Natasha240 wrote:

It looks like 7" and counting so far. Bleh.

Very nice. I am not envious. *throws snowball*

Star Child wrote:
How much snow ya got?

Chili wrote:
this thread is very helpful, especially the links

im going thru some troubling times, my EX GF was/is the on-going victim of DV and assaults, sadly commited by the guy she cheated on me with, who moved in with her after we then broke up..i speak to her mom more than to her, her mom sez she feels so much guilt and remorse and feels so ashamed, she cannot even face me, or ask me for any more help

im more concerned, that she is still seriously caught in the middle of the "battered woman syndrome" as she did not press charges against the boy, and she did not get a restraining order against him either..luckily (if you can call it luck) she was evicted from her apartment, so the guy cannot move back in with her..she is bouncing around now to g/fs...(mom doesnt want her there, wants her daughter to move back in with me) i feel she needs to speak to professionals, and probably me too

i feel extremely bad about myself bc there are times when i lose my sympathy and love for her, and it is replaced by a feeling "well isnt karma a bitch?" and unfortunately i said something to that effect to her, so i realize i cannot really help her until i can help myself get over my feelings of betrayal and anger..

so that is the difficulty i am having..she has no place to go, and cannot come back to me, as much as i might say i want her to

There are two very important things that I have learned as a result of my own issues.

1.  If you are aware of problems with yourself, you should see a therapist unless they are so minor that you can solve them instantly by yourself. In other words, you need to get some therapy to help you with your feelings of guilt and anger.  You know you have a problem there, and the responsible thing to do is get treatment for you.  Don't feel bad about being human, but by the same token don't sit around and do nothing when you are experiencing emotions that you admit are (or define as) bad.

2.  I want to help every person I can.  You want to help your Ex.  This speaks well of us.  However, not all people want our help, and we are not necessarily capable of providing the help that people need.  What your Ex needs is the same thing you need - therapy.  She also needs to talk to DV support groups.  Don't try to be a White Knight and save her by yourself.  There's nothing wrong with being supportive and offering advice, but the professionals are the ones who she really needs to be talking to. 

Be very careful about helping a person when you have possibly mixed objectives.  The goal here is to help your Ex - not to get her to say she loves you.  If you're still feeling jealousy then there's a part of you that wants her to come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness.  You are absolutely right that you should not be talking to her until you get your own feelings on that score under control.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Is there anything in your situation that's different this year than in other years?  If so, that's a good place to start with to explore your emotions.

Holidays and seasonal effects both can be factors.  For seasonal effects sun lamps have worked very well for me.

I lost my father several years ago 4 days after Christmas. So the holiday season sometimes feels like a giant stabbing to my heart as it is. This year, I'm watching my grandmother's health fail rapidly. I'm pretty well convinced this will be her last Christmas. She helped raise me. My family is fighting and no one will tell me what's going on. My job has just been stress after stress. And no, there's no way to cut back. I'm the only person who does what I do at my job. This year has completely worn me out with health problems and medical bills.

Sun lamps are great, but I live in Florida. I've been out in the warm sunshine frequently.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

There are two very important things that I have learned as a result of my own issues.

1.  If you are aware of problems with yourself, you should see a therapist unless they are so minor that you can solve them instantly by yourself. In other words, you need to get some therapy to help you with your feelings of guilt and anger.  You know you have a problem there, and the responsible thing to do is get treatment for you.  Don't feel bad about being human, but by the same token don't sit around and do nothing when you are experiencing emotions that you admit are (or define as) bad.

2.  I want to help every person I can.  You want to help your Ex.  This speaks well of us.  However, not all people want our help, and we are not necessarily capable of providing the help that people need.  What your Ex needs is the same thing you need - therapy.  She also needs to talk to DV support groups.  Don't try to be a White Knight and save her by yourself.  There's nothing wrong with being supportive and offering advice, but the professionals are the ones who she really needs to be talking to. 

