Chris Rifkin wrote:
This is going to be the roughest holliday season in a very long. time for me.
If spending a week alond(except for Thanksgiving dinner with some MMers)this week is any indication,with no one around,no family,if financial stress,and no hope of meeting anyone (at least in this country)is any indication,wow....
I think all the damage my ex fiance caused me when she left me(financially and emotionally)and never told me(found out via a myspace bulletin)is hitting home,all the financial stress has caught up(its hitting home she will be the reason I probably lose my home),and the reality that no woman worth a demm wants a 40 year old trucker with now awful credit...(but nevermind that women in this country don't care that I'm a good looking guy with great morals,a very good paying job thats economy proof,have a lot of great qualities that make me a catch)
I feel its over for me to ever feel love again,and that lonliness will be my only companion the rest of my life.I thought I could accept this for the past 2 or so years that this was my fate,but I guess it was  a self defense mechanism to temporarily disable me being lonely,almost like I tricked myself into thinking I would be OK with it....
And I'm not  going to make the mistake a lot of guys make in my situation(especially the truckers out there),where they just shack up with the first female that shows any interest in them,and just live the rest of their lives knowing they "settled",I have to have some sort of atraction to be interested.......

This sucks

You are not alone.  There are many single men and women out there.  Being songle in itself can be lonely if you let doubts and negative ideas you have about yourself take over your thoughts ... you also mentioned some very positive things about yourself.  Let go of the past and history that you had and allow yourself to believe that the positive can carry you through this season and a better future!

Patrick Walberg wrote:

You are not alone.  There are many single men and women out there.  Being songle in itself can be lonely if you let doubts and negative ideas you have about yourself take over your thoughts ... you also mentioned some very positive things about yourself.  Let go of the past and history that you had and allow yourself to believe that the positive can carry you through this season and a better future!

I keep telling myself this,and I had come to terms with the fact that this is how its going to be the rest of my life probably,no miracles for me.
The past few years I was able to work through the hollidays,yeah,it wasn't really how I wanted to spend them,but I  was in a routine,I  was driving,listening to tunes,hitting the gym,and going to sleep.
When you are home,and bombarded with TV adds showing people in love,rich guys buying their SO expensive jewlery or Lexus',and I'm here wondering what its like to actually feel love.
There is absolutely nowhere for a 40 year old single long haired metalhead to go here where I would fit in(or be surrounded by losers)
Then getting shit from my family because I haven't "settled"yet,it gets old when I get it from multiple ends that "I need to get over myself,not everyone is entitled to be in a relationship with someone they are atracted to,and that I just need to learn my role and start a family"..
I've said it many times,the culture in this country sucks,the women here date "status symbols",but I don't have the $$ to spend the time to make my last ditch attempt to find love in Europe(it would take a year to find out)

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
I think I'm slipping.

What's wrong? Wanna talk? I can call you, or you call me!

Chris Rifkin wrote:
This is going to be the roughest holliday season in a very long. time for me.
If spending a week alond(except for Thanksgiving dinner with some MMers)this week is any indication,with no one around,no family,if financial stress,and no hope of meeting anyone (at least in this country)is any indication,wow....
I think all the damage my ex fiance caused me when she left me(financially and emotionally)and never told me(found out via a myspace bulletin)is hitting home,all the financial stress has caught up(its hitting home she will be the reason I probably lose my home),and the reality that no woman worth a demm wants a 40 year old trucker with now awful credit...(but nevermind that women in this country don't care that I'm a good looking guy with great morals,a very good paying job thats economy proof,have a lot of great qualities that make me a catch)
I feel its over for me to ever feel love again,and that lonliness will be my only companion the rest of my life.I thought I could accept this for the past 2 or so years that this was my fate,but I guess it was  a self defense mechanism to temporarily disable me being lonely,almost like I tricked myself into thinking I would be OK with it....
And I'm not  going to make the mistake a lot of guys make in my situation(especially the truckers out there),where they just shack up with the first female that shows any interest in them,and just live the rest of their lives knowing they "settled",I have to have some sort of atraction to be interested.......

