Faith EnFire wrote:
very thank full for friday

why is laundry such a chore?

ditto

Faith EnFire wrote:
i have to go to a laundromat and all that fun stuff.
*whine*

http://kayelless.wordpress.com/2011/11/ … -go-round/

Star Child wrote:

http://kayelless.wordpress.com/2011/11/ … -go-round/

Natasha240 wrote:
Welp, I have some medical news, and I'm not sure how to deal with it yet. I KNEW something was wrong with me.

Long story short, I have a rare disorder called Bile Reflux Disease. I just found out this morning. There is not a ton of info on it, but what I have found is disheartening. It is not curable from what I can tell, and is a lifelong chronic problem. I did find an online support group through the Mayo Clinic. It increases my risk for certain cancers. Right now, I'm just hoping the first medication they are going to try on me helps me.

My stomach on the endoscopy is YELLOW, jaunice yellow. Its actually quite interesting to see.

sorry, I read a little bit about it. I suppose the good thing is that it's rather manageable. not perfectly like most diseases, but once they find a treatment plan for you, it should be close to ok.

and

big hugs because none of that above stuff makes you actually feel better

Faith EnFire wrote:


sorry, I read a little bit about it. I suppose the good thing is that it's rather manageable. not perfectly like most diseases, but once they find a treatment plan for you, it should be close to ok.

and

big hugs because none of that above stuff makes you actually feel better

Thank you for the kind words. From what I've been reading, it's not so easily managed, but I'm hoping I'm one of the cases where the simple treatment helps. Here's hoping.

Natasha240 wrote:

Thank you for the kind words. From what I've been reading, it's not so easily managed, but I'm hoping I'm one of the cases where the simple treatment helps. Here's hoping.

*huggs*

Natasha240 wrote:

Thank you for the kind words. From what I've been reading, it's not so easily managed, but I'm hoping I'm one of the cases where the simple treatment helps. Here's hoping.

I'm sorry to hear of this Natasha. I've spent most of my life with painful, chronic and incurable medical problems. As bad as it is there is always a way through it. If you ever need to talk please feel free to private message me. You have friends here who care about you!

Tim

Chris Rifkin wrote:
And my anual Holliday descent into the abyss has begun
Another year single and lonely with less hope each year that goes by
the prospects of being lonely over the hollidays
And of course my fucking Giants exasperate things by making me feel more like shit about myself

*takes huge gulp of nyquil and hopes the pain is gone tomorrow

Being single is certainly not a bad thing.
There are many beautiful, talented, amazing people that are single.
Everyone has their own story as to why they are.

Life can be full of beauty and personal happiness while being single.
You really get to like yourself, being BY yourself.

Sure, a mate is wonderful to share life with.
Not having one YET doesn't mean you have to be lonely.

If loneliness is tugging at your heartstrings, find things to do that give you joy and immerse yourself in those things. 

There is always hope for anything you want.
Patience Chris!

Holidays?  Just turkeys and X-mas trees.
The pomp and circumstance are just traditions, that's all!

Take NyQuil when you have a stuffy nose or have the flu.
Play some guitar or something.
Call a friend you KNOW.
Shoot the moon at 3am if you can't sleep.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
And my anual Holliday descent into the abyss has begun
Another year single and lonely with less hope each year that goes by
the prospects of being lonely over the hollidays
And of course my fucking Giants exasperate things by making me feel more like shit about myself

*takes huge gulp of nyquil and hopes the pain is gone tomorrow

Hi Chris,
I understand that the holidays can be hard for us single people. I've been alone for each Thanksgiving and Christmas since 1994. The exception was the one holiday season I had with my evil ex. I can tell you I would rather be alone for eternity than spend a day in the hell that woman put me through.

But I know that feeling. As a person with PTSD and chronic severe depression everyday is the holidays. I think the key for you might be to find a way to remake the holidays to become something that is special to you. It can also be a great way to meet wonderful people. Many charities need people to help during the holidays. If you have time on Thanksgiving I'm sure there will be people who will be grateful for a couple of hours of your time.
www.psychcentral.com is a site that provides me with lots of useful information about my disease. They have some ideas for the holidays that you might find useful.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/alone- … the-crowd/

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/10-thi … -holidays/

If you ever want to talk I am always available by private message!

Tim

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Good morning Faith, and everyone else! I'm gonna ask for some kind thoughts, opinions or whatever. Last week I had to go back into the hospital with an infection in my leg. For those who don't know my history I was in an explosion when I was 12 and received 3rd degree burns on 68% of my body. Long story short, I am prone to violent infections in my legs. I also have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with major Depressive disorder.

A representative of a plastic surgeon came by to talk to me. I won't go into the details, because I can't they are lost, but she upset me so much I went into a flashback to a pretty horrific time when I was on fire. The next day the surgeon came by. He said he was sorry it happened and that my problem is that I am too smart. I don't know what that means but I got the feeling I was just a paycheck to them and nothing more. Since then I have felt used, sad and unstable. Obviously I know a lot about my medical problems, I live with them everyday. And I am smart.

