Faith EnFire wrote:

did you see, teddy has a mohawk
ther are a couple of low key dogs. walks every day are more than enough-more of snugglers and car ride dogs -thats my type of dog

Teddy's a charmer! I wanted to hang out at the dog park with him to moment I saw him. Did you see his smile in the second picture? You bring him hone and he will love you forever!

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Teddy's a charmer! I wanted to hang out at the dog park with him to moment I saw him. Did you see his smile in the second picture? You bring him hone and he will love you forever!

there are just some loves out there
these are the other ones i'm considering at this time
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/20630489
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/19462005
http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/20672465

just waiting for a dog to pop out at me. sangria and teddy have very similar stories as my late Gus. axel and lucas look like great dogs. teddy does sorta pop, axel pretty much fits what I want. lucas and sangria are black dogs which I want to adopt because they are less likely to get adopted.

sigh..patience, faith, patience

E P O N A wrote:
I'm freaking out over this hurricane coming.

I'm insisting to John we drive further inland but he's insisting we will be fine. Someone come get me.

sorry, I'm in the midlands and probably wouldn't make it in time

It will probably be fine but be prepared
the news say just in case
"
He said the department is urging residents to follow FEMA's advice and prepare for the storm in three ways: set up a kit with water, flashlights and battery-powered radios; have a plan in place to communicate with relatives; pay close attention to news media accounts of the storm and the advice of public officials."



Read more: http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Lik … z1W2hzKefN

the good news is it is saying that it will probably be a category 1 by the time it gets to connecticut

Enfire Photography wrote:

sorry, I'm in the midlands and probably wouldn't make it in time

It will probably be fine but be prepared
the news say just in case
"
He said the department is urging residents to follow FEMA's advice and prepare for the storm in three ways: set up a kit with water, flashlights and battery-powered radios; have a plan in place to communicate with relatives; pay close attention to news media accounts of the storm and the advice of public officials."



Read more: http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Lik … z1W2hzKefN

the good news is it is saying that it will probably be a category 1 by the time it gets to connecticut

I hope it's not a big deal (just a 1). I've been through too many storms and storms are one of my major panic attack triggers. Thanks for the link.

E P O N A wrote:

I hope it's not a big deal (just a 1). I've been through too many storms and storms are one of my major panic attack triggers. Thanks for the link.

Andreas S Leah wrote:
got a very shit mood
returned to home, back in one week, since i broke with my girlfriend, i was about to believe she has changed.

A week passed, and she is back to her "normal" mode.

Pissed off, cant sleep, very depressed.

change is hard. to continue with change is hard too

hug

Enfire Photography wrote:

a 1 seems better than the three that they'll be getting south. I'm sure 1 is still sorta scarey

have you talked about changing your perspective about storms with your doctor. I used to panic with storms, but then my dog used to panic and i had to be strong for him. and since then I've made it scarey movie time...but that's just me

Yea, we're working on the panic thing. Right now we're just happy the suicidal thoughts stopped.

John said we will snuggle and watch movies.

Andreas S Leah wrote:
got a very shit mood
returned to home, back in one week, since i broke with my girlfriend, i was about to believe she has changed.

A week passed, and she is back to her "normal" mode.

Pissed off, cant sleep, very depressed.

*hugs* I know from experience how frustrating it can be when we're counting on someone we care about and the person doesn't come through. It happened to me with an ex of mine who cheated and manipulated all through the relationship and the thing I have learned is that waiting for someone to change to fit our needs is destructive to everyone involved in the situation.

Even if it's painful, it's best to let go if the person is causing too much pain and trouble.

Depending on where you are with this issue, talking it out or doing something to induce a sort of emotional catharsis can help. What helped me is to write my ex a letter, to wish him well in life so that it became easier to let go of the anger.

I have this thing I say to myself in my mind when people hurt me, "what you do belongs to YOU". Hopefully this helps or at least provides some food for thought. Feel free to PM if you need to talk to someone.

Natasha240 wrote:
I feel my SAD starting already

Seasonal affective disorder?

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Seasonal affective disorder?

Dunno but I I know for a fact my holliday depression kicked in right around the July 4th weekend
and has a stranglehold on me.....maybe because of my issues dealing with loneliness
and tye helplessness of not knowing how or where to meet someone...

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Seasonal affective disorder?

yup....just knowing that summer is coming to an end, seeing the sun go down earlier....it's starting.

E P O N A wrote:

Yea, we're working on the panic thing. Right now we're just happy the suicidal thoughts stopped.

John said we will snuggle and watch movies.

soo....how was the snuggling?

Enfire Photography wrote:
tuesday bump.
hola all.

(I bought a new computer-faster processor, lots of memory and the newest software for editing from corel-i don't do adobe. hopefully be here by friday...yay)

I use Corel Paint Shop Pro for most editing. I love it much better than PS.

P.S.-I'm having a crummy day. Meds got messed up and I have to pay the costs. Oh well.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

I use Corel Paint Shop Pro for most editing. I love it much better than PS.

