Forums >
Off-Topic Discussion >
Suicide and Violence Help Thread
Chris Rifkin wrote: I'm sorry Chris. My place is in foreclosure too. Delaware makes things move a little slower to protect the poor person. But I'm out at some point soon. Jul 01 12 11:02 am Link I just had the pleasure of reading a wonderful message from a friend I had not talked with in a while. I think sometimes we feel we are all alone with problems and concerns coming from all sides and we are all alone. I was reminded that great people with great hearts are everywhere! When we are honest with ourselves and our brothers and sisters here there is so much love and kindness to be found. I was having an OK day. A little warm but feeling groovy. Now I'm having myself a fine day! KIND WORDS CAN CHANGE THE WORLD! Jul 01 12 02:38 pm Link Model Posts: 576 Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica Jul 03 12 04:26 pm Link Well another day of reading about/seeing people re create magical moments that can only happen during heat waves(the romantic midnight swims with your sig other),that you only have a few months to experience.. Remember when someone asked if people "gloating" over how wonderful their life is in a relationship on face book making them feel like shit because they are single.. Its a huge PTSD trigger for me,because its something I will never experience again being a piece of shit loser old soon to be homeless trucker... This is how it will always be for me.. And please cut the "love will find you when you least expect it or there is someone out there for everyone bullshit cliches",as I can't expect it when the only women I come in contact with during the day are the typical unatractive trailer trash variety in truck stops(which is why I don't expect it) This is the time of year 25 years agoI was myself in a state of bliss with my first gf,enjoying summertime love in its totallity,and I want to experience this again before I die... Except I will probably die never experiencing this again.. Jul 08 12 10:04 am Link Somebody please make the fucking pain go away I can't deal anymore Jul 10 12 08:23 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: Chris, I'm sorry you are in this terrible place emotionally. You know that I also suffer from massive depression and have PTSD. Someday's are horrible and somedays are just survivable. All I can say to you is the same thing I say to myself. Keep going. Don't look for answers to come from the actions of anyone else. If our happiness depends on the action of another then we can't win. And that doesn't just apply to people like you and me and the other great wonderful people of this thread. Jul 11 12 03:42 am Link A common denominator I see from most participants in this thread. Lack of a physical support circle, group, friends, etc., Last week I was blessed to have my sister visit me. Just having her (a dear loved one) around my house was a huge uplift for me. Because I was at work most of the time we really didn't do a lot, but just having her around made such a big difference. In the morning I would be in one room on my computer checking in and she would be in another doing the same or something similar. Every so often something would inspire laughter in her. Just hearing that sound across my house was so awesome. Coming home to someone to talk to or getting up in the morning fixing our coffee and stuff... makes a big difference. Isolation is the enemy. Jul 11 12 09:07 am Link Star Child wrote: I agree totally Star. I'm hurting today. At its worse PTSD takes all the good away and all I'm left is my failure. I have all this sad pain and I have no where to put it. If I had family I could let little bits out each day. I think one of the things that may cause some of us to become isolated is that that we lay too much on people that love us. At some point they just can't take it. That leaves us further isolated with no where to turn too and it all builds up. Jul 11 12 11:28 am Link I am an adult child of alcoholic parents. I've spent a rough night with events of my childhood forcing themselves into my mind. Dr. Janet G. Woititz came up with "The 13 Characteristics of Adult Children..." and it was like she was making a list of my behaviors. Now it turns out that this list also applies to children of parents with other addictions or violent behavior. I want to post this here today because when we know why we do things that harm ourselves we can start the process of healing. http://www.drjan.com/13char.html Here are a few that hit me hard. 4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. 7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. 9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation. 