I agree. My understanding of cutting (which is limited to what I've read) is that it is an addiction like you said. It's a way of coping with severe emotions like a severe depression, anxiety, frustration, etc. The idea is similar to the old "Taking care of the headache by smashing your finger". It doesn't get rid of the headache, but the headache is pushed aside and basically forgotten.

Cutting allows a person a form of expression for the intense feelings and a way of temporarily relieving those feelings similar to alcohol, by allowing the person to forget about things for awhile. It's addictive because like alcohol or drugs, it does give that temporary relief from the pain and suffering. In effect, the person enters their version of a state of euphoria to varying degrees. Thus, emotional addiction. There is also a physical element to this when the body kicks in to relieve the physical pain from the cuts by producing endorphins to alleviate the pain and make the person "feel good".

I dunno. I could be way off.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I agree. My understanding of cutting (which is limited to what I've read) is that it is an addiction like you said. It's a way of coping with severe emotions like a severe depression, anxiety, frustration, etc. The idea is similar to the old "Taking care of the headache by smashing your finger". It doesn't get rid of the headache, but the headache is pushed aside and basically forgotten.

Cutting allows a person a form of expression for the intense feelings and a way of temporarily relieving those feelings similar to alcohol, by allowing the person to forget about things for awhile. It's addictive because like alcohol or drugs, it does give that temporary relief from the pain and suffering. In effect, the person enters their version of a state of euphoria to varying degrees. Thus, emotional addiction. There is also a physical element to this when the body kicks in to relieve the physical pain from the cuts by producing endorphins to alleviate the pain and make the person "feel good".

I dunno. I could be way off.

That's pretty consistent with what she said.  Anyways, I'm not the one to point a finger. I'm the one to lend a shoulder to lean on.  If you see this post IK I hope you know we are with you.

Natasha240 wrote:
***biting my tongue****

It is NOT a matter of willpower! No one wants to feel this way, if we could will it away, no one would have mental illness. These are the types of comments that tend to make us feel worse.

A stronger person????? Is a diabetic a weak person? Is someone having a heart attack a weak person??? Very poor choice of words. Very poor thought process and post. I'll leave it at that because I have not been brigged yet, and I want to keep it that way.

This is so true.  Just to add a few other things that should never be said to a person who's on the brink:

1.  Think of everything you have to live for.
2.  There are so many people who care about you.
3.  Think of the pain you would cause in the people who love you.
4.  It's all in your head.
5.  You're so talented/intelligent/beautiful/rich/etc. (variations on # 1)

These kinds of statements basically say "I have absolutely no idea what you're going through, and I can't help you in the slightest.  You're alone."

This list is only based on my own experiences and discussions with other severely depressed people (less than half a dozen people), so take it with a grain of salt. 

I think people say these things for two reasons: 1) they don't understand what's happening, or 2) the situation is frightening and uncomfortable and they're trying to avoid dealing with the real emotions that the person is expressing.

As always, my opinions are my own and do not necessarily reflect reality or the opinions of anyone else in the universe.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

This is so true.  Just to add a few other things that should never be said to a person who's on the brink:

1.  Think of everything you have to live for.
2.  There are so many people who care about you.
3.  Think of the pain you would cause in the people who love you.
4.  It's all in your head.
5.  You're so talented/intelligent/beautiful/rich/etc. (variations on # 1)

These kinds of statements basically say "I have absolutely no idea what you're going through, and I can't help you in the slightest.  You're alone."

This list is only based on my own experiences and discussions with other severely depressed people (less than half a dozen people), so take it with a grain of salt. 

I think people say these things for two reasons: 1) they don't understand what's happening, or 2) the situation is frightening and uncomfortable and they're trying to avoid dealing with the real emotions that the person is expressing.

As always, my opinions are my own and do not necessarily reflect reality or the opinions of anyone else in the universe.

I definitely agree with this. There are things not to say/ask and things that are OK to say/ask.

Basically, anything that's critical of why they feel that way or in any way tells them why they shouldn't feel that way doesn't help.

Asking them to talk about their feelings, what's bothering them, or just getting them to talk period about whatever they feel comfortable talking about is OK.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
Basically, anything that's critical of why they feel that way or in any way tells them why they shouldn't feel that way doesn't help.

Thank you for this.  You've summed up in one sentence what I've been struggling to express for the last eight months.

Kayelless wrote:

That's pretty consistent with what she said.  Anyways, I'm not the one to point a finger. I'm the one to lend a shoulder to lean on.  If you see this post IK I hope you know we are with you.

Just want to add my thoughts, and this is just from my personal experience.
I ususally do it when I am so completely overwhelmed with emotions/feelings, and I can think of no other option to "get it out". It focuses me, endorphins and adrenaline kick in, and I am ususally calmer afterwards. Like I said before, I can usually distract myself with something else now, but there are still some times when I use it as a last resort, more of a "I want to kill myself, but I'll just cut instead".  Not that I am advocating it by any means, just tellin my story.

