Natasha240 wrote:
So WIN:

I've really gotten into the vintage/retro/swing scene. I LOVE to dance, but no one else I know does, plus because of my GAD and Social anxiety I don't go out anyway. I found a swing club very close to my house, and they offer CHEAP swing dance lessons for the first hour every friday night, and a general dance after that until midnight. I worked up the courage and went! I even told myself "Tash, even if you have to go ALONE (oh, the horror!), do it. You can do this, and you just may end up having a good time."

It was great!

Heyyyyyyyyyyy. Where have you been, young lady?!!! 

Star Child wrote:
Update:
I didn't get the job, but that's okay. It really didn't pay enough for my financial needs. So that door is closed which makes me excited about the next one that will be open.

On the WIN report I'm in negotiations to shoot with a model whose work I've always held with high regard.
I made good progress on development of a special set of portfolio website models that I'm working on over the weekend.
And we just posted a fantastic new image from Ravens Laughter over at the Backstage Project.

All that before my first cup of coffee, too.

i'm sorry about the job...but you have a great outlook on the situation... congrats!

Roxie Red wrote:
question...can you cry so hard you give yourself a black eye? because, i'm pretty sure that's the only explanation i have for waking up with a black eye yesterday.

wow.
the cat wasn't mad at you, was she?

Star Child wrote:
Google WIN
Last week, Google began offering suicide prevention hotline information to people who were searching suicide-related terms.

Mega Win!!!!

Star Child wrote:
Update:
I didn't get the job, but that's okay. It really didn't pay enough for my financial needs. So that door is closed which makes me excited about the next one that will be open.

On the WIN report I'm in negotiations to shoot with a model whose work I've always held with high regard.
I made good progress on development of a special set of portfolio website models that I'm working on over the weekend.
And we just posted a fantastic new image from Ravens Laughter over at the Backstage Project.

All that before my first cup of coffee, too.

Sorry about the job, but now you're free for a better one!
Looking forward to more Backstage Project

Star Child wrote:
Google WIN
Last week, Google began offering suicide prevention hotline information to people who were searching suicide-related terms.

Roxie Red wrote:
question...can you cry so hard you give yourself a black eye? because, i'm pretty sure that's the only explanation i have for waking up with a black eye yesterday.

Not sure about the black eye but i have given myself extremely bloodshot eyes from sobbing too hard, lol
Might wanna trot down to the doctor hon.

Star Child wrote:

wow.
the cat wasn't mad at you, was she?

nope. she's a lover. but this is two days old...

ok. i'm trying to past a photo of my eye from my desk top....not working.

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

Star Child wrote:
Update:
I didn't get the job, but that's okay. It really didn't pay enough for my financial needs. So that door is closed which makes me excited about the next one that will be open.

On the WIN report I'm in negotiations to shoot with a model whose work I've always held with high regard.
I made good progress on development of a special set of portfolio website models that I'm working on over the weekend.
And we just posted a fantastic new image from Ravens Laughter over at the Backstage Project.

All that before my first cup of coffee, too.

Sorry about the job, but now you're free for a better one!
Looking forward to more Backstage Project

Star Child wrote:
Google WIN
Last week, Google began offering suicide prevention hotline information to people who were searching suicide-related terms.

Not sure about the black eye but i have given myself extremely bloodshot eyes from sobbing too hard, lol
Might wanna trot down to the doctor hon.

and tell them what...i woke up with this? my whole side of my face hurts...i was drinking that night but never remember anything happening that caused me to get hurt like this...i wasn't fall down drunk. i was awesome to show up at family easter looking like that.

Roxie Red wrote:

and tell them what...i woke up with this? my whole side of my face hurts...i was drinking that night but never remember anything happening that caused me to get hurt like this...i wasn't fall down drunk. i was awesome to show up at family easter looking like that.

It takes a pretty hard knock to get a black eye...and if the whole side of your face hurts you could have fractured something.
Seriously, doctors have heard MUCH weirder.  They probably won't even bother asking. (Although they might ask you boyfriend questions, but they have to if they suspect abuse)

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

It takes a pretty hard knock to get a black eye...and if the whole side of your face hurts you could have fractured something.
Seriously, doctors have heard MUCH weirder.  They probably won't even bother asking. (Although they might ask you boyfriend questions, but they have to if they suspect abuse)

ok... this is what it looks like. should i worry?

