RL_11214 wrote:
Aruna. I am going to try to restrain my reply.

A lot of your problems are in your own head.

Before you even get a job, you have already decided it will be a dead end. There is nothing congenitally wrong with you. Go out and join the Army, for example, while you are still under 42, do something to get out of the house.

yes, depression and anxiety are in our heads. but it doesn't make them any the less real

Faith EnFire wrote:

yes, depression and anxiety are in our heads. but it doesn't make them any the less real

I should not have replied.

For what it is worth, everyone can get depressed, just deal, find something to distract yourself. Why make a pharmo company rich ?

Epressing one-self in a message forum does no good to help. Going out and getting fresh air does.

Star Child wrote:
How often do you feel like you're not welcomed in this world?
How often do you feel like you're not welcomed on Model Mayhem?
How often do you feel like you're not even welcomed on the internet?
How often does it seem as though you've trespassed on someone's day simply for looking at them and saying, "Hello?"

How often have you struggled with the question of "what's wrong with me?"

I had a dream about this last night/this morning. I dreamt I was at a party, my favorite band was there, and everyone including the band was ignoring me.

Many of the women and I were wearing black sparkly dresses, and high heeled sandals to match. The dress fit me as nicely as it did the other women. I didn't look any less attractive than them physically, yet there was something about me that was...driving people away or making me unnoticeable. It was a very sucky dream. I get these often.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:

I had a dream about this last night/this morning. I dreamt I was at a party, my favorite band was there, and everyone including the band was ignoring me.

Many of the women and I were wearing black sparkly dresses, and high heeled sandals to match. The dress fit me as nicely as it did the other women. I didn't look any less attractive than them physically, yet there was something about me that was...driving people away or making me unnoticeable. It was a very sucky dream. I get these often.

Aruna, you really need to go outside more often.

RL_11214 wrote:

I should not have replied.

For what it is worth, everyone can get depressed, just deal, find something to distract yourself. Why make a pharmo company rich ?

Epressing one-self in a message forum does no good to help. Going out and getting fresh air does.

No, you shouldn't have

The depression that many of us have here is not simply circumstancial. It's clinical and it has nothing to do with thinking positive or just cheering up. And to tell someone not to seek medical help for a very real problem is irresponsible
She posts here because this thread is a safe place for us to express ourselves to be safe from people who think depression is just something to get over.

Don't give medical advice unless you are a doctor and you've thoroughly examined the patient and know her history.

RL_11214 wrote:
Aruna, you really need to go outside more often.

see above-this thread is my sticky rice

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Very cool photos.

RL_11214 wrote:
My point is, you can CHOOSE to be the person being loaded into the ambulence and taken away for 'help' ...or you can be the person that loads someone else into the ambulence and takes people away for 'help'...

Everybody's time on this planet has a limit. Most of us can choose which person to be. I chose the the later, and between posts my nose is in my EMT book cause there is a test I gotta pass on May 17th.

Good luck with your test.    As for depression, I agree with some of your points, but some of it I'm not sure what I think.  Maybe you're right about the choice thing.  I was never into the whole psychiatry thing either lol, but I was forced into it out of being suicidal as well as going to therapy and my choice is to either comply with outpatient treatment or be admitted into an inpatient program.  Soooooo...  Big "A" goes to all her appointments! 

I hate depression.  It's scary and confusing to feel depressed because I've always been SUCH a bubbly person.  I still am on the outside, but there's a huge darkness on the inside from what happened to me and it's hard to just push past it.  I do try.  I think all the people in this thread try, but sometimes horrible things happen in life and it's hard to forget about them and just pretend like they never happened and be your old self. 

RL_11214 wrote:
It was advice, she can take it or leave it.

And I had good intent.

Suffice to say I have been around enough to realize the same people that patronize the mental health industry are often no different from the people who work in it...and sometimes the latter dont have the best intentions.