Also, I've talked with a friend of mine who used to cut a lot too, and she had a good point. Sometimes it's an external visual of the pain we feel inside.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Thank you for this.  You've summed up in one sentence what I've been struggling to express for the last eight months.

QFT

Natasha240 wrote:
How's it going gang?

Grrrrr. My internet is down.

I did get your email. I'll be in touch with you when I can do more than access from work or PDA

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im going to try to get some help in the new year and see a doctor,... i keep having the feeling that im losing this, and it makes me so fucking sad that to think i would be better died, its my way out of this shit. since being on this forum, it is the first time ive talked to anyone about my battle with wanting to end my life. I have attempted before when i was younger and now again,... also recently i've just been cutting myself, as the razor cuts, i cry and hope that when its over i'll feel better and it works, i cut in places where no one can see, its not for attention its for me. no one knows about what im going through, not my roommates, my best friends and co-workers, or any one in my family (which im not close to any of them anyways) I do feel a little bit stupid for talking about it with strangers online, and cant help but wonder what you all think of me, OR if this is going to haunt me in the future. i wish i could post this anonymously. i feel really drained and tired and i know this is far from over, i feel it even now coming over me.... i havent felt "normal'' in a while,..

even now i dont really know why im posting this, i feel dumb and emo for it,..LOL, which im not, im very outgoing and friendly and fun.

Also, thanks for the encouragement, you know who you guys are.

No one here thinks anything, trust me. You will not be judged here. We have all been there to one degree or another. I am glad you are reaching out for help, both here and professionally. You are not dumb, stupid, or emo. You are sick and sad, and there is nothing wrong with that.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im going to try to get some help in the new year and see a doctor,... i keep having the feeling that im losing this, and it makes me so fucking sad that to think i would be better died, its my way out of this shit. since being on this forum, it is the first time ive talked to anyone about my battle with wanting to end my life. I have attempted before when i was younger and now again,... also recently i've just been cutting myself, as the razor cuts, i cry and hope that when its over i'll feel better and it works, i cut in places where no one can see, its not for attention its for me. no one knows about what im going through, not my roommates, my best friends and co-workers, or any one in my family (which im not close to any of them anyways) I do feel a little bit stupid for talking about it with strangers online, and cant help but wonder what you all think of me, OR if this is going to haunt me in the future. i wish i could post this anonymously. i feel really drained and tired and i know this is far from over, i feel it even now coming over me.... i havent felt "normal'' in a while,..

even now i dont really know why im posting this, i feel dumb and emo for it,..LOL, which im not, im very outgoing and friendly and fun.

Also, thanks for the encouragement, you know who you guys are.

You've taken an important first step by opening up. While I don't think anyone here is certified or qualified as a therapist, we can all relate to how you feel. The words we give you are meant to help you because we care about you.

Don't give up. You can do this. As always, if you need to talk I am here.

Fotographia Fantastique wrote:
ACK!

Speaking of this thread, anyone know what happened to the O.P.?

I was wondering that myself for awhile now. Her account has been deleted for a long time.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im going to try to get some help in the new year and see a doctor,... i keep having the feeling that im losing this, and it makes me so fucking sad that to think i would be better died, its my way out of this shit. since being on this forum, it is the first time ive talked to anyone about my battle with wanting to end my life. I have attempted before when i was younger and now again,... also recently i've just been cutting myself, as the razor cuts, i cry and hope that when its over i'll feel better and it works, i cut in places where no one can see, its not for attention its for me. no one knows about what im going through, not my roommates, my best friends and co-workers, or any one in my family (which im not close to any of them anyways) I do feel a little bit stupid for talking about it with strangers online, and cant help but wonder what you all think of me, OR if this is going to haunt me in the future. i wish i could post this anonymously. i feel really drained and tired and i know this is far from over, i feel it even now coming over me.... i havent felt "normal'' in a while,..

even now i dont really know why im posting this, i feel dumb and emo for it,..LOL, which im not, im very outgoing and friendly and fun.

Also, thanks for the encouragement, you know who you guys are.

Personally, I am glad that you posted to this thread.  You've taken your first steps on the road to recovery, and there is nothing stupid or emo about it.  I'd be happier seeing you post nursery rhymes or bad poetry than not to see you post at all.

Natasha240 wrote:
Happy New Year kids!! I may be asleep by 12, so here I am a little early.

Happy New Year back at ya. I'll probably be sleeping by then myself.

Everyone have a happy and safe 2009.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I REALY hate New Years Eve

Patrick Walberg wrote:
-bump-

Kevin called me last night to wish me a happy new year!  He is without internet service, so that is why he has not been on here lately.  He'll be back, but sends his wishes for the new year to the rest of you on this thread.

Thank you and thank him. Best wishes to you and him also.

Kayelless wrote:
Btw. I'm seeing smiles and cool discussions in this thread. Maybe we are onto something?

Me thinks you may be correct!

PS: I heart your new avi!