Maja Stina wrote:
Hi all. I am just posting before I go to sleep...Which I really need to do because the longer I am awake, the more my bad mood creeps in and I don't know why.

I am going back to the doctor in the afternoon to discuss some new medication for my depression.

I would usually cancel having thought of something more important to do but I have cornered myself this time; I've booked a double appointment as my contraceptive injection is due as of the Monday just gone. I have to pick my boyfriend up from the airport on Wednesday night so I would like to have the injection done to minimise my risk of pregnancy.

Basically, I won't cancel.

I am so sick of feeling this way. I thought I was doing okay after quitting the first meds I was prescribed but the physical symptoms of my depression are back. They are what led to a diagnosis in the first place and the pills last year got rid of the symptoms.

I didn't even realise how much they had improved my phsyical problems until they started creeping back slowly over the past couple of months.

I don't want to feel like a zombie. How can I be a good model, MUA and clothing designer if I have no drive to be creative. I couldn't even write anything worth reading when I was on those tablets before.

I hope that the new ones they give me work better for me this time.

I was on Citalopram before, in case anyone is curious to know.

I just wanted to share.

I do feel so awfully lonely, I suppose. But yet I don't want to talk...I have people I can talk to but I have chosen not to talk to them.

Maybe I just wanted to tell people, without worrying about what they will say to me. I don't want advice, I think I just want someone to acknowledge that I am finding things hard. I'm not very good at relying on people I suppose.

I hear you, and I understand.  Lot's of us are listening.

Star Child wrote:

Your booty needs to come to Nashvegas, too.

One of these days, for sure. I've always wanted to go there.

E P O N A wrote:

One of these days, for sure. I've always wanted to go there.

Even if you don't get down here to me, I like the idea of you getting out to travel around a bit.

Star Child wrote:

Even if you don't get down here to me, I like the idea of you getting out to travel around a bit.

Once my health is more stable it's one of the things I want to do.

I'm actually supposed to be on my way to FL right now.
hopefully next year I will be well enough to travel.

Maja Stina wrote:
Hi all. I am just posting before I go to sleep...Which I really need to do because the longer I am awake, the more my bad mood creeps in and I don't know why.

That is a major factor in mine.  For me, sleep is just as important, if not more important, than the happy pills. 

Maja Stina wrote:
I hope that the new ones they give me work better for me this time.

I completely hear you here.  I tried several different ones until I found the one that worked.  good luck.  If they don't make a difference after a few weeks, be sure to have your doctor give you a different one!  Follow up too.  One of the flavors I got I thought was working pretty good, but on a follow-up, my doctor realized that it was way, way wrong for me.

Maja Stina wrote:
I'm not very good at relying on people I suppose.

I understand this too.  I hate to rely on people.  I hate when I can't do something myself.  It's very hard for me to do. 

Glad you stopped in the thread.  Don't be a stranger.  We are a pretty understanding, non-judgemental group.

Star Child wrote:
Sad, tough day, but I will overcome

I have this image of you as a boxer in a never-ending match, where the opponents keep changing but you keep slugging on.  You get knocked down sometimes but always get up before the ten-count.  You're bloody and bruised but fundamentally strong.  I've only now realized that this image of you has been in my head for as long as I remember knowing you.  You don't get to be a champion without getting hit pretty hard.

Star Child wrote:
Sad, tough day, but I will overcome

*hugs*

Lawrence Guy wrote:

I have this image of you as a boxer in a never-ending match, where the opponents keep changing but you keep slugging on.  You get knocked down sometimes but always get up before the ten-count.  You're bloody and bruised but fundamentally strong.  I've only now realized that this image of you has been in my head for as long as I remember knowing you.  You don't get to be a champion without getting hit pretty hard.

Thanks man. I sometimes see that same vision of me in my life.  I sometimes wonder how I manage to get back up in time.  I've seen some nine counts for sure.  Sometimes I don't want to get back up, but the round bell saves me.  I'll drag to my corner and try to find a way to go back at it.. then the bell sounds and I know I only have one choice and that's to go fight some more.
Love you, Guy.

ckhd Photography wrote:
Sick of forest fires! 

Still doing really well, though, in spite of evacuation preparations!

