Nolette wrote:
Hey...I guess I just need a slight vent and an invisible ear.
I've got plenty of my own problems I don't give name to, and right now they just feel a little overwhelming. I just wish that I didn't have to worry about fucking up every day. Some nights, I can positively hate myself. And I think I'm there right now.

And I wish that I had someone on campus who really understood what I'm going through.
School psych's suck. I feel much more at home with everyone here. Sigh.

::hugs:::

Nolette wrote:
Hey...I guess I just need a slight vent and an invisible ear.
I've got plenty of my own problems I don't give name to, and right now they just feel a little overwhelming. I just wish that I didn't have to worry about fucking up every day. Some nights, I can positively hate myself. And I think I'm there right now.

And I wish that I had someone on campus who really understood what I'm going through.
School psych's suck. I feel much more at home with everyone here. Sigh.

Hugs. And believe me when I say I know what you're going through. Been there. Still there quite often. It fuels my depression.

Lots of happy thoughts coming your way.

Natasha240 wrote:

::hugs:::

And same to you. Are you still planning a trip up this way?

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

And same to you. Are you still planning a trip up this way?

Nah, lots of very heavy family stuff put the kaibosh on that. Maybe in the winter

Natasha240 wrote:
Nah, lots of very heavy family stuff put the kaibosh on that. Maybe in the winter

OK. Dress warm. I've been wanting to do a shoot in snow. You up for something like that?

I actually had an idea to shoot someone in a snowy setting and put a snow/ice dress on her....either something cloth that looks like it or use Photoshop to add it in.

And if you need to talk....

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

OK. Dress warm. I've been wanting to do a shoot in snow. You up for something like that?

I actually had an idea to shoot someone in a snowy setting and put a snow/ice dress on her....either something cloth that looks like it or use Photoshop to add it in.

And if you need to talk....

That sounds amazing! I will let you know when I am coming up that way.

And same to you my friend.

Nolette wrote:
Hey...I guess I just need a slight vent and an invisible ear.
I've got plenty of my own problems I don't give name to, and right now they just feel a little overwhelming. I just wish that I didn't have to worry about fucking up every day. Some nights, I can positively hate myself. And I think I'm there right now.

And I wish that I had someone on campus who really understood what I'm going through.
School psych's suck. I feel much more at home with everyone here. Sigh.

I am here for you and see your potential...I discovered a supermodel...and I just wish you were closer...I expressed my interest!  Gorgeous.

I may be against models under 5'9, but I see tons of potential for you...and I don't say that to just anyone.

You should never need to shoot nudes...your face is unbelievable.

OMG...I don't think you see it.

Your face is unbelievable.

Model Instincts wrote:

I am here for you and see your potential...I discovered a supermodel...and I just wish you were closer...I expressed my interest!  Gorgeous.

I may be against models under 5'9, but I see tons of potential for you...and I don't say that to just anyone.

You should never need to shoot nudes...your face is unbelievable.

OMG...I don't think you see it.

Your face is unbelievable.

?

Natasha240 wrote:

?

She has tons of potential and should focus on the positive.

Model Instincts wrote:

She has tons of potential and should focus on the positive.

ah.

Model Instincts wrote:

She has tons of potential and should focus on the positive.

I think you're not getting the point of this thread.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
*BUMP* *SMASH* *CRASH*

OOps....sorry. I'll pay for that.

How's everyone doing? I'm sick as a dog right now. Sicker, actually...my dogs are just fine.

Just got over two simultaneous infections.  Lost 2kg though! hahaha

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Just got over two simultaneous infections.  Lost 2kg though! hahaha

Yucky! I only had a bad cold. My dogs didn't let me wallow in my misery though. They're all jumping around and wanting to play and stuff.

Kept me active though and that helps push the cold out quicker.

I'm in an unusually good mood today even though I'm working and still a bit sick.

Acanthus wrote:
I don't suppose anyone will give a damn but here goes ...