P.S.-I'm having a crummy day. Meds got messed up and I have to pay the costs. Oh well.

that sort of sucks but at least you still have your meds

so glad that you said that, most people look at me funny when I say that I like corel better. i think I might be getting essentials for free just as part of the computer preloaded. might putter with that.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
"When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins..."

That's from the song "21 Guns" by Greenday. I post it here because it is close to describing how I feel about my life, my pain and how Goddamned hard it all is sometimes.

This video is from the cast of the play "American Idiot". I love this video for a world of reasons. One is that it reminds me of my college days, the last days when joy lived in my heart all the time. Being a creative person, college is like heaven, only very short lived. Then the real world comes and joy runs in fear.

I had therapy today that took me back to pure hell. Then I got stuck in there and I couldn't remember how to get out. It took hours. I've played this video over and over today, trying to remember who I am. Maybe you will get something from it. If not, that's OK too. It's all a journey.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1RKr4pWOqs

Edit: I really, really do love you people. Thank you for your wonderful friendship.

hugs.

one of the things I've learned is that we are not our feeling and emotions but how we react to them. it's helped me step away from my funks.

Niall Photo wrote:
the feeling of helplessness
that comes when compassion
is not enough

a very nice haiku

ty for sharing it niall

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Drove past littereally within a mile of where I grew up.....and drove around the area I grew up on long island (deliveries)
Seems like a lifetime ago...
In my 20s I was a lonely loser with some hope that I would figure it out and find love
20 years later driving by...still a lonely loser with a few things figured out but too late
and no hope left that I will find someone...

loser? i don't think people think you are a loser

one can always find love with a lab

Enfire Photography wrote:

loser? i don't think people think you are a loser

one can always find love with a lab

At this time of my life a canine might be the only way Ill find unconditional love

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Anyone have advice on how to deal with severe emotional outburst and crying jags? In my PTSD therapy I'm getting into deeper stuff than ever before. I've learned that I have a great deal of rage and anger at what my 12-year-old self perceived as God. All my life I've been angry that he didn't go ahead and kill me and let me go to heaven. He didn't tell me it would hurt so bad and my mama would suffer so much and I hate him. So now I'm this 52 year old 12 year old stuck in an emotional vise. All my shrink says is "Good, you are making great progress Tim. I know it hurts but it won't heal until you release it" As if the 3rd degree burns were not bad enough now I have to relived the shame and fear and rage of my 12-yo hate for God. He made mama cry so much it was awful for her. Now that she has passed he better have made it right for her.

So anyone know how to stop crying?

You will not like my take...but when I would come home after getting brutalized by my tormentors
my mom would tell me don't worry...God has a plan for you...its all part of his plan..let's go talk to the priest..
When I would be home alone on weekends depressed...my mom would tell me that God has a plan for you...that somewhere some girl is also lonely waiting for me to come into her life...she probably wont be as pretty as you hope for...but she will be a wonderful person and you will fall in love with her because God will let you know she's the one..
When my first GF passed away my mom told me it was all part of Gods plan...that she wasn't the one because she was too pretty for you...he saved you from having sex with her before you were married(epic fail...lol Im surprised my mom was so naive...thene again Im not because of her suck assed parenting skills)..that you only have sex to reproduce once you are married..which is why the one God has chosen for you will not be the prettiest...your love for each other will be the stimulous to reproduce)
Somehow I held a belief of God through my mid 30s...mostly out of a remote hope that my mom was right..
She also said that therapy and psychiatric help was the work of the Devil because I will be told not to trust in God but to trust in myself....
When my exnfiance left me...took me about 6 months to finally "snap"I screamed
to God..was this also part of your fucking plan?Then realized that putting my faith in an invisible man in the sky that may or may not even exist was not going to help me...fuck that...I need to do what I needed to do to try to help myself fix myself..1 mo th later I found the therapist I currently
have....and as you can see I have a ton of work I need to do(hell,I still feel its probably too late to find someone that I could share all this untapped love in me after years of damage and not getting propper help)..but. I know I have improved bigtime...

That's my story....
Im not trting to disuade you one way or another...but think about things

Chris Rifkin wrote:

At this time of my life a canine might be the only way Ill find unconditional love

tis a good way to start. and also a good icebreaker

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Anyone have advice on how to deal with severe emotional outburst and crying jags? In my PTSD therapy I'm getting into deeper stuff than ever before. I've learned that I have a great deal of rage and anger at what my 12-year-old self perceived as God. All my life I've been angry that he didn't go ahead and kill me and let me go to heaven. He didn't tell me it would hurt so bad and my mama would suffer so much and I hate him. So now I'm this 52 year old 12 year old stuck in an emotional vise. All my shrink says is "Good, you are making great progress Tim. I know it hurts but it won't heal until you release it" As if the 3rd degree burns were not bad enough now I have to relived the shame and fear and rage of my 12-yo hate for God. He made mama cry so much it was awful for her. Now that she has passed he better have made it right for her.