This sucks

I'm sorry Chris. Being lonely is so painful, it sounds like alot is catching up with you at once. We are here for you anytime you need to talk/vent/cry/whatever.

Natasha240 wrote:

I'm sorry Chris. Being lonely is so painful, it sounds like alot is catching up with you at once. We are here for you anytime you need to talk/vent/cry/whatever.

This is why meds won't work for me.
I have a lot of friends who were lonely(doesn't seem more than a co incidence that most people leading lonely lives are metalheads)who were talked into taking meds by some not very qualified therapists.Being lonely isn't a condition that can be controlled by a drug,as is heartbreak,and in my experience my friends who went on meds ended up making very poor decisions and ended up settling for someone they had no buisness settling for,and now are lonely in a relationship they never really wanted to be in.....

Chris Rifkin wrote:

This is why meds won't work for me.
I have a lot of friends who were lonely(doesn't seem more than a co incidence that most people leading lonely lives are metalheads)who were talked into taking meds by some not very qualified therapists.Being lonely isn't a condition that can be controlled by a drug,as is heartbreak,and in my experience my friends who went on meds ended up making very poor decisions and ended up settling for someone they had no buisness settling for,and now are lonely in a relationship they never really wanted to be in.....

I know what you're going through. Believe me. I can't even remember the last date I had or who it was with.

Here ya go.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bT2pD8AepA

Natasha240 wrote:
sometimes, a lot more now, I really think about just up and moving away, out into a rural area, and living a very simple life. Just me, Danielle, and the pets. No Tv, no Internet, no newspapers, magazines. Keep our living expenses low, get low stress/pressure jobs, pay the utilites, food, and car expenses. Maybe even look into having/working a small local farm. Am I losing it (more)?

No, you are not losing it. I think about the same thing all the time. Just going away. Take my puppies with me and go. Wherever I stop is where I stay. I think it would be awesome.

So, if you go just let me know where 'cause when I go I'll meander my way in that direction. The cameras come with, though. And a computer with Photoshop.

Natasha240 wrote:

What's wrong? Wanna talk? I can call you, or you call me!

I had a little chat with Kevin in PM. It's just typical holiday season stuff. Knowing I'm going to be alone but at the same time not wanting to be around anyone else so I don't bring them down. Ironic catch-22 here.

This is just one of those things that has to run it's course. Thank you, though.

Interesting how whenever I'm starting to feel down, I think about you and Kevin and hope you're OK. Whenever I'm feeling better, I think about you and Kevin and hope you're OK.

On a lighter note...not that anyone cares...I did some retail therapy yesterday. It didn't help to boost my spirits much, but instead of getting a bunch of stuff for other people I was selfish.

http://totalprodigital.com/home/product … 38d1b8a499

I'll be happy when it gets here. And ever happier when I can make better images because of it.

LegacyMobileStudio wrote:
Chris,

So sorry to hear that.  I'll keep you in my prayers.  It would be a blast if we could arrange for a "gathering" of people once a year (like a reunion) where everyone could meet and have feasts, shooting pictures or words, chat, and have fun. 

Hang in there- and to phrase an olllddd cliche- keep truckin'

your pal,
Lance

You are a wonderful person. You're on my good list now.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
I had a little chat with Kevin in PM. s just typical holiday season stuff. Knowing I'm going to be alone but at the same time not wanting to be around anyone else so I don't bring them down. Ironic catch-22 here)

This is just one of those things that has to run it's course. Thank you, though.

Interesting how whenever I'm starting to feel down, I think about you and Kevin and hope you're OK. Whenever I'm feeling better, I think about you and Kevin and hope you're OK.

On a lighter note...not that anyone cares...I did some retail therapy yesterday. It didn't help to boost my spirits much, but instead of getting a bunch of stuff for other people I was selfish.

http://totalprodigital.com/home/product … 38d1b8a499

I'll be happy when it gets here. And ever happier when I can make better images because of it.

