Star Child wrote:

At least it feels that way sometimes

indeed

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Good advice Faith!!! Good morning everyone! I hope you have a great one! My day is action packed. In a few minutes I am going to take a required credit test and then go file for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. I'm doing it Pro Se as I cannot afford an attorney. By doing this it stops the upcoming sheriff's sale and starts the process over. And that leads to my next bit of good news! You may already know this,

I'm moving to Minneapolis!! My brother wants me to come help with his recording studio and video editing. Also, his wife has some serious respiratory problems and I can take most of the burden off her when house cleaning and stuff like that. The best thing is I get to see my beautiful A+ getting 11-yo Niece every day!

This is fantastic news.
I should have thought of pro se. I used to do bk loans at work. the key is to stay on everyone's but to get all the paperwork you need and don't sign anything you aren't comfortable with

So glad your brother is helping you out and you get to spend some time with your family

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Good advice Faith!!! Good morning everyone! I hope you have a great one! My day is action packed. In a few minutes I am going to take a required credit test and then go file for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. I'm doing it Pro Se as I cannot afford an attorney. By doing this it stops the upcoming sheriff's sale and starts the process over. And that leads to my next bit of good news! You may already know this,

I'm moving to Minneapolis!! My brother wants me to come help with his recording studio and video editing. Also, his wife has some serious respiratory problems and I can take most of the burden off her when house cleaning and stuff like that. The best thing is I get to see my beautiful A+ getting 11-yo Niece every day!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
little miracles (who says prayers don't get answered?)

Tim Little Photography wrote:
And with the Mayo clinic there I suspect there are some good therapists in the area!!

very good ones. know a few people who have gone there

E P O N A wrote:
I've been doing such a shit job of posting here and for that, I apologize.

Please do not take it as I don't care or anything like that. Like all of you already know, talking it out is very hard for me.

E P O N A wrote:
I've been doing such a shit job of posting here and for that, I apologize.

Please do not take it as I don't care or anything like that. Like all of you already know, talking it out is very hard for me.

E P O N A wrote:
I've been doing such a shit job of posting here and for that, I apologize.

Please do not take it as I don't care or anything like that. Like all of you already know, talking it out is very hard for me.

Bek Ruszin wrote:
I've never been in here before, so I don't really know where to start. 

My brother committed suicide on sometime on Sunday morning, September 25th around 1:00 a.m.  I was the second family member to arrive on the scene (my father made it there seconds before I).  I thought that there had to have been a mistake or that it had something to do with his girlfriend and not him.  I was wrong.  We had a service for him on Thursday, the 27th. 

We're all so very lost right now.  It still hasn't hit me.  He was over my house so often, I keep expecting him to walk in the door.  The past few days were overwhelming as my mother (who is a total wreck) came from Florida and is staying with me.  There were so many guests and phonecalls and such that it was hard for me to keep up.  I'm trying to comfort my children as best I can (my son is 4 and my daughter is 14 and they were both incredibly close to my brother).  I want them to know it's ok to be sad and it's ok to cry and basically ANYTHING they're feeling is ok right now, but it reality I don't know what to do.  I am so lost right now.

I am so sorry for your loss Bek. A suicide can be a most horrible thing for a family to go through. So often people will hide the things that torment them from the ones they love so as not to make them worry. What you are feeling now is perfectly normal. You are overwhelmed.

There are five stages of grief. The first is denial. This first stage of grieving helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief.

Next comes Anger.
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this?

Next comes Bargaining:
We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt.

Then there is depression:
Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

Finally, there is acceptance:

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves.

Bek, you need to be able to talk about your loss to someone who isn't in the same painful state that you are. Only you can determine if you need a therapist or not. There are many of us here who are happy to talk with you by Private Message. I also talk with people by telephone if they want. The point is Bek there are people here who have hurt bad and we make ourselves available to try and help others. I have had a serious suicide attempt, but I know what is wrong with me and how to treat it. Please turn to us if you want to talk with someone. Or, if you need help finding other resources we can help you there. I really am sorry for the loss of your brother Bek. Our thought are with you and your family.

Bek Ruszin wrote:
Do you mind if I PM you because now I am not quite sure if my situation quite fits into the idea behind this thread.  I honestly do not want to burden those who are going through their own personal difficult times with that of my own.

I don't mind at all Bek

Bek Ruszin wrote:
Do you mind if I PM you because now I am not quite sure if my situation quite fits into the idea behind this thread.  I honestly do not want to burden those who are going through their own personal difficult times with that of my own.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I don't mind at all Bek

Just as a point of clarification, I'd be curious if the discussion of the situation fits into the thread or not.