I'm currently fighting with my weight. At my heaviest I was very, very depressed, so I started dieting. Now it's even worse. I'm scared to undress in front of my partner. I get embarassed to go out. I don't look at myself in the mirror because a) I cry and b) it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know I've lost approximately 25-30 pounds because I see it on the scales ... but I still feel terrible, and honestly can't see a change. I feel as large as ever, and I am the lowest I have ever been. When I am this low, I sometimes self-harm and contemplate suicide.

Because of that, I don't believe I belong in llamaling. I feel like I'm just kidding myself into thinking someone would actually want to take photos of me. All I'm doing here is taking pretty pictures.

I recently had a photographer on here lie to me telling me he was too busy to shoot, yet since that message he has taken photos for TWO of my friends. It's a sign. I know it.

I won't sugar coat anything here so be prepared.

First off if you wanted to post in a thread where no one would care you picked the wrong thread.

Second. You are the only person who can decide if you need to lose weight or not. Your partner is with you still, right? Has your partner said anything to you to indicate their unhappiness with your weight?

Third I would consider the canceled shoot the photographer's loss and a good thing for you. People are weird. Sometimes that's good and sometimes not. Think about it. Would you really want to shoot with someone like that anyway? It probably would have been a waste of your time.

Last I think you're gorgeous. I'd shoot with you anytime.

Just be kind to yourself. You're the only you we have.

Acanthus wrote:
I don't suppose anyone will give a damn but here goes ...

I'm currently fighting with my weight. At my heaviest I was very, very depressed, so I started dieting. Now it's even worse. I'm scared to undress in front of my partner. I get embarassed to go out. I don't look at myself in the mirror because a) I cry and b) it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I know I've lost approximately 25-30 pounds because I see it on the scales ... but I still feel terrible, and honestly can't see a change. I feel as large as ever, and I am the lowest I have ever been. When I am this low, I sometimes self-harm and contemplate suicide.

Because of that, I don't believe I belong in modelling. I feel like I'm just kidding myself into thinking someone would actually want to take photos of me. All I'm doing here is taking pretty pictures.

I recently had a photographer on here lie to me telling me he was too busy to shoot, yet since that message he has taken photos for TWO of my friends. It's a sign. I know it.

I'd shoot with you.  You're insanely cute!
Also, bumping this thread cos mods haven't found the time to pin this >_>

Dannielle Levan wrote:
I'd shoot with you.  You're insanely cute!

I know, right? If she lived close to me I'd have been trying to set a shoot already.

Dannielle Levan wrote:
Also, bumping this thread cos mods haven't found the time to pin this >_>

That was discussed and decided that it would be better left un-pinned. I tend to agree. It's a lot easier to know if someone has posted if you see it on the first page rather than it always being there and you get used to it.

I certainly wouldn't want to miss if someone just needs to vent and comes in here. But, my mind and the way I receive input may not be the same as others. I'd pass right over it most times if it were pinned.

Jenny June wrote:
All I have to say is as an intern-therapist and fellow human being you guys have made my night!!! This has developed into such a wonderful potential for being an excellent support system for so many people.
Having a support system is a HUGE factor in a person not completing suicide!!

This forum is the kind thing that reaffirms that what I have chosen as a career is what I want to do with my life, though modeling has been a fun hobby that helped me deal with my own personal stuff. Roughly 2 years ago I got out of a 7 year, psychologically /emotionally, abusive relationship. Modeling has helped me gain self esteem and lose over 50lbs! MM has been a very key note in my successful recovery. My goal is to perhaps use what I learn here to help other women who came from my situation, the way this site has helped me

So as a therapist, I want to know what is it that I as a mental health professional can do to serve you better? What tips would you give me that would help me better to make you experience in therapy more helpful and more enjoyable?

Jenn

PS.
I will defiantly post your resource list at work, thank you so much for sharing that!!

Hugs and thank you.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Dannielle Levan wrote:
I'd shoot with you.  You're insanely cute!

I know, right? If she lived close to me I'd have been trying to set a shoot already.

That was discussed and decided that it would be better left un-pinned. I tend to agree. It's a lot easier to know if someone has posted if you see it on the first page rather than it always being there and you get used to it.