Thats the absolute worst! There are so many people who dont understand how much it sucks. I get looked at like I farted in church when I say I dont really celebrate Christmas anymore and dont want to sit in a house full of people ( all married ) while they do.  Im looking at the 4th of July already lol A friend of mine has a huge party every year and last year I helped put on a kickass backyard fireworks display , this year is gonna be even bigger, brighter, and LOUDER!

Scottsworld71 wrote:
Thats the absolute worst! There are so many people who dont understand how much it sucks. I get looked at like I farted in church when I say I dont really celebrate Christmas anymore and dont want to sit in a house full of people ( all married ) while they do.  Im looking at the 4th of July already lol A friend of mine has a huge party every year and last year I helped put on a kickass backyard fireworks display , this year is gonna be even bigger, brighter, and LOUDER!

http://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday … l-survival
Edit: on second reading I don't endorse that article.
I do find this one to be just a tad bit more useful in terms of ideals that help to alleviate those tough feelings..
http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl … html?cat=7

Natasha240 wrote:
I'm doing ok half of the time, then suddenly I'm crying and very sad. It's to be expected I guess. My anxiety is ramping up again. It gets much worse at night, all of a sudden I feel my heart speed up like I'm on an adreneline rush and I start shaking and find it hard to get a breath. It just happened to me now, out of nowhere. I called my doctor 5 days ago to ask him to refill my xanax and sleeping pills, he never called back. I called again on Wednesday (the office WAS open) and left a message on the vm. I still have not heard back. WTF?

I understand what you mean...WTF...my doctor hasn't called me back either. I found another doctor. I'm not a name on a chart. I'm a human being. I've reached the point that when a doctor cannot find the time to call you back, or even have their assistant call you back, that I won't be treated this way. This is abandonment of the patient by the doctor, and that just doesn't cut it for me.

Mark Tate wrote:
I see a lot of dickheads make fun of this and think its a fucking joke ....FUCK you

?? Are you referring to this link and the topic in the link?

Star Child wrote:
I'd, also, like to share this blog post with you all. It's about a personal victory of mine.
http://kayelless.net/?p=4878

Scottsworld71 wrote:

Thats the absolute worst! There are so many people who dont understand how much it sucks. I get looked at like I farted in church when I say I dont really celebrate Christmas anymore and dont want to sit in a house full of people ( all married ) while they do.  Im looking at the 4th of July already lol A friend of mine has a huge party every year and last year I helped put on a kickass backyard fireworks display , this year is gonna be even bigger, brighter, and LOUDER!

I don't like Christmas, nor do I really celebrate it. I always look at this season as "I can't wait until the world get backs to normal!"

Dannielle Levan wrote:
Feeling a bit sad cos Xmas is coming up and i'm here in Canada and my family is back in Australia.  We always got together for a super fun BBQ and a drink.
I feel a bit better now that a friend is having an 'orphans Xmas' party but still...I just wanna hug my dad and my stinky brothers

I understand. My father lives in Greece and my mother is in Oklahoma in a coma living with my sister and doesn't have much longer to live.

Hugs to you!!

Taboo Nudes wrote:

I understand. My father lives in Greece and my mother is in Oklahoma in a coma living with my sister and doesn't have much longer to live.

Hugs to you!!

Thanks. Hugs to you too!

LegacyMobileStudio wrote:
/wave
/waves

(how do you get the icon to wave?)

: hienvy :

without the spaces. Quote this message and you'll see below:

Derek Mick wrote:
i have a  constant battle with   severe depression this is near and dear.

Been there done that and for me to it is a constant struggle and throw in OCD into the mix as well.

NGWC Photography wrote:

Been there done that and for me to it is a constant struggle and throw in OCD into the mix as well.

I hope you don't mind me asking... I barely know about OCD- can you describe what the hardest thing is about it?

Thanks for taking a moment to educate me.

Taboo Nudes wrote:

I don't like Christmas, nor do I really celebrate it. I always look at this season as "I can't wait until the world get backs to normal!"