Be very careful about helping a person when you have possibly mixed objectives.  The goal here is to help your Ex - not to get her to say she loves you.  If you're still feeling jealousy then there's a part of you that wants her to come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness.  You are absolutely right that you should not be talking to her until you get your own feelings on that score under control.

i agree with you for the most part, but like all threads things get lost in the translation...

but im not going to try to reveal details, to try to clarfy anything for anyone...i appreciate everyone's good intended advice...the matter is rather really complicated, there are lots of other issues going on too...so im trying to maintain some semblance of privacy...and i would not seek therapy or advice from a MM forum afterall

i know im certainly not qualified to deal with it all alone, or even help her heal alone..i was merely thanking the availability of the resources here, and acknowledging the difficulities in recovering from abuse or violence, not only for the women, but the men involved too.

Chili wrote:
i agree with you for the most part, but like all threads things get lost in the translation...

but im not going to try to reveal details, to try to clarfy anything for anyone...i appreciate everyone's good intended advice...the matter is rather really complicated, there are lots of other issues going on too...so im trying to maintain some semblance of privacy...and i would not seek therapy or advice from a MM forum afterall

i know im certainly not qualified to deal with it all alone, or even help her heal alone..i was merely thanking the availability of the resources here, and acknowledging the difficulities in recovering from abuse or violence, not only for the women, but the men involved too.

You sound smart, sane, and functional.  I won't offer any more advice, just my best wishes that everything turns out well.  I also apologize if I made any assumptions from your post that were incorrect or offensive.  Best wishes!

Carrie_K wrote:

I lost my father several years ago 4 days after Christmas. So the holiday season sometimes feels like a giant stabbing to my heart as it is. This year, I'm watching my grandmother's health fail rapidly. I'm pretty well convinced this will be her last Christmas. She helped raise me. My family is fighting and no one will tell me what's going on. My job has just been stress after stress. And no, there's no way to cut back. I'm the only person who does what I do at my job. This year has completely worn me out with health problems and medical bills.

Sun lamps are great, but I live in Florida. I've been out in the warm sunshine frequently.

I envy you the sunshine.  The rest of your story... except for losing one of my own parents, I've been pretty much in the same boat over the last 14 months.  Lost one grandparent last year.  Another grandparent had a stroke.  My mom told me she wants to kick my father out of the house.  I walked out of my job a year ago - a job in which I was irreplaceable, and my boss was a friend of 26 years.  That friendship ended and he wrote me the most vile, hate-filled letter I've ever received.

I don't know how to give you strength.  Just know it can be found.  Grief is healed by time.  Job pressures and medical bills are a different story.  I got lucky with my own $12,000 hospital bill because (I think) they were coming up to the end of their budget cycle and needed to chalk up more charity cases so they wouldn't lose money from their charity budget.  As a result my bill was covered 100%.  But that was luck.

For the job - I walked out because I concluded that my health was more important than any company, even one run by a friend that I still consider to be a brother - although now estranged.  I had told him for two years that I wanted him to hire a replacement for me so I could quit.  He never even bothered to place an ad.

Anyway, those are/were my problems.  Right now the only thing that's directly bothering me is my mother and father - but they actually started talking last night instead of doing the usual sniping/blank wall game they usually play.

I'm sorry.  I'm usually much more cogent when addressing somebody else's issues.  For some reason I'm just dumping my own out there.  I guess I need to do that from time to time.  Your words just resonated with me.

I guess it comes down to this: I understand, and it will be alright.  There may be some pain and some grief, but it will be alright, as long as your love and memory endures.

Natasha240 wrote:
Ok. My surgery is tomorrow morning, and I am a nervous wreck. Wish me luck everyone!

Luck, prayers, best wishes, huggs, and love.  You know you're in my thoughts.

Natasha240 wrote:
Ok. My surgery is tomorrow morning, and I am a nervous wreck. Wish me luck everyone!

Done and don't worry. You'll be okay. *huggs*

Natasha240 wrote:
Ok. My surgery is tomorrow morning, and I am a nervous wreck. Wish me luck everyone!

Good Luck darling! Wishing you a quick recovery!

Natasha240 wrote:
Ok. My surgery is tomorrow morning, and I am a nervous wreck. Wish me luck everyone!

Hugs and lots of luck!

