E P O N A wrote:

I'm DYING for pumpkin coffee!

yes please...want it now!

Star Child wrote:
*sipping coffee and being nervous about this morning's shoot*

Nervous about a shoot? Me? Gah!

I can't wait to see peektures!

E P O N A wrote:

I can't wait to see peektures!

me too

Natasha240 wrote:
If any of you read my thread, my cat died last night. Guys, the pain is so huge it's killing me. I can't stop crying, and when I force myself to stop, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Don't judge me, but it hurts so much worse than when my dad died. I can't explain it. I had the urge to cut myself just to feel something else, to make this enormous pain stop.

I didn't want to, put I had to just take a Xanax to calm down. I feel like my heart is being ripped out, I feel like I lost a child. Please dont make fun, I know you guys wont, but it's how I feel. I feel like I'm dying.

I know how you feel,  when my cat died I felt like a mess inside.
she had a long and lovely life but towards her last few years she had some health complications, but when we thought she was getting much better, she went downhill in a matter of 24hours to the point where I had to take her to the vet and have her put down as I couldn't stand to see her in pain so much

It broke my heart when I held her in my hand as she got the jag and I felt her last heartbeat

I had her all my life till I was 15 and she was just a few weeks from being 18.

my tiny beautiful Cory.


I still think about her often, we have her buried at the end of the garden with a plaque and of course no other cat will be the same as her.

Alot of people would think its weird for us to mourn more for our pet than a family member, but often in cases like this we were much closer to our cats than we were to others.   I hope you start to feel better soon and start to remember the good memories instead of remembering them for their death.

Natasha240 wrote:
THank you AKP.

I may end up giving in to the urge to cut. I havent in years, but I don't know how else to deal with this pain. I'll feel like a failure and a bad person for doing it, but it's getting to that point. I know Danielle will be mad as hell at me, but it's getting beyond my control. Just a little one, nothing dangerous.

I so wish I could give you words that would help.

Perhaps you can find an alternative to cutting.  Have Danielle drive you somewhere remote where she can just hold you while you scream as loud as you can.  Buy a sack of potatoes and beat the shit out of it with a meat tenderizer.  Punch a stack of pillows.  I don't know.

We love you, and I for one won't judge you if you do choose to cut.  However, if you're trying to, in some way, ask us for "permission" to cut then I personally can't give it.  Try to find another form of catharsis.  There are other ways, but they may not be obvious.

No matter what you choose, you still have my love.

Natasha240 wrote:
If any of you read my thread, my cat died last night. Guys, the pain is so huge it's killing me. I can't stop crying, and when I force myself to stop, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. Don't judge me, but it hurts so much worse than when my dad died. I can't explain it. I had the urge to cut myself just to feel something else, to make this enormous pain stop.

I didn't want to, put I had to just take a Xanax to calm down. I feel like my heart is being ripped out, I feel like I lost a child. Please dont make fun, I know you guys wont, but it's how I feel. I feel like I'm dying.

Anyone that would make fun of you for this is a sick individual.
Hell, I cry at the THOUGHT of losing one of my furbabies.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
It's 3:00am and I can't sleep.

I hope you're resting peacefully now.

E P O N A wrote:
The past couple of weeks I've finally feel improvement with my treatment (mental).

But two days ago, I've felt like we're back at square one. Nothing has changed and now I feel I have to start over. Is this normal?

As for physical stuff, I'm waiting on my test results from the doctor and it's excruciating.

I've felt like that many times (the back at square one part).  For me that got more infrequent and I improved greatly over time.  YMMV, but don't look at it as if it's the way things always will be.  Remember, a large part of recovery is the mindset you bring to it.  Don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

E P O N A wrote:
The past couple of weeks I've finally feel improvement with my treatment (mental).

But two days ago, I've felt like we're back at square one. Nothing has changed and now I feel I have to start over. Is this normal?

As for physical stuff, I'm waiting on my test results from the doctor and it's excruciating.

In my experience that is not uncommon at all. I go forward and fall back often and I'm told by my therapist to expect it. Just keep working on yourself and don't feel like you have failed if you step back a bit. It's all a part of the process.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I've felt like that many times (the back at square one part).  For me that got more infrequent and I improved greatly over time.  YMMV, but don't look at it as if it's the way things always will be.  Remember, a large part of recovery is the mindset you bring to it.  Don't create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Sorry, YMMV?

Tim Little Photography wrote:

In my experience that is not uncommon at all. I go forward and fall back often and I'm told by my therapist to expect it. Just keep working on yourself and don't feel like you have failed if you step back a bit. It's all a part of the process.

That makes sense.

E P O N A wrote:
Sorry, YMMV?

Your Mileage May Vary.

EDIT: Or "You Make Me Vomit" if you're so inclined.

Natasha240 wrote:
I just read something that made me cry and feel better at the same time:

Life is not fair. Life is a series of tragic losses but we cannot lose something unless we have first had it so the magnitude of each loss becomes the measure of life's gifts.

That's beautiful!

Natasha240 wrote:
.

*huggs*

Faith EnFire wrote:

me too

http://kayelless.net/blog/2011/10/09/si … ter-debra/ 18+
First results, just a little something for Breast Cancer Awareness month - from my series.

The model was delightful and turns out to live about five minutes from me.  We had fun and look forward to shooting together again. Still have two rolls of film to get developed.  Hoping they come out good.

Star Child wrote:

http://kayelless.net/blog/2011/10/09/si … ter-debra/ 18+
First results, just a little something for Breast Cancer Awareness month - from my series.

The model was delightful and turns out to live about five minutes from me.  We had fun and look forward to shooting together again. Still have two rolls of film to get developed.  Hoping they come out good.

awesome. glad it worked out. its cool when you shoot with someone you get along with and even better when they live near by

Bek Ruszin wrote:
I sat here for a good 10 minutes, wanting to write something, wanting to say a lot of things, but I'm at such a loss. 

Everyday brings me memories of my brother and while they are nothing but beautiful, wonderful memories, they seldom make me smile.

I'm sure tons of people have told you but it takes time. sometimes, lots and lots of time.

hug

Enfire Photography wrote:
just stopped in to say hi
tired and sleepy and sorta irritable

I'm feeling the same way.
*puts on enough coffee for two - just in case*

Enfire Photography wrote:
just stopped in to say hi
tired and sleepy and sorta irritable

The Packers are 5-0, that thought should help

Star Child wrote:

The Packers are 5-0, that thought should help

nope too tired care

Faith EnFire wrote:

nope too tired care

Wow. You is tired

Star Child wrote:

Wow. You is tired

Faith EnFire wrote:
or maybe this would be more appropriate

Faith EnFire wrote:
feeling much more rested today. bf came over but I took a nap. I was completely exhausted yesterday.
dog park today

I feel fragile. like I'm ok, but every once in awhile i take a dip into despair. Make it stop. rawr, because I said so

My cats and I are nap specialists

Star Child wrote:

My cats and I are nap specialists

i usually don't because then i don't sleep well at night, but yesterday, I figured i could get away with it

Star Child wrote:
I think we're in love. Now I'm really in trouble.

just go for the ride. and try not to overthink it