Natasha240 wrote:

ITA, I don't really like the "vibe" so much, speaking only for myself. But if others like it and feel comfortable, then

PS. I GOT MY DADS THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so full of relief, I could fall asleep sitting here. I truley believe it was due in large part to you guys, and all of your kind thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes.
Ah, sweet, sweet, relief. Now I can start to mourn properly.

/cheer

Wooo!

Star Child wrote:
Hi people. How are you?

Damn, are you hotwired to this thread, or did you post at the same time I bumped it?

Dannielle Levan wrote:

/cheer

Wooo!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!

Star Child wrote:
Hi people. How are you?

How is the pup?

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Damn, are you hotwired to this thread, or did you post at the same time I bumped it?

hotwired

Natasha240 wrote:

How is the pup?

he must be okay. Everything is back to normal. Barking annoyingly constantly

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Damn, are you hotwired to this thread, or did you post at the same time I bumped it?

LOL

Scottsworld71 wrote:
ya know, sometimes its alot easier to unload on a total stranger, and even better to hear a comforting voice.

That's true I suppose.
It just feels weird. I'm very used to the idea that people will react harshly or cruelly to it.

It's just a thing society does.
They don't want to acknowledge it, but if it's really that bad, subconsciously they think it's impossible to happen, ever, except in those cases you hear on the radio or watch in documentaries. (Because, let's be frank, nobody wants to deal with it. Nobody wants to get caught up in being forced to be supportive, but if it's somebody they don't know and don't have to deal with, they have no problem shaking their head and saying "Oh I'm so sorry" or "oh, that's so sad".) Otherwise, they can not wait to pick at each claim looking for flaws and proof that it DIDN'T happen or YOU caused it.
It's like, if you're the victim of this kind of thing and openly talk about it, YOU are suddenly the one at fault; But if you hold it all in, eventually it will just eat at you til' you break. So you're fucked either way.

Here's the prime example of how I mean: So, I briefly brought up the rape that occurred outside of the relationship issues by a separate person, yeh? Well, when I made the report to the police, the detective wouldn't believe a word I said. She interrogated me as if *I* was in trouble. It was just bullshit. In fact, that's part of why I don't want to involve myself with police if I bring what my ex did to the law's attention: I really want him in jail, or dead, it's just that I don't trust in our enforcement to be willing to do their god damned job, which is protect and serve.

Maybe I'm wrong to live my life so bitter, but I just do not trust many people to actually listen and care. That's why I came into the thread on guard letting everybody know up front that I don't want pity or sympathy. I was (and still am) 100% on guard of being called a liar or troll account.

Star Child wrote:
Hi people. How are you?

/wave
Had a very fun shoot today.  Did my friend's engagement pictures.  Couple already up on FB.

Natasha240 wrote:
Hi everyone, how are you today?

*yawn*
Just got up. Brand new day. Kitties are playing and enjoying their breakfast. I'm checkin' in.
Dealt with some challenges last night. We'll see how well I process the changes needed.

Lucinda Wedge wrote:
My brother was born Friday the 13th, Dec. was murdered in the south by the lowest of the low and tortured before his death because he was a hippie and we buried him on his 21st birthday, Dec. 13th, Friday.  Then a year later my first born son who I named after my brother was born Dec. 18th and bureied 3 months later due to sudden infant death syndrome.  Last year my mother died a very, very painful death from cancer on Nov. 2nd.  This is not a lovely season for me but through private therapy, my shrink has been teaching me to celebrate all the gifts they left me with instead of grieving every year.  It's getting better and things are getting easier to live with every year.  My shrink is Dr. Janet Tunick in Los Angeles.  I recommend her highly.  Happy Holiday wishes to all and a Happy New Year.

Great to see you've gotten help with those extremely difficult tragedies. I can only imagine just how much they hurt. Blessings to you and Happy Holidays to you, too!

DevilStone Photographs wrote:

That's true I suppose.
It just feels weird. I'm very used to the idea that people will react harshly or cruelly to it.

