Star Child wrote:
When I posted earlier, I hadn't gone to bed yet so I laid down shortly after that. So when I got up at noon we had some big blessings going on.

A dear friend sent me some money which is going to help with my current financial needs.
Also, I had a message from my temp agency that I signed with. Played phone tag for a short bit and then I got to talk with a account manager. They had a job opportunity for me.
And typically, they don't get requests at that particular branch for jobs that pay as much as I need, but this one was in the ball park.

He had to forward my resume to the company and see if they want to interview me on Monday.

Just stay with that faith. This is a witness.

Awesomeness! You are a wonderful person, Kev. God loves you and will make sure you're OK. He placed some good people in your path (this thread for one example) so you wouldn't have to be alone.

Peace, my brother.

Roxie Red wrote:
today was a hard day. hard enough that i texted my ex husband...who ruined my life. for whatever reason i still feel like he is the only one who cared. i'm over tired, over worked, and it's taking a toll on me. not to mention the fact i am horrible about taking my depression medication.

so here i am.

edit: and sadly i realized how long i sat here waiting for a response...night.

I know the feeling. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone in my life (not including here) actually cares. I feel I have no one I can talk to face to face.

I hope you figure out what you need to do.

Roxie Red wrote:
today was a hard day. hard enough that i texted my ex husband...who ruined my life. for whatever reason i still feel like he is the only one who cared. i'm over tired, over worked, and it's taking a toll on me. not to mention the fact i am horrible about taking my depression medication.

so here i am.

edit: and sadly i realized how long i sat here waiting for a response...night.

*big hugs*

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I know the feeling. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone in my life (not including here) actually cares. I feel I have no one I can talk to face to face.

I hope you figure out what you need to do.

do you ever just feel like everyone, including lovers or family, when they say they love you...they are just lying? like i'm convenient for their life right now...but when shit gets real...who would stick around for it?

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

I know the feeling. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone in my life (not including here) actually cares. I feel I have no one I can talk to face to face.

I hope you figure out what you need to do.

do you ever just feel like everyone, including lovers or family, when they say they love you...they are just lying? like i'm convenient for their life right now...but when shit gets real...who would stick around for it?

Roxie Red wrote:

do you ever just feel like everyone, including lovers or family, when they say they love you...they are just lying? like i'm convenient for their life right now...but when shit gets real...who would stick around for it?

Don't be sad! You're too beautiful to be sad. Sometimes I just think my family uses me for money. And because I've been used by people throughout my life.
Just know somebody loves you

Roxie Red wrote:

do you ever just feel like everyone, including lovers or family, when they say they love you...they are just lying? like i'm convenient for their life right now...but when shit gets real...who would stick around for it?

All the time. I've hinted at some of my family problems in this thread. I rarely associate with my family anymore.

I almost always feel like I'm just a person of convenience when they need something. I guess that's part of what turned me into a welcome mat for everyone to walk all over and wipe their feet on.

I know what you're going through.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

All the time. I've hinted at some of my family problems in this thread. I rarely associate with my family anymore.

I almost always feel like I'm just a person of convenience when they need something. I guess that's part of what turned me into a welcome mat for everyone to walk all over and wipe their feet on.

I know what you're going through.

do you want to talk about your family stuff?

NNygaard Studios wrote:

Don't be sad! You're too beautiful to be sad. Sometimes I just think my family uses me for money. And because I've been used by people throughout my life.
Just know somebody loves you

but see....see that's the thing. i can get a lot of guys/girls to date me...i'm fun really outgoing and attractive (i'm not trying to sound cocky, just hear me out)

but a lot of time's it's my "lets be fun facade" and when i get depressed or when shit gets real or i episode...they scram.

i dated one guy for about 4 months and then married him. then i dated another guy for  months and he used my disorder against me. and now i'm living with my boyfriend of six months...but it's not just that. i always feel like i'm holding my breath with my family, prob because my parents walked. but i can't shake this feeling...

if they knew who i really was...they would walk too.

