Natasha240 wrote:
I just went through a bad spell of not being able to sleep, even with sleep aids. I went three days with three hours of sleep a night. On the last day of that, Danielle and I had a pretty bad fight, and she said some very hurtful things. I know she didn't mean it, and she feels like shit, but it really played on my insecurites, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I slept like a corpse for 14 hours yesterday night. I woke up this am, and it's all I can do to not cry. I don't know how to get over what she said. If it was an isolated incident, I think it'd be easier. But through the years, she has said it a few other times when she's angry. So even though she apologied, and I know she feels bad, I'm convinced that she really thinks this, and my self esteem and feeling of self worth are pretty low right now. I hate who I am.

Natasha, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Of course your self-esteem and self-worth are low, a loved one attacked the insecurities that bother you most. This is what some people do when they they are angry. I suggest you and Danielle talk about your insecurities and let her really know how destructive her words are to you. In the mean time try to remember all the wonderful things you are and all the good you bring into the world. Take care sweetheart. If you ever need to talk just PM me!

Tim

Faith EnFire wrote:
so I got good news on a financials front and that eases my anxiety so much. I can feel my ulcers and depression calming down

i hope everyone else had something to be thankful for last night

E P O N A wrote:
I have my new psy today. I am SO SO nervous.

I have my list ready. But I feel like I don't want to go. I'm too nervous.

Faith EnFire wrote:

Huge smile right now.

E P O N A wrote:

Huge smile right now.

glad I could help

Star Child wrote:
I'm trying to hang on today. Much has been going on in a positive direction as of late.  I'm trying to relax and let it happen. Don't wanna block my own progress.

Happy for Faith monies and E P O N A appointments.

Work this evening then off for two days.  Might get in some shooting.  Not sure.

as you've told me. Focus on the positive. even if you need tunnelvision for everything else

hug

Faith EnFire wrote:

as you've told me. Focus on the positive. even if you need tunnelvision for everything else

hug

Haha! I'm trying not to focus on the positive too much right now. A lot of it happening. I get too excited.

Don't need to be running with scissors.

Star Child wrote:

Haha! I'm trying not to focus on the positive too much right now. A lot of it happening. I get too excited.

Don't need to be running with scissors.

Star Child wrote:
I'm trying to hang on today. Much has been going on in a positive direction as of late.  I'm trying to relax and let it happen. Don't wanna block my own progress.

Happy for Faith monies and E P O N A appointments.

Work this evening then off for two days.  Might get in some shooting.  Not sure.

Yay shooting

Faith EnFire wrote:
so tired, for a few days a month I cannot get enough sleep.

hoping to hunt down a car today

I know that feeling. I've been dragging my ass trying to get up at 7 AM. All I want to do is sleep.
Good luck with the car!

E P O N A wrote:

I know that feeling. I've been dragging my ass trying to get up at 7 AM. All I want to do is sleep.
Good luck with the car!

Faith EnFire wrote:

how'd the appointment go?

Look up

E P O N A wrote:
So I had the new psychiatrist yesterday.
He was very nice.
It was uncomfortable telling him what was on my list. (He made me read it to him omg)
I was mortified when he mentioned sex. (About contraceptives because of the potential danger of being on the meds and becoming pregnant)
Annnnnnd he called John "dad" omg... We had a good laugh about it though.
But he didn't make me feel uncomfortable, stupid or belittled. He wasn't condescending like that other doctor was.
He upped my meds.
He said that it is totally possible to have me feel better and omg...a DIAGNOSIS. The other doctor didn't do that.

Hope you feel better after all this!!!!

Ms Skyyy wrote:

Hope you feel better after all this!!!!

Me too. Thank you

E P O N A wrote:

Me too. Thank you

Ms Skyyy wrote:

Your welcome, and i will have the cookies when i come!!! mmm cookies. That will be the end of my diet too hehehe

nomnomnom
Cookies help. Like kitties do.