It's just a thing society does.
They don't want to acknowledge it, but if it's really that bad, subconsciously they think it's impossible to happen, ever, except in those cases you hear on the radio or watch in documentaries. (Because, let's be frank, nobody wants to deal with it. Nobody wants to get caught up in being forced to be supportive, but if it's somebody they don't know and don't have to deal with, they have no problem shaking their head and saying "Oh I'm so sorry" or "oh, that's so sad".) Otherwise, they can not wait to pick at each claim looking for flaws and proof that it DIDN'T happen or YOU caused it.
It's like, if you're the victim of this kind of thing and openly talk about it, YOU are suddenly the one at fault; But if you hold it all in, eventually it will just eat at you til' you break. So you're fucked either way.

Here's the prime example of how I mean: So, I briefly brought up the rape that occurred outside of the relationship issues by a separate person, yeh? Well, when I made the report to the police, the detective wouldn't believe a word I said. She interrogated me as if *I* was in trouble. It was just bullshit. In fact, that's part of why I don't want to involve myself with police if I bring what my ex did to the law's attention: I really want him in jail, or dead, it's just that I don't trust in our enforcement to be willing to do their god damned job, which is protect and serve.

Maybe I'm wrong to live my life so bitter, but I just do not trust many people to actually listen and care. That's why I came into the thread on guard letting everybody know up front that I don't want pity or sympathy. I was (and still am) 100% on guard of being called a liar or troll account.

Your fears seem very rational and sadly grounded in reality.  I want to point out one thing that you didn't mention though.  When people are confronted by a story like yours, it terrifies them to the point that they don't know how to respond.  Frankly, nothing in our education or upbringing prepares us to deal with such pure atrocity.  Very few people have experienced a fraction of what you have, and those are the only people who stand a really good chance of relating to you.

As for the rest of us: some of us, like the people in this thread, will listen and do the best we can to help.  All of us who have gone through any kind of crisis know what it's like to be judged by the ignorant, so you won't find much judgment here.  Our advice is given with the best intentions, but we cannot guarantee it will help, or even that it won't make things worse.  What you can depend on, from almost everyone who posts here, is sympathy, respect, kindness, love, and people who will listen when you need to talk.  We might not get it right, but damnit we're gonna try.  You are too important for us to let you suffer in silence.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Your fears seem very rational and sadly grounded in reality.  I want to point out one thing that you didn't mention though.  When people are confronted by a story like yours, it terrifies them to the point that they don't know how to respond.  Frankly, nothing in our education or upbringing prepares us to deal with such pure atrocity.  Very few people have experienced a fraction of what you have, and those are the only people who stand a really good chance of relating to you.

As for the rest of us: some of us, like the people in this thread, will listen and do the best we can to help.  All of us who have gone through any kind of crisis know what it's like to be judged by the ignorant, so you won't find much judgment here.  Our advice is given with the best intentions, but we cannot guarantee it will help, or even that it won't make things worse.  What you can depend on, from almost everyone who posts here, is sympathy, respect, kindness, love, and people who will listen when you need to talk.  We might not get it right, but damnit we're gonna try.  You are too important for us to let you suffer in silence.

Well, I thank you all for that.
As for people simply not knowing how to respond, it makes sense, it's just frustrating. Sometimes, I don't even want to talk when I want to vent about it. Helping can be as simple as showing affection. It's weird to describe... The other day it was eating at me rather excessively but I was still having a good night. Well, my current boyfriend and I were just laying down, he was rubbing my back and we were talking about past relationships and sex (not even in a bad way). I don't know why, but I just buried my head in the pillow and started crying for a second. He held me and started giving me cute little kisses, and I knew he knew why I was crying, and I felt better. I didn't have to say a thing, but it really helped.
I think people focus too much on what they think they should say or how they think it will come out, and putting that much focus on potential advice makes them irritable which makes them just not want to help out period. But sometimes, like what my s.o. did, it's just nice to be able to cry and be held.

