Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

Yep, I visit here...I suffer from depression quite often (actually going through a down spell right now, just not posting about it.)

Pawww?  YOU get sad?  I didn't know that.    Me, too, but I disguise it by being a flippant asshole.    And my fluffy friend Eric always makes me feel better.

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Pawww?  YOU get sad?  I didn't know that.    Me, too, but I disguise it by being a flippant asshole.    And my fluffy friend Eric always makes me feel better.

Hi A!! *jumping up and down, doing the high pitched excited girly voice*  Good to see you here friend!!

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

Pawww?  YOU get sad?  I didn't know that.    Me, too, but I disguise it by being a flippant asshole.    And my fluffy friend Eric always makes me feel better.

Yep, I actually get sad.

I would post about my current situation, but it hurts too much and I'd get way too emotional. Fortunately, I have quite an effective support group of coworkers that help me out a lot. I haven't been this depressed in over 10 years.

Natasha240 wrote:

Hi A!! *jumping up and down, doing the high pitched excited girly voice*  Good to see you here friend!!

Quit being all high pitched or I'll punch you in the baws! 

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

Yep, I actually get sad.

I would post about my current situation, but it hurts too much and I'd get way too emotional. Fortunately, I have quite an effective support group of coworkers that help me out a lot. I haven't been this depressed in over 10 years.

I didn't even know you were depressable!  I thought you like, lacked the physical ability to feel sadness.  Learn somefin' new every day!

Big A-Larger Than Life wrote:

I didn't even know you were depressable!  I thought you like, lacked the physical ability to feel sadness.  Learn somefin' new every day!

I wish I lacked that ability. Sadness fuckin sucks.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
I post my negativity in other threads, like if it's a topic that triggers it.

It may be awkward and annoying but, oh well...too bad.

same here,especially any thread involving relationships
or love....

But considering I had  a suicide atempt New Years eve 2004/2005,
this thread is a confortable place to post when i feel awful

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

I wish I lacked that ability. Sadness fuckin sucks.

yes it does...I`ve been living with it for most of my life

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

I wish I lacked that ability. Sadness fuckin sucks.

Well... I guess it isn't quite right to "welcome" you coming out of the closet under these circumstances, but I'm glad you're here to talk.  It's really good to know you have understanding and supportive friends, but sometimes an anonymous group can let you get things off your chest that you feel uncomfortable telling to people close to you.

Do you mind if I ask what type(s) of depression/other mood disorders you suffer from?  It helps for us to know.  Clinical, situational, seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, dysthymia, GAD, PTSD, ASD, etc. all have different characteristics.   We're here to support you no matter what you have, and you don't have to tell us if you're not comfortable.

Myself, I suffer clinical depression and GAD, and I've been hospitalized twice due to acute crises, both of which brought me damned close to suicide.  I've been very stable for almost two years since they correctly diagnosed my GAD and put me on Klonopin in addition to Celexa and Lithium Carbonate.  I see my therapist twice a month and my psychiatrist once a month.  After my last crisis I found myself a changed man - part of the reason I frequent this thread is to try to help others as I've been helped.

I hope you find this to be a friendly and helpful place.  We do not judge here; instead we share at least a part of your pain.

Natasha240 wrote:
Just wanna say Hi. I was trying to think of a WIN and could'nt, so this is all I've got.

Just seeing you post on this thread makes me happy.  That counts as a WIN in my book.

*SURPRISE-TACKLE-HUG*

Lawrence Guy wrote:
Do you mind if I ask what type(s) of depression/other mood disorders you suffer from?  It helps for us to know.  Clinical, situational, seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, dysthymia, GAD, PTSD, ASD, etc. all have different characteristics.

Mine is clinical and situational (both diagnosed), and possibly a hint of PTSD due to some highly stressful events I've been through.

My current depression was triggered by a series of ongoing situations at work, and they just keep piling up. I'm keeping silent online about it because I like to keep my work life out of the public eye (except for the positive highlights).

Star Child wrote:

yeah, I know we chatted briefly about that low coming on. Are you gathering up your defenses and putting them to work?

BTW, pretty about the print sale.

I've been putting up my defenses. It came on at work yesterday morning like something snapped. That's usually how it happens. Sometimes it's a specific thing that triggers it, sometimes not. This time I think it was about the print. At least, that's what I was thinking of when I fell.