(don't give you family money anymore!! that's sad they use you.)

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
i honestly had a shite day but i'm trying to fix it...

need wrench or hammer?

Roxie Red wrote:

but see....see that's the thing. i can get a lot of guys/girls to date me...i'm fun really outgoing and attractive (i'm not trying to sound cocky, just hear me out)

but a lot of time's it's my "lets be fun facade" and when i get depressed or when shit gets real or i episode...they scram.

i dated one guy for about 4 months and then married him. then i dated another guy for  months and he used my disorder against me. and now i'm living with my boyfriend of six months...but it's not just that. i always feel like i'm holding my breath with my family, prob because my parents walked. but i can't shake this feeling...

if they knew who i really was...they would walk too.

(don't give you family money anymore!! that's sad they use you.)

I'm going to pm you

LeDeux Art wrote:
in our heart is the answers we seek, its a beautiful life

'

scary thought to look inside oneself and hope to find beauty...

Roxie Red wrote:

do you want to talk about your family stuff?

Nah. I buried it deep. It's coming back out, but slowly. The bottom line is I fooled myself into believing I had a great family life growing up. Now I'm realizing things weren't really that way.

Thanks, though.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Nah. I buried it deep. It's coming back out, but slowly. The bottom line is I fooled myself into believing I had a great family life growing up. Now I'm realizing things weren't really that way.

Thanks, though.

i did the same thing...can't know something isn't right if that's all you know...

Julia Gold wrote:
*hugs everyone*

*HUGS*

Missed you. How ya doin'?

Faith EnFire wrote:
Sunday was rather a disaster but it ended with me watching the blind side.
With the negativity at home sometimes it's hard to deal with my depression

Sometimes I'm glad I live alone. Most times I think I'd like someone here to talk to. The problem is that most people don't understand how someone can be alone in a crowded room. That makes it worse I think.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Julia Gold wrote:
*hugs everyone*

*HUGS*

Missed you. How ya doin'?


Sometimes I'm glad I live alone. Most times I think I'd like someone here to talk to. The problem is that most people don't understand how someone can be alone in a crowded room. That makes it worse I think.

especially if they think we should just be positive and it's something that we can just take care of with some happy thoughts

Star Child wrote:

need wrench or hammer?

I'd be tempted to beat myself in the head with it :

Faith EnFire wrote:

especially if they think we should just be positive and it's something that we can just take care of with some happy thoughts

Yeah. "Think happy thoughts. Puppies and kittens." is a good sign the person offering advice has no idea of what we're going through.

Sorry to learn about your Sunday. Mine was up and down. Gave myself a life lesson the hard way. *ouch*

Star Child wrote:

Yeah. "Think happy thoughts. Puppies and kittens." is a good sign the person offering advice has no idea of what we're going through.

Sorry to learn about your Sunday. Mine was up and down. Gave myself a life lesson the hard way. *ouch*

sometimes, it needs to be the hard way. otherwise, we don't remember it

Faith EnFire wrote:
sometimes, it needs to be the hard way. otherwise, we don't remember it

I seemed to have used that method most of my life. Over a course of time all those self inflicted head butts then to make a strong impact.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So, according to my mom who I live with, the whole internet world is one big predator as far as she is concerned. Out of "respect" for her crazy fears, I must not go anywhere beyond walking distance by myself, nor must I meet anyone that we do not know. I must grow old and die in this house, never meeting anyone or experiencing anything.

But hey, at least my mom "loves" me! Yay for parental "love"!

FML x(

*huggs*
I know you know that she's just ill-informed, but she probably doesn't realize the choke hold she's putting on you.
There is a lot of wisdom in the statement, "If you love someone. Set them free."

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So, according to my mom who I live with, the whole internet world is one big predator as far as she is concerned. Out of "respect" for her crazy fears, I must not go anywhere beyond walking distance by myself, nor must I meet anyone that we do not know. I must grow old and die in this house, never meeting anyone or experiencing anything.

