Faith EnFire wrote:
morning all. my dog has an abrasion on his foot and he has to wear a boot. He is very unhappy and tried hiding under the bed


Boot dog by Moyer566, on Flickr

otherwise, things have been uneventful

huggs for unhappy doggie

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:
I set a boundary, this weekend.  I said, "I don't have to listen to that."  It was not taken well.  The next morning, I got a "fuck you."

my sarcastic and completely unhelpful response would be "no thank you"


boundaries aren't the hard part-sticking by them is    you did good

Star Child wrote:

huggs for unhappy doggie

it will be interesting to see what the house looks like when i get home today

Faith EnFire wrote:

it will be interesting to see what the house looks like when i get home today

Oh, yeah!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
First of all stay away from Potter Movies and the Indie Folk Channel. You sound like many frustrated artists. They have something, its on the tip of their tongue, but they just can't grasp it. The way to address that is to not address that. Resolved that you are looking for it and that in time it will come to you. Then rest on it and start doing other things. One day you will be walking around in the grocery store, comparing the prices on Fig Newtons and it will slam into your head like a ton of bricks! So go forth and delight in your wonderfulness for greatness is going to be downloaded to you anytime now!

well, i had an offer to photograph a MUAs business cards, another photographer just found a place to shoot and I just realized I have some creepy sort of stairs at my disposal. someone also mentioned a slinky...human slinky maybe...
its all starting to coalesce--hurry up and coalesce

part of it might be that I volunteered to speak for a support group i belong to. it's my first time. I'm excited and nervous

Faith EnFire wrote:



well, i had an offer to photograph a MUAs business cards, another photographer just found a place to shoot and I just realized I have some creepy sort of stairs at my disposal. someone also mentioned a slinky...human slinky maybe...
its all starting to coalesce--hurry up and coalesce

part of it might be that I volunteered to speak for a support group i belong to. it's my first time. I'm excited and nervous

That's great Faith. You are going to be an excelling speaker. The things you share with us here always help me. If your support group deals with mental health issues like depression and so forth don't forget that http://psychcentral.com/   is a great resource for information and ideas.! Good luck to you dear!

Tim Little Photography wrote:

That's great Faith. You are going to be an excelling speaker. The things you share with us here always help me. If your support group deals with mental health issues like depression and so forth don't forget that http://psychcentral.com/   is a great resource for information and ideas.! Good luck to you dear!

thanks, it's a basically where i was, what was the catalyst of change and where I am now
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of the program, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Faith EnFire wrote:

thanks, it's a basically where i was, what was the catalyst of change and where I am now
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of the program, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

http://thebloggess.com/2012/01/the-fight-goes-on/
"When depression sufferers fight, recover and go into remission we seldom even know, simply because so many suffer in the dark…ashamed to admit something they see as a personal weakness…afraid that people will worry, and more afraid that they won’t.  We find ourselves unable to do anything but cling to the couch and force ourselves to breathe."

Star Child wrote:

tis true

Faith EnFire wrote:

tis true

That passage really struck a nerve with me. You're right. It is so true.

Faith EnFire wrote:
morning...I've found chocolate cupcake cappachino. i may be in heaven...I mixed it with caramal latte. mmmmmm

yep, heaven

Star Child wrote:

yep, heaven

though it was was from the gas station, might add a little coffee to the mix...it was very very sweet

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:
Very bad day.

sorry you are having a bad day. and for lack of an ability to do more

I made this for you

Faith EnFire wrote:

sorry you are having a bad day. and for lack of an ability to do more

I made this for you

Thank you.

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:

Thank you.

you are welcome

Star Child wrote:
I'm going to bed now. Please save me some coffee for the morning

just got some regular stuff, but I'll save you some

Faith EnFire wrote:

just got some regular stuff, but I'll save you some

Much appreciating

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:
I think I've only posted in here a couple of times.

This has been a horrible year for me.  Some of you know why, and some of you don't.  I'm still here/with him, but I feel dead, inside and out.  I want the new year to bring back the old me, the me I used to be before I was worn down.  I know now what's wrong with him.  It's BPD.  I got a book about it and started reading, and it's like everything I'm dealing with.  I joined a board, too, to talk to others about it.  If anyone else is dealing with BPD, get a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells."