Hope your day is going better than mine.

Okay. That's good news and thank you for the update.

ckhd Photography wrote:

Maja Stina wrote:
Hi all. I am just posting before I go to sleep...Which I really need to do because the longer I am awake, the more my bad mood creeps in and I don't know why.

That is a major factor in mine.  For me, sleep is just as important, if not more important, than the happy pills. 

Maja Stina wrote:
I hope that the new ones they give me work better for me this time.

I completely hear you here.  I tried several different ones until I found the one that worked.  good luck.  If they don't make a difference after a few weeks, be sure to have your doctor give you a different one!  Follow up too.  One of the flavors I got I thought was working pretty good, but on a follow-up, my doctor realized that it was way, way wrong for me.


I understand this too.  I hate to rely on people.  I hate when I can't do something myself.  It's very hard for me to do. 

Glad you stopped in the thread.  Don't be a stranger.  We are a pretty understanding, non-judgemental group.

Thanks.

BTW it wouldn't be advisable for me to change my medication after just a few weeks. It takes a couple of weeks for them to even get working properly, so I should really trial them for a few months. Every drug is different and so the trial time someone should give each drug will differ too...But the doctor will tell you that.

Just be careful when advising people!

Enfire Photography wrote:
morning
just stopping thru
Maja, its about finding what works for you. different medications work better for different people. it took awhile for my dr/s to find one for me and it helped me not to need them in the end

kev *hug*

epona *hug*

Chris *hug*

lawrence *hug*

and anyone I missed or is reading it *hug*

I am sick and want to go back to sleep but got to try and get my sleep schedule back to the work one. have to go back on monday

*hug*

ckhd Photography wrote:
Hmmm... the half-life for most of the stuff I've been given has been around two weeks.  My doc has made me use a specific flavor for at least three weeks before he would decide to change it... just so it has the time to start showing effectiveness and side-effects.

Some were longer, but my doc knew which ones took longer to 'kick in'. 

My main point was to keep in touch with the doctor... they are the ones that know about the medications, and not do like I did with Lexapro, and take it for two years when it was causing horrible side-effects and wasn't very effective for me just because I didn't know any better.  I didn't explain that very well in the post...  sorry.

lexapro made me angry

Chris Rifkin wrote:
blahh.
self esteem and self confidence issues surfacing again...
the cancer I have called lonliness is comming out of remission

Getting that sickening feeling yet again that its
always going to be like this....
I see a couple together and wonder when,where and how
am I ever going to find a girl like that
and the even more sickening answer that its never going to happen because I`m
never in situations  where I would meet someone like that

there are days when I feel like this

Faith EnFire wrote:
morning all.
back at work

coffee or shall we trade lunch boxes?

Star Child wrote:

coffee or shall we trade lunch boxes?

oh no questions, please

you'll make my stuffy little head spin

Faith EnFire wrote:

oh no questions, please

you'll make my stuffy little head spin

*sad for stuffy head*
Trade lunch boxes it is, then.

Star Child wrote:
*sad for stuffy head*
Trade lunch boxes it is, then.

yay? I think

I never got to trade lunch boxes as a kid

Faith EnFire wrote:

yay? I think

I never got to trade lunch boxes as a kid

See? There ya go. A new deal.

E P O N A wrote:
FINALLY found a new doctor. Gotta wait until the 28th to see him though. Gotta try to hang in there.

You can make it. Just be careful about giving in to despair. *huggs*

Faith EnFire wrote:
but why trade?

I has the coolest one to begin with

Yeah. That's my point.

E P O N A wrote:
FINALLY found a new doctor. Gotta wait until the 28th to see him though. Gotta try to hang in there.

you can do it *insert lowrider music**

Star Child wrote:
Yeah. That's my point.

then it's not a good trade for me is it?

Faith EnFire wrote:

then it's not a good trade for me is it?

Kind of like TF*

Star Child wrote:

Kind of like TF*

oh really....

Star Child wrote:
It's amazes me how worthless I feel at times.

*forcible lunchbox trading hug*

Faith EnFire wrote:

oh really....

uhm... something like that?

Faith EnFire wrote:

*forcible lunchbox trading hug*

just trials and tribulations, that's all

... and lack of local friends' presence.