E P O N A wrote:
So I had the new psychiatrist yesterday.
He was very nice.
It was uncomfortable telling him what was on my list. (He made me read it to him omg)
I was mortified when he mentioned sex. (About contraceptives because of the potential danger of being on the meds and becoming pregnant)
Annnnnnd he called John "dad" omg... We had a good laugh about it though.
But he didn't make me feel uncomfortable, stupid or belittled. He wasn't condescending like that other doctor was.
He upped my meds.
He said that it is totally possible to have me feel better and omg...a DIAGNOSIS. The other doctor didn't do that.

oh that's fantastic.
a seed of hope is a good thing

E P O N A wrote:
So I had the new psychiatrist yesterday.
He was very nice.
It was uncomfortable telling him what was on my list. (He made me read it to him omg)
I was mortified when he mentioned sex. (About contraceptives because of the potential danger of being on the meds and becoming pregnant)
Annnnnnd he called John "dad" omg... We had a good laugh about it though.
But he didn't make me feel uncomfortable, stupid or belittled. He wasn't condescending like that other doctor was.
He upped my meds.
He said that it is totally possible to have me feel better and omg...a DIAGNOSIS. The other doctor didn't do that.

Sounds like you had a great first date!  *hug*

E P O N A wrote:
Thanks y'all.

I'm not doing well at all this morning tho.
I don't feel like talking about it,but yea. I'm in a very bad place today.

sorry you are having a rough morning

I have no wise words yet-not enough coffee so I'll give you this as a mental hug



and maybe one of your cats will do this, my dog used to

Faith EnFire wrote:

sorry you are having a rough morning

I have no wise words yet-not enough coffee so I'll give you this as a mental hug



and maybe one of your cats will do this, my dog used to

Kitties always help.
Actually, the new baby is quite sick, I have to take him to the doctor later. Poor thing.
Olivia spent the past hour on the keyboard too. Heh.


I'm kinda ready to talk, but I'll ask that nobody quote it.
I think I was a bit more sensitive this morning due to lack of sleep that I'm alluding to the increase in my meds. I watched the clock go 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4......
Without sleep, my pain increases. My appetite is gone. I am fatigued beyond belief. Much worse than my usual sense of it.

I had "an attack of thoughts" as I like to call it, of uselessness this morning. (Which isn't much different from how I usually feel, but I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about, how all of a sudden it's just like WHAMMY! Right?

I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, that I fail at too much and I just....suck. I see so many people around me succeeding (and I know I need to pay attention to ME, fuck what everyone else is doing) but still.

John said that once I am on an even keel, I probably won't feel this way. I don't see that right now, but I think it's true because several people have said it.

I dunno.
Baby steps.
Patience.

I'm trying! I feel like that damn cat handing off the clothesline "hang in there"

Faith EnFire wrote:
There are days where I allow myself to feel accomplished for breathing.
other days I have a whole huge list of things I need to do to feel cool with myself for the day
each day had a different inventory
Sounds like you might need a breathing day?
and another hug

I wish you and your cat feel better soon

That's a really good idea.
"Celebrate" what I did accomplish, rather than what I haven't, even if it's something small at the time. *nods*
((((hugs)))))

E P O N A wrote:

That's a really good idea.
"Celebrate" what I did accomplish, rather than what I haven't, even if it's something small at the time. *nods*
((((hugs)))))

and if you can do that on a bad day-well that's an accomplishment in and of itself
-just saying

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Hi everyone. I want to thank those who were so kind to me during my most recent depressive episode. The private messages and public thread comments really lifted me up. I am so grateful for my wonderful Mayhem friends, you guys ROCK!!!

I meet with my therapist this afternoon. I know we are going to go into some really painful stuff so please wish me luck. PTSD can be a real bitch at times.

Also, as always, if there is anyone who ever feels like they just need to talk please feel free to private message me. I have Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder with Major Depressive Disorder causing severe chronic depression. I have become quite educated in these areas and I'm always happy to help anyone who needs a shoulder to lean on.

Have a wonderful day y'all!

Tim

It's good to know we can go to eachother.
Good luck at the therapist today.

