Chris Rifkin wrote:
I finally found a therapist after many attempts and years of pissing my money away at therapy who does CBT last year(mainly because I stopped developing socially at age 13,and it festered and killed my self esteem for over 25 years)
You would be surprised how bad therapy can exasperate a situation,I had at least 2 tell me that (I was living on Long Island at the time and desperately wanted to get out,(and as i found out recently,I should have left in the early 90's)I shouldn't leave where I was living,that not everyone was meant to be successful and rich,marry a pretty girl,and that I needed to embrace my "mediocrity"
This therapist is amazing,only problem is that I found her too late(i tend to do things on impulse,especially when I'm depressed,and I bought this townhome I'm in on impulse 3 months before the bubble burst here in Tampa on an ARM) to prevent the issues I'm facing with my home.
But you know what,whatever,if I can't negotiate a better loan or a morgage reduction,oh well.I make good $$$,I'll have a place to live.
The other issue is that she has to undo damage others have done to me by brainwashing me with all the "your not good enough" propaganda shoved down my throat for the past 25 years

Yeah, I've had some really lousy therapists.  I even had a psychiatrist who literally walked out on me while I was crying in her office, just after I told her that I was feeling suicidal.  She said come back in two weeks and just walked out.  I spent the next five days behind two locked doors in a psych ward with my belt and shoelaces confiscated.  I'd say that that "doctor" was 30% of the reason I was so depressed -- misdiagnosis and flat out malpractice.

On the other hand, there are GREAT therapists.  The Crisis Response Team did a great job with me, as did the hospital staff, and my followup care has been fantastic.

If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that you can climb out of the deepest pit.

--Guy

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I agree with you 99%.  However, you do say "when talking about a topic that is serious ... the talk itself should be serious."  Note the should in there.  That's all I'm getting at; when you think things should be a certain way, you're going to be upset when they aren't.  Find a way to reorient your thinking; such as "it would be nice if everyone treated this subject seriously, but I can accept that some, or even many, people won't.  What matters is that some people DO treat it seriously."

We create our own emotions, and they stem from the belief systems we build about the world.  We can control what emotions we experience by examining our belief systems and altering them to lead to emotions that are less upsetting.  This is the core of RET/CBT.

--Guy

Good points. And you are right. I do try to not let it get to me. I understand we create our own emotions. A very good friend of mine once told me "You can never be mad or be happy or be any emotion....you can only allow yourself to feel that way."

It's just sometimes.....

I'll get past it and get over it. I just count myself fortunate that I'm not an asshole like that.

Thanks a lot, Guy. It does help.

Insatiablekisses wrote:
its been two weeks since I cut...and I broke down today and did it 3 times really really deep.
Last night I was fighting the urge to cut.
Today, I just had to feel it.
I can't explain the feeling or why I want it so bad. Im addicted, and I can't stop.
I broke my promise to my fiance that I wouldn't cut anymore, since I barely got away for being forced to go to a psych ward for god knows how long when I went to get stitches two weeks ago.


i need stitches now, but if I go back they'll send me away and I'll def. loose my mind.
I'm losing my mind as it is.. *sigh*

to put it this way, the only person who can stop themselves from cutting is you and it's all a matter of willpower.  if you don't have willpower to tell yourself to stop, then you're the only person bringing yourself down

now i don't know about you but it's an awfully lame and depressing situation to not feel like you can force yourself not to do something as extreme as committing self harm, so you should do something about it and be a stronger person

no one should ever be content with beating themselves up and not being strong enough to tell themselves not to, so are you a strong person?  if not, make yourself one and you'll be better off in the long run not only for yourself, but for your loved ones