I certainly wouldn't want to miss if someone just needs to vent and comes in here. But, my mind and the way I receive input may not be the same as others. I'd pass right over it most times if it were pinned.

Ah, ok

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

/wave

Hows you?  Check out my new stuff! lol

Dannielle Levan wrote:

/wave

Hows you?  Check out my new stuff! lol

I was doing great. I think I'm coming down. How are you?

And I already looked at your new stuff when I saw the avatar. Love it! I'm working on a bunch right now.

Jenny June wrote:
All I have to say is as an intern-therapist and fellow human being you guys have made my night!!! This has developed into such a wonderful potential for being an excellent support system for so many people.
Having a support system is a HUGE factor in a person not completing suicide!!

This forum is the kind thing that reaffirms that what I have chosen as a career is what I want to do with my life, though modeling has been a fun hobby that helped me deal with my own personal stuff. Roughly 2 years ago I got out of a 7 year, psychologically /emotionally, abusive relationship. Modeling has helped me gain self esteem and lose over 50lbs! MM has been a very key note in my successful recovery. My goal is to perhaps use what I learn here to help other women who came from my situation, the way this site has helped me

So as a therapist, I want to know what is it that I as a mental health professional can do to serve you better? What tips would you give me that would help me better to make you experience in therapy more helpful and more enjoyable?

Jenn

PS.
I will defiantly post your resource list at work, thank you so much for sharing that!!

Thanks Jenn!

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I was doing great. I think I'm coming down. How are you?

And I already looked at your new stuff when I saw the avatar. Love it! I'm working on a bunch right now.

^_^  I was so seriously pleased with that shoot.

Julia Gold wrote:
Recently i've been gaining a lot of weight. And it's really really making me feel shitty about everything.
I look in the mirror and all I see is fat. All I see is my face getting fatter, arms getting fatter, tummy getting fatter. I hate this so fucking much. I was 100 half a year ago, then I grew to 105, now i'm fucking going up to 110 and every day that scale arrow gets closer and closer to it I wanna kill myself.
I'm even getting back into old habits because of it.
And I hate it. All I want to be is thin. Not even too thin. Just a nice 95 lbs.
Why, no matter how hard i try do I just keep gaining weight UGH
I hate food. I hate how I eat so much, and have such a sweet tooth and love food.
I'm just venting. Please don't yell at me or anything.
I really feel like cutting my fat off. And i'm really tempted.
I just want to not be this fat lard that I am. I hate having this fat face of mines.
I'd rather be bald than be this way. Than to see the scale go higher and higher.
My face getting uglier, body getting even more unattractive not even a hippo would touch me.

Hugs. I love you. And you're still gorgeous!

Senator Awesomepants wrote:
I'm not really in a good place. I'm doing dumb things again. Laughing so I won't cry.
I keep losing weight but all I can see is the fat. I'm supposed to be gaining. I'm not sure I can. I may need to actually see someone for this again. And some other stuff too. That I don't want to get into even more than the other stuff.
I'm not sleeping on any predictable schedule and I've been having some awfully weird s.cary dreams too. I think I need people around but I don't have anyone.
I just want to curl up and sleep through fall but I can't.

Wishing you the best. I hope it all works out for you. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I have a really bad feeling this is going to be a rough holliday season for me.
I somehow survived since 2006 when my then fiance left me that new years eve(found out via a myspace bulletin)...
But its different this year.I already feel pangs of lonlinessWhen I hit 40 I kinda accepted the fact that  this is how its going to be the rest of my life,that its probably over for me as far as ever meeting someone I would be into,and kinda accepted that I would just be a very above avreage looking OTR trucker that due to circumstance will never be in a relationship,also heeding the advice of my therapist never to settle.....