The thing is, they knew I was prone to flashbacks before they came to see me, I just think they didn't care or didn't know better. Neither is acceptable and they may hurt others.

What do I do about it? The incident was witnessed by a nurse and I filed a complaint at the hospital. I don't know if I should write the Dr. an email to try and help him understand, or should I just let it go. I value the opinions of you all and I appreciate any thoughts you might have. I love you guys!

Tim

I want to say, I am so sorry you have to go through life in physical pain.

PTSD is serious.  My friend was explaining to me how she has that and she can only talk about something so much before she goes into that mode (molestation case). Very hard to listen to, but it helps her.  She went through years of therapy and it truly helped her.

For someone to be so ignorant to what you're going through and be employed at the hospital is atrocious to me, but I am not in the medical field.  Are there any nurses or doctors that could comment on this?

Don't people go into medicine/work at a hospital because they want to help people?

Jules NYC wrote:

I want to say, I am so sorry you have to go through life in physical pain.

PTSD is serious.  My friend was explaining to me how she has that and she can only talk about something so much before she goes into that mode (molestation case). Very hard to listen to, but it helps her.  She went through years of therapy and it truly helped her.

For someone to be so ignorant to what you're going through and be employed at the hospital is atrocious to me, but I am not in the medical field.  Are there any nurses or doctors that could comment on this?

Don't people go into medicine/work at a hospital because they want to help people?

Jules, I am growing quite fond of you today! Thank you for your concern. I suspect most people go into medicine for all the right reasons. But for some its the money. I was treated like a king by all the nurses and techs and everyone else at the hospital. It was just this one surgery group. I've decided to get a second opinion from another surgeon with a great reputation for caring. I'm lucky my insurance allows me to do that.

I'm sorry about your friend. I know several women in my PTSD support group who were molested. So sad. But like you said, the therapy helps. I don't flash back anymore unless something provokes me.

Jules NYC wrote:
Don't people go into medicine/work at a hospital because they want to help people?

this is what we get told but I think we all probably have stories of people who stopped caring

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Jules, I am growing quite fond of you today! Thank you for your concern. I suspect most people go into medicine for all the right reasons. But for some its the money. I was treated like a king by all the nurses and techs and everyone else at the hospital. It was just this one surgery group. I've decided to get a second opinion from another surgeon with a great reputation for caring. I'm lucky my insurance allows me to do that.

I'm sorry about your friend. I know several women in my PTSD support group who were molested. So sad. But like you said, the therapy helps. I don't flash back anymore unless something provokes me.

Tim,

Thank you for the kind words!

Yes, I'm sure some do go into medicine for the $.  It amazes me what 2 years of Nursing school can START you off at 60K a year... more than teachers make, who pay dearly for their education. 

For those who go into it for altruistic reasons (the right ones), it's a calling... something you MUST do.

What I sincerely believe, be it physical or emotional, is that people helping you recover have to be empathetic.  It's not something you teach, it has to be built into their persona.  Otherwise, why be in the medical field?

If the incident put you in a dangerous place, I would certainly cause some waves.  For yourself and the next patient that will get the same cold-handed treatment.  You have every right to say something about it.

My heart goes out to you.
Please do something about it, if you have the energy to do so.

Maybe somehow they are getting numb to it all, seeing hard-core cases everyday. Maybe you can alert them to find some new-found compassion.

Faith EnFire wrote:

this is what we get told but I think we all probably have stories of people who stopped caring

I worked with 12 nurses at a time when I was in a car accident (right back to work!)  I had stitches in my face, which was entirely bruised, ha ha.

Anyhoo, one nurse dealt with addiction cases.  She was absolutely disgusted with one patient and I asked her why she was so hard about it.  She seen the same story over and over and became immune to it all.

I'd think that is what is happening in hospitals.  Desensitization.  Imagine what they see and deal with every day. No excuse of course.

Bedside manner anyone?

netmodel wrote:
A few months ago, I met a guy who looked very handsome - muscular blue eyed blonde - you know the typical next door American jock - at a fund raising party. I was actually intrigued about him but he had an attitude with me so I just figured... screw him. However, when the party was ending, he started being nice to me... and I was like, "It's the alcohol." I left. Hey.. he gave me attitude so he gets my attitude!

Yet, I could sense that something was torturing him. I couldn't figure out what it was.

A week later, I found him through Facebook but I was hesitant to friend him. But I learned that he's a registered nurse in ER.

Two weeks ago, to my surprise he messaged me and said hi. I didn't reply back because I was busy as heck. 

Yesterday, he was no longer a nurse, he became a patient. He committed suicide. He's still breathing but brain dead. His life support will be pulled tomorrow and his organs be donated so it's bittersweet knowing that even though he worked in ER saving lives, he is STILL going to save more lives after his death. 

Naturally, I wish I could have known him more and now that he's gone, I am sad that I have lost a potential good friend.

Oh wow. That's intense and so incredibly sad.  How are you feeling about it now? Hope you'r not going doreen the "if only" line..