Danger Ninja Production wrote:

to put it this way, the only person who can stop themselves from cutting is you and it's all a matter of willpower.  if you don't have willpower to tell yourself to stop, then you're the only person bringing yourself down

now i don't know about you but it's an awfully lame and depressing situation to not feel like you can force yourself not to do something as extreme as committing self harm, so you should do something about it and be a stronger person

no one should ever be content with beating themselves up and not being strong enough to tell themselves not to, so are you a strong person?  if not, make yourself one and you'll be better off in the long run not only for yourself, but for your loved ones

as awkward as it sounds...I feel extremly depressed when I DONT cut,
and when I DO, I feel complete.
I kept asking my fiance if Im a screwed up person for thinking this way...
I dont even understand my thinking.
The two weeks of not doing it made me stressed.
after I did it this morning, my day went well.
Im trying.
In this situation, IM NOT a strong person.

Insatiablekisses wrote:

as awkward as it sounds...I feel extremly depressed when I DONT cut,
and when I DO, I feel complete.
I kept asking my fiance if Im a screwed up person for thinking this way...
I dont even understand my thinking.
The two weeks of not doing it made me stressed.
after I did it this morning, my day went well.
Im trying.
In this situation, IM NOT a strong person.

I think you really do need to find a good therapist. Find out WHY you feel the need to cut. It's unhealthy. Don't wait until it gets to the point where they put you away. Go find someone on your own and ask for help.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I think you really do need to find a good therapist. Find out WHY you feel the need to cut. It's unhealthy. Don't wait until it gets to the point where they put you away. Go find someone on your own and ask for help.

Im trying. I work a lot, so it tough to schedule and what not.

Insatiablekisses wrote:

as awkward as it sounds...I feel extremly depressed when I DONT cut,
and when I DO, I feel complete.
I kept asking my fiance if Im a screwed up person for thinking this way...
I dont even understand my thinking.
The two weeks of not doing it made me stressed.
after I did it this morning, my day went well.
Im trying.
In this situation, IM NOT a strong person.

well that's most anyone's reason why they cut - it relieves their depression.  doesn't mean it's the right way to think, and in the end, while therapy can help, the only person who can convince you that it's the wrong way of thinking is you, because it IS the wrong way to think, and with something like this you need to think in absolutes.  what SHOULD and SHOULDN'T you be doing?

maybe instead of cutting, you should model more.  maybe instead of cutting, you should go on your more dates with your fiance.  maybe instead of cutting, you should join a hobbyist club or take a class.   these are the things that are your release from depression - not cutting, and you have to convince yourself that.  don't resolve yourself into saying you're not a strong person, because you're only that way if you tell yourself you are. 

the question would be, do you want yourself to be a better person than that, and that's how you should go about it.  getting extra help and a therapist would be nice to keep you focused on that even more, but always remember, the path to quitting cutting goes through you and only you can stop it.

Insatiablekisses wrote:
its been two weeks since I cut...and I broke down today and did it 3 times really really deep.
Last night I was fighting the urge to cut.
Today, I just had to feel it.
I can't explain the feeling or why I want it so bad. Im addicted, and I can't stop.
I broke my promise to my fiance that I wouldn't cut anymore, since I barely got away for being forced to go to a psych ward for god knows how long when I went to get stitches two weeks ago.


i need stitches now, but if I go back they'll send me away and I'll def. loose my mind.
I'm losing my mind as it is.. *sigh*

I cut for many years. I know how you feel... it wasn't until a dear friend came to me, in tears and told me that when I cut myself that it was like I was digging holes in his own flesh that I made a vow to stop. I was hopelessly addicted but I stopped in that that moment and did not self harm again. I was 19 at the time (i'm 25 now) and although I am still experiencing some issues with my mental health (medicated for anxiety and post natal depression), everything seems to make much more sense now that I am not working against myself.

When you are ready to stop, you can and you will. The cravings never go away entirely for me, but I have the tools now to resist and do something healthy for myself.

Good luck and much love and warmth.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
i need help tonight,.. please help me.

No one is important before you!  You're happiness comes first before anyone else.

I am here alone and single...but I am gonna make the best of it.  Hell, I am learning how to cook for myself.

