Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
I mentioned this morning that i was going to be exposed to some triggers during my PTSD therapy. It tore me to shreads. I am fucked up hardcore right now. All these beautiful loving children all wrapped up in bloody gauze to cover their horrible burns. I had never looked back on me as a the beautiful loving kid will wrapped up in bloody gauze. Then it occured that my mama did every day and I lost it. I was back in the elevator in no time and shot up with a nice big dose of Ativan. I'm still stoned now but I'm gonna be dealing with this for a while. They tell me I got just what I needed from it and like it or not its time to deal with it. These people are not the hold your hand and tell me where it hurts therapists. They get most of their PTSD funding from the Department of Defense and they create a treatment plan that is suppose to hurt like hell but deliver you from the demons.
BTW, In case I don't say it often enough, I love y'all very much. Am so sorry I really am a huge hug and some vegan cookies.
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Phane wrote:
Am so sorry I really am a huge hug and some vegan cookies. Thank you darlin! You are so kind to me, thank you all so much.
Photographer
john_ellis
Posts: 4375
Spokane, Washington, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
All these beautiful loving children all wrapped up in bloody gauze to cover their horrible burns. I had never looked back on me as a the beautiful loving kid wrapped up in bloody gauze. Then it occured that my mama did every day,... and I lost it. Tim, I really wish I had something to offer you that would help but as traumatic as my childhood was, I don't think I understand what you're going through enough to offer much of value.
I do want to point out that not enough people experience unconditional love and that is something you definitely have experienced. Cherish that, share that, and help others experience it.
I was fortunate enough to experience it from my mom, and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for that.
Again, share that love with those who've never experienced it. In healing others, you are able to better help heal yourself. 
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
I mentioned this morning that i was going to be exposed to some triggers during my PTSD therapy. It tore me to shreads. I am fucked up hardcore right now. I was taken to the childrens burn unit. All these beautiful loving children all wrapped up in bloody gauze to cover their horrible burns. I had never looked back on me as a the beautiful loving kid wrapped up in bloody gauze. Then it occured that my mama did every day,... and I lost it. I was dragged back in the elevator in no time and shot up with a nice big dose of Ativan. I'm still stoned now but I'm gonna be dealing with this for a while. They tell me I got just what I needed from it and like it or not its time to deal with it. These people are not the hold your hand and tell me where it hurts therapists. They get most of their PTSD funding from the Department of Defense and they create a treatment plan that is suppose to hurt like hell but deliver you from the demons.
BTW, In case I don't say it often enough, I love y'all very much. my facebook status yesterday was "change hurts"
hug
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
I mentioned this morning that i was going to be exposed to some triggers during my PTSD therapy. It tore me to shreads. I am fucked up hardcore right now. I was taken to the childrens burn unit. All these beautiful loving children all wrapped up in bloody gauze to cover their horrible burns. I had never looked back on me as a the beautiful loving kid wrapped up in bloody gauze. Then it occured that my mama did every day,... and I lost it. I was dragged back in the elevator in no time and shot up with a nice big dose of Ativan. I'm still stoned now but I'm gonna be dealing with this for a while. They tell me I got just what I needed from it and like it or not its time to deal with it. These people are not the hold your hand and tell me where it hurts therapists. They get most of their PTSD funding from the Department of Defense and they create a treatment plan that is suppose to hurt like hell but deliver you from the demons.
BTW, In case I don't say it often enough, I love y'all very much. I don't think my hugs can get bigger than this (((HUGS)))
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
This book was recommended to me: ![https://photo.goodreads.com/books/1172378911l/170548.jpg]() Reading it now. It's really good so far.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
E P O N A wrote:
This book was recommended to me:
![https://photo.goodreads.com/books/1172378911l/170548.jpg]()
Reading it now. It's really good so far. I've read excerpts. good stuff
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
I've read excerpts. good stuff When I used to go to therapy, each therapist recommended this book. Ten years later, I finally have it.
Some of it makes SO much sense, it's like, DUH. One mistake I do not want to make is that this will be some sort of "cure all", you know?
But I am finding some of the strategies mentioned to be helpful.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
E P O N A wrote:
When I used to go to therapy, each therapist recommended this book. Ten years later, I finally have it.
Some of it makes SO much sense, it's like, DUH. One mistake I do not want to make is that this will be some sort of "cure all", you know?