Roxie Red wrote:

ok... this is what it looks like. should i worry?

links broken :

Roxie Red wrote:

wow. I don't know what to say about that.

Star Child wrote:

wow. I don't know what to say about that.

i don't remember how it happened...which scares me.

i don't think anyone hit me...i think i maybe hurt myself. i tend to have ptsd flashbacks and i get violent when i've been drinking against people that i feel unjustifiable anger.

Roxie Red wrote:

i don't remember how it happened...which scares me.

i don't think anyone hit me...i think i maybe hurt myself. i tend to have ptsd flashbacks and i get violent when i've been drinking against people that i feel unjustifiable anger.

Oh that does;t look too bad.  You probably just clocked yourself on something while sleeping.  Drunken sleep is suuuper deep.  Get a cool compress on that, sit with your head elevated and have a good rest

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
Oh that does;t look too bad.  You probably just clocked yourself on something while sleeping.  Drunken sleep is suuuper deep.  Get a cool compress on that, sit with your head elevated and have a good rest

Also, if you can, when you go to work tonight wrap your hands with tape like boxers so if anyone asks you about the eye you can just tell 'em you're in training. Then ask them if they wanna see your right hook.

Roxie Red wrote:
i don't remember how it happened...which scares me.

i don't think anyone hit me...i think i maybe hurt myself. i tend to have ptsd flashbacks and i get violent when i've been drinking against people that i feel unjustifiable anger.

Alcohol is bad for a very large number of reasons.  If you know that you behave this way when you're drinking I strongly suggest that you work on quitting.  Alcohol goes badly with mental health issues anyway.  You're really not missing out if you quit.

P.S.  I think you probably decked yourself while sleeping.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Alcohol is bad for a very large number of reasons.  If you know that you behave this way when you're drinking I strongly suggest that you work on quitting.  Alcohol goes badly with mental health issues anyway.  You're really not missing out if you quit.

P.S.  I think you probably decked yourself while sleeping.

thanks guys. i'm well aware of my drinking issues. i'm hearing you loud and clear. my therapist is also very aware. it's a problem and i'm getting help. i don't think i'm an alcoholic. but i definitely use it as a tool to forget...and considering i'm waking up hurt...that's not good at all...

Roxie Red wrote:

thanks guys. i'm well aware of my drinking issues. i'm hearing you loud and clear. my therapist is also very aware. it's a problem and i'm getting help. i don't think i'm an alcoholic. but i definitely use it as a tool to forget...and considering i'm waking up hurt...that's not good at all...

*hugs* I used to do that too, but i stopped for my husband.  We're here to help you thru it

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

*hugs* I used to do that too, but i stopped for my husband.  We're here to help you thru it

huh...

it's just weird. i've never been a part of the forum world, but the support in this thread...people have pm there numbers...

it's insane.

so last night was the first night since i was married that i felt suicidal. tonight, i feel better. not great. but distracted enough to not think about that.

it makes me feel defeated when i feel that way because i've come so far and survived so much...i'm very hard on myself. always.

sigh....

Roxie Red wrote:

huh...

it's just weird. i've never been a part of the forum world, but the support in this thread...people have pm there numbers...

it's insane.

so last night was the first night since i was married that i felt suicidal. tonight, i feel better. not great. but distracted enough to not think about that.

it makes me feel defeated when i feel that way because i've come so far and survived so much...i'm very hard on myself. always.

sigh....

I think we're quite similar honestly...i hold myself to ridiculously high standards and get very depressed if i fail.  I've had a hard life too but i got through it.  And i decided i'm just not gonna take shit anymore.  Life is to short to live by someone else's rules you know?
I recently cut much of my family out of my life because they're just TOXIC.  All my life i've been the one saving their asses...and i never even get a thank-you.
Anyway, my point is that you gotta learn whats worth stressing an what isn't...i'm still working on it myself but it's helping.

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
I think we're quite similar honestly...i hold myself to ridiculously high standards and get very depressed if i fail.  I've had a hard life too but i got through it.  And i decided i'm just not gonna take shit anymore.  Life is to short to live by someone else's rules you know?
I recently cut much of my family out of my life because they're just TOXIC.  All my life i've been the one saving their asses...and i never even get a thank-you.
Anyway, my point is that you gotta learn whats worth stressing an what isn't...i'm still working on it myself but it's helping.

yeah...i hear ya. i just obsess about things until their resolved. i recently had a ptsd flash back experience on my (i think?) ex boyfriend and ended up calling the cops on him...

and her acts like nothing is wrong. the shitty thing is we have a lease together...so now i'm stressing about that....and 800 other things

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So...I guess I'll be online longer because...since we have guests coming for their annual spring visit, my mom is keeping the connection for their use while they stay with us.