Scottsworld71 wrote:
I HAVE WIN!
So, I resorted to an online dating site ( plenty of fish )  and things just werent going well, even had some woman go nuts on me because I looked at her profile and didnt contact her! I deleted my profile, then a few days later to give it one more try, thats when I found Alicesun. We talked/chatted/text for the last 2 weeks, last night we met at her house,we instantly hit it off ( the amount of things we have in common is seriously EERIE! ). I ended up staying the night ( nothing happened, just talking and cuddling ) but needless to say, we both feel like this is something very special.
At 38, I honestly didnt think id EVER find that right person for me and id spend my life single ... ive never felt like this, it has made me doubt past relationships. Shes the first I can REALLY be myself, unfiltered, uncensored, no holding back .. ME. Im poor but I dont borrow money, im overweight ... ok, fat lol, my hair is quickly graying and thinning out, my job kinda sucks, but im working! My car is old but runs good ... none of that means anything to her, shes in this for the man.
ok, ive babbled enough, but I feel like I HAD to share!
Singles, DONT GIVE UP!! Im a believer!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats. Maybe if I start seriously looking, there might be hope for me, too.

Pathogenic Confessions wrote:
I finished my finals, and while that won't change me mood so much, it'll hopefully help me feel less stressed and contribute to working on my mood

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
I have a LOSE for today.

I got a cheap Canon 18-55mm EF-S lens from ebay about a year ago. From day one the photos came out poorly focused. My other lenses were fine. I held it up to the light and noticed that there was not just a little bit of dust, but a whole lot of dust up inside the lens on the inner elements. I couldn't shake it loose, couldn't get it cleared.

So today I decided to rip the damned thing apart and clean it. It was worthless to me the way it was and it wasn't worth sending in to have it refurbished.

So, anyway, the new lenses should be arriving in 4 to 6 business days.

You can all laugh now. It's funny.

That's a good little lens that normally is a bargain, but sounds like you got a throw back.

Scottsworld71 wrote:
I HAVE WIN!
So, I resorted to an online dating site ( plenty of fish )  and things just werent going well, even had some woman go nuts on me because I looked at her profile and didnt contact her! I deleted my profile, then a few days later to give it one more try, thats when I found Alicesun. We talked/chatted/text for the last 2 weeks, last night we met at her house,we instantly hit it off ( the amount of things we have in common is seriously EERIE! ). I ended up staying the night ( nothing happened, just talking and cuddling ) but needless to say, we both feel like this is something very special.
At 38, I honestly didnt think id EVER find that right person for me and id spend my life single ... ive never felt like this, it has made me doubt past relationships. Shes the first I can REALLY be myself, unfiltered, uncensored, no holding back .. ME. Im poor but I dont borrow money, im overweight ... ok, fat lol, my hair is quickly graying and thinning out, my job kinda sucks, but im working! My car is old but runs good ... none of that means anything to her, shes in this for the man.
ok, ive babbled enough, but I feel like I HAD to share!
Singles, DONT GIVE UP!! Im a believer!!

Yay!!! I'm so happy for you

Natasha240 wrote:
Hey everyone,

I'm home and doing ok. I'm still kind of loopy, I'm going to nap for a while. Thanks for all the well wishes!!

Chris Rifkin wrote:
ehh.....
2 weeks off,in the heart of "the danger zone" for me(the 2 week
period of christmas/new years)
Therapist will probably be working overtime to keep me somewhat
sane.
Figured I`d get out,bad idea because it makes me feel worse
about myself.
Walking around the mall,sucks.....
Chrismas "miracles"only happen to rich GQ looking guys...
I reactivated all my dating sites a few weeks ago,all I atracted
were the same ugly stalkers that have been harassing me all
over the internet the past few years.........

Chris,

I really, really don't want to come off the wrong way here. I'm still kinda groggy, if I don't make any sense, please forgive me.  Have you tried working with a therapist about trying to change the way you think? I am NOT a therapist, but some of your thoughts seem to be distorted, and all or nothing thinking. I am not trying to minimize the lonliness and depression and anger you seem to have, because it's real. But Chris, rich GQ looking guys are such a small percentage of the population. The vast majority of people in relationships are just ordinary people. Your time will come. Please try not to FOCUS on the things that upset you. Yes, they are there, and you cannot help but notice them. But they don't need to be your FOUCS. If you know that seeing couples and christmastime things will brother you, why not try to go for a walk out in nature? Or whatever else makes you a little less unhappy, but is less likely to trigger your unhappy feelings?