DevilStone Photographs wrote:

Well, I thank you all for that.
As for people simply not knowing how to respond, it makes sense, it's just frustrating. Sometimes, I don't even want to talk when I want to vent about it. Helping can be as simple as showing affection. It's weird to describe... The other day it was eating at me rather excessively but I was still having a good night. Well, my current boyfriend and I were just laying down, he was rubbing my back and we were talking about past relationships and sex (not even in a bad way). I don't know why, but I just buried my head in the pillow and started crying for a second. He held me and started giving me cute little kisses, and I knew he knew why I was crying, and I felt better. I didn't have to say a thing, but it really helped.
I think people focus too much on what they think they should say or how they think it will come out, and putting that much focus on potential advice makes them irritable which makes them just not want to help out period. But sometimes, like what my s.o. did, it's just nice to be able to cry and be held.

Sounds like you have a good man there.

The internet isn't the best place for hugs, but we try anyway.  Here's one from me: *hugg*

If you didn't need that hug right now, put it in your huggy bank for later.

Star Child wrote:

*yawn*
Just got up. Brand new day. Kitties are playing and enjoying their breakfast. I'm checkin' in.
Dealt with some challenges last night. We'll see how well I process the changes needed.

If anyone is up for a challenge, it's you

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

?

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

whats up?

DevilStone Photographs wrote:
So I've got a situation and question for you all.

My first boyfriend ever wasn't just abusive, but was a straight up psychopath.
I'm not fucking around or exaggerating when I say that for about a straight year out of about a two year relationship, I would be raped on an almost nightly basis (and not just the word "no" whispered and him persisting until I gave in, I'm talking about rape where I would punch and kick and actually try to defend myself), he'd force me to have sex with his friends like a passed around toy, he'd strangle me with guitar wire, break my cellphones when I'd try to call 911 (this happened twice), strangle me til' I passed out, beat me til' I had memory problems, make feeble attempts to break my neck, squeeze and twist my left arm which was broken via a motocross accident and never healed, and it got to the point where for three straight days at the very end of the relationship, I was quite literally tortured to the point where I thought I was going to die (because I tried to break up with him in the privacy of my own home; His exact words were "I'm going to kill you, then myself, okay?" with a straight face). For a while, I was stubborn and would fight back to the best of my abilities, but it just got to the point where I was tired and knew he would do it because he's just that mentally insane. To get him to change his mind, I just had to come onto him (which hurt emotionally of course, but come on, I didn't want to die). I actually had to break it off with him in a McDonalds at lunch time, loudly so everybody would watch, because I knew if I tried doing it somewhere privately, I'd get a repeat of the prior situation, only worse. For about a month, he'd basically stalk me and insist we get back together, that he'd change, blah blah blah, but I never even gave him the time of day, and made sure to stay at a friend's house often so that I was constantly around people. He gave up, eventually left me alone, and moved to Seattle.

Now.
I'm not posting this for pity or sympathy. I mean fuck, any time I tried to tell an officer or my mother about it, DESPITE having MULTIPLE friends who'd witnessed some incidents for themselves, I'd be fed "That's an awful lot for a 16 year old to go through. I'm sure it's not as bad as you claim" (I was 16 at the time of breaking up with him) so I do not expect ANYBODY's genuine support. I have been left emotionally and mentally scarred for the rest of my life, (I'm even crying a little bit right now just recalling it), but shit happens, and I'm trying my best to get over it on my own.


BUT, I HAVE A QUESTION.
I'm still scared to death this lunatic will hunt me down one day, knock on my door out of the blue, kill me, my family, then himself. It keeps me up at night, and when I try to tell my S.O. how scared I really am, I feel like he, like everybody else, doesn't know how serious I am or doesn't think it'll happen because of how truly "far fetched" it sounds. But I know this guy- He's one of those guys you would hear about on the news doing the most fucked up shit you can imagine. SO, is there ANY WAY I can notify SOMEBODY about this guy? I feel like I should call SOMEBODY in the Seattle police force and warn them so that they can watch him, but I don't know where to start or how it will turn out. I don't want to file a report for everything he's done, I do not want to be in the law's eye, and even if I did- I don't have the money for lawyers and all the pocket pinching litigation that he does (he's a wealthy guy with wealthy parents to get him out of any bind he gets in). I just want to know he's away from me, and I want somebody with the power to put him away to know what he's capable of.

