Star Child wrote:
Stressed. Stressed, I say. I'm too nervous. She's gonna make me go dancing tonight, but this low is really kicking at my enthusiasm. Combination nervous panic attack. Is that legal?
Ugh. I feel terrible. I need a stand in. A real good one cause being me is.... I have a hard time doing it.
Gah!

But you're good at being you and totally funky as well.

Star Child wrote:
I think I'm gonna make it. My friend is just too much fun. We've had a good time. I begged out of dancing last night, but I'm gonna have to go tonight. Ugh, but got a whole day of shooting ahead of me right now so ciao!

Uuuuurgh...

DESPISE
dancing....I only go to places like that (or used to before I completely
stopped going out) to look at the pretty girls who would
only go for the rich GQ looking guys...

The only dancing I do involves elbows,body checking,and
violent music

Star Child wrote:
Long day shooting into the night. No dancing. Just pictures.

epic win

- Rose - wrote:
I've had 3 meetings with my new therapist so far, and the last meeting she told me that nothing was wrong with me. I don't WANT anything to be wrong with me, but it FEELS like there is. I know what I feel is not normal. I have not been able to get it out of my head for the past 4 days. The first thing I thought was "is she going to stop my sessions?" I need a chance to tell her what I'm concerned about but when I try to talk to her, I cannot. The more I get to know someone, the less comfortable I am talking about how I feel, and this is starting to happen with her.

She has been great at rephrasing my broken, nonsense babbling into coherent sentences. When I talk to her, I talk slow and I bounce around subjects, afraid of saying the wrong thing, and I cannot provide concrete examples of things that happen. I don't know why. I feel so stupid because I can't explain what's happening to me so she has to make sense of it for me.

Her saying nothing was wrong with me, made me feel like she had made her decision about me, and didn't bother to really get to know me and help me, and now I don't think I'm going to feel as welcome at our sessions anymore.

Find a different therapist.  Someone cannot judge you that quickly.  It took three therapists over 2 years to figure out i had borderline personality disorder.

- Rose - wrote:
I've had 3 meetings with my new therapist so far, and the last meeting she told me that nothing was wrong with me. I don't WANT anything to be wrong with me, but it FEELS like there is. I know what I feel is not normal. I have not been able to get it out of my head for the past 4 days. The first thing I thought was "is she going to stop my sessions?" I need a chance to tell her what I'm concerned about but when I try to talk to her, I cannot. The more I get to know someone, the less comfortable I am talking about how I feel, and this is starting to happen with her.

She has been great at rephrasing my broken, nonsense babbling into coherent sentences. When I talk to her, I talk slow and I bounce around subjects, afraid of saying the wrong thing, and I cannot provide concrete examples of things that happen. I don't know why. I feel so stupid because I can't explain what's happening to me so she has to make sense of it for me.

Her saying nothing was wrong with me, made me feel like she had made her decision about me, and didn't bother to really get to know me and help me, and now I don't think I'm going to feel as welcome at our sessions anymore.

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
Find a different therapist.  Someone cannot judge you that quickly.  It took three therapists over 2 years to figure out i had borderline personality disorder.

I'm going to offer a slightly different thought here.

On your next visit tell her that. Tell her that by her telling you there's nothing wrong with you she created a new issue for you. See how she reacts.

Communication is the key here. She's rephrasing for you because you're struggling to provide coherent communication of your thoughts. A therapist's job is not to fix you or tell you what's wrong and how to fix it. A therapist's job is to help you work out and find the answers to the matters that are causing you problems. They're kind of a "coach" or a GPS.

She may be right. There may not be anything "wrong" with you, but there is obviously an issue or issues that are causing problems. There doesn't need to be anything wrong with you for them to exist.

Be patient with yourself and work with yourself. Just going to a therapist is the first step, but you're there to help yourself as well so you have to take into consideration and make the difficult efforts to struggle for positive change.

Now, it may be necessary to try another therapist.  This is not to say she is the right coach for you so it's okay to go to someone else. The key is knowing they can't do anything for you unless you allow them to help and try to work with them.