Those feelings are real, and you cant always control them, but how you handle them is under each person's control.

good intentions pave the way to hell
Her mother has good intentions, she wants to keep her daughter safe. and look how it's manifesting itself

One of the worst things, you can tell a person who is depressed or suffers from anxiety is that it's all in their head. IMO, that's the most boneheaded patronizing piece of advice ever given

This thread is a safe zone. if you want to discuss the matter of depression, I would suggest starting another thread. This is not the place. This is a place for us to talk and comfort in my understanding

but I could be wrong

RL_11214 wrote:
So we sort of forced him to try the tandem jump, which I recommend, you latch yourself to another person.

The feeling is exhilerating. It erases every symptom of depression, for as long as the jump lasts and a few days later.

Weren't you afraid he'd purposely not pull his chute?

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Weren't you afraid he'd purposely not pull his chute?

A tandem jump is when you are connected to the instructor. The instructor pulls the chute. And with some tandem jumps it is rigged to go off automatically.

RL_11214 wrote:

A tandem jump is when you are connected to the instructor. The instructor pulls the chute. And with some tandem jumps it is rigged to go off automatically.

Ohhhhhhhhh.

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Weren't you afraid he'd purposely not pull his chute?

And even still, this one particular person was very paranoid and safety conscious. In my (albiet) limited experience with things like this, most people that go through with it, they don't warn anyone......

I will not say where I worked, but I had a Law Enforcement related job, and for part of that time in a somewhat remote area, where people went to do that, there was a cop (in a different department) who used to visit us to coop, and he would bitch and moan about everything, like all of us, but never discussed taking his life.

He just found a place and did it.

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
I'm depressed for the state of our society where pop music and massacres are more 'interesting' news that incredible scientific breakthroughs.

I watched the CERN webcast last night of the Large Hadron Collider.  They finally succeeded in particle collision, which is a huge jump for world physics.

But it's not even on the news...
When did we get this stupid?

Society has segments.

It depends on what news you watch.

If you value those things, over other topics, then go to those media sources which cover such events.

And I am certain if you surrounded yourself with physicists, everyone would be chatting about it.

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
I'm depressed for the state of our society where pop music and massacres are more 'interesting' news that incredible scientific breakthroughs.

I watched the CERN webcast last night of the Large Hadron Collider.  They finally succeeded in particle collision, which is a huge jump for world physics.

But it's not even on the news...
When did we get this stupid?

We've always been stupid because trivial things are easier to deal with. Plus physics is a difficult subject for most people to comprehend. Don't even get me started on the response I get when I tell people I studied philosophy for five years.

The news industry just selects the stories that people want to hear.

RL_11214 wrote:
I am sometimes not the best at expressing myself.

I just suggested that perhaps she could balance her time online with step outside more than she does.

We are all going to leave this world for someplace else one day.

There are things anyone can find to enjoy.

My definition of people who are mentally ill is that they are not aware of it. People that are aware of it need to get out more. Myself included.

But there is a danger in labeling oneslef 'the patient' because it is self fullfilling role playing...

And those meds have serious side effects, they never make people 100% better and they eff with the bodies ability adjust to heat and cold.

My college housemate was suicidal. He was "bi-polar", we invited him to go skydiving, but he refused since it was "dangerous"...

So we sort of forced him to try the tandem jump, which I recommend, you latch yourself to another person.

The feeling is exhilarating. It erases every symptom of depression, for as long as the jump lasts and a few days later.

I chose to force myself stay in bed because I knew that if I got up in that state of mind I would have grabbed come rope and hung myself from my 3rd story balcony. "Getting out more" only made me feel worse about myself.

I would come to work still traumatized from the events surrounding my mother's death, if I managed to get to work at all. There was no focus. I couldn't complete my work and found myself just sitting there.  I was on the verge of losing my job. I called the EAP hotline. I got the assistance I needed.

When the panic attacks started "getting out more" left me feeling like I was having a heart attack and even more isolated and alone than ever.