Instead of focusing on my family members spread across the U.S,  I am focusing on me and I actually enjoy the silence.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im trying.i realy am

i dont want to do anything stupid, i really dont want ot

I know that there are people here, like myself, that understand what you're going through and are willing to listen and reach out to you whenever you need it.

I don't know if you're still about, but i'm here to listen if you need it.

Stay safe and true.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im trying.i realy am

i dont want to do anything stupid, i really dont want ot

Hey, if you are still up and reading this, then go to the "shout box" on the site, or better still, CALL someone!  Call the crisis or suicide prevention line of you can't think of anyone to call.  Heck, Call me!  I'm still awake.  I'll PM you my number.  I'm never asleep before 3 AM.

Hang in there buddy!

fStopstudios wrote:
I never knew the world was so depressed...

Instead of hotlines, I recommend the non-stop of beauty that surrounds us all each and every day.

best wishes to all and happy holidays!

Depression can happen to anyone.  I'm mostly an upbeat person, but I can get "melancholy" as I call it.    I never seem to get too low though.  It's typical for me to feel that way, like even today ... missing people.  But then I remember that there are people around me right now, and I can give them my attention.  Always I remember the good times, but keep in mind that there are more good times to come.  Staying optimistic about the future is what keeps me going more than anything.   

You are right about the great beauty there is in the World.  We must focus on the good rather than dwelling on the past or ugly things.  There is HOPE!

Best wishes to everyone tonight and tomorrow!

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im trying.i realy am

i dont want to do anything stupid, i really dont want ot

Please. Call someone. Anyone. Post here and let us know you're OK. Please.

ForSaleByOwner wrote:
im trying.i realy am

i dont want to do anything stupid, i really dont want ot

You've taken the right first step by asking us for help.  Now take the next step, and pick up the phone, and call someone.  Preferably, call a professional (therapist, hotline, or 911).  If you're not willing to do that, call someone you know who is supportive.  As a last resort, call me at the number that I just PM'd you.  Just don't try to handle this alone.

Ginger Hansel Sinner wrote:
I've seen this thread and read posts from here and there...well, I almost lost a loved one last night, luckily he was not successful and is currently in a facility for the next week or so to detox and to keep himself from trying again.  I am hoping I can see him tomorrow to talk to him. 

Thank you for this thread.  A lifetime of battling depression myself, sometimes severe, I know how it feels to get that low.

I'm so glad he survived, and that this thread helped you.

When I spent my week in the "facility," the highlight of my day was when my parents visited.  They brought me a ham and swiss on rye and a bottle (plastic, of course) of coke.  Beat the hell of the shit the hospital tried to feed us.  So see if you can do something for him.  It makes a big difference.

--Guy

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I'm so glad he survived, and that this thread helped you.

When I spent my week in the "facility," the highlight of my day was when my parents visited.  They brought me a ham and swiss on rye and a bottle (plastic, of course) of coke.  Beat the hell of the shit the hospital tried to feed us.  So see if you can do something for him.  It makes a big difference.

--Guy

I spent visiting hour with him today.  I am the only real support he has as our parents don't hold back letting us know how much we disappoint them.  He doesn't remember what he did, he blacks out when he drinks and all the pills didn't help, but he knows he needs help and is eager to do whatever he has to.  He hit bottom a decade ago and was sober for a very long time and the past year he has really struggled, unfortunately he struggled alone.  But, not any more.  His Dr. called me tonight and we discussed his release to my care on Sunday. 

I can't help but think how bad all this is for me too though.   I've always struggled this time of year and with the past few months having been filled with death and cancer on top of relationship issues of my own, I'm struggling here too.  I already cracked a few weeks ago and am working on getting back into my own therapudic routine, but fuck.  I can't keep pretending I can handle all of this.  I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm self destructive mentally and emotionally, not physically, but either way, I can't keep taking all this on.