You can do it. You're taking the right steps and you're giving the effort. You'll find your breakthrough and a path to the solutions.

Natasha240 wrote:
I'm having an extreme case of apathy tonight. Let's hope it passes.

yes. that would be`good

LeDeux Art wrote:
2 old english pennies, one the year i was born and the other for her birth.

May she rest peacefully, may you find peace until you rest with her.

LeDeux Art wrote:
when i first saw this note it was in my sandwhich, she made my lunch which was odd as she had been ill almost 2 weeks. At the time when I read the note i thought what did she mean she loved me. but after my miracle, gift from god or whatever. this message from my darling wife feels like it was a note from beyond the grave.
https://www.modelmayhem.com/pic.php?pid … up_id=&ua=
the 2 coins or old english pennies, one the year i was born and the other for her birth.

*huggs*

MisterC wrote:

May she rest peacefully, may you find peace until you rest with her.

i feel at peace for the first time in 21 years. its been a long road as I doubted myself and Sallys love is such a big part of me.
She became ill, a year after we were married and had told me that she would die before she was 25. She outlived her prediction by 2 weeks. For 5 years i sat by her side, knowing she would get better. When she died, I died and another person was born. I became.... me.

Star Child wrote:

*huggs*

big hugg back......

Natasha240 wrote:
I'm having an extreme case of apathy tonight. Let's hope it passes.

*SQUISHES YOU WITH HUGZZZZZZZZ*

Still feeling apathetic? I can hug longer than that feeling will last. Guaranteed.

LeDeux Art wrote:

i feel at peace for the first time in 21 years. its been a long road as I doubted myself and Sallys love is such a big part of me.
She became ill, a year after we were married and had told me that she would die before she was 25. She outlived her prediction by 2 weeks. For 5 years i sat by her side, knowing she would get better. When she died, I died and another person was born. I became.... me.

Jonathon, I'm glad you're here with us.

Peace, my friend.

LeDeux Art wrote:
when i first saw this note it was in my sandwhich, she made my lunch which was odd as she had been ill almost 2 weeks. At the time when I read the note i thought what did she mean she loved me. but after my miracle, gift from god or whatever. this message from my darling wife feels like it was a note from beyond the grave.
https://www.modelmayhem.com/pic.php?pid … up_id=&ua=
the 2 coins or old english pennies, one the year i was born and the other for her birth.

Jonathon, what you experienced in life is real love! Her time was short, but what Sally did for your life is precious, and to be cherished for the rest of your life.  Sadly, there are people who've yet to experience it.  You give me hope, my friend!  Glad you are here!  *hugs*

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
I'm also coming down with a strong case of 'i don't give a rats ass', heh.

I think you just want big time spanking

Star Child wrote:

I think you just want big time spanking

Only Jeff gets that pleasure   And i'd probably enjoy it too much

Miss Murder Photography wrote:

Only Jeff gets that pleasure   And i'd probably enjoy it too much

I'm sending Jeff a PM. You gonna get it now.

Star Child wrote:

I'm sending Jeff a PM. You gonna get it now.

Tell him "Pics or it didn't happen!"

- Rose - wrote:
I've had 3 meetings with my new therapist so far, and the last meeting she told me that nothing was wrong with me. I don't WANT anything to be wrong with me, but it FEELS like there is. I know what I feel is not normal. I have not been able to get it out of my head for the past 4 days. The first thing I thought was "is she going to stop my sessions?" I need a chance to tell her what I'm concerned about but when I try to talk to her, I cannot. The more I get to know someone, the less comfortable I am talking about how I feel, and this is starting to happen with her.

She has been great at rephrasing my broken, nonsense babbling into coherent sentences. When I talk to her, I talk slow and I bounce around subjects, afraid of saying the wrong thing, and I cannot provide concrete examples of things that happen. I don't know why. I feel so stupid because I can't explain what's happening to me so she has to make sense of it for me.