Anyway, I care about you is all I'm trying to say, and I am concerned. I wish nothing but the best for you, and I hate to see others suffer. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Natasha

Carrie_K wrote:
I'm seriously considering medicating myself until mid January 2010.
*sigh*

I'm considering being semi-drunk until then myself.  Inlaws.  Urrrrrgh.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
ehh.....
2 weeks off,in the heart of "the danger zone" for me(the 2 week
period of christmas/new years)
Therapist will probably be working overtime to keep me somewhat
sane.
Figured I`d get out,bad idea because it makes me feel worse
about myself.
Walking around the mall,sucks.....
Chrismas "miracles"only happen to rich GQ looking guys...
I reactivated all my dating sites a few weeks ago,all I atracted
were the same ugly stalkers that have been harassing me all
over the internet the past few years.........

First of all, Christmas "miracles" don't happen at all.  Miracles in general don't happen; you might have some sudden good luck, but it's not something to count on.

Second, rich GQ guys are just as likely to have mood disorders as anyone else.

Third, the dating sites are recipes for depression.  I've tried a bunch - all they did was make me wonder what was wrong with me.  The problem wasn't me, it was the completely skewed way in which people meet on those sites.  You meet better people here on MM that on those sites (but of course MM isn't a dating site )

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and talk.  Even if all I did was babble, it means I'm thinking of you right now, and wishing you the best.

Star Child wrote:

That's a good little lens that normally is a bargain, but sounds like you got a throw back.

Yeah, it kinda sucks. I thought that lens would be great and it probably would have been.

My new lenses arrived today already. Of course I had to try them out. Nice, clear, sharp photos now.

Natasha240 wrote:

Yay!!! I'm so happy for you

Thanks hun Hope you have a great Holiday You have my number if ya ever wanna talk or text!

Natasha240 wrote:
.

Natasha240 wrote:
Your time will come.

I wish that were true,but its looking more and more that unless I do something drastic,and by meaning drastic look ouside the country,its not going to happen.
I keep bringing up my situation,but until someone proves me wrong,my situation will never allow me to come into contact with someone I would be a match with,at least here.

Natasha240 wrote:
Please try not to FOCUS on the things that upset you. Yes, they are there, and you cannot help but notice them. But they don't need to be your FOUCS. If you know that seeing couples and christmastime things will brother you, why not try to go for a walk out in nature? Or whatever else makes you a little less unhappy, but is less likely to trigger your unhappy feelings?

At this point I don't know what to do to escape.
The past few years I worked through the hollidays,and I could escape all this by sitting in my truck working.
This year I have 2 weeks off,all by myself.I am strongly debating whether I want to subject myself with spending Christmas with my father,as I have to deal with my mentally ill white trash step mom(my father made a catastrophic mistake rushing into remarrying after my mom passed,and got "stuck" with someone else's problem),who every year insists I hook up with her friend/cousin/whatever(story changes every year),who is just as white trash but a lot larger with 6 kids I wan't no part of raising(kids are not a deal breaker for me,but these kids are pure hell)
I figured I'd walk around a mall,maybe some of that "magic" that happens to others this time of year(you know,2 people single and lonely meet,the season spirit...),but that doesn't happen to OTR truckers apparently.......
Nothing I do will stop me from dwelling on this,my bills that were incoured by my ex will remind me I have credit issues that would make most anyone desireable to me run to the hills..

Lawrence Guy wrote:

First of all, Christmas "miracles" don't happen at all.  Miracles in general don't happen; you might have some sudden good luck, but it's not something to count on.

Second, rich GQ guys are just as likely to have mood disorders as anyone else.

Third, the dating sites are recipes for depression.  I've tried a bunch - all they did was make me wonder what was wrong with me.  The problem wasn't me, it was the completely skewed way in which people meet on those sites.  You meet better people here on MM that on those sites (but of course MM isn't a dating site )

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and talk.  Even if all I did was babble, it means I'm thinking of you right now, and wishing you the best.