Edit:
I actually feel embarrassed having disclaimed this to a bunch of strangers, despite this being the internet. I feel like I'm about to get flamed or ridiculed.

Wow your situation is really tough, and just like many others have stated no one will ridicule you here, this thread is for people to be able to come and talk about things and people are pretty supportive here.

I do think you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I also think that you need to have a safety plan in place. He is not there now but if he were to come back you should let all of your friends and family know. Let neighbors know so if they see him lingering in the area they can notify you. It was good you stayed around friends when he was there I think you need to always be aware of your surroundings so you are not caught off guard. It is a tough situation and this guy sounds pretty scary I can imagine how scared you are I would be too. I would take a self defense class or two there is a good one called crav magraw I think that's how you spell it. It teaches you how to disarm someone and key points of attack so you can strike quick and run. Try to be prepared but not be paranoid as hard as that is. I think therapy may help as well as someone stated before they are not there to feel sorry for you but only to help process the things that are going on so you can gain coping skills.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

need a call friend?

Natasha240 wrote:
ITA, I don't really like the "vibe" so much, speaking only for myself. But if others like it and feel comfortable, then

PS. I GOT MY DADS THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so full of relief, I could fall asleep sitting here. I truley believe it was due in large part to you guys, and all of your kind thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes.
Ah, sweet, sweet, relief. Now I can start to mourn properly.

Yay congrats I'm so happy for you I know you were really worried about that

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Why the long face?

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Yeah. Add me to that list. What's up?

Natasha240 wrote:

Thanks love.

It's sad, that apparently this thread has a reputation on MM that all we talk about is wanting to kill ourselves. So much good comes out of here.

But I guess, wherever people can get the support they need, be it in a seperate thread, that is a good thing.

On a bit of a follow up to that I need to express my disappointment in regards to the mental health thread.
I completely understand why anyone would want to start that thread and everything behind it, but I'm seeing a bit of a separation between what is thought to be going on in this thread as opposed to that one.  Both threads are essentially dealing with the same issue - mental health problems, but due to the title of this thread people are under the impression that participation in this thread is an indication that one is suffering from mental illnesses that lead to suicide or attempted suicide.

I'm dismayed by this because all anyone has to do is visit this thread and/or post here to find out that it's all about dealing with battles concerning mental health issues as it has evolved. I understand the title and original concept can put folks off, but my fear is that someone may not get fair support or help due to the belief that their issue can only be addressed in one place or the other.  That's just not the case and I'm a bit saddened to think that someone may think that I or anyone else can't identify with them or support them just because of a different type of mental illness.

We are here for anybody no matter what their struggles and we welcome the support and input from anyone regardless or which thread or issue brought you in. Okay?
This isn't about that side of the room or this side of the room. This is about us and what we can do for each other.

Natasha240 wrote:
It's sad, that apparently this thread has a reputation on MM that all we talk about is wanting to kill ourselves. So much good comes out of here.

Unfortunately many in society have been taught to shy away from actually discussing this topic, a topic that many people struggle with daily for whatever reasons.

It doesn't matter what others think about this thread. We are all here to help one another in whatever way we can.

Star Child wrote:


Great to see you've gotten help with those extremely difficult tragedies. I can only imagine just how much they hurt. Blessings to you and Happy Holidays to you, too!

Thank you and Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Natasha240 wrote:

Hey babe.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Hey babe.

You never call me "babe".

My little yesterday was just a bump in my road. I was feeling a bit down for various reasons and just wanted somewhere that I could feel like I belonged.

Thanks.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
You never call me "babe".

I was waiting for the right moment, darling.  Why don't you put on something tight and silky?

Now that I think about it... maybe *I'll* put on something tight and silky.  oooooh...

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
My little yesterday was just a bump in my road. I was feeling a bit down for various reasons and just wanted somewhere that I could feel like I belonged.

Thanks.

Well, I'm going to improve my arsenal of emoticons so I can have proper conversations with you when you make similar posts in the future.