Ginger Hansel Sinner wrote:

I spent visiting hour with him today.  I am the only real support he has as our parents don't hold back letting us know how much we disappoint them.  He doesn't remember what he did, he blacks out when he drinks and all the pills didn't help, but he knows he needs help and is eager to do whatever he has to.  He hit bottom a decade ago and was sober for a very long time and the past year he has really struggled, unfortunately he struggled alone.  But, not any more.  His Dr. called me tonight and we discussed his release to my care on Sunday. 

I can't help but think how bad all this is for me too though.   I've always struggled this time of year and with the past few months having been filled with death and cancer on top of relationship issues of my own, I'm struggling here too.  I already cracked a few weeks ago and am working on getting back into my own therapudic routine, but fuck.  I can't keep pretending I can handle all of this.  I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm self destructive mentally and emotionally, not physically, but either way, I can't keep taking all this on.

That's why this thread, Ginger.  We're all here as another line of offensive/defense in the battle.  There's information posted at the beginning of places to contact and all of us stand ready to do what we can to aid others in their battles.

Come have a sit with us.

Ginger Hansel Sinner wrote:
I spent visiting hour with him today.  I am the only real support he has as our parents don't hold back letting us know how much we disappoint them.  He doesn't remember what he did, he blacks out when he drinks and all the pills didn't help, but he knows he needs help and is eager to do whatever he has to.  He hit bottom a decade ago and was sober for a very long time and the past year he has really struggled, unfortunately he struggled alone.  But, not any more.  His Dr. called me tonight and we discussed his release to my care on Sunday. 

I can't help but think how bad all this is for me too though.   I've always struggled this time of year and with the past few months having been filled with death and cancer on top of relationship issues of my own, I'm struggling here too.  I already cracked a few weeks ago and am working on getting back into my own therapudic routine, but fuck.  I can't keep pretending I can handle all of this.  I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm self destructive mentally and emotionally, not physically, but either way, I can't keep taking all this on.

Being released into someone's care is important, and it could help BOTH of you.  When I was released into my parent's care it did amazing things for my mother.  Now she's working on dealing with her own major issues and is going to therapy.  She's still drinking, but not as much.  And yeah, we've had real deaths to deal with, as well as people who are reaching the end of their lives, but together we're helping eachother cope with it.  The key is to not try to go it alone.

Incidentally, if you've always struggled during winter months you might try a sunlamp.  I have one and it really makes a big difference, for me at least.

And I always recommend the book "A Guide to Rational Living," by Albert Ellis and Robert A. Harper.  I'm a broken record on this book; it's really a must-read for people like us.

Sincerely,
Guy L. Smith

Kristina Hilton wrote:
There is an awesome organization called"To Write Love on her Arms" Merchandise for it is sold at Hot Topic and a portion of the proceeds go to building places where teens can go for free into a safe place and get help while they are fighting depression and thoughts of suiced or are even just in abusive relationships. It was started by a couple bands who knew teens that were lost to suicide and now bands like Fall Out Boy and Evanescence can be seen in concert or magazines wearing the charity shirts. Its very awesome and I suggest looking it up or buying a shirt to support it.

They are awesome. Their website/organization has helped me out quite a bit.
You can also check them out at myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

Sorry if someone else posted that already:)

Ginger Hansel Sinner wrote:

I spent visiting hour with him today.  I am the only real support he has as our parents don't hold back letting us know how much we disappoint them.  He doesn't remember what he did, he blacks out when he drinks and all the pills didn't help, but he knows he needs help and is eager to do whatever he has to.  He hit bottom a decade ago and was sober for a very long time and the past year he has really struggled, unfortunately he struggled alone.  But, not any more.  His Dr. called me tonight and we discussed his release to my care on Sunday. 