I gave it one more try.....because there were a few recent success stories....
Put my new myspace default up.......
same story......
You are right..it is skewed.Unless you are absolutely desperate and ready to just give up and settle,you won't meet anyone.
And other than my credit issues because of my ex,(unfortunately that is a big issue here with anyone that would be desireable in the states) I would consider myself an amazing catch.....
Just don't know where to turn or even think about meeting someone,being an OTR trucker doesn't exactly put me in a situation where I would meet someone I would actually want to hook up with either

Chris Rifkin wrote:

I gave it one more try.....because there were a few recent success stories....
Put my new myspace default up.......
same story......
You are right..it is skewed.Unless you are absolutely desperate and ready to just give up and settle,you won't meet anyone.
And other than my credit issues because of my ex,(unfortunately that is a big issue here with anyone that would be desireable in the states) I would consider myself an amazing catch.....
Just don't know where to turn or even think about meeting someone,being an OTR trucker doesn't exactly put me in a situation where I would meet someone I would actually want to hook up with either

Chris,
I'm sorry man, but I'm seeing your arguments and it sounds like you've got your mindset on having to be with some hot beauty of a woman as opposed to a woman who matches up well with you. I've taken notice of your claims of all the other truckers who apparently are stuck with some disgustingly undesirable woman because that was all they could get while you are supposed to be much better than that. Sorry dude. I call bullshit. True romance don't work that way.
I've seen quite a few truckers' wives, too. They're not all loser trolls who can't get a date with a dog in heat. Most importantly why these guys hook up with whatever woman they're with ain't just because they couldn't do any better. Real love and real relationships aren't based on that.
The problem with your dating issues isn't about what they want, it's about what you want. Your idea of the woman for you needs to be re-addressed. This doesn't mean you can't hook up with a woman that's "hot."  It means you need to rework that equation of what's hot and what's not and the value of what it means to a relationship.
Sorry, man, but I'm not gonna pat you on the head, feel sorry for you and try to encourage you with ways to find a date. I think you need to re-evaluate your concept of the issue first.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I gave it one more try.....because there were a few recent success stories....
Put my new myspace default up.......
same story......
You are right..it is skewed.Unless you are absolutely desperate and ready to just give up and settle,you won't meet anyone.
And other than my credit issues because of my ex,(unfortunately that is a big issue here with anyone that would be desireable in the states) I would consider myself an amazing catch.....
Just don't know where to turn or even think about meeting someone,being an OTR trucker doesn't exactly put me in a situation where I would meet someone I would actually want to hook up with either

I went to a dating website because around here the options are either to meet someone at a bar ( I dont drink ) or some kind of church function ... I dont do church either. What ended up happening was I met a woman who is just amazing and im quickly starting to believe that shes "the one"
If I were desperate and wanted to settle, I wouldve gone to the bar or the church group.
Your issue is clearly your own attitude. You come across as the kind of guy who'll walk up to a woman hes interested in and say " hey ive got all these issues  with my life that im not happy with, you probably wont want to go out, would you?" then wait for the rejection.
And I have major credit issues, Alicesun doesnt care about that, she likes me for who I am, not what I have

Star Child wrote:

Chris,
I'm sorry man, but I'm seeing your arguments and it sounds like you've got your mindset on having to be with some hot beauty of a woman as opposed to a woman who matches up well with you. I've taken notice of your claims of all the other truckers who apparently are stuck with some disgustingly undesirable woman because that was all they could get while you are supposed to be much better than that. Sorry dude. I call bullshit. True romance don't work that way.
I've seen quite a few truckers' wives, too. They're not all loser trolls who can't get a date with a dog in heat. Most importantly why these guys hook up with whatever woman they're with ain't just because they couldn't do any better. Real love and real relationships aren't based on that.
The problem with your dating issues isn't about what they want, it's about what you want. Your idea of the woman for you needs to be re-addressed. This doesn't mean you can't hook up with a woman that's "hot."  It means you need to rework that equation of what's hot and what's not and the value of what it means to a relationship.
Sorry, man, but I'm not gonna pat you on the head, feel sorry for you and try to encourage you with ways to find a date. I think you need to re-evaluate your concept of the issue first.