I mean, even if the thread is for the purpose of helping those who are feeling suicidal and/or depressed, might it not be helpful for someone who is feeling suicidal to see an open discussion of how family members feel after someone has committed suicide.

As for not wanting to burden those going through personal difficult times, isn't one of the points of the thread to show people that they are not alone, and that there are others who are also having difficult times, and that is it something many of us are facing, either from time to time, or on a more frequent basis (unemployed, homeless, health issues, relationships, what-have-you).

Ultimately, isn't this about trying to help people through dark, difficult times, and I (may be biased, but I) would think that this would be a relevant discussion.

Bek Ruszin wrote:
Do you mind if I PM you because now I am not quite sure if my situation quite fits into the idea behind this thread.  I honestly do not want to burden those who are going through their own personal difficult times with that of my own.

Bek,

I think it's great you are sharing this here. One thing that suicidal folks don't think about is the impact on their friends and family. I think if most people realized the severe trauma they would be putting their friends and loved ones through, they might not do it.

My heart goes out to you and your family. May you find comfort and strength in those around you.

Bek Ruszin wrote:
Do you mind if I PM you because now I am not quite sure if my situation quite fits into the idea behind this thread.  I honestly do not want to burden those who are going through their own personal difficult times with that of my own.

Yes. Your situation fits into the idea of this thread. This thread is for everyone and anyone dealing with overwhelming emotions regardless of the reason. Everyone is welcome to seek help here!

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Yes. Your situation fits into the idea of this thread. This thread is for everyone and anyone dealing with overwhelming emotions regardless of the reason. Everyone is welcome to seek help here!

He's right. This thread has a lot of support and few restrictions. At the beginning of this thread there are a bunch of resources. It might have something there that might help you and your family deal with this particular type of loss. The participants in this thread are here to support members of mm thru hard times and depression and mental illness and really so much more.  Most of us can probably speak to both ends of the suicide spectrum.
You are welcome here to get support and ask questions. Most of us are open to pm's too.
I would also recommend seeing a professional who maybe specializes in families of people who committed suicide. They might be very helpful regarding how to speak to your eldest who realizes what happened probably a little more than your younger child.
Anyways let us know how we can help and I'm so sorry. Hugs.

Star Child wrote:


I'm up early. Got a busy and long day ahead. I'm gonna go with Happy Monday, though. The weekend was positive if not productive and I'm gonna do what I can to keep that flow of positive energy throughout my week.

all i know i have to find more coffee. everything else can wait

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Welcome to Monday! Woot!

I've been keeping an eye on your situation and so glad it turned around for you:)
I promised I'd send good thoughts; I did:)

Jules NYC wrote:

I've been keeping an eye on your situation and so glad it turned around for you:)
I promised I'd send good thoughts; I did:)

Thank you Jules! You are very kind.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Yes. Your situation fits into the idea of this thread. This thread is for everyone and anyone dealing with overwhelming emotions regardless of the reason. Everyone is welcome to seek help here!

QFT.

And Tim, I'm so glad to hear your good news.  I was very worried about you but was at a loss for what to say.  Knowing that things are looking up for you has brightened my day.

Stella Thai wrote:
This matters more than anything, if you ever feel like it's hopeless, it's not: read the story here of victory and accomplishment

www.twloha.com

I have both mental issues and was a cutter. It feels like it's an escape but it's just digging yourself deeper and deeper into a dark hole that you don't have to, and don't 'deserve' to be in in the first place.

love this

Faith EnFire wrote:
good morning
i've got some strawberry shortcake coffee from speedway-it's delicious

That sounds fabulous.

E P O N A wrote:

That sounds fabulous.

it was too light on the coffee taste but yummy. i'm waiting for the pumpkin spice...mmmm

Star Child wrote:
Ooo! Ooo! *jumping up and down with excitement - but tempered by sleepy head*

Just got back from therapy and have good stuffs and resources to share.  I've been making good progress and my time with MHC is just about up, so today we talked about ways to ensure continuation of progress and maintaining.  Have website information and some documents to share (gotta scan).  Stuff that other folks in this group might find useful, but for now I need to re-enter my sleep chamber for a couple more hours.

Oh, and I have a shoot this time tomorrow.

yay

Faith EnFire wrote:
happy thursday. i'm looking forward to the weekend

Me too.
If I'm feeling well enough, I'm having a friend over. (This is big, I never "hang out" with anyone)

Faith EnFire wrote:

it was too light on the coffee taste but yummy. i'm waiting for the pumpkin spice...mmmm

I'm DYING for pumpkin coffee!