Her saying nothing was wrong with me, made me feel like she had made her decision about me, and didn't bother to really get to know me and help me, and now I don't think I'm going to feel as welcome at our sessions anymore.

I've been seeing therapists at my school (because they're free ) and I know it can be hard to tell the therapist what you really want to say.  Some really good exercises I learned were:

1- write a letter.  Sometimes it's easier to just write it out to a blank piece of paper that cannot judge you.  Then give it to your therapist at the beginning of the session and discuss it once it's read.

2- evasive scatter.  I do this often with my therapist because I have multiple issues I am working on, so many times I don't know which one to start with in session.  Simply say individual sentences, usually unrelated to each other, but all completely related to how you feel: "Mum said something really spiteful yesterday...This asshat on the sidewalk called me a freak and I couldn't control my anger...I feel like I'm avoiding crucial tasks...etc"  Usually the therapist (if they have a good connection with you) will stop you on a sentence and help you elaborate the thought.

I hope this helps.  I know I was terrified the first time I willingly stepped into a therapist's office.  All the times before I had been forced and scrutinized like a science project, it can be incredibly difficult to say what you mean.

Little Alice wrote:
On a separate note, I want to again thank everyone for their concern and support when I was going through the darkest I had ever felt.

I have wonderful news to share, my boyfriend and I have gotten back together.  It was very difficult as we are both shy people and kept avoiding each other like cats, but we finally cornered each other.  We sat down and talked face to face and I found out that he truly missed me and loved me and that he had made a mistake.  I learned that he had said and done what he had in a panic because he is having incredibly stressful issues in his home right now.  He was overwhelmed and felt that he could not handle how intertwined our relationship was on top of the new stress, as well as he felt that he had lost himself in the process.

We are having what we deemed a "do over."  We are not simply going back to the way things were and we are both actively working on some personal issues in order to strengthen our relationship.  He won't be living with me as he is needed at home for support.

I'm just glad that everyone helped me see that you never know what turn life may take and I'm glad I kept walking.  Everyone in this thread is wonderful and kindhearted, I thank you all for keeping me alive so that I could once again have my life filled with the beautiful love that he and I share.  I now could not have bared to die alone, lonely, and desolate.

Thank you.

Star Child wrote:

I'm sending Jeff a PM. You gonna get it now.

LOL how you gonna do that he's not on here

Miss Murder Photography wrote:
Had a nice day, despite feeling sick this morning.  It's my best friend's birthday so i called her over Skype (She lives in Melbourne).
Her 4yr old sung 'I'm So Happy' - Nirvana for me
It always cheers me up to see those two, and i miss her daughter's cute antics ^_^

Today is my son's birthday. I miss him.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:



Today is my son's birthday. I miss him.

*huggs*
Keep giving the love that you do. You've got some huge returns coming your way.

Star Child wrote:

*huggs*
Keep giving the love that you do. You've got some huge returns coming your way.

The Christmas card he sent me made me cry. He wrote a book inside it.

I think I did right by him. He's a fine young man.

Photons 2 Pixels Images wrote:

The Christmas card he sent me made me cry. He wrote a book inside it.

I think I did right by him. He's a fine young man.

Natasha240 wrote:
Blah. So I'm trying to work up the motivation to go back to therapy. I don't really want to, it's never helped before. But I feel that I've got to do SOMETHING. My anxiety is steadily intensifying again, I've noticed I'm becoming hypervigilant again, my sleep is way off, I'm nervous and sweaty and shaky all the time, I walk/sit with my shoulders touching my ears, etc. Just the thought of going back to a therapist is giving me even more anxiety, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried the old ignore it/it will go away approach, but we all know how well that works. Gah.

You've been attacking things with a lot more positive state of mind, lately. I would suggest you take on the therapy thing the same way. Sounds like to me that you're kind of gasping for your second wind. Just remind yourself that you're still the victor.
It's a long road that gets cold and foggy at night, but your daylight is ahead.
*huggs*