Yes, it is pretty about the print. I just wish I felt like celebrating.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

Hmmm... general, yet specifically vague.  If I punch you in the arm as hard as I can will it piss you off enough to elaborate?

No. Things people do to me don't piss me off. When I get pissed, it's usually due to my own stupidity. I'd probably turn around and tell you that you missed an arm.

Natasha240 wrote:
Just wanna say Hi. I was trying to think of a WIN and could'nt, so this is all I've got.

Chris Rifkin wrote:
Guess now whats left for me is to see what happens to my townhome,
I`ve come to grips I`ll probably lose it as Bank of America refuses
to renegotiate my morgage to something I could afford(and what
I SHOULD be paying)....so looks like I`l have a foreclosure
and a possible bankruptcy if the bank comes after me after the auction

have you spoken to your realtor about short sales and deed in lieu of foreclosure?

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

I usually know i'm dreaming and kinda switch between first person and watching from above... it's weird.

I haven't been able to do so lately but i think it's because I've not a lot of B vitamins but i'm still in color and first person

Faith EnFire wrote:

have you spoken to your realtor about short sales and deed in lieu of foreclosure?

It is up for sale,as is half my community(when I got served
my foreclosure papers he had 7 he had to serve in my community,
and he said he estimated 50% of the townhomes in my complex
are either in forclosure or will be in another month(this was November)
(because Countrywide got its paws on our builders and suckered
everyone like they did for years,and when they sold the
loans to Bank of America they decided to be unethical as well
after recieving all the bail out $$)

Chris Rifkin wrote:

It is up for sale,as is half my community(when I got served
my foreclosure papers he had 7 he had to serve in my community,
and he said he estimated 50% of the townhomes in my complex
are either in forclosure or will be in another month(this was November)
(because Countrywide got its paws on our builders and suckered
everyone like they did for years,and when they sold the
loans to Bank of America they decided to be unethical as well
after recieving all the bail out $$)

Sorry you're having such a tough time Chris. Glad you made it through V-day ok though. I know that's a tough one on you. Hang in there. You're in the same situation as a lot of other people. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone makes it a little better at least. A lot of us are just hanging on by our fingernails. Especially in Florida.

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

Mine is clinical and situational (both diagnosed), and possibly a hint of PTSD due to some highly stressful events I've been through.

My current depression was triggered by a series of ongoing situations at work, and they just keep piling up. I'm keeping silent online about it because I like to keep my work life out of the public eye (except for the positive highlights).

I can definitely relate to work-related situational depression.  It's 30% of the reason why I abandoned my career as a Computer Programmer and switched to the lucrative field of art photography.  I was expected to wear too many hats and anything that went wrong was my fault, but I wasn't given full reign to make decisions and schedules had no bearing on reality.  Two years later and I can still rant about it.

Chris Rifkin wrote:

It is up for sale,as is half my community(when I got served
my foreclosure papers he had 7 he had to serve in my community,
and he said he estimated 50% of the townhomes in my complex
are either in forclosure or will be in another month(this was November)
(because Countrywide got its paws on our builders and suckered
everyone like they did for years,and when they sold the
loans to Bank of America they decided to be unethical as well
after recieving all the bail out $$)

if you can do a short sale or a deed in lieu (which gives the deed back to the bank), you can avoid the foreclosure but that's something that you need to talk to your realtor about.

Solstice Rain wrote:

Sorry you're having such a tough time Chris. Glad you made it through V-day ok though. I know that's a tough one on you. Hang in there. You're in the same situation as a lot of other people. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone makes it a little better at least. A lot of us are just hanging on by our fingernails. Especially in Florida.

I`m not that worried about my home as I make more than enough
to live somewhere nice once this gets figured out(from what
I heard I could concieveably be living for free for up to another
year at my place stuff is so backed up),hell,I could probably
end up renting a 3 bedroom house for under $1000 a month
with a pool,so I`m not worried here..
I would not be surprised if half of all people in Fla(especially Tampa,Orlando,Miami,ect)end up with a double whammy of forclosure
and ensuing bankruptcy(thats if the banks even try to follow
through with judgements on people foreclosing) within 5 years
Which would basicly kill the real estate market for 10 years

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

Mine is clinical and situational (both diagnosed), and possibly a hint of PTSD due to some highly stressful events I've been through.

