Tim Little Photography wrote:

I'm sorry my statement found a place in your mind Chris. I was in a state of horrific depression and PTSD induced anxiety. For the moment, in my clear mind. I'm wise enough to know that the only way one is remembered is for that which we give.

Clearly you are hurting right now Chris. You have every right to open your heart here and release all your feelings. We get to feel sorry for ourselves here but often we need to do that. We get to express our fears and sadness and lonely life. I live in a capsule of alone. This website is my only outlet most days. I grow trapped and dependent on broadband to keep me alive. When the internet goes out I flat line.

But Chris. I remember. Remember our private message chats this past Summer. About finances and love and all the big stuff? Remember how you helped me at my lowest? I remember. In a tiny amount of time and in a most impersonal form of communications you have given me friendship, guidance, the honor of holding your fears and concerns for you. Hell, you even gave me cash. All of that, just one of those makes you a hero in my book.

Remember you? How could I ever ever forget you my glorious friend!

Tim

P.S. You know my PM is always open, as long as the internet holds out!

Wow.

Both of you are really amazing people.

Jules NYC wrote:

Wow.

Both of you are really amazing people.

As are you dear! and as are so many wonderful people that find warmth from a cold world here. I love you all, very much!

Tim

Tim Little Photography wrote:

As are you dear! and as are so many wonderful people that find warmth from a cold world here. I love you all, very much!

Tim

Tim Little Photography wrote:
It's 1:46am so let me be the first to welcome you, my dear friends, to FRIDAY!! Woot to power fellow babies!!!

Yes. TGIF!  Opps!  A little early... It's only 11:27 PM over here on the West Coast ... so just a couple more hours before my bedtime.  Thanks Tim!   

I hope everyone here in the most powerful thread on this forum has a wonderful weekend!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
That sounds like fun Faith! I hope you all have a wonderful time!

it gets me out of the house which is good

-i'm excited to take the train. I've never been on the train. I've never been on a subway.

Faith EnFire wrote:
so happy for friday

we are supposed to go to chicago this weekend and go see the lights and then have a fancy dinner down there with bf and his family. sounds like fun

hope everyone else has a good weekend

Have fun.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

I'm sorry my statement found a place in your mind Chris. I was in a state of horrific depression and PTSD induced anxiety. For the moment, in my clear mind. I'm wise enough to know that the only way one is remembered is for that which we give.

Clearly you are hurting right now Chris. You have every right to open your heart here and release all your feelings. We get to feel sorry for ourselves here but often we need to do that. We get to express our fears and sadness and lonely life. I live in a capsule of alone. This website is my only outlet most days. I grow trapped and dependent on broadband to keep me alive. When the internet goes out I flat line.

But Chris. I remember. Remember our private message chats this past Summer. About finances and love and all the big stuff? Remember how you helped me at my lowest? I remember. In a tiny amount of time and in a most impersonal form of communications you have given me friendship, guidance, the honor of holding your fears and concerns for you. Hell, you even gave me cash. All of that, just one of those makes you a hero in my book.

Remember you? How could I ever ever forget you my glorious friend!

Tim

P.S. You know my PM is always open, as long as the internet holds out!

The thing is that other than here and possibly on MM,if I went away who would ever remember me
What women have I dated would ever think back and wonder what ever became of me(well,my ex fiance will always think of me when I retaliated by calling social services on her and had her daughter taken away as I correctly infered she was doing coke,she had drugs in her system).other than how the probably thinik its funny how they used me to get back with their ex's.
I see on FB all the types of guys most women date,I know I choose how I look(and I love my look)and lifestyle and job,but I'm nobody's desireable type when I see pics of their SO's and such.
I should be happy as hell that I have off till Jan 5th,yet I dread it because while I'm on the road alone,at least I'm productive,I will now be all by myself,at home with no hope of meeting someone this time of year,
This is the season of love,family couples,not for socially inept losers like me,I fear going out as it will only deepen the spiral watching all the couples in love.
Jesus friggin Christ
I live a good life,I have always been a great person,always done the right thing,never went out of my way to hurt someone.
I bust my ass to make a good living.
I am so sick of hearing "don't worry,your time will come,there is somebody out there for everyone"
Really?Where the fuck is she?
When am I going to catch a break
I know I know I am not entitled to anything in this world,but with all the hell I have been through Its frigging time I actually get rewarded,no?
FML