So here I will be...still. This is kind of awkward. I made such a nasty, bitchy scene - everywhere - about being cut off that I almost want to be now.

I shouldn't have said so many horrible things about my mom. She does a lot of great things for me, and really goes out of her way to make me comfortable. At the same time she pisses me off, and says really stupid, insensitive things and....GAH! xx(

people vent. everyone's done it. don't be so hard on yourself.

JLC Images wrote:
This is all you can do.  Let them find the correct medication that will help.  It is a long and painful process, but when they find the right combination you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
...
Look at depression like a broken leg and not a mood.  It doesn't always hurt and you may never know about the problem until he stresses the leg.  If you saw someone with a broken leg sitting without any pain would you tell them they didn't need the cast?
...
Outside of being supportive you are useless.  You will drive yourself crazy if you think you will be able to cure him.  I have witnessed way too many parents and SO's interfere with people taking meds and therapy because they are:
-scared the doctors don't have their best interest at heart
-scared someone else can help better than their loved ones
-scared that after the treatment they won't be themselves anymore
-scared after the treatment they won't like them anymore or worst yet blame them for their depression

If you want to help get the name of his doctor and call them with your questions and concerns.  Be the support your bf needs and leave the medical advice to the doctors.  Depression isn't a constant feeling so don't be fooled by moments of happiness.

I'm not going to be so delusional as to think I can cure him. I think I might be able to help HIM cure HIMSELF.

I think the doctor may have his best interest at heart but needs to spend more time with him; unfortunately with that doctor being the only one in town, that won't happen.

I'm not afraid he won't be himself after the treatment, it's during medication.

And I hardly think he'll blame me for his depression or not like me anymore.

Sadly I do not see the "light at the end of the tunnel" because right now we're blindly running circles in it until he finally either sees a therapist or miraculously gets just the right combo of meds for his "chemical imbalance".

I'm getting tired of this "broken leg" thing, as I pointed out last time, broken legs can heal on their own without medication... much like depression. But you DO need a doctor to splint it/put it in a cast for you!

Sanguine Jackal wrote:

I'm not going to be so delusional as to think I can cure him. I think I might be able to help HIM cure HIMSELF.

I think the doctor may have his best interest at heart but needs to spend more time with him; unfortunately with that doctor being the only one in town, that won't happen.

I'm not afraid he won't be himself after the treatment, it's during medication.

And I hardly think he'll blame me for his depression or not like me anymore.

Sadly I do not see the "light at the end of the tunnel" because right now we're blindly running circles in it until he finally either sees a therapist or miraculously gets just the right combo of meds for his "chemical imbalance".

I'm getting tired of this "broken leg" thing, as I pointed out last time, broken legs can heal on their own without medication... much like depression. But you DO need a doctor to splint it/put it in a cast for you!

hang in there...someone has to see the light at the end of the tunnel...even if you lie and dont really see it. it might be your hope and positive thinking that finds it.

Sanguine Jackal wrote:
I'm not going to be so delusional as to think I can cure him. I think I might be able to help HIM cure HIMSELF.

I think the doctor may have his best interest at heart but needs to spend more time with him; unfortunately with that doctor being the only one in town, that won't happen.

I'm not afraid he won't be himself after the treatment, it's during medication.

And I hardly think he'll blame me for his depression or not like me anymore.

Sadly I do not see the "light at the end of the tunnel" because right now we're blindly running circles in it until he finally either sees a therapist or miraculously gets just the right combo of meds for his "chemical imbalance".

I'm getting tired of this "broken leg" thing, as I pointed out last time, broken legs can heal on their own without medication... much like depression. But you DO need a doctor to splint it/put it in a cast for you!

Something to consider, curing depression may not be possible in much the same way alcoholics maintain they're not cured, just staying sober. Currently, I'm maintaining my depression. I'm not expecting a cure. Instead my goal is to have it under control so that it doesn't control me anymore.