My current depression was triggered by a series of ongoing situations at work, and they just keep piling up. I'm keeping silent online about it because I like to keep my work life out of the public eye (except for the positive highlights).

I thought you were being rather quiet lately.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So, this morning my mom just informed me that she needs to make a Drs. Appt. with a Biopsy Surgeon because something is not right with her chest.  I hope she's going be okay and is not going to need surgery. If she does, then I hope I can be there for her this time. 

I feel horrible that I flaked out on her the last time she had surgery.  I just didn't have a clue what to do.  I didn't know how to communicate with the Doctors or stand up to the system.  When they kicked her out of the hospital - instead of sending her for the desperately needed rehab like they were supposed to - I didn't know how to take care of her.  She almost died, and then a family friend took control of the situation and made sure she got the care that was required. I have been the worst "liability" of a daughter. 

I really have to start spending more time with my mom, and learn from her while I can, and learn to run my life on my own.  She and my sister have been telling me that for years and have been so worried about how I will take care of myself when she's gone.  I don't even know where to begin to think about that...and I just get so wrapped in other obsessions and distractions...like they're an escape.

Despite the current problem, I'm glad that my mom is doing well at the moment and is not sick or in any pain. She just, in a very matter-of-fact way informed me that this thing needs to be checked out but it's "probably nothing."  Meanwhile, she's juggling that with all the help she is giving me with getting my life, in order, and my sister's life (we're quite disfunctional).

We'll see what happens...

Hug
she just doesn't want you to worry

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:
So, this morning my mom just informed me that she needs to make a Drs. Appt. with a Biopsy Surgeon because something is not right with her chest.  I hope she's going be okay and is not going to need surgery. If she does, then I hope I can be there for her this time. 

I feel horrible that I flaked out on her the last time she had surgery.  I just didn't have a clue what to do.  I didn't know how to communicate with the Doctors or stand up to the system.  When they kicked her out of the hospital - instead of sending her for the desperately needed rehab like they were supposed to - I didn't know how to take care of her.  She almost died, and then a family friend took control of the situation and made sure she got the care that was required. I have been the worst "liability" of a daughter. It's a good thing my mom has great friends to watch her back. 

I really have to start spending more time with my mom, and learn from her while I can, and learn to run my life on my own.  She and my sister have been telling me that for years and have been so worried about how I will take care of myself when she's gone.  I don't even know where to begin to think about that...and I just get so wrapped in other obsessions and distractions...like they're an escape.

Despite the current problem, I'm glad that my mom is doing well at the moment and is not sick or in any pain. She just, in a very matter-of-fact way informed me that this thing needs to be checked out but it's "probably nothing."  Meanwhile, she's juggling that with all the help she is giving me with getting my life in order, and my sister's life (we're quite disfunctional).

We'll see what happens...

Just do the best you can. Don't get upset over something you feel you're supposed to do. That will just make it harder to concentrate on what you could do.

Just do what you can do.

Lawrence Guy wrote:
Well... I guess it isn't quite right to "welcome" you coming out of the closet under these circumstances, but I'm glad you're here to talk.  It's really good to know you have understanding and supportive friends, but sometimes an anonymous group can let you get things off your chest that you feel uncomfortable telling to people close to you.

Do you mind if I ask what type(s) of depression/other mood disorders you suffer from?  It helps for us to know.  Clinical, situational, seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, dysthymia, GAD, PTSD, ASD, etc. all have different characteristics.   We're here to support you no matter what you have, and you don't have to tell us if you're not comfortable.



I hope you find this to be a friendly and helpful place.  We do not judge here; instead we share at least a part of your pain.

I always and often struggle with this idea. I love the fact that you guys have this place here. I love that people can discover it like a diamond in the rough. I did. I don't "use" it as I possibly should. Not sure why. I feel I shouldn't "step on toes" and I also feel I don't want to expose too much. I let pieces go here and there, but it's not all HERE. I guess I leave breadcrumb trails scattered. My heart is always in this thread.................. it's just that I am not. Some of you may or may have not pre determined what you think my main issue or issues are........... and some could care less. Either way.......... my heart is with you all when you suffer. I suffer too.

A diagnosis offers what though ultimately for us? It is more for the person. We still see need to see the person in the same way....... as a human being. In some cases is DOES help us to understand "why?", but in some cases it is irrelevant to me.