Chris Rifkin wrote:
The thing is that other than here and possibly on MM,if I went away who would ever remember me
What women have I dated would ever think back and wonder what ever became of me(well,my ex fiance will always think of me when I retaliated by calling social services on her and had her daughter taken away as I correctly infered she was doing coke,she had drugs in her system).other than how the probably thinik its funny how they used me to get back with their ex's.
I see on FB all the types of guys most women date,I know I choose how I look(and I love my look)and lifestyle and job,but I'm nobody's desireable type when I see pics of their SO's and such.
I should be happy as hell that I have off till Jan 5th,yet I dread it because while I'm on the road alone,at least I'm productive,I will now be all by myself,at home with no hope of meeting someone this time of year,
This is the season of love,family couples,not for socially inept losers like me,I fear going out as it will only deepen the spiral watching all the couples in love.
Jesus friggin Christ
I live a good life,I have always been a great person,always done the right thing,never went out of my way to hurt someone.
I bust my ass to make a good living.
I am so sick of hearing "don't worry,your time will come,there is somebody out there for everyone"
Really?Where the fuck is she?
When am I going to catch a break
I know I know I am not entitled to anything in this world,but with all the hell I have been through Its frigging time I actually get rewarded,no?
FML

I have very good (few, but amazingly good) friends.

My very beautiful friend sent me this a few days ago.
She is a quality person.

Listen to this... and obviously switch the gender.
The lessons are applicable to men as well.

I found this very helpful.

Chris, you are not a loser, so please stop with the self-deprecation.

http://www.catchhimandkeephim.com/l/spe … d=dvhyK%0a

Ok... I'm off to see my other talented, beautiful friend, the lovely 'Epona'... here:)

Keep looking up Chris.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZd_OxdgmOg

Chris Rifkin wrote:

The thing is that other than here and possibly on MM,if I went away who would ever remember me
What women have I dated would ever think back and wonder what ever became of me(well,my ex fiance will always think of me when I retaliated by calling social services on her and had her daughter taken away as I correctly infered she was doing coke,she had drugs in her system).other than how the probably thinik its funny how they used me to get back with their ex's.
I see on FB all the types of guys most women date,I know I choose how I look(and I love my look)and lifestyle and job,but I'm nobody's desireable type when I see pics of their SO's and such.
I should be happy as hell that I have off till Jan 5th,yet I dread it because while I'm on the road alone,at least I'm productive,I will now be all by myself,at home with no hope of meeting someone this time of year,
This is the season of love,family couples,not for socially inept losers like me,I fear going out as it will only deepen the spiral watching all the couples in love.
Jesus friggin Christ
I live a good life,I have always been a great person,always done the right thing,never went out of my way to hurt someone.
I bust my ass to make a good living.
I am so sick of hearing "don't worry,your time will come,there is somebody out there for everyone"
Really?Where the fuck is she?
When am I going to catch a break
I know I know I am not entitled to anything in this world,but with all the hell I have been through Its frigging time I actually get rewarded,no?
FML

It's great to hear back from you Chris! Holidays do suck for those of us who are all alone. I'll be here, alone on Christmas day. There will be two or three Christmas cards sent to me, a phone call from one of my two brothers and that's the holiday. The rest of the time is watching TV, doing MM and dealing with my medical and mental health issues.

So when I read this Chris I feel like I can totally relate to where you are at. And we have talked about this before. I guess the only real difference is you have a job and I don't. But for all the important social, emotional and relationship issues we are like brothers from different mothers.

These issues have been at the top of the agenda in my therapy sessions recently. Chris, you saw my posts from not too long ago. I was falling apart, I wanted someone to talk to and everyone was gone. No one was around here or on my facebook or by phone...etc.

In several ways I was right where you seem to be now Chris. Wanting to know why nothing I ever wanted turned out. All the wonderful women who just wanted to be friends. The destruction of my life from my time with my Ex. "Why me God? When do I get something for me? When can I lay down this burden?"

In therapy I went over all of this with my therapist and I got good advice but its not easy advice. I have to make these things come into my life. And I know you are thinking "Tim, I've spent my life trying to find love!" I know, me too, but I have to make changes in order to attract the type of woman I want to be with. For my therapy homework I had to write out a "Business Plan". A structured and doable list of things that I can do to put me in a position of being able to build a relationship.