Peaceful New Year.

I have a fiance with borderline as well. A day doesn't go by where he doesn't make me cry or yell at me or blame me for something I have no power over. He's stolen money from me for alcohol, he's threatened suicide, but then when the rage goes away he apologises and we're seeing a therapist together and he's on meds.
I just can't leave, we're engaged and I can't leave someone just because they're mentally ill. That's like leaving a diabetic because they get cranky when they're blood sugar is low...
But it's brought back MY problems (eating disorder, panic disorder so bad I have to take xanax AND klonopin) He's put his hands on me before. Just grabbed me. I've made it crystal clear after my last abusive relationship if he hit me I wouldn't hit back, just call the cops and video record it all. It's sad I have to have a safety plan but my own suicide ideation is back and it scares me because I have tried and failed nine times (judge me, go ahead, "oh it's for attention) I have had doctors approach me and say "you are here by the grace of god" my last attempt was blood pressure medication and xanax. The one before that was twenty times the lethal dose of xanax and vodka. I'm meant to live. Everyone has a purpose. All of us are meant to live and serve our purpose in life.
Even if we've ever had an argument and you think I hate you, or you for some reason hate me.



I am always here to talk.

Julia Kei wrote:

I have a fiance with borderline as well. A day doesn't go by where he doesn't make me cry or yell at me or blame me for something I have no power over. He's stolen money from me for alcohol, he's threatened suicide, but then when the rage goes away he apologises and we're seeing a therapist together and he's on meds.
I just can't leave, we're engaged and I can't leave someone just because they're mentally ill. That's like leaving a diabetic because they get cranky when they're blood sugar is low...
But it's brought back MY problems (eating disorder, panic disorder so bad I have to take xanax AND klonopin) He's put his hands on me before. Just grabbed me. I've made it crystal clear after my last abusive relationship if he hit me I wouldn't hit back, just call the cops and video record it all. It's sad I have to have a safety plan but my own suicide ideation is back and it scares me because I have tried and failed nine times (judge me, go ahead, "oh it's for attention) I have had doctors approach me and say "you are here by the grace of god" my last attempt was blood pressure medication and xanax. The one before that was twenty times the lethal dose of xanax and vodka. I'm meant to live. Everyone has a purpose. All of us are meant to live and serve our purpose in life.
Even if we've ever had an argument and you think I hate you, or you for some reason hate me.



I am always here to talk.

My mother has BPD, diagnosed.

After growing up with it, dealing with all the suicide attempts (which is the main reason I stay out of posting in this thread, suicide makes me angry in a way that has nothing to do with anyone but my mother), and all the personality changes, and all the victimizing (even when she apologizes, it's manipulative in some way), I had to separate myself.
It was hard but it made my life better, though I realize it's not the solution for everyone.

If either of you need to talk, you can, I'm always here. Like, I'm currently unemployed so I'm always on my computer and therefore here.

I have a few books other than "Stop Walking on Eggshells" that have different attitudes toward handling it, I'll make up a list when I get back from my shoot.

BPD is just the hardest to deal with, since inherently part of the problem is the one afflicted cannot admit they may have an issue.

Damianne wrote:

My mother has BPD, diagnosed.

After growing up with it, dealing with all the suicide attempts (which is the main reason I stay out of posting in this thread, suicide makes me angry in a way that has nothing to do with anyone but my mother), and all the personality changes, and all the victimizing (even when she apologizes, it's manipulative in some way), I had to separate myself.
It was hard but it made my life better, though I realize it's not the solution for everyone.

If either of you need to talk, you can, I'm always here. Like, I'm currently unemployed so I'm always on my computer and therefore here.

I have a few books other than "Stop Walking on Eggshells" that have different attitudes toward handling it, I'll make up a list when I get back from my shoot.

BPD is just the hardest to deal with, since inherently part of the problem is the one afflicted cannot admit they may have an issue.