My medicine doesn't zone me out. It only helps control the extremes of my moods. My lows aren't as paralyzing anymore and the trade off is my happiest of highs don't hit me as strong as they used to. I simply have more control. More balance.

The talks with my therapist helped me break through walls of emotion that was holding me down. His advice helped me find concepts to hold onto.

I have supported this thread and the people who come here for help since its inception because I know from living with it mental illness is real. I've seen our family of support keep folks afloat, guide others to finding their help.

I know of a great young artist who had been struggling and losing a fight who told me point blank that because I showed the strength to talk about my illness openly it gave him/her the strength to fight back and take control of his/her life again.

Mental illness is real and I have committed myself to helping those who suffer from it.

Star Child wrote:
btw, the job interview went good. They plan to make a decision by the end of this week.

Good for you!  That's great!

Star Child wrote:

I chose to force myself stay in bed because I knew that if I got up in that state of mind I would have grabbed come rope and hung myself from my 3rd story balcony. "Getting out more" only made me feel worse about myself.

I would come to work still traumatized from the events surrounding my mother's death, if I managed to get to work at all. There was no focus. I couldn't complete my work and found myself just sitting there.  I was on the verge of losing my job. I called the EAP hotline. I got the assistance I needed.

When the panic attacks started "getting out more" left me feeling like I was having a heart attack and even more isolated and alone than ever.

My medicine doesn't zone me out. It only helps control the extremes of my moods. My lows aren't as paralyzing anymore and the trade off is my happiest of highs don't hit me as strong as they used to. I simply have more control. More balance.

The talks with my therapist helped me break through walls of emotion that was holding me down. His advice helped me find concepts to hold onto.

I have supported this thread and the people who come here for help since its inception because I know from living with it mental illness is real. I've seen our family of support keep folks afloat, guide others to finding their help.

I know of a great young artist who had been struggling and losing a fight who told me point blank that because I showed the strength to talk about my illness openly it gave him/her the strength to fight back and take control of his/her life again.

Mental illness is real and I have committed myself to helping those who suffer from it.

I am glad that worked out for you in that way.

I am glad you received the help you needed and it worked.

I still think certain people, not everyone, or not a majority of people can be helped by just going outside more.

As far as the medication goes, I enjoy the outdoors and I just learned certain medications for depression hinder some people unable to aclimate to extreme temperatures.

I have seen EMTs, cops, psychologists and MD's in their personal life, without their "game face" and they just as easily, removed of their jobs and positions, be the same people as they have to deal with....

At this moment I am forcing myself not to think about mistakes I made, I am chasing away bad thoughts, I have an urge just to lie down and sleep, I wrote out the six steps to administer medication (for emt's) , after about 45 mins it is memorized, I am going to hand out the meds, not take them....

Star Child wrote:
btw, the job interview went good. They plan to make a decision by the end of this week.

Fantastic!

I'll stay out of the other discussion going on in here.

Hope you're all having a great day!

Star Child wrote:
btw, the job interview went good. They plan to make a decision by the end of this week.

Good luck turtle dude!

RL_11214 wrote:

I should not have replied.

For what it is worth, everyone can get depressed, just deal, find something to distract yourself. Why make a pharmo company rich ?

Epressing one-self in a message forum does no good to help. Going out and getting fresh air does.

i find it offensive that you think you can cure everyone's form of depression by basing it on your own experience. it doesn't work like that.

Star Child wrote:
btw, the job interview went good. They plan to make a decision by the end of this week.

yay congrats

Roxie Red wrote:
i find it offensive that you think you can cure everyone's form of depression by basing it on your own experience. it doesn't work like that.

which has obviously been limited and often a situational depression

oh and Hugs to all who need them today

Faith EnFire wrote:

which has obviously been limited and often a situational depression

oh and Hugs to all who need them today

*huggs*
How are you doing today?