E P O N A wrote:
It's good to know we can go to eachother.
Good luck at the therapist today.

Thank you Epona. I'm afraid it didn't go well at all at the therapist. I want all of you to know that I appreciate the people who come here and share their problems and also share their support. I love you guys, I really do.

Faith EnFire wrote:
yay for fridays and three day weekends

And corn on the cob.

E P O N A wrote:
I'm sorry it didn't go well at the therapist
I know you think there is no way out, and I think that way most of the time, but I hear that there is. I doubt EVERYONE would be lying, right?
What was your dosage on the Cymbalta?
I went through the withdrawals from that too.
Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?
For now I can offer hugs. (hugs)

Hugs are great Epona. I just edited my posting. I took out all of that. There is no reason to dump that on y'all. I'm just so depressed and I'm scared. Thanks for the hugs, you are a beautiful person!

Ohh, to answer your question. 120 milligrams. 60mg in the morning and 60 at night.

Tim Little Photography wrote:
Thank you Epona. I'm afraid it didn't go well at all at the therapist. I want all of you to know that I appreciate the people who come here and share their problems and also share their support. I love you guys, I really do.

Therapists are hit or miss propositions.  I've been through at least a dozen.  Don't give up hope - the right therapist is out there.  Have the courage to leave the lousy ones that do more harm than good.  Your comfort level with the therapist is probably the key element to make therapy work.  Find a therapist that you have faith in (and be willing to give faith, be willing to judge each new therapist fairly) and you should do pretty well.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Hugs are great Epona. I just edited my posting. I took out all of that. There is no reason to dump that on y'all. I'm just so depressed and I'm scared. Thanks for the hugs, you are a beautiful person!

Don't be sorry! It's okay.

Tim Little Photography wrote:

Hugs are great Epona. I just edited my posting. I took out all of that. There is no reason to dump that on y'all. I'm just so depressed and I'm scared. Thanks for the hugs, you are a beautiful person!

Ohh, to answer your question. 120 milligrams. 60mg in the morning and 60 at night.

I'm not a doctor. I just wanted to clarify that.
With that being said, if there is no way to get your pills and a withdrawal is going to happen, please PM me for some coping tips for the withdrawal.

E P O N A wrote:
I'm kinda ready to talk, but I'll ask that nobody quote it.
I think I was a bit more sensitive this morning due to lack of sleep that I'm alluding to the increase in my meds. I watched the clock go 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4......
Without sleep, my pain increases. My appetite is gone. I am fatigued beyond belief. Much worse than my usual sense of it.

I had "an attack of thoughts" as I like to call it, of uselessness this morning. (Which isn't much different from how I usually feel, but I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about, how all of a sudden it's just like WHAMMY! Right?

I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, that I fail at too much and I just....suck. I see so many people around me succeeding (and I know I need to pay attention to ME, fuck what everyone else is doing) but still.

John said that once I am on an even keel, I probably won't feel this way. I don't see that right now, but I think it's true because several people have said it.

I dunno.
Baby steps.
Patience.

I'm trying! I feel like that damn cat handing off the clothesline "hang in there"

You will learn how to stop those thoughts of uselessness and stagnation.  I get them periodically, and I'm increasingly good at shutting them down.  These days it takes me about ten minutes to clear my head.  The downside is that you have to practice, which means you have to experience those negative cycles in order to learn how to beat them.

I suspect that you will always be nagged by doubts, but they will get milder, more infrequent, and much easier to control once you're on your "even keel."  There are no overnight cures for this - time and determination are crucial.  You can build up the determination in many ways.  The way I started was by looking myself in the eyes in a mirror and saying "My name is Guy Smith and I can handle anything," and I'd repeat it until I calmed down and believed it.  Over time I no longer needed the mirror.  In the beginning, though, it was hard even to make eye-contact with myself.

The basic exercise is to believe in yourself.  You do that by excluding from your mind all the things that you let drag you down.  It's like a mantra - after repeating it enough, all that's left is the mantra - "I can handle anything."

/standard disclaimer: my solution may not be your solution.  YMMV.