MY MOM AS WELL!! Her last suicide attempt was with the bottles of xanax she had taken from MY house that were MINE and she was all drugged up in a hospital bed and she slurrs "I took ur xaaaanaaaaax ha-ha-haha-haaaaaa" in that playground tone"
then she told me I was the one who taught her how to do it (over dose) she's a registered nurse who first attempted suicide with xanax when I was less than 3 years old, I have a deadbeat drug addicted father, I would've had no one.
It took everything in me not to slap her.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I may have mentioned this in the past. My ex has BPD diagnosed. Diagnosed after she destroyed us, left me broke and killed my heart. We ended over 10 years ago and I have not be able to go out on a single date since then. The pain I went through physically changed my appearance. With all the other demons I fight, the PTSD, the aftershock of 3rd degree burns, her torture of me pretty much killed old Tim. So I know the pain of loving a borderline. I'm happy to talk with anyone at anytime if they need to vent. I still study the condition. There are some new treatment protocols that seem to show some promise. I have always been of the opinion that it can't be treated. But I keep an open mind.

BTW, I've been away from the thread for a couple of days and I apologize. I've been going through a very very painful guided imaging period and I remembered some things from my childhood that hurt horribly bad. Sorry I been away.

what are these new treatments? is it medication or therapy such as DBT?

Damianne wrote:

My mother has BPD, diagnosed.

After growing up with it, dealing with all the suicide attempts (which is the main reason I stay out of posting in this thread, suicide makes me angry in a way that has nothing to do with anyone but my mother), and all the personality changes, and all the victimizing (even when she apologizes, it's manipulative in some way), I had to separate myself.
It was hard but it made my life better, though I realize it's not the solution for everyone.

If either of you need to talk, you can, I'm always here. Like, I'm currently unemployed so I'm always on my computer and therefore here.

I have a few books other than "Stop Walking on Eggshells" that have different attitudes toward handling it, I'll make up a list when I get back from my shoot.

BPD is just the hardest to deal with, since inherently part of the problem is the one afflicted cannot admit they may have an issue.

Julia Kei wrote:

I have a fiance with borderline as well. A day doesn't go by where he doesn't make me cry or yell at me or blame me for something I have no power over. He's stolen money from me for alcohol, he's threatened suicide, but then when the rage goes away he apologises and we're seeing a therapist together and he's on meds.
I just can't leave, we're engaged and I can't leave someone just because they're mentally ill. That's like leaving a diabetic because they get cranky when they're blood sugar is low...
But it's brought back MY problems (eating disorder, panic disorder so bad I have to take xanax AND klonopin) He's put his hands on me before. Just grabbed me. I've made it crystal clear after my last abusive relationship if he hit me I wouldn't hit back, just call the cops and video record it all. It's sad I have to have a safety plan but my own suicide ideation is back and it scares me because I have tried and failed nine times (judge me, go ahead, "oh it's for attention) I have had doctors approach me and say "you are here by the grace of god" my last attempt was blood pressure medication and xanax. The one before that was twenty times the lethal dose of xanax and vodka. I'm meant to live. Everyone has a purpose. All of us are meant to live and serve our purpose in life.
Even if we've ever had an argument and you think I hate you, or you for some reason hate me.



I am always here to talk.

His accusations, ridicule, criticisms, have turned me into someone I don't know.  I want me back.  I'm in here, somewhere.  I actually had an epiphany, yesterday, about this.  For a long time, I wanted him back...the man I married.  I kept saying "I know he's in there somewhere."  Yesterday, as I was driving home and talking with a friend, I realized it's me I want back.

And I will be.

Barbara DivaEroticus wrote:

His accusations, ridicule, criticisms, have turned me into someone I don't know.  I want me back.  I'm in here, somewhere.  I actually had an epiphany, yesterday, about this.  For a long time, I wanted him back...the man I married.  I kept saying "I know he's in there somewhere."  Yesterday, as I was driving home and talking with a friend, I realized it's me I want back.

And I will be.

Wow that really resinates with me and makes me quite sad because I have been telling him for weeks I want the old him back, but slowly I've been going back to being functional and not a victim and not putting up with it and it's just making him miserable because it makes him realise how sick and dysfunctional he is.
We're both young and he's recently changed. I have to believe he's still in there.