But I am finding some of the strategies mentioned to be helpful. Good thinking. Good action.
http://copula.tumblr.com/post/6321490000
Notice the kitten
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Star Child wrote:
Good thinking. Good action.
http://copula.tumblr.com/post/6321490000
Notice the kitten aw cute
its funny that people tell us stuff and tell us stuff and we never listen and then when we do we ask "why didn't we do this sooner"
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
aw cute
its funny that people tell us stuff and tell us stuff and we never listen and then when we do we ask "why didn't we do this sooner" -_- so SO true
heh
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
aw cute
its funny that people tell us stuff and tell us stuff and we never listen and then when we do we ask "why didn't we do this sooner" E P O N A wrote:
-_- so SO true
heh It's because we listen and act at our own pace. Sometimes there are things in our lives that must transpire before we are able to digest or understand that which has been advised to us. We think of it as being hard headed or stubborn, but sometimes it's just that at the time it wasn't for us to act on. There is much truth in the theory that things happen for a reason.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
I've read excerpts. good stuff I need to read that book
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
work is taking sooooo long and I'm wiggly. and I want to go. now.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
work is taking sooooo long and I'm wiggly. and I want to go. now. me to.
oh what a day 
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Phane wrote:
I need to read that book Get ittt.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
work is taking sooooo long and I'm wiggly. and I want to go. now. *giggles at thought of wiggly Faith*
So I'm waking up and trying to get started on a productive weekend.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Star Child wrote:
*giggles at thought of wiggly Faith*
So I'm waking up and trying to get started on a productive weekend. I hope you've been productive.
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Hey y'all I'm back! I had to be put up at a Motel 6 while the condo people fixed my air conditioner. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Even though it was a Motel 6 it felt like a mini vacation and I needed it, a nice change of pace and I watched HBO like the rich people!! Woot!
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hey y'all I'm back! I had to be put up at a Motel 6 while the condo people fixed my air conditioner. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Even though it was a Motel 6 it felt like a mini vacation and I needed it, a nice change of pace and I watched HBO like the rich people!! Woot!  Yay for HBO.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Star Child wrote:
Yeah, I'm up too late  I was working on something
http://kayelless.net/blog/2011/07/25/ne … -good-bye/ 18+
Mornin' Faith and y'all very nice indeed.
morning
it's monday but I'm not ready yet. anyone have a time machine. I'd like to go back to tomorrow
couldn't fall asleep till midnight. I'm pooped
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
very nice indeed.
morning
it's monday but I'm not ready yet. anyone have a time machine. I'd like to go back to tomorrow
couldn't fall asleep till midnight. I'm pooped "Go back to tomorrow"? Yea I guess you are pooped darlin'!
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
"Go back to tomorrow"? Yea I guess you are pooped darlin'! d'oh
yes, I'm sooo pooped. just trying to get thru today and sleep hard tonight
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
d'oh
yes, I'm sooo pooped. just trying to get thru today and sleep hard tonight ![https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RfcPCAy-zug/SvCr-64zcaI/AAAAAAAAC8g/zi7DUcHBSB8/s400/funny-pictures-cat-lost-first-tail.jpg]()
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
E P O N A wrote:
![https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RfcPCAy-zug/SvCr-64zcaI/AAAAAAAAC8g/zi7DUcHBSB8/s400/funny-pictures-cat-lost-first-tail.jpg]() Your recent work that you posted on your Tumblr blog is really good.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Star Child wrote:
Your recent work that you posted on your Tumblr blog is really good. Thank you
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Anxiety is through the roof. I have the doctor (psy) tomorrow and John can't take me. I am unable to drive at the moment and now I have to get a ride. I haven't told anyone that I've been seeing a psy. I'm a pretty private person and I really don't want to have to explain, to anyone, anything. John said we will talk about it when he gets home.
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
E P O N A wrote:
Anxiety is through the roof.
I have the doctor (psy) tomorrow and John can't take me. I am unable to drive at the moment and now I have to get a ride. I haven't told anyone that I've been seeing a psy. I'm a pretty private person and I really don't want to have to explain, to anyone, anything.
John said we will talk about it when he gets home. Can you reschedule the appointment? If not then maybe there is a trusted friend that you can turn to. I understand how you want to keep your private life private. I did that for years.
