Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
can I laugh at that? I want to laugh at it-like a dark humor.
morning all
Feeling a little stronger today I find humor in it. I almost feel guilty when I think of the visual and giggle.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
good ![https://s.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web02/2009/3/20/15/but-then-i-seriousd-again-when-i-read-all-the-15648-1237576479-4.jpg]()
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
Hey MM family. Later today I have PTSD therapy. We are going to confront some powerful triggers and I'm worried I'm get trapped in flashback and never get out of it. I know that sounds insane, and it is insane, but I think of such things. Today we are going to the burn center. I doubt I can get off the elevator once I hit the floor. There is smell in a burn unit, I can't describe it. I dont't know if I'm ready but I want to be. With your support I seem to do better at a lot of things. I love you guys and please have a terrific day!
Tim
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hey MM family. Later today I have PTSD therapy. We are going to confront some powerful triggers and I'm worried I'm get trapped in flashback and never get out of it. I know that sounds insane, and it is insane, but I think of such things. Today we are going to the burn center. I doubt I can get off the elevator once I hit the floor. There is smell in a burn unit, I can't describe it. I dont't know if I'm ready but I want to be. With your support I seem to do better at a lot of things. I love you guys and please have a terrific day!
Tim *huggs*
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Good morning, Faith.  *huggs*
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Star Child wrote:
Good morning, Faith.
*huggs* lol
morning early bird
hugs-tim
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Model
Natasha240
Posts: 6438
Cassina de' Pecchi, Lombardy, Italy
major meltdown last night. As usual, a lot of little (should be inconsequential) things pile up, and the last tiny little thing pushed me over the edge. I had a feeling it was coming, so I preemptively took 1/2 of a Xanax. A half an hour later, it was like I took nothing, and I lost it. I took another 1/2, and I was still up until after 1 am (I took the first half at 6:30pm)! I could not shut it down.
If this keeps up, I may consider going back on my meds. But I really, really, REALLY despise "mental health professionals". Just thinking about them sends my anxiety soaring.
I hope everyone else is hanging in.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Natasha240 wrote:
major meltdown last night. As usual, a lot of little (should be inconsequential) things pile up, and the last tiny little thing pushed me over the edge. I had a feeling it was coming, so I preemptively took 1/2 of a Xanax. A half an hour later, it was like I took nothing, and I lost it. I took another 1/2, and I was still up until after 1 am (I took the first half at 6:30pm)! I could not shut it down.
If this keeps up, I may consider going back on my meds. But I really, really, REALLY despise "mental health professionals". Just thinking about them sends my anxiety soaring.
I hope everyone else is hanging in. I had a bad meltdown too, despite the fact that I had taken something to help with my emotions yesterday. Today feels just like yesterday. I'm hanging on by my pinky.
I'm still absorbing shock, disgust....and just an avalanche of other emotions, brought on by the big huge thing I'm not quite ready to talk about, that I don't believe at this point, will ever go away, or fix itself. Ever.
Photographer
Star Child
Posts: 39289
Nashville, Tennessee, US
Natasha240 wrote:
major meltdown last night. As usual, a lot of little (should be inconsequential) things pile up, and the last tiny little thing pushed me over the edge. I had a feeling it was coming, so I preemptively took 1/2 of a Xanax. A half an hour later, it was like I took nothing, and I lost it. I took another 1/2, and I was still up until after 1 am (I took the first half at 6:30pm)! I could not shut it down.
If this keeps up, I may consider going back on my meds. But I really, really, REALLY despise "mental health professionals". Just thinking about them sends my anxiety soaring.
I hope everyone else is hanging in. E P O N A wrote:
I had a bad meltdown too, despite the fact that I had taken something to help with my emotions yesterday. Today feels just like yesterday. I'm hanging on by my pinky.