If you are interested in it Chris just PM me and I'll send it to you. There is stuff in it that's too personal for the thread but not with just you. I'm thinking that if you want we could be kinda like partners in this. Working through the process and encouraging each other. Let me know if that is something you might want to talk about.

In the mean time lets both try to take Jules advice and stop being so mean to ourselves. Take care of yourself my friend!

Tim

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Well just a few minutes ago he gave me a call. He said it was on his mind all night and he suggested I develop a "business plan", ebook, training program or whatever to develop emotional peer support for the business community. I've been looking for writing projects that can turn into a source of income. Having worked for ages in corporations it would be great if they could have what we have here. But I wonder if the corporate world would honor privacy and if employee's could feel safe sharing details of their lives like we do here. What do you guys think? Could we teach others how to be like us?
Tim

Q1:  "I wonder if the corporate world would honor privacy"
       I only have a non-answer for you: some would, some wouldn't.  Some would use it to determine who to get rid of (to reduce their insurance premiums).

Q2:  "if employee's could feel safe sharing details of their lives like we do here"
       Another non-answer:  It would depend on all of the employees.  Some would honor the intent.  Some wouldn't.  Moderators would be required.  Anonymity would be required - if all your co-workers could read what you wrote and know it was you, there is a much higher chance of abuse (harassment).

I suspect that most companies don't have a large enough population to draw from for the necessary support to appear.  Instead, treat it like a health benefit that is supplied and monitored by whoever is providing the company's health benefits (Blue Cross, United Healthcare, Cigna, etc.).  That way you might be able to get the company agree to treat it as group therapy, so it can't be disclosed.  It also increases the population, increasing the likelihood of the members being able to provide support as well as increasing the amount of anonymity (I don't know what company you work for any more - or even what state you live in).

Moderation would be required, of course, and, since it is being supported by a health provider, they may even be able to provide professional help to interject when necessary.

I'm not sure how you would "protect" the idea so you get paid.  The only way I see for that to happen is if you are able to present the service so the health provider only needs to put their brand on it.  Even then, it is trivial for them to implement the idea themselves.

Good luck - it sounds like it would be both fun and rewarding to set up.

A S Photography wrote:
Q1:  "I wonder if the corporate world would honor privacy"
       I only have a non-answer for you: some would, some wouldn't.  Some would use it to determine who to get rid of (to reduce their insurance premiums).



Q2:  "if employee's could feel safe sharing details of their lives like we do here"
       Another non-answer:  It would depend on all of the employees.  Some would honor the intent.  Some wouldn't.  Moderators would be required.  Anonymity would be required - if all your co-workers could read what you wrote and know it was you, there is a much higher chance of abuse (harassment).

I suspect that most companies don't have a large enough population to draw from for the necessary support to appear.  Instead, treat it like a health benefit that is supplied and monitored by whoever is providing the company's health benefits (Blue Cross, United Healthcare, Cigna, etc.).  That way you might be able to get the company agree to treat it as group therapy, so it can't be disclosed.  It also increases the population, increasing the likelihood of the members being able to provide support as well as increasing the amount of anonymity (I don't know what company you work for any more - or even what state you live in).

Moderation would be required, of course, and, since it is being supported by a health provider, they may even be able to provide professional help to interject when necessary.

I'm not sure how you would "protect" the idea so you get paid.  The only way I see for that to happen is if you are able to present the service so the health provider only needs to put their brand on it.  Even then, it is trivial for them to implement the idea themselves.

Good luck - it sounds like it would be both fun and rewarding to set up.

Hi Art, thanks very much for your input and ideas. I think you are right. If the forum the employee goes to is a part of the company there will be trust fears. So it has to be an independent site of some kind.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi Art, thanks very much for your input and ideas. I think you are right. If the forum the employee goes to is a part of the company there will be trust fears. So it has to be an independent site of some kind.

It's more than that.

There are a lot of people who use their company's computers to connect to the internet. Many of those companies track the usage (to make sure it doesn't go overboard), and often send reports of the web sites that each employee connects to to the employee's supervisor.

If desired, the IS/IT department could provide much more than just the websites visited.  Like everything that employee transmitted to the web site.  There is minimal anonymity at that level.  (Possibly the text could be sent encrypted but, since the company would have web site/forum, time stamp, and user id, they could go to the web site/forum and look for the post(s).