Actually you are wrong.Beauty isn't everything,because if it was I'd be dating stripper after stripper(not that there is anything wrong with strippers,but the odds are that you might find 1 out of every 5 not to have some sort of drug or emotional issues),and after my ex fiance left me(she never grew out of clubbing,partying) I vowed I was not going to have anything to do with anyone who parties.Beauty with immaturity/drug use is just as undesirable as any other undesirable trait you can find.
With that said I cannot have a relationship where there is no physical attraction,been there tried that,and I ended up losing a life long friend when she tried to cross the line from friend to lover and nothing happened on my part...
Nothing in this world can change that for me.I'm not going to go down the path a lot of my friends have taken and just settle for the first woman that will sleep with them on a regular basis,they are not happy and now with kids,the reason I have no regular friends to hang around with,go out with,ect.

Scottsworld71 wrote:

I went to a dating website because around here the options are either to meet someone at a bar ( I dont drink ) or some kind of church function ... I dont do church either. What ended up happening was I met a woman who is just amazing and im quickly starting to believe that shes "the one"
If I were desperate and wanted to settle, I wouldve gone to the bar or the church group.
Your issue is clearly your own attitude. You come across as the kind of guy who'll walk up to a woman hes interested in and say " hey ive got all these issues  with my life that im not happy with, you probably wont want to go out, would you?" then wait for the rejection.
And I have major credit issues, Alicesun doesnt care about that, she likes me for who I am, not what I have

Actually I don't walk up to any women because of this,not that I ever walked up to any women before,I am socially inept,I shut down at age 13 due to being severely picked on,thus I have the social skills of a 13 year old.Any of my previous relationships were started by the girl making the moves on me.I'm convinced my first was the one,unfortunately she passed away in a car wreck.Because I'm socially inept I do not function in meat market situations(bars/clubs)where there "is competition",and due to all my friends now married I'd be going out alone anyways.
And yeah,church sucks when your belief in God was basicly eliminated after what I went through earlier this decade.
This is all the shit my therapist is trying to fix,ie,the self doubt,and more importantly the social ineptitude.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Actually you are wrong.Beauty isn't everything,because if it was I'd be dating stripper after stripper(not that there is anything wrong with strippers,but the odds are that you might find 1 out of every 5 not to have some sort of drug or emotional issues),and after my ex fiance left me(she never grew out of clubbing,partying) I vowed I was not going to have anything to do with anyone who parties.Beauty with immaturity/drug use is just as undesirable as any other undesirable trait you can find.
With that said I cannot have a relationship where there is no physical attraction,been there tried that,and I ended up losing a life long friend when she tried to cross the line from friend to lover and nothing happened on my part...
Nothing in this world can change that for me.I'm not going to go down the path a lot of my friends have taken and just settle for the first woman that will sleep with them on a regular basis,they are not happy and now with kids,the reason I have no regular friends to hang around with,go out with,ect.

Being a stripper doesn't make a woman beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Physical attraction is more important to men than women and no one is suggesting that the woman for you can't be physically attractive to you.

I don't know about your friends or their choices. I do know what you've posted and time and time again you're blaming somebody else and what they want.  You constantly state that you're an amazing catch. I think the one who catches you is the better judge of that. Until her testimony is provided you're a guy looking for a woman.
I've read how you constantly berate all these other loser women as desperate hags worthless to no one. I see very little respect for women in those comments, but you're some amazing catch?

I've been down that road. I've considered myself a great guy and wondered why other great women were always chasing after loser guys. It's not about settling for whatever shows up. It's about a connection that works between two people.

I stand by what I said. You need to re-evaluate what you think you're after and what you think you are. 

And finally, loneliness can be depressing and it sucks.  I know from first hand experience and I can't blame a life of constantly traveling on the road for making it difficult for me to meet up with anyone. So if your loneliness is the root of your depression that's a pretty good thing because now we're not talking chemical imbalances or mental illness. We're talking about a concrete circumstance of life that can be addressed.
Like I said, it's not about what they want. It's about what you want ..... and that's something you've got control over.

