Star Child wrote:

just trials and tribulations, that's all

... and lack of local friends' presence.

most of my friends aren't close or the keep different schedules than me

that's why I make friends here

Faith EnFire wrote:

most of my friends aren't close or the keep different schedules than me

that's why I make friends here

Well, you do read us bedtime stories

Star Child wrote:

Well, you do read us bedtime stories

later you all
I think I might be home sick tomorrow so you all be good

Star Child wrote:

Well, you do read us bedtime stories

Oooh.

Natasha240 wrote:
Meh, I had a major panic attack on my way to work today. That hasn't happened in a long time. Thank God for Xanax. Sometimes, when I go to leave my house, I get anxious at the front door, and have to WILL my way out of it. That happened today when I was leaving for work. Weird. I call my friend and talked to her while I was on my way to the bus stop, and I figured once I got to work I would feel less anxious, I usually do. But once I got off the bus, my heart was pounding, I had the cold sweats, I was shaking, the usual. I kept trying to talk myself down, deep breathing. I took my emergency Xanax I always carry. It got to the point where my fingertips started to get pins and needles. I had to call Danielle at work to help talk me down. I actually had to sit down in the middle of the sidewalk for about 10 minutes before I could go on. She just kept reminding me that this attack would pass, I would not feel like this forever.

That is a helpful tool, because as a lot of you know, when anxiety/panic gets ahold of your mind, it's easy to think you will be in this state of panic forever, and it makes the feelings of panic worse. I felt good enough to get up and continue after 10 minutes, and about 5 minutes after that the Xanax kicked in. What a suck day. I can usually find SOMETHING to attribute a sudden panic attack to, but this one was so random. Nothing was really bothering me at all. I really hate this disease with every fiber of my being.

But you got through it.  For me, knowing that I could get through those attacks made it easier to deal with them.  They still suck beyond description; I read somewhere that panic attacks are considered to be the most frightening thing a person can experience.  I sincerely believe it.

*hug*

Natasha240 wrote:
Meh, I had a major panic attack on my way to work today. That hasn't happened in a long time. Thank God for Xanax. Sometimes, when I go to leave my house, I get anxious at the front door, and have to WILL my way out of it. That happened today when I was leaving for work. Weird. I call my friend and talked to her while I was on my way to the bus stop, and I figured once I got to work I would feel less anxious, I usually do. But once I got off the bus, my heart was pounding, I had the cold sweats, I was shaking, the usual. I kept trying to talk myself down, deep breathing. I took my emergency Xanax I always carry. It got to the point where my fingertips started to get pins and needles. I had to call Danielle at work to help talk me down. I actually had to sit down in the middle of the sidewalk for about 10 minutes before I could go on. She just kept reminding me that this attack would pass, I would not feel like this forever.

That is a helpful tool, because as a lot of you know, when anxiety/panic gets ahold of your mind, it's easy to think you will be in this state of panic forever, and it makes the feelings of panic worse. I felt good enough to get up and continue after 10 minutes, and about 5 minutes after that the Xanax kicked in. What a suck day. I can usually find SOMETHING to attribute a sudden panic attack to, but this one was so random. Nothing was really bothering me at all. I really hate this disease with every fiber of my being.

total suck but you're here telling us about it so you made it

I'm here at work but still sick. all fuzzy and drippy

Faith EnFire wrote:
still sick
and car died. so going to fix the old car till we can get a new car. sigh
trying really hard not to fall into negative thinking.

and it would be nice if my work director would understand that I have a cold, my voice sucks and I don't need to be making phone calls all day

More car problems. Ugh!!! Feel so sad for you.  I'm in Georgia this morning after spending the night on the bus.  I came down here to get a resolution to my car problems and they've been resolved.

Star Child wrote:




More car problems. Ugh!!! Feel so sad for you.  I'm in Georgia this morning after spending the night on the bus.  I came down here to get a resolution to my car problems and they've been resolved.

Thats good. Glad you got your issues resolved
I think i got a lead. coworkers old boss and maybe a friends and family discount and a work discount and 3 cars to trade in....might be able to get something decent

E P O N A wrote:
Morning.

Sorry I haven't posted here in a while. The ferals are keeping me busy and my new medicine (for my physical ailments) knock me out for most of the day.

I feel like a waste. Useless. I never feel well enough nor is my pain at a level where I can do normal things. I want to give up. There's no cure for what I have and I'm aware of that, I just want better relief.

On the mental side, trying to hang in there until I see my new doctor on the 28th. Hopefully he can get my brain thinking right. My thoughts scare me most days and most of the time I've no idea where they're coming from.

hug
That really can be difficult

maybe look at things they way they are. You don't feel good. aren't particularily productive. But that's just a result of your illness and it doesn't reflect poorly on you. It is what it is.
I've been approaching my exercising/nutrition that way for the past week. I'm sick. no car. money is questionable. But no worries. I do what I can and accept myself for that.

Hang in there, we love you

LanaJane wrote:
thanks

*hug* It's a hard and painful thing.  Never stop loving, and don't blame the universe.

E P O N A wrote:
Morning.

Sorry I haven't posted here in a while. The ferals are keeping me busy and my new medicine (for my physical ailments) knock me out for most of the day.

I feel like a waste. Useless. I never feel well enough nor is my pain at a level where I can do normal things. I want to give up. There's no cure for what I have and I'm aware of that, I just want better relief.