Julia Kei wrote:
what are these new treatments? is it medication or therapy such as DBT?

No, Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is used with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't have that. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that creates severe depression and anxiety. It manifest vivid flashbacks, horror dreams and an inability to control my emotions if I am put in a certain situation. The trauma event happened when I was 12, I was in an explosion that left me with 3rd degree burns on 65% of my body. As you can imagine, the treatment for 3rd degree burns is terribly painful.

So I blocked most of it mentally. Locked it away, never confronted it. And as an adult it has started attacking me. So I am on an anti-depressant and I go through two types of therapy. CBT, or talk therapy and now guided affective imagery. The process varies according to the therapist. Some use hypnosis to assist but I don't like that. Basically the therapist takes me into a relaxed state, and guides me back into my memory to try and find repressed memories. In so doing I deal with them on my own terms rather than having them come out of the blue and hurt me. It took a long time for me to get to where I could go back and for weeks I  would get close to remembering and stop, start crying or screaming and beg him not to make me see it. In a way I was becoming the child to get there. I learned that as I go back I am bringing my adult self with me. I also imagine that this woman that I love and is very supportive is with me, holding my hand so I don't have to face it alone.

Since starting this therapy I have remembered a lot of bad stuff. For most of my life I didn't remember anything about the explosion and the weeks in ICU except for a Near Death Experience I had. With the guided imagery I have gone into the explosion, seen my flesh melt and bubble like bacon frying. I smell the smoke and hear my screams. It seems horrible to make someone relive it but I have to and come to terms with this stuff. The explosion was easy. The really painful stuff came later in the hospital. By accident I learned much about my early childhood this week before the explosion.

It is a powerful form of therapy if done by a trained pro. The University of Pennsylvania has one of the best mental health programs in the world. Their research into PTSD and rapid eye movement therapy is amazing! I find all if this amazing and I will be getting a second masters degree in family counseling when I am a bit more stable.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

No, Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is used with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't have that. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that creates severe depression and anxiety. It manifest vivid flashbacks, horror dreams and an inability to control my emotions if I am put in a certain situation. The trauma event happened when I was 12, I was in an explosion that left me with 3rd degree burns on 65% of my body. As you can imagine, the treatment for 3rd degree burns is terribly painful.

So I blocked most of it mentally. Locked it away, never confronted it. And as an adult it has started attacking me. So I am on an anti-depressant and I go through two types of therapy. CBT, or talk therapy and now guided affective imagery. The process varies according to the therapist. Some use hypnosis to assist but I don't like that. Basically the therapist takes me into a relaxed state, and guides me back into my memory to try and find repressed memories. In so doing I deal with them on my own terms rather than having them come out of the blue and hurt me. It took a long time for me to get to where I could go back and for weeks I  would get close to remembering and stop, start crying or screaming and beg him not to make me see it. In a way I was becoming the child to get there. I learned that as I go back I am bringing my adult self with me. I also imagine that this woman that I love and is very supportive is with me, holding my hand so I don't have to face it alone.

Since starting this therapy I have remembered a lot of bad stuff. For most of my life I didn't remember anything about the explosion and the weeks in ICU except for a Near Death Experience I had. With the guided imagery I have gone into the explosion, seen my flesh melt and bubble like bacon frying. I smell the smoke and hear my screams. It seems horrible to make someone relive it but I have to and come to terms with this stuff. The explosion was easy. The really painful stuff came later in the hospital. By accident I learned much about my early childhood this week before the explosion.

It is a powerful form of therapy if done by a trained pro. The University of Pennsylvania has one of the best mental health programs in the world. Their research into PTSD and rapid eye movement therapy is amazing! I find all if this amazing and I will be getting a second masters degree in family counseling when I am a bit more stable.

Oh sorry I didn't read the whole thing because my phone got stuck on just the top of it lol I have heard of that therapy before!

Julia Kei wrote:
Oh sorry I didn't read the whole thing because my phone got stuck on just the top of it lol I have heard of that therapy before!

EDIT to remove original comment: never mind, what would it matter.