So anyone know how to stop crying?

have you read CS Lewis' on suffering?

I suppose if you are still crying, you aren't done releasing it. Though i whenever i got into an emotional wtf-i'd ask or my friends would ask: So what are you going to do about it?

Faith EnFire wrote:

have you read CS Lewis' on suffering?

I suppose if you are still crying, you aren't done releasing it. Though i whenever i got into an emotional wtf-i'd ask or my friends would ask: So what are you going to do about it?

I just called my Dr. for some clarification. He told me not to worry about the crying. He brought up a good point and that is I also laugh a ton more and I have developed and maintained a healthy loving relationship since getting started.

He says with the stuff I have to deal with most anyone would cry because first I have to re-experience it as a 12-year-old.

I'm sorry I burdened y'all with this. I need to stop sharing everything here. It's not healthy.

Natasha240 wrote:
I feel my SAD starting already

I had a twinge of that the other day.  I just shoved the thought out of my mind and decided to deal with it when it comes.  I have a sunlamp, I have my mental exercises - I know I can beat it.  It sucks that a fight is necessary, though.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
He says with the stuff I have to deal with most anyone would cry because first I have to re-experience it as a 12-year-old.

I did basically the same thing after my crisis.  I basically spent six months "allowing" my childhood self to live again.  I had everybody call me by the nickname I went by as a kid.  Basically, I felt that I hadn't had a chance to find closure with my childhood, so I took some time and did that.  After half a year I was ready to resume being my "adult" self.  Don't knock it if it works.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
I'm sorry I burdened y'all with this. I need to stop sharing everything here. It's not healthy.

Incorrect, IMHO, but YMMV.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Tim Little Photography wrote:
He says with the stuff I have to deal with most anyone would cry because first I have to re-experience it as a 12-year-old.

I did basically the same thing after my crisis.  I basically spent six months "allowing" my childhood self to live again.  I had everybody call me by the nickname I went by as a kid.  Basically, I felt that I hadn't had a chance to find closure with my childhood, so I took some time and did that.  After half a year I was ready to resume being my "adult" self.  Don't knock it if it works.


Incorrect, IMHO, but YMMV.

Lawrence, I think that is brilliant. It speaks to me. I was burned at 12 so 12 and 13 years old were in a hospital bed in mad pain. What you described it much like what we are doing in PTSD therapy. And you are right, don't knock anything that works!

I have to be honest. I didn't know I wrote that its not healthy to share here. I owe everyone an apology. This is the place where ALL of us are allowed to lay our burdens down. I forgot to include myself this time. I often hate myself and I suspect that is where that came from. Thank you for calling me on it Lawrence, and thank you for your wise advice!

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Tim Little Photography wrote:
He says with the stuff I have to deal with most anyone would cry because first I have to re-experience it as a 12-year-old.

I did basically the same thing after my crisis.  I basically spent six months "allowing" my childhood self to live again.  I had everybody call me by the nickname I went by as a kid.  Basically, I felt that I hadn't had a chance to find closure with my childhood, so I took some time and did that.  After half a year I was ready to resume being my "adult" self.  Don't knock it if it works.


Incorrect, IMHO, but YMMV.

I never had normal teen years...I missed out on all the fun things normal teens and early 20 somethings do...the all night pool parties with girls and alcohol....not a care for the world
Unfortunately I could never experience those years again as its hard for a 42 year old to relive something I never had...not to mention unless I had very foward females in the group I would end up just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else enjoy...I would almost have to resort to paying a ..well ...escort to play the roll of a ringer if I were to try to experience what I missed.....which would do more harm than good

Chris Rifkin wrote:

I never had normal teen years...I missed out on all the fun things normal teens and early 20 somethings do...the all night pool parties with girls and alcohol....not a care for the world
Unfortunately I could never experience those years again as its hard for a 42 year old to relive something I never had...not to mention unless I had very foward females in the group I would end up just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else enjoy...I would almost have to resort to paying a ..well ...escort to play the roll of a ringer if I were to try to experience what I missed.....which would do more harm than good

Don't get me wrong, Chris.  I didn't get to live the childhood I wish I'd had.  What I did do was allow that wounded child to come to terms with his past.  I had been suppressing that pain all my life.  Allowing the child in me to "live" for awhile was very helpful, even though it was more about me forgiving and healing than about recapturing lost time.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Lawrence, I think that is brilliant. It speaks to me. I was burned at 12 so 12 and 13 years old were in a hospital bed in mad pain. What you described it much like what we are doing in PTSD therapy. And you are right, don't knock anything that works!

I have to be honest. I didn't know I wrote that its not healthy to share here. I owe everyone an apology. This is the place where ALL of us are allowed to lay our burdens down. I forgot to include myself this time. I often hate myself and I suspect that is where that came from. Thank you for calling me on it Lawrence, and thank you for your wise advice!

It happens.  We're often much less forgiving of ourselves than we are of others.  Um... except for the people who are the exact opposite