But hey, at least my mom "loves" me! Yay for parental "love"!

FML x(

Can you move out?

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:
Where's Natasha?  I found the place where I was hurt a while back.  I went driving a few weeks ago and I found it.  I remembered the domes from that night and I just drove and drove up highway 6 until I found them and then drove down the dirt road until I found the field.  Weird thing is, I don't feel closure in the way I thought I would. 

She's been taking an MM break. Did you send her a PM?

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

Can you move out?

No.

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:
Where's Natasha?  I found the place where I was hurt a while back.  I went driving a few weeks ago and I found it.  I remembered the domes from that night and I just drove and drove up highway 6 until I found them and then drove down the dirt road until I found the field.  Weird thing is, I don't feel closure in the way I thought I would. 

Closure is often overrated and almost never what we would expect. To me, it's simply become the end of another chapter in my life. Nothing special because I'm always right on to the next.

BTW, I like how you captured those photos.

Faith EnFire wrote:

especially if they think we should just be positive and it's something that we can just take care of with some happy thoughts

Yes, that. I remember a conversation I had with my mom not too long ago. I was trying to tell her I was depressed. She kept coming back with all the reasons I should not be depressed. How I should be happy. That I was being silly for feeling depressed.

I guess if I went back to my old way of thinking where I was fooling myself I could maybe convince myself I am happy. I dunno. I don't think I'll try.

Star Child wrote:
How often do you feel like you're not welcomed in this world?
How often do you feel like you're not welcomed on Model Mayhem?
How often do you feel like you're not even welcomed on the internet?
How often does it seem as though you've trespassed on someone's day simply for looking at them and saying, "Hello?"

How often have you struggled with the question of "what's wrong with me?"

This is a constant thing for me. It's so often that it's become a part of me and I don't think I'd know how to act if things suddenly became different.

It's part of what pushes me down.

this one, never any more

There was a girl in my hs class, kept to herself. saw her in the hall one day, walked past, felt a spiritual nudge and turned and said "hey"

We became class friends. At the end of the year, she gave me a candle and said that she had decided that no one cared if she existed and she was going to kill herself but that day, I said hi to her. And she realized, she wasnt alone

so if I feel the urge to say hi now, I will

Star Child wrote:
How often have you struggled with the question of "what's wrong with me?"

At least once a day...and several times per day this past winter.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So, according to my mom who I live with, the whole internet world is one big predator as far as she is concerned. Out of "respect" for her crazy fears, I must not go anywhere beyond walking distance by myself, nor must I meet anyone that we do not know. I must grow old and die in this house, never meeting anyone or experiencing anything.

But hey, at least my mom "loves" me! Yay for parental "love"!

FML x(

Dear Photographer,

Please understand that I am not a flake. I live with my crazy ignorant mother whom I hate right now, and she is forcing me to act like a flake. I've tried to explain this to her, but she is too stupid and stubborn to understand. The fights that we have had over the past week have created so much hatred in me towards her.

Damn, May is going to be awkward and depressing this year, because it's Mother's Day and our birthdays. But now I am soooo disgusted with my mom that I wish I had nothing to do with her. I don't care how much she's done for me. I don't care that I depend on to her run this comfy household, and to maintain my looks & health, and lifestyle. I hate her.

I hate the way she thinks (or doesn't think). I hate the things she says. I hate how she brings up all my failures and holds them against me so she can prove her point. I could go on & on... Yes, I am biting the hand that feeds me, but that hand is also keeping me down.

She's afraid that I will get myself killed, but sometimes I almost wish that I would get killed so that I don't have to wake up and see her face.

Well, at least I'm more motivated to push for work at yet another dead end job at the mall. At least working at Starbucks will get me out of the house and away from her. Maybe I'll be so happy to be away from her that I will actually do a stellar job.

Oh, good morning by the way. I just rolled outta bed, lol.