I do my best to avoid it altogether. My mom keeps asking me what I want and over and over ive explained that the best thing she could do would be to finally respect my wishes and quit bugging me about a holiday that I dont like to celebrate anymore. Each time she asks me "WHY?" and I so sick of trying to explain myself when she wont even attempt to understand.
I used to be very close to my family, then some shit happened and some horrible lies were told about me ( by a family member ) and no one else in my family was willing to stand up and have my back. Now im the bad guy because I defended myself against the people telling these stories instead of "just letting it go and be part of the family again" So now any kind of family gathering make me extremely uncomfortable even though the people who started the trouble arent present, if theyre going to be there, then I refuse to be under the same roof for any reason. blah

Scottsworld71 wrote:

I do my best to avoid it altogether. My mom keeps asking me what I want and over and over ive explained that the best thing she could do would be to finally respect my wishes and quit bugging me about a holiday that I dont like to celebrate anymore. Each time she asks me "WHY?" and I so sick of trying to explain myself when she wont even attempt to understand.
I used to be very close to my family, then some shit happened and some horrible lies were told about me ( by a family member ) and no one else in my family was willing to stand up and have my back. Now im the bad guy because I defended myself against the people telling these stories instead of "just letting it go and be part of the family again" So now any kind of family gathering make me extremely uncomfortable even though the people who started the trouble arent present, if theyre going to be there, then I refuse to be under the same roof for any reason. blah

Ah. Very similar story here. Family can be a great blessing and an awful curse.

Dannielle Levan wrote:
All around thread hugs!

Back atcha.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

Back atcha.

Pile up!  I'm actually having quite a good week.  Keeping very busy, i guess.  But with stuff i like, and gonna go to a friend's for dinner on Saturday

Natasha240 wrote:
I FINALLY got my xanax filled. It took a week and a half and four phone calls to get my doctor on the phone. I had some choice words.

My oldest sister, who I really cannot stand even one iota (I don't want to use the word hate, but it's close) for the sole reason of being an attention-whoring martyr, broke the police seal on my fathers apartment the day after he was found, and went pawing through his things. She took a bracelet, a VERY PERSONAL and goddamned PRIVATE letter I wrote to him (she read it), some photos and his address book that he kept personal writings in. It's not like she took this stuff for herself, she did not even like him.

She called me that night to let me know what she had. I told her I wanted it, keeping my rage in check. I even offered to send her the cost of postage if she could not afford to send it to me. I waited a week, no response. I emailed her again, asking her if she sent it. She sent me back a one sentence email "I said I would send it and I will". Another week goes by. I sent her another email two nights ago asking if she sent the stuff, if she needed money to send it to tell me, and asking for an ETA. No response.

The thing that gets me is that she had no fucking right/reason to travel to my fathers apartment and get those things. So now what? I have to beg/harass her to give me my dead fathers things? It's a bracelet and a letter ffs. I know she is doing this just to torment me. What am I supposed to do?

Report her to the cops.  It's illegal to break a police seal AND she burglarized the apartment.

Dannielle Levan wrote:

Report her to the cops.  It's illegal to break a police seal AND she burglarized the apartment.

I know that. The gall on her! I'm not looking to get her arrested, I just want my dads bracelet and letter. I don't like to talk to her at all, she makes me rage so hard. Part of the reason I cannot bring myself to go to his "memorial" service (it's a joke) is that I don't trust myself to be around her, especially when I am so very, very emotional and angry. She was VERY close to my mother. I want to ask her how she would have felt if right after mom died, I had some things of hers that she wanted and did not give them to her. It hurts, and it's wrong, and it's frustrating. I'm gonna blow.

Natasha240 wrote:
I know that. The gall on her! I'm not looking to get her arrested, I just want my dads bracelet and letter. I don't like to talk to her at all, she makes me rage so hard. Part of the reason I cannot bring myself to go to his "memorial" service (it's a joke) is that I don't trust myself to be around her, especially when I am so very, very emotional and angry. She was VERY close to my mother. I want to ask her how she would have felt if right after mom died, I had some things of hers that she wanted and did not give them to her. It hurts, and it's wrong, and it's frustrating. I'm gonna blow.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you need to talk, I can call you.