12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. Many of us as kids blame ourselves for the troubles at home. Accept today that it wasn't your fault. It was not your fault. Bless you all today my friends. Thank you for seeing me through some dark days. I love you all very much! Tim Jul 12 12 04:41 am Link Tim Little Photography wrote: Problem is that things I see in everyday life,whether it be a fb status,ect trigger my PTDS... Jul 13 12 10:54 am Link Model Posts: 576 Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica Jul 13 12 05:06 pm Link Chris Rifkin wrote: I read once that many people see others on fb having such a great time that it affects them negatively. That's what it seems like but the reality is not so happy. Don't be fooled by that bull. Jul 13 12 05:44 pm Link BlueMoonPics wrote: there is a difference between the poliana fakes and those who are truly happy. Jul 13 12 05:50 pm Link I received some news from my doctor's office yesterday that I want to share because it might be of value to the male visitors to our thread. A blood test shows that I have very low testosterone levels. Testosterone is the hormone that basically deals with guy stuff. When the level is low it often causes: Depression, sometimes severe and chronic A reduced interest in sex A reduced interest in most everything one used to enjoy a glum sense of failure Loss of muscle mass And a host of other problems. I consider this to be good news for a few reasons. First of all it is way easy to fix. One can choose from using a patch, a gel or monthly shots. From what I'm told the only reason to use the shots is to not have any of the hormone out where a female might come in contact with it. A child getting their hands on a patch could be bad. I'm sharing this so any guys dealing with depression can be aware that a simple blood test can show if this a source of the problem. In the past two weeks I've entered a regressive state, disassociated, cried a billion tears and dreamed of suicide. As you can imagine freedom from depression is vital for me to move forward with life. Reading the info about "Low T" was like reading my life story. I learn more on Tuesday evening when I meet with the doctor and hopefully get started on replacement therapy. As always, I'll let you all know what is going on. Have a great night everyone. I love you all very much! Tim Jul 13 12 09:39 pm Link Testosterone loss is not my issue,as I have been taking NATURAL and LEGAL non perscription supplements that have my test rasied to that of a 28 year old(asparic acid,which is a naturally occouring but very rare amino acid that triggers testosterone production...an estrogen block...as any male over30 puts out more E than a 19 y,o girl...estrogen kills off testosterone in males,the biggest reason for test drop in males,and natural herbs that cause testosterone increases) Jul 13 12 09:45 pm Link Good morning S&V er's. Welcome to Sunday! Jul 15 12 06:02 am Link Going to a beach bar by myself.. gee,how bad is my PTSD going to hit me today to remind myself how much of a loser I am.. The paradox being that nobody would notice one of the few selling points I do have(a beach body I have tortured myself in building the past 8 years)sitting at home online or somewhere else Jul 15 12 07:07 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: I have another question for you to consider today Chris. How hard are you going to work against the lies? Let that tight ass beach bod do all the talking today and just let yourself have fun. You get into a conversation with a pretty girl feel free to lie. It's allowed!! Jul 15 12 08:08 am Link Tim Little Photography wrote: Because that conversation will never happen Jul 15 12 08:34 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: OK. Jul 15 12 10:44 am Link Sometimes people look at their lives and life styles and recognize that big big changes must be taken in order to get to a better stage for healing. Some people move to new places. Others make career changes. Sometimes it's a question of toxic friendships, hobbies, even jobs. Jul 16 12 05:20 am Link Low T update! I went to the doctor today and I start putting a patch on tomorrow morning. My Testosterone (serum) level is 198. Low is considered 348. The healthy range is 350-1197. I'll keep you up to date Jul 17 12 08:01 pm Link The pain is never going to go away. Nobody has the correct answers I don't really matter I guess at the end of the day that I really wasn't ever going to recover from my hell that shut me down at 14,and the ramifications of piss poor parenting and being written off. I guess sometimes self improvement and actually tryingto climb the ladder backfires when you artificially inflate what you see as your self worth to where you really belong...like the housing bubble... Water finds its own level,and I inflated myself by damming a river,now the dam breaks,(the bubble bursts),and it reveals that I truly am a complete loser bag of shit that won't accept the fact that his place truly is being a bottom feeder. And