I'm fortunate in that I don't have to take medicine that takes me out of my normal process or state of mind. Additionally, I do see a therapist and I do make the effort to fight back against depression.

I personally think this is the key in that we must make that effort to fight back. An example would be if I just sat there with my therapist without giving real thought to what we talked about and without trying to do some of the things suggested while waiting for some drug to make me well, I might not ever gain control.

Let me just say that Mr. Getoutmore does have a valid point when he talks about sucking it up in this respect.

Alcoholics  can't break their addictions without giving up the drink and in many ways we have to take the fight to mental illness. We can't just pop a pill and think that's going to make us better.

Part of the reason why I participate in this forum is because it does have a bit of therapeutic effect on me.

Roxie Red wrote:
i may have just ruined the only healthy relationship i've ever been in...

because i'm a crazy hot mess...

one thing I've learned is the good ones, the good ones know how to deal with us when we are a hot mess.
The guy I've been most awful to is one of my strongest supporters. Others come and go and if we can scare them off then maybe they were a close fit but not right. OR maybe they just need some time to absorb and think and all will be cool

Faith EnFire wrote:

one thing I've learned is the good ones, the good ones know how to deal with us when we are a hot mess.
The guy I've been most awful to is one of my strongest supporters. Others come and go and if we can scare them off then maybe they were a close fit but not right. OR maybe they just need some time to absorb and think and all will be cool

what if i told you...sometimes i TRY to scare them off. see if they can cut it. I know I test people in my life. It's part of my disorder...but...i have to stop. I got back into therapy because I was being destructive to everything good in my life. It's kinda fucked up.

Roxie Red wrote:

what if i told you...sometimes i TRY to scare them off. see if they can cut it. I know I test people in my life. It's part of my disorder...but...i have to stop. I got back into therapy because I was being destructive to everything good in my life. It's kinda fucked up.

I remember been there done that
over time I've simmered down

glad therapy works for you. didn't for me. I had no reason to trust them so I couldn't open up to them

Sanguine Jackal wrote:
I'm not going to be so delusional as to think I can cure him. I think I might be able to help HIM cure HIMSELF.

I think the doctor may have his best interest at heart but needs to spend more time with him; unfortunately with that doctor being the only one in town, that won't happen.

I'm not afraid he won't be himself after the treatment, it's during medication.

And I hardly think he'll blame me for his depression or not like me anymore.

Sadly I do not see the "light at the end of the tunnel" because right now we're blindly running circles in it until he finally either sees a therapist or miraculously gets just the right combo of meds for his "chemical imbalance".

I'm getting tired of this "broken leg" thing, as I pointed out last time, broken legs can heal on their own without medication... much like depression. But you DO need a doctor to splint it/put it in a cast for you!

I see a lot of people trying to fix themselves and people enable their loved ones.  I am sure there are exceptions where nontrained people have helped with depression, but I have seen them.  I see a lot of short term solutions and people with the best intentions only hurt things more.

The more you tell your SO that he doesn't need medication and/or therapy and that he should fix it himself the more pressure you are putting on him.  Depression is a problem with his mind and you are asking him to use what is broken to help him fix it.  It is like using a broken calculator to find the equation to fix other broken calculators.

Call and speak with his doctor and ask what you can do.  My therapist had my SO monitor the change in my behavior that I may not have noticed and report back to her.

Be there for support, but leave the official helping to the people who are trained for it.  You can unintentionally be making things worse or find yourself in a position you can't help him out of.

I use the broken leg analogy a lot because it is better to think of depression like a physical affliction rather than a change in mood.  Moods can be changed easily depression can not.  I realize broken legs can heal on their own, do you want to be responsible for your BFs leg?  Are you comfortable enough in your theories that you would risk his leg that he might lose it or continue to walk around in pain for the rest of his life?

I know how hard this is for you and that feeling of helplessness is horrible.   Be there for him and care for him.  It is amazing how much that will do for someone.

In the other thread I asked someone to name another medical condition where a doctor isn't needed.  She named High Blood pressure and that exercise and diet would fix it.

The devil is in the details and if someone who read that jumped on a treadmill and started exercising they could have had a stoke or heart attack.  While exercise and diet change can help prevent HBP and help get it back on track only a doctor can tell what stage they are at and what is the best course of action.

Star Child wrote:
Some old friends caught up with me on YIM, today. I know that she has had depression issues so it was great to hear from them.

cool, it's always nice to run into and old friend