Tim Little Photography wrote:
DEAR GOD

Tim here! When does it all end? When do you have enough fun at my expense and move on to someone else to torture. I was 12! You couldn't cover me and give me just a little protection? I guess I know the answer to that. The burn unit was filled with little kids you let burn. So much pain so much lost so many screams. Wasn't enough that you got to torture me every day in the debridement tank? Does it please you that I have lived my entire life with holes in my leg and pain that never stops. How about the strain on my family? Did you get off on that? I bet you giggled like a little girl when I was a teenager all covered in burn scars and no girl wanted anything to do with me. Wasn't all that enough you son of a bitch?

Now I'm 52, and you've taken away the feeling in my foot. You keep the holes in my leg nicely infected and you driven me to a mental state that leaves me totally disabled. $1,100 a month to buy my drugs and my clothes and food and forget about housing. Your taking my home away. You took my car last month. When do I get to know why? Why did you select this cross for me to bear? What comes from all this? Tell me God, tell me what you were thinking.

I've tried so hard to not believe in you, but I know better than that. Before you destroyed me I used to see you everywhere. Remember when I was a little boy and we would talk all day as I rode my bike and played with my Tonka dump truck. Wasn't my happiness and joy good for you? I could feel you with me. I've tried to not believe in you but damn it I know better.

Do you have an exit plan for all of this? If so could you let me in on it because I'm tired, so tired. This is my open prayer to you today. My honest straight from my heart prayer that I beg you to hear. When can I just lay my burden down?

Amen


I'm sorry MM family but I have to get it out of me. This anger is making me sick. I'm sorry to burden you with my mess.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I kinda need to talk. is there any of the gang around?

pretty busy here but i can stop here and there for a message

Chris Rifkin wrote:
This is a major reason I stopped believing in an invisible man who may or may not exist.....
Prayers are never answered,and I feel I have acomplished more since I stopped believing

Hope this does not alienate anyone here

You might have read in my post that believing or not believing isn't at play. I know him, I remember God in my life as a little kid protecting me from drunk dad. I know he is there, I feel him, I feel his indifference. Today I needed someone to really talk to and pour out some pain. I've always tried to be helpful to people here, even taking private messages. I've stayed up all night with people. But when I need someone one God clears the room and no body is around. Everything I try to do for others he uses to hurt me. Its been this way since the explosion.

I wish I had died that day. They gave me the option. The angel gave me the opportunity to on ahead. But I was worried about my mom. The angel told me I would live but it would be hard. I didn't know what hard meant. I chose wrong that day. My gavestone should have said RIP 8/23/59-6/12/72.

What has me going off today is the damn flashbacks that started in the hospital attacking me. I have no memory of what is happening to me while I am wrapped up in them. All I needed from him was to let me have someone to talk to who would care, really care. I can't even have that.

God, I really can't wait to get my hands on him.

A S Photography wrote:
Tim, would the skin gun help?  Or is it too late? (Note that it is experimental, so it may take a lot of fighting to have them test it on you).

Thank you Art for the link. This technology, if it pans out, may save thousands of lives and help to ease the horrible pain of burn treatment. It is too late for me Art. I have what's called chronic venous insufficiency.  This is a condition that occurs when the venous wall and/or valves in the leg veins are not working effectively, making it difficult for blood to return to the heart from the legs. CVI causes blood to “pool” or collect in these veins, and this pooling is called stasis. As a result skin breaks down and Stasis Ulcers form and don't respond well to any external treatment. Since the age of 12 I have had a total of 2 years when my leg had skin everywhere. The rest of the time its raw inflamed painful wounds. The best process we have found it to skin graft ever year or two. I had a graft about six months ago.

The dangerous, may kill me, part of all of this is infection of course. I have had MRSA once and it was pure hell. In the past four weeks I have been hospitalized twice and placed in contact isolation due to aggressive Staphylococcus aureus.

I lost it today because I just wanted to talk to someone one and everyone was gone. I can't talk to family about it, not how I get so mad at God. The pain and frustration beats on me. Add to that my losing my home to foreclosure and I can find nothing to indicate a bright future. It seems I have gone through all of this hopeful that I at least maybe helped someone to deal with their emotional or physical problems. Instead I see that I am only in the way.

Thanks again for the link.

S de Varax wrote:
my last exam of a 6 year law degree is tomorrow (technically today, later)
I'm freaking out.
I don't think I can actually pass this and my anxiety is going into overload.
I'm walking around in circles going f***f***f***f***.

after six years, you probably know it down pat. anxiety on something like this makes sense.

good luck

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Thanks Faith. It has to end someday. The hope that keeps me going is that someday I won't have to keep going anymore.

. how's that working out for you?

Faith EnFire wrote:
. how's that working out for you?

Dr. Phil says that a lot! And the response is always "not very well". The past two weeks has been so intense with the hospital and infection and the rude thing that made me flashback and some continuing flashbacks and the woman that loves me back in Alabama had a biopsy done on her breast and now they have to do surgery next week, and on and on. So I lost it yesterday. I was calling everyone I know and getting voicemail, no one on at Facebook or here. My therapist is on a well deserved vacation so I just needed to talk but I couldnt find  anyone. It's like everyone I know went to Gilligan's Island for three hours but the ship got lost and they never came back.

Oh yea: Thank you Faith.