But, the day I was diagnoised with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I realized I was hurting myself by living a lie. I came out of the mental health closet and announced it here and on facebook and in private letters and emails to people I love. Everyone who loves me said pretty much the same thing, "I knew there was something bothering you but I didnt know how to help, I'm so glad I know how to help you now."
Its just something to consider. Good luck dear!
Model
JadeDRed
Posts: 5620
London, England, United Kingdom
Does anyone ever get to a point in their life where its seems like nothing 'helps' any longer and you're just stuck in some apathetic existence, where you've managed to blunt all the edges of pain but now there is nothing left? Like no misery or happiness, just getting by?
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
JadeDRed wrote:
Does anyone ever get to a point in their life where its seems like nothing 'helps' any longer and you're just stuck in some apathetic existence, where you've managed to blunt all the edges of pain but now there is nothing left? Like no misery or happiness, just getting by? I imagnine everyone who post in this thread has been there. What you describe sounds like depression. You need to understand that many people will tell you to shake it off. Well, they wouldn't tell you that if it was cancer. Many people don't understand clinical depression, they think its just something you get over. The fact is there is a brain chemistry that affects how you feel and it can get out of wack. The nice thing is there is a lot of good help available. You should start with a trip to the doctor. Medication and talk therapy have a very high success rate. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk in private about your situation. I have severe long-term depression from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have a good understanding of what you are experiencing and how to get to the other side of it!
Tim
Model
JadeDRed
Posts: 5620
London, England, United Kingdom
Tim Little Photography wrote:
I imagnine everyone who post in this thread has been there. What you describe sounds like depression. You need to understand that many people will tell you to shake it off. Well, they wouldn't tell you that if it was cancer. Many people don't understand clinical depression, they think its just something you get over. The fact is there is a brain chemistry that affects how you feel and it can get out of wack. The nice thing is there is a lot of good help available. You should start with a trip to the doctor. Medication and talk therapy have a very high success rate. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk in private about your situation. I have severe long-term depression from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have a good understanding of what you are experiencing and how to get to the other side of it!
Tim What i mean is if you already suffer from depression and you deal with it but you get to a point where you feel there isn't much more you can do but you still aren't 'happy', you are just dealing with it.
Its kind of hard to express exactly what i mean
Thank you for your reply btw.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
morning
some stress is down so that's good
What I did Jade was start a new hobby. I chose fire dancing. and I made list of things in my life that I wasn't happy with and I looked at what I could change.
That action itself helped me
Photographer
DropJaw Photography
Posts: 560
Twin Falls, Idaho, US
To the OP and participating members on this forum; You all need a "S" on your chest right now cause this is a gem! I NEVER go into "off-topic", glad I did though! The text I have read so far is describing a lot of my daily mindset!
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
JadeDRed wrote:
What i mean is if you already suffer from depression and you deal with it but you get to a point where you feel there isn't much more you can do but you still aren't 'happy', you are just dealing with it.
Its kind of hard to express exactly what i mean
Thank you for your reply btw. I think I understand Jade. I've been battling this for years. It was just this January I finally received the correct diagnosis. That let me know where my depression is coming from and how to fight it. Today I feel horrible. Very depressed. I deal with it by knowing that the next hour may be better. The next day might be better. And I rest on the fact that if it gets so bad I can't stand it I have a place I can go where I will be treated and feeling better. There is always a way out of the bottom of depression. The damned horrible part of the disease is it takes that knowlege away from you and makes you doubtful.
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
DropJaw Photography wrote:
To the OP and participating members on this forum; You all need a "S" on your chest right now cause this is a gem! I NEVER go into "off-topic", glad I did though! The text I have read so far is describing a lot of my daily mindset! Welcome Moses! Let me know if I can ever be of help.
Tim
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
Can you reschedule the appointment? If not then maybe there is a trusted friend that you can turn to. I understand how you want to keep your private life private. I did that for years.
But, the day I was diagnoised with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I realized I was hurting myself by living a lie. I came out of the mental health closet and announced it here and on facebook and in private letters and emails to people I love. Everyone who loves me said pretty much the same thing, "I knew there was something bothering you but I didnt know how to help, I'm so glad I know how to help you now."
Its just something to consider. Good luck dear! John left his deposition early.
The doctor increased my meds. I shall see him again in 30 days. I hope in the next 30 days I can go in and be able to say there is some improvement.
|
I was working on something 
The text I have read so far is describing a lot of my daily mindset!
Yay for HBO.