But the past month or so this feeling of lonliness is hitting me in waves.
I actually miss the feeling of being in love with someone(something I truly have never felt since my first gf/fiance passed away in an accident in 1989),yet I know it is next to impossible to ever meet someone that I would be interested in doing what I do.
While my therapist has done an amazing job somewhat giving me the self esteem I never had (which is how I ended up making bad choices relationship wise the last 3 times),and basicly stressed that settling for the first female that shows any interest in me is worse(which is what 90% of most truckers or guys with no game do)because it now makes 2 or more people(if kids happen)miserable....I still have the social skills of a young teenager due to being picked on,and not that experience in relationships,and where would a 40 year old trucker,who while having all the atributes of being a catch(treats women great,has a great paying job,is responsable,is a great cook,artistic,has good looks)meet someone I would be into,considering that other than the gym(where I have to get in and out asap due to my schedules)only runs into people at truck stops and Walmart when I have to shop(not going to meet anyone worth a demm at either place).I donLt even bother going out anymore as I imediately get down on myself within a few minutes of going somewhere,and seeing as I'm the only guy in my group who is single I have to go out by myself and look like a lost soul.My atempts to meet someone online were met with disaster at best(someone with a false profile on Match.com)or indiffernce(Myspace)...
I really don't want to believe its over for me,but its looking that way.

**Hugs** Dont worry, you'll find her when you least expect it. I have a friend around your age who had been through a nasty divorce and thought he'd never find love, but he did in the most bizzare situation. Dont get down on yourself, and smile. =]

Chris Rifkin wrote:
I have a really bad feeling this is going to be a rough holliday season for me.
I somehow survived since 2006 when my then fiance left me that new years eve(found out via a myspace bulletin)...
But its different this year.I already feel pangs of lonlinessWhen I hit 40 I kinda accepted the fact that  this is how its going to be the rest of my life,that its probably over for me as far as ever meeting someone I would be into,and kinda accepted that I would just be a very above avreage looking OTR trucker that due to circumstance will never be in a relationship,also heeding the advice of my therapist never to settle.....

But the past month or so this feeling of lonliness is hitting me in waves.
I actually miss the feeling of being in love with someone(something I truly have never felt since my first gf/fiance passed away in an accident in 1989),yet I know it is next to impossible to ever meet someone that I would be interested in doing what I do.
While my therapist has done an amazing job somewhat giving me the self esteem I never had (which is how I ended up making bad choices relationship wise the last 3 times),and basicly stressed that settling for the first female that shows any interest in me is worse(which is what 90% of most truckers or guys with no game do)because it now makes 2 or more people(if kids happen)miserable....I still have the social skills of a young teenager due to being picked on,and not that experience in relationships,and where would a 40 year old trucker,who while having all the atributes of being a catch(treats women great,has a great paying job,is responsable,is a great cook,artistic,has good looks)meet someone I would be into,considering that other than the gym(where I have to get in and out asap due to my schedules)only runs into people at truck stops and Walmart when I have to shop(not going to meet anyone worth a demm at either place).I donLt even bother going out anymore as I imediately get down on myself within a few minutes of going somewhere,and seeing as I'm the only guy in my group who is single I have to go out by myself and look like a lost soul.My atempts to meet someone online were met with disaster at best(someone with a false profile on Match.com)or indiffernce(Myspace)...
I really don't want to believe its over for me,but its looking that way.

You're writing my book. Chapter and verse. Except for the truck driver part, that's me.

I know what you're going through.

Scottiie wrote:

**Hugs** Dont worry, you'll find her when you least expect it. I have a friend around your age who had been through a nasty divorce and thought he'd never find love, but he did in the most bizzare situation. Dont get down on yourself, and smile. =]

I hear that"least expect it" line almost as much as "there is someone out there for everyone"(if this is true,she was probably the one that passed away)..
My issue is that I am never in a position where a "least expect it" miracle happens...
for instance...
Many of these miracles do happen during the hollidays...
People meet while xmas shopping,except that I never have the time to shop and do it on line.Many romances start at holliday parties,except I haven't been to a holliday party in 12 years,(my company only has it for the suits,the drivers are never invited,nor am I ever invited to a friends,ect)
and every year now that goes by will make it that much harder for that miracle to happen