I'm still absorbing shock, disgust....and just an avalanche of other emotions, brought on by the big huge thing I'm not quite ready to talk about, that I don't believe at this point, will ever go away, or fix itself. Ever. huggs to you both
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Star Child wrote:
Natasha240 wrote:
major meltdown last night. As usual, a lot of little (should be inconsequential) things pile up, and the last tiny little thing pushed me over the edge. I had a feeling it was coming, so I preemptively took 1/2 of a Xanax. A half an hour later, it was like I took nothing, and I lost it. I took another 1/2, and I was still up until after 1 am (I took the first half at 6:30pm)! I could not shut it down.
If this keeps up, I may consider going back on my meds. But I really, really, REALLY despise "mental health professionals". Just thinking about them sends my anxiety soaring.
I hope everyone else is hanging in. huggs to you both hugs squared
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
I want to scream. But I think that if I do, I won't be able to stop. Or my neighbor will call the cops. 
Photographer
john_ellis
Posts: 4375
Spokane, Washington, US
E P O N A wrote:
I want to scream. But I think that if I do, I won't be able to stop. Or my neighbor will call the cops. Yell into a pillow maybe?
If yelling is going to help give you a release that you feel you need - find a way.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
John_Robert wrote:
Yell into a pillow maybe?
If yelling is going to help give you a release that you feel you need - find a way. I haven't SI in a very very long time, I want to keep it that way. But this anger, I need it out of me. I think that screaming would help. Or destroying something. (but not hurting myself or anyone!)
Photographer
john_ellis
Posts: 4375
Spokane, Washington, US
E P O N A wrote:
I think that screaming would help. Or destroying something. (but not hurting myself or anyone!) Seriously, do you feel that destroying something is a healthy way of dealing with any stress or negative emotions? It seems very counter-productive to being healthier.
Years ago I had a really tough time dealing with anger issues from my childhood. I was really quick to get in fights and constantly wanted to physically get my emotions out. I ended up taking boxing lessons and that definitely helped but it was a "bandaid" solution when I really needed to sort out the root of the problem.
Just a thought, man.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
E P O N A wrote:
I haven't SI in a very very long time, I want to keep it that way. But this anger, I need it out of me. I think that screaming would help. Or destroying something. (but not hurting myself or anyone!) you could blast some Fred Durst. I prefer the Fuck song. I feel better after that
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
John_Robert wrote:
Seriously, do you feel that destroying something is a healthy way of dealing with any stress or negative emotions? It seems very counter-productive to being healthier.
Years ago I had a really tough time dealing with anger issues from my childhood. I was really quick to get in fights and constantly wanted to physically get my emotions out. I ended up taking boxing lessons and that definitely helped but it was a "bandaid" solution when I really needed to sort out the root of the problem.
Just a thought, man. I'm very close to the edge, reaching desperation. I just need something to help, if even just a little.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
you could blast some Fred Durst. I prefer the Fuck song. I feel better after that I'll have to look that up.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
E P O N A wrote:
I'll have to look that up. people make fun of me because it's limp bizkit, but let me tell you...everyone I suggested to and tried it-all said they felt better after
or cleaning or gardening sometimes work too. I prefer profanity in a loud voice
edit: found it..might have to look to find an uncensored version
http://www.google.com/#q=fred+durst+hot … 87&bih=630
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
I'm not religious, but a prayer comes to mind.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I know I can't change what happened the other day. I can only hope to heal from it.
I'm stuck between crying my eyes out and screaming. I hope that soon, I can be better.
I'm trying so hard to recover from my depression right now, the added issues, not helping...I'm sure you all know that.
I dunno. Sorry for posting so much and if I'm bothering anyone.
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
E P O N A wrote:
I'm not religious, but a prayer comes to mind.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I know I can't change what happened the other day. I can only hope to heal from it.
I'm stuck between crying my eyes out and screaming. I hope that soon, I can be better.
I'm trying so hard to recover from my depression right now, the added issues, not helping...I'm sure you all know that.