People are people. They do things for lots of reasons and none of us are perfect so yeah, I'm sure there's been more than one who blew her chance when it came down to you and others who missed it because their attention was focused elsewhere.  That's just a part of life.  Those are the chances we face for living.
but if you're lonely it's not because of someone else's fault. You'll find out who's fault it is when you stop trying to blame others for your problems.

Star Child wrote:

Being a stripper doesn't make a woman beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Physical attraction is more important to men than women and no one is suggesting that the woman for you can't be physically attractive to you.

I don't know about your friends or their choices. I do know what you've posted and time and time again you're blaming somebody else and what they want.  You constantly state that you're an amazing catch. I think the one who catches you is the better judge of that. Until her testimony is provided you're a guy looking for a woman.
I've read how you constantly berate all these other loser women as desperate hags worthless to no one. I see very little respect for women in those comments, but you're some amazing catch?

I've been down that road. I've considered myself a great guy and wondered why other great women were always chasing after loser guys. It's not about settling for whatever shows up. It's about a connection that works between two people.

I stand by what I said. You need to re-evaluate what you think you're after and what you think you are. 

And finally, loneliness can be depressing and it sucks.  I know from first hand experience and I can't blame a life of constantly traveling on the road for making it difficult for me to meet up with anyone. So if your loneliness is the root of your depression that's a pretty good thing because now we're not talking chemical imbalances or mental illness. We're talking about a concrete circumstance of life that can be addressed.
Like I said, it's not about what they want. It's about what you want ..... and that's something you've got control over.

People are people. They do things for lots of reasons and none of us are perfect so yeah, I'm sure there's been more than one who blew her chance when it came down to you and others who missed it because their attention was focused elsewhere.  That's just a part of life.  Those are the chances we face for living.
but if you're lonely it's not because of someone else's fault. You'll find out who's fault it is when you stop trying to blame others for your problems.

from a post above this as a previous reply.

I am socially inept,I shut down at age 13 due to being severely picked on,thus I have the social skills of a 13 year old

this is the issue,always has been the issue.It is an issue that has lead to catastrophic decisions,like getting engaged to my last fiance that ended up screwing up my credit.It has lead to catastrophic ly low self esteem.

A lot of my friends also had horrible self esteem,and terrible social skills(again,not to generalize,but it does seem us metalheads tend to have this issue),half of them were virgins till they met the one they eventually married(and we are talking late 30's to mid 40's here).They are all miserable in their relationships,which is why I do not want to follow in their footsteps.
If it seems I'm overly harsh on some of these women,you seriously need to see some of these women,and not just looks wise.I stated kids are not a deal breaker,but 5-7 kids from multiple partners over a course of 10-20 years isn't a good start to a resume,I call that irresponsible behavior.I have one stalker I have been dealing with on MySpace for a few years telling me she wants to move her and her 6 kids down to Fla and basicly have me take care of all of them because all of the kids fathers have dissapeared.This is what I mean by desperate and undesireable.And a lot of truckers do settle for women like this.("well...she might not be the purtiest thing,but she takes care of me when I get home and she will be there when I do get home)I get lumped in with a lot of guys that all but verify all the negative stereotypes us truckers get,which is unfair but comes from the territory.I knew this when I signed up to do this,and made every effort not to play the part,the fact that I work out 6 days a week(look at my MySpace default pic),eat healthy,look good at all times instead of looking like a slob,don't smell like cattle,ect.And I'm sure if somehow I can overcome all my social issues a girl i would be interested in would see all my good atributes(credit issues aside,I make more than enough to live a confortable life and be able to support a family on my own).But even then,not guarenteed.Kimi(my ex fiance)I am convinced went into my relationship in love with me,but I am convinced 50% of the reason she went back to her ex was that her friends (whom I know hated me)back in Vegas brainwashed her every day about"he is just a trucker"(I know this was said a few times as they left snide comments about me on her MySpace),"you should be embarressed settling for someone like that"(the other 50% being her ex got her hooked on coke and she left me for him and the drugs).
The thing is that if I didn't love my job so much I would not be doing this,but I do love traveling,and besides,my job is pretty much economy proof as long as I don't run shit over or get caught with drugs or get a dwi.
Being lonely pretty much since 1989(with a few catastrophic relationships this decade)is my root of my depression,and my social issues are the cause