If your service is offered by a health provider, the provider can insist on some contractual agreements on what the company can and can not do (like the company agrees not to report access to that web site to the company supervisors / managers).  If the provider supplies some Psychologists / Psychiatrists / ... that monitor posts and respond, they may be able to get identifying information treated as medical information that can't be disclosed to others, per HIPAA.

Faith EnFire wrote:
alright, Monday before christmas.
I've not done any shopping, I'm so thankful for my family and bfs.

I remember when i was away from my family though, helping other families made my Christmas. Soup kitchens, low income family events, giving trees...etc

anyways, chicago was so much fun..I enjoyed it this time. I've not had a good impression as of late. Thankful we weren't driving. We had an awesome cabbie-he was amused by us. I'll edit and post some photos on flickr this week.

this year, my SAD hasn't been bad.

I'm glad you had a good time and I'll look forward to seeing your photos. When you are alone and broke at Christmas nothing is better than to make a call to the local United Way and ask them how you can help out. They will point you to the shelters, children's groups and so forth that need a helping hand if only for a few hours on one day. If that's not your thing go ahead and find a way to make the day work for you. When I lived in Michigan I was 1200 miles from a close friend or family. So rather than be bored and sad on Christmas Day I went to a fancy Hotel and Casnio for a couple of days. The hotel is dirt cheap and while I don't enjoy gambling there was still tons to do. The important thing to do is not let gravity hold you down in a sad place.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
The important thing to do is not let gravity hold you down in a sad place.

+1

Faith EnFire wrote:
it's weds. feeling kinda sick physically, but emotionally ok

hope everyone is doing alright

Hi Faith. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope you are better soon!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi Faith. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope you are better soon!

it's in a holding pattern
bf is sick sick. i hope it holds till after christmas

hi time

Faith EnFire wrote:
one gift left...one and then I can sit back and relax

Sounds like you are getting ready for a great holiday. I hope you and your boyfriend are both feeling better!

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Sounds like you are getting ready for a great holiday. I hope you and your boyfriend are both feeling better!

thank you. bf is. me-it comes and goes. I was up last night just sick to my stomach...but it will pass. I'll power thru it

Kittelsaa Foto wrote:
Um... I really need someone to talk with now. I'm a happy, outgoing, and truly blessed man, with a wonderful girlfriend who scares the s*it out of me sometimes. Sentences like "I could just end it, and you'd be happy!", "I know you only pretend to love me to be nice. I'm ugly and stupid, and doesn't deserve you", "I wake up in the morning, and all I want to do is go to the fjord and drown myself!" etc...

She's been this way since the age of 10 or so, she was hospitalized at 17, and she's been to all kinds of tests, shrinks, quacks, and healers.

No, she's not always like this. Normally, she is like me. Happy, confident, outgoing. But she uses a lot of energy to keep up the appearance. It's around hollidays and exams she has the worst days.

Lately she's said something that really scared me: "Earlier when I thought about suicide I ended up not doing it because of you, but now I don't care anymore. I'll never be 100%, so it's best to end it."

And now I feel guilty for writing this without her knowing, but I really need... encouragement? help coping? Something...

First of all, you should not feel guilty about posting this information here. You are seeking ways to help your girlfriend. Also, any suicidal ideation has to be taken as a serious threat to her life. From the things she is telling you she has a horrible self-image problem. When she says "you can't love me, I'm ugly..." she is saying she doesn't deserve your love for some reason. Typically these things begin in early childhood.

Your girlfriend is very ill. Emotional health is every bit as important as physical health. You need to find a way to get professional help for her.

Now lets talk about you. My friend, you are in one of the most painful and difficult situations a person can find themselves in. You love a person who is incapable of feeling your love because of her own self-esteem issues. The burden she is putting on you is massive and so very painful. But you can't tell her, it would give her one more reason to turn to talk of suicide. This is one more important reason she must have professional help. You cannot carry the burden alone, it is impossible. You have friends here that understand and care. Always feel free to talk and release your burden here. That's what this is all about.

I don't know what mental health care is like in your country. Here a family member can have someone hospitalized if there is evidence that people might try to harm them self or others. Please do what you can to help her get help. But also understand that you cannot save her from her illness. It is up to her. Please private message me if you ever need to just talk. Blessings and good luck to you my friend.

Tim