I dunno. Sorry for posting so much and if I'm bothering anyone. you can use that as a mantra. its used in the 12 step programs. and its God as you understand Him. some people it's a group conciousness. what works for them
I prefer this version of the serenity prayer
God grant me the…
Serenity to accept the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.
Photographer
john_ellis
Posts: 4375
Spokane, Washington, US
E P O N A wrote:
I'm not religious, but a prayer comes to mind.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I know I can't change what happened the other day. I can only hope to heal from it.
I'm stuck between crying my eyes out and screaming. I hope that soon, I can be better.
I'm trying so hard to recover from my depression right now, the added issues, not helping...I'm sure you all know that.
I dunno. Sorry for posting so much and if I'm bothering anyone. Yeah, I'm not religious at all but the serenity prayer is a good piece of simple philosophy.
I change it to, "Develop the serenity..."
P.S. sending you a private message.
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
you can use that as a mantra. its used in the 12 step programs. and its God as you understand Him. some people it's a group conciousness. what works for them
I prefer this version of the serenity prayer
God grant me the…
Serenity to accept the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless. Thank you.
I know it will take TIME for me to feel better. I need PATIENCE, indeed.
I wish I had a block. Block everything, so my depression does not worsen, like it has been.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Today Its on my mind again.
I dont know how to cope
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Phane wrote:
Today Its on my mind again.
I dont know how to cope (((Hugs))))
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Phane wrote:
Today Its on my mind again.
I dont know how to cope hug
I like your avatar
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
E P O N A wrote:
Thank you.
I know it will take TIME for me to feel better. I need PATIENCE, indeed.
I wish I had a block. Block everything, so my depression does not worsen, like it has been. I like the fullness of this one. It attacks all the little nagging I let my head speak.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
E P O N A wrote:
(((Hugs)))) Thank you.
am trying to clear my head and think positive thoughts
one of which is buying my bf a one way ticket here today.
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
hug
I like your avatar Thank you. 
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
I like to bake when I feel sad anyone want some vegan chocolat chip cookies?
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
Phane wrote:
I like to bake when I feel sad anyone want some vegan chocolat chip cookies? ![https://madcowstudios.com/news/media/1/20081113-_2008_11_funny-pictures-cat-wishes-to-access-your-cookies.jpg]()
Y
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Phane wrote:
I like to bake when I feel sad anyone want some vegan chocolat chip cookies? omg YUM
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
E P O N A wrote:
omg YUM Then I shall anyone want to dance the zombie dance with me?
Photographer
E P O N A
Posts: 13765
Copiague, New York, US
Phane wrote:
Then I shall anyone want to dance the zombie dance with me? YES
Model
Faith EnFire
Posts: 13514
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, US
night y'all. i'm off of work
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
E P O N A wrote:
YES awsomev;)
Model
Phane
Posts: 2063
Rockville, Maryland, US
Faith EnFire wrote:
night y'all. i'm off of work see you later
Photographer
Tim Little Photography
Posts: 11771
Wilmington, Delaware, US
I mentioned this morning that i was going to be exposed to some triggers during my PTSD therapy. It tore me to shreads. I am fucked up hardcore right now. I was taken to the childrens burn unit. All these beautiful loving children all wrapped up in bloody gauze to cover their horrible burns. I had never looked back on me as a the beautiful loving kid wrapped up in bloody gauze. Then it occured that my mama did every day,... and I lost it. I was dragged back in the elevator in no time and shot up with a nice big dose of Ativan. I'm still stoned now but I'm gonna be dealing with this for a while. They tell me I got just what I needed from it and like it or not its time to deal with it. These people are not the hold your hand and tell me where it hurts therapists. They get most of their PTSD funding from the Department of Defense and they create a treatment plan that is suppose to hurt like hell but deliver you from the demons.
BTW, In case I don't say it often enough, I love y'all very much.
|
*huggs*