On the mental side, trying to hang in there until I see my new doctor on the 28th. Hopefully he can get my brain thinking right. My thoughts scare me most days and most of the time I've no idea where they're coming from.

*hug* Did you get that book I mentioned?

Faith EnFire wrote:

hug
That really can be difficult

maybe look at things they way they are. You don't feel good. aren't particularily productive. But that's just a result of your illness and it doesn't reflect poorly on you. It is what it is.
I've been approaching my exercising/nutrition that way for the past week. I'm sick. no car. money is questionable. But no worries. I do what I can and accept myself for that.

Hang in there, we love you

That's a really good way to think about it. Thank you

Lawrence Guy wrote:

*hug* Did you get that book I mentioned?

*facepalm* Forgot.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
Time.
Talking about it.
Allowing yourself to grieve.
Making your memories of them a living part of you.
Finally, being able to say goodbye.

this
It's true
and one day you will think of your friend and smile at a memory rather than it making you tear up. or at least not making you into a sobbing mess

E P O N A wrote:

That's a really good way to think about it. Thank you

LanaJane wrote:
Death of a best friend? How do you deal with it

Took me 16 years to finally be at peace with it.  Not saying that I'm 'over' it, I'm just at peace with it.

I did blame the universe, and Chevrolet, and the highway builders, and the ambulance crew, and the hospital, myself, ... everything.  None of those were to blame.  Things happen.  We just have to deal with them the best we can, and accept that things are how they should be, because if they were meant to be different, they would be different. 

I know it hurts like hell.  It will.  I'm sorry you have to experience it.

E P O N A wrote:
*facepalm* Forgot.

Here's a summary page that looks to cover the basics: How to be Reasonably Happy Most of the Time

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that everone in this thread read the above link.

Phane wrote:
placed my daughter for adoption a year ago I made the choice for personal reasons and shes happy healthy and with very good people its open and am still in contact with all of them I love her but..... I cant stand seeing babies or chirldren or pregnant women

and I cant let myself feel all the pain   for fear I wont ever get out of bed
It feels like a stabbing pain I have to numb myself   and distance myself or am never going to get out of bed

sometimes am so angry words just seem like a waste
and I feel  the only sense of communication is a hole in the wall and a bottle of beer

am in this whole Fuck my life mentality when I let my self feel
and I loath happy people when am like this

From pain, poetry.  As beautiful in letters as you are in pictures.  And I know it's little consolation for what you're going through, but you seem to create beauty and joy all around you - for your daughter and for others - even when you yourself are as yet unable to feel this.

Reflected wrote:

From pain, poetry.  As beautiful in letters as you are in pictures.  And I know it's little consolation for what you're going through, but you seem to create beauty and joy all around you - for your daughter and for others - even when you yourself are as yet unable to feel this.

thank you for your words
may we create art together who knows maybe all cry on set

ckhd Photography wrote:
Yay!  My parents' house survived!  There are probably still about 20-30% of the pines still alive on their property, and the big ones close to the house are still alive! 

Now, I just can't wait to be able to get clear into the forest to see if my childhood cabin is still intact...  tons of good memories there.

Very happy day for me... and the rest of my family.

ckhd Photography wrote:
Yay!  My parents' house survived!  There are probably still about 20-30% of the pines still alive on their property, and the big ones close to the house are still alive! 

Now, I just can't wait to be able to get clear into the forest to see if my childhood cabin is still intact...  tons of good memories there.

Very happy day for me... and the rest of my family.

Winnie L wrote:
Having a phase where I have to come to make a very difficult decision. Cutting off my parents entirely because I cannot make them accept the choices I have made in my current life. Constant struggle, constant bitterness, constant sadness. Panic attacks and spasms recurring together with failure of bodily functions time to time. Don't even have the courage to post much here anymore because people are watching. Well, I feel the knives in my back.

Have never felt so controlled and helpless as of yet in a very very long time. The dark thoughts are getting to me. Sigh.

If you cut off your parents, know that it doesn't necessarily have to be a permanent decision on your part. What your parents do is something you cannot control
However, I do know what you mean about being cautious about what you post here. But you know you can always talk to me privately

That goes for whoever too

I think I'm feeling healthier and I feel like I have a bit of a plan for a new used car and that brings some peace. I hope everyone else finds some this bright Monday morning

Winnie L wrote:
Having a phase where I have to come to make a very difficult decision. Cutting off my parents entirely because I cannot make them accept the choices I have made in my current life. Constant struggle, constant bitterness, constant sadness. Panic attacks and spasms recurring together with failure of bodily functions time to time. Don't even have the courage to post much here anymore because people are watching. Well, I feel the knives in my back.

Have never felt so controlled and helpless as of yet in a very very long time. The dark thoughts are getting to me. Sigh.

I have some advice for you, but I'd have to open a up a bit more than I am comfortable doing in a public fora.
Please PM me if you'd like to talk.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Here's a summary page that looks to cover the basics: How to be Reasonably Happy Most of the Time

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that everone in this thread read the above link.

Thanks!

ckhd Photography wrote:
Yay!  My parents' house survived!  There are probably still about 20-30% of the pines still alive on their property, and the big ones close to the house are still alive! 

Now, I just can't wait to be able to get clear into the forest to see if my childhood cabin is still intact...  tons of good memories there.

Very happy day for me... and the rest of my family.

E P O N A wrote:
And now I can't post in SF2.

omg *huggs* I see why