I can't help but think how bad all this is for me too though.   I've always struggled this time of year and with the past few months having been filled with death and cancer on top of relationship issues of my own, I'm struggling here too.  I already cracked a few weeks ago and am working on getting back into my own therapudic routine, but fuck.  I can't keep pretending I can handle all of this.  I'm not going to do anything stupid, I'm self destructive mentally and emotionally, not physically, but either way, I can't keep taking all this on.

You have many shoulders to lean on in here. The support I've gotten from the people in this thread has been tremendous. I honestly get more caring support from people here in this thread who I've never met and barely know than my whole family gives to me.

They've been here for me and I'm sure they'll be there for you also....I will be here if you need anything.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

A few points:

First, Walmart has a great prescription med deal on the most frequently used medications.  You can get Celexa and Lithium filled for only $4.  There are I think 150 drugs on the list that are $4.  Note that this is WITHOUT insurance.

Second, I went through a whole string of meds myself.  It wasn't until 8 months ago that they found the magic combo, and that was because nobody had diagnosed my GAD before that (generalized anxiety disorder).  GAD, and anxiety in general, can greatly exacerbate depression, and if you're only being treated for depression the anxiety can overwhelm you.

Third, therapy is hit or miss depending on the therapist.  I don't know if you've specifically sought a therapist who does CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but it has been shown to be among the most effective treatment methods for depression available.

Fourth, I am currently getting full treatment without any insurance whatsoever.  I see my therapist twice a month at $45 per session, and my pharmacologist once per month at $45, and I pay about $30 for my meds.

Anyway, don't give up on getting treatment.  Don't ever give up.

Hey, and thanks for the info.

I know Walmart has the $4 meds. It's finding the right one/ones. The new stupid psychiatrist I went to wanted to put me on the exactsame meds as before, even thought I told her they didn't really help much. Sigh.

I really have given up on meds, I dont believe there is anything out there that can help me.  Just to list some, over the past 15 years I have been on (in combination, and alone)Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Xyprexa, Effexor, Depakote (made my psychotic), Lithium(I got Lithium poisioning, NOTpretty!), Xanax, Kolonopin, Ativan, Buspar, Gabapentin, and that is all I  can recall.

I've been to 6-7 therapists. CBT is great for a lot of people, and I know it helps. Just never seemed to take with me. One of my psychologists gave me a book once, I think it was called "Feeling Better", or "Feeling Good", or something like that. I can't remember who wrote it, I just remember it had a yellow cover. He swore by it, and it was also brought up by a couple of others.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Thank you. My frustration isn't really with how the world "should be" though. It's more with how people can make light of the misfortunes of others. I know people will be people. It just seems common decency doesn't exist anymore. Example: The day after "Black Friday" some of the guys at work were joking about the WalMart incident. Someone died and they were laughing about it. That's what is frustrating to me. If you don't care, fine. Just don't go out of your way to make fun of those who do.

I honestly don't expect the world to be anything. I don't expect people to care. I do feel, however, that when talking about a topic that is serious (death, poverty, disease, hunger, etc.) the talk itself should be serious. If you can't be serious about it, don't speak. Otherwise, it's rude.

Some people are just thoughtless, that is what I chalk that up to. That whole Walmart thing really really bothered me, too.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Yeah, I've had some really lousy therapists.  I even had a psychiatrist who literally walked out on me while I was crying in her office, just after I told her that I was feeling suicidal.  She said come back in two weeks and just walked out.  I spent the next five days behind two locked doors in a psych ward with my belt and shoelaces confiscated.  I'd say that that "doctor" was 30% of the reason I was so depressed -- misdiagnosis and flat out malpractice.

On the other hand, there are GREAT therapists.  The Crisis Response Team did a great job with me, as did the hospital staff, and my followup care has been fantastic.

If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that you can climb out of the deepest pit.

--Guy

My second to last psychiatrist basically told me that there was no help for me. It was a very traumatic visit, I ran from his office crying in the middle of a panic attack. It was awful. I could write a book on all of the bad experienced I've had with "mental health professionals".