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
I really appreciate everyone who listened and tried to help.

Did you get any phone numbers? I'm sure a few people would gladly give you their
number upon request... should you encounter then need for encouragement.

MisterC wrote:
Did you get any phone numbers? I'm sure a few people would gladly give you their
number upon request... should you encounter then need for encouragement.

Kevin gave me his on Twitter.

Maybe I should talk to some people on the phone, just to prove to her that they are "real", and that I am not talking to myself here, or whatever it is she thinks.

She also wanted to know how I can be so mean to her when she is being so "nice" to me ?

I was like...don't talk to me. You won. It's your house. Do what you want. I'll do whatever you want, just DON'T f***ing talk to me unless it's absolutely necessary.

And don't laugh and tell me you "love" me, and that no one else does or ever will. You are a liar and a hypocrite. I will forever hate being your daughter, and hate you for bringing me into the world. I wish I were dead so that I no longer have to wake up and see your stupid face.

Star Child wrote:

*huggs*
How are you doing today?

alright I suppose
won dark image of the day yesterday with three whole votes
dog has to have a procedure done and he's old, overweight, and a large dog which makes putting him under all the more dangerous. but trying to remind myself I have no control over people places and things-just me

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:

Kevin gave me his on Twitter.

Maybe I should talk to some people on the phone, just to prove to her that they are "real", and that I am not talking to myself here, or whatever it is she thinks.

She also wanted to know how I can be so mean to her when she is being so "nice" to me ?

I was like...don't talk to me. You won. It's your house. Do what you want. I'll do whatever you want, just DON'T f***ing talk to me unless it's absolutely necessary.

And don't laugh and tell me you "love" me, and that no one else does or ever will. You are a liar and a hypocrite. I will forever hate being your daughter, and hate you for bringing me into the world. I wish I were dead so that I no longer have to wake up and see your stupid face.

have you all considered family counseling because it sounds like you both have issues and it might have to have mediator

Faith EnFire wrote:
have you all considered family counseling because it sounds like you both have issues and it might have to have mediator

She doesn't believe in counseling. She's supportive of me getting counseling for "my" depression, but she doesn't think she needs it herself. I am seeing a therapist. My mom was there for a couple sessions to fill my therapist in about me. Other than that, she believes that depression is a thing of "American Culture", and that I have "become american".

Honestly, I really thought my mom would be a little supportive of me pursuing this. I never thought that she would try to stop me, and then make me feel like a bad person for it. She said I could meet photographers at the mall, now it seems she's changed her mind about that even!

She has always been very smart and professional in her dealings with other people, like when she used to work and when she's running our household, so I'm just really bitter and frustrated with her insulting attitude toward me, and her total disregard for my online friendships and communications.

I have always been annoyed with my mom, but I have never hated her the way I do now. I am especially disgusted when she keeps insisting that she "loves" me, and wants me to "understand". It's not enough that she's oppressing me, she wants me to be happy with it!

And then she just laughs it off!

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:

She doesn't believe in counseling. She's supportive of me getting counseling for "my" depression, but she doesn't think she needs it herself. I am seeing a therapist. My mom was there for a couple sessions to fill my therapist in about me. Other than that, she believes that depression is a thing of "American Culture", and that I have "become american".

Honestly, I really thought my mom would be a little supportive of me pursuing this. I never thought that she would try to stop me, and then make me feel like a bad person for it. She said I could meet photographers at the mall, now it seems she's changed her mind about that even!

She has always been very smart and professional in her dealings with other people, like when she used to work and when she's running our household, so I'm just really bitter and frustrated with her insulting attitude toward me, and her total disregard for my online friendships and communications.

I have always been annoyed with my mom, but I have never hated her the way I do now. I am especially disgusted when she keeps insisting that she "loves" me, and wants me to "understand". It's not enough that she's oppressing me, she wants me to be happy with it!

And then she just laughs it off!

PM sent and *HUGS*