I can't accept the fact that I will never be more than a bottom feeder no matter how good of a person I am or how in shape I am... It wasn't supposed to end like this for me. I was supposed to win,by busting my ass,maintaining my will to say F U to those who wanted to keep me down,to my useless family. At the end of the day when you areapparently fighting fate and destiny...even when by trying to win you make your desting self fufilling by making horrible decisions because you have no one in your life to tell you otherwise..you can't overcome Jul 18 12 07:12 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: Classic distorted thinking. I'm glad my therapist taught me about this and how to break that cycle. Jul 18 12 10:39 am Link Jul 18 12 10:41 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: Umm if you don't think you matter why would anyone else? Jul 18 12 11:12 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: Jul 18 12 03:15 pm Link Model Posts: 576 Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica Jul 18 12 03:56 pm Link
Post hidden on Jan 08, 2013 01:46 pm
Reason: other Comments: Anonymity request of quoted poster. Jul 18 12 04:21 pm Link
Post hidden on Jan 08, 2013 01:46 pm
Reason: other Comments: Anonymity request of quoted poster. Jul 18 12 10:27 pm Link Latest Low T update. So I took the prescription to CVS and find out that my insurance company has to have a talk with my doctor before they will even consider paying for it. So it could be a week or more before I get the medicine. It bothers me that Insurance companies are determining what care I get. That's what doctors are for. Besides, if this works my $800 a month anti-depressant can be eliminated. That would be great. Other than that I'm feeling better. The first of the week was very hard for me but I'm good now. How y'all doing? Jul 18 12 10:31 pm Link I'm just waiting for the day I get weak enough to just end it all. Jul 20 12 03:10 pm Link Samantha Liana wrote: Samantha, I'm so sorry you are at a place in your life where suicide seems like a solution. I would be lying if I said I have never been at that place. I don't know the circumstances that have put you in this place but talk always helps. I sorry it took so long to respond to your forum post. PLEASE feel free to private message me anytime you want. I am always very happy to spend some time helping my MM friends work through their issues. If you like to talk I can let you have my phone number too. Jul 22 12 01:17 am Link Tim Little Photography wrote: This is the other reason(besides becoming zombified and emotionless)why I am so thankful I am not on meds... Jul 22 12 03:29 am Link Chris Rifkin wrote: I'm on Prozac. I'm neither zombified or emotionless. I no longer have extreme lows and my panic attacks are relatively low if at all. People around me have no idea that I'm on any type of medication. Jul 24 12 06:17 pm Link Samantha Liana wrote: Sometimes the struggle to take charge and overcome leaves us weary. There's so much to battle. We have exert so much to fight back that we lose sight of what we're fighting for. A lot of the time I give myself credit for making small steps towards victory even though I so wish just be better. Jul 24 12 06:36 pm Link Model Posts: 576 Dumont d'Urville - permanent station of France, Sector claimed by France, Antarctica Jul 25 12 05:39 pm Link
Post hidden on Jan 08, 2013 01:47 pm
Reason: other Comments: Anonymity request of quoted poster. Jul 25 12 06:00 pm Link Chris Rifkin wrote: Chris, I think you might be thinking of the old Tricyclic antidepressants that were developed in the 1950's. Sadly, this was all we had until a new class of drugs were developed. When I was first treated for depression I took a Tricyclic one time. I took it at bed time as directed and woke up at bed time the next day. I had slept through work and felt disconnected. The SSRI's or Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors don't have that heavy effect. They are slow to act. It takes 2-4 weeks for a therapeutic level to build up in your system. Since it comes on very slow any side effect is caught very early before it becomes a big deal. Jul 26 12 09:21 am Link Shockingly my test level was 865 when I went for my DOT physical(the equivilant of a 27 year old male),but this is because I have been using natural testosterone boositng supplements(a powerful legal estrogen block,the older you get the more estrogen a man put out,and estrogen blocks testosterone production, Viradex,which is made up of a cortisol block and asparic acid,which is a natural but very rare amino acid that causes you to produce more testosterone...) testosterone is not the issue here... The lonliness induced depression is,and this also has killed off my sex drive..I have basicly been asexual since Dec of 2006 when my fiance left me... Jul 26 12 09:50 am Link |