Gabrielle Heather wrote:

I always and often struggle with this idea. I love the fact that you guys have this place here. I love that people can discover it like a diamond in the rough. I did. I don't "use" it as I possibly should. Not sure why. I feel I shouldn't "step on toes" and I also feel I don't want to expose too much. I let pieces go here and there, but it's not all HERE. I guess I leave breadcrumb trails scattered. My heart is always in this thread.................. it's just that I am not. Some of you may or may have not pre determined what you think my main issue or issues are........... and some could care less. Either way.......... my heart is with you all when you suffer. I suffer too.

A diagnosis offers what though ultimately for us? It is more for the person. We still see need to see the person in the same way....... as a human being. In some cases is DOES help us to understand "why?", but in some cases it is irrelevant to me.

I don't judge. I accept everyone for who and what they are. I've been judged way too much in my life to do the same to someone else.

Saying that, no I don't know what your issue(s) are. I care, but I care about you as a person. I also care about your issue(s) but I don't care about knowing what they are. I hope that makes some sense.

BTW, you're awesome.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:
I don't judge. I accept everyone for who and what they are. I've been judged way too much in my life to do the same to someone else.

Saying that, no I don't know what your issue(s) are. I care, but I care about you as a person. I also care about your issue(s) but I don't care about knowing what they are. I hope that makes some sense.

BTW, you're awesome.

I'm such an emotional wreck lately. tearing up for you saying I'm awesome. thanks.

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I can definitely relate to work-related situational depression.  It's 30% of the reason why I abandoned my career as a Computer Programmer and switched to the lucrative field of art photography.  I was expected to wear too many hats and anything that went wrong was my fault, but I wasn't given full reign to make decisions and schedules had no bearing on reality.  Two years later and I can still rant about it.

I'm considering going back into personal training, with emphasis on core conditioning and body sculpting. It makes me feel good to do it myself (actually quite proud of my new physique - pics by April); and I love teaching others.

I'll also do flight instructing part-time, just for fun and an excuse to fly...and of course, teach others.

Photography falls in there somewhere.

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:
I'm considering going back into personal training, with emphasis on core conditioning and body sculpting. It makes me feel good to do it myself (actually quite proud of my new physique - pics by April); and I love teaching others.

I'll also do flight instructing part-time, just for fun and an excuse to fly...and of course, teach others.

Photography falls in there somewhere.

Is that you in your avatar?

Never mind, I looked at your website and think I saw you on your Contact Me page.  Is that you?

Lol, I'm obsessed with finding the face of every poster.

ArunaDiesPretty wrote:

Is that you in your avatar?

Never mind, I looked at your website and think I saw you on your Contact Me page.  Is that you?

Lol, I'm obsessed with finding the face of every poster.

Yep, that's me on the contact page.

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:

I'm considering going back into personal training, with emphasis on core conditioning and body sculpting. It makes me feel good to do it myself (actually quite proud of my new physique - pics by April); and I love teaching others.

I'll also do flight instructing part-time, just for fun and an excuse to fly...and of course, teach others.

Photography falls in there somewhere.

I'm over 50, dreadfully out of shape with bad eating & exercising habits. Is it too late for me?

Star Child wrote:

I'm over 50, dreadfully out of shape with bad eating & exercising habits. Is it too late for me?

Its never too late.
Look at my myspace default,do I look like I`m about to turn 41 next month.
If I have one thing going for me its my obsession to be in
amazing shape.

Star Child wrote:

I'm over 50, dreadfully out of shape with bad eating & exercising habits. Is it too late for me?

No, but...

In order to make it work, you have to enjoy working out, and enjoy the taste of shitty healthy food. If either one of those two (or both) are not enjoyable to you, then the likelihood of sticking with it is very slim.

Chris Rifkin wrote:

Its never too late.
Look at my myspace default,do I look like I`m about to turn 41 next month.
If I have one thing going for me its my obsession to be in
amazing shape.

Until now, I never knew what you look like.

Holy fuck!

*hits the weights one more time before bed*

Paul Bryson Photography wrote:
No, but...

In order to make it work, you have to enjoy working out, and enjoy the taste of shitty healthy food. If either one of those two (or both) are not enjoyable to you, then the likelihood of sticking with it is very slim.

Eating healthy doesn't have to be awful.  You just need to know how to prepare it...like my mom does, lol, and just make little modifications here & there.