Eric Muss-Barnes wrote:
I'm getting tempted to just stop shooting.

I sort of already have, accidentally. I haven't shot for weeks. And I haven't missed it.

Nothing excites me anymore. No models thrill me. No ideas entice me. I'm just bored to the point that I want to projectile vomit for emphasis.

It's part of a greater issue, I suppose. Life itself is boring as hell to me. I've done everything I ever wanted to do. Attained every dream and aspiration. Wrote and published a novel. Wrote and directed a movie. Moved to California. Learned to pilot hang gliders. Learned to ride motorcycles. Had art gallery showings of photography.

Photography was the one thing that still held my interest.

And now that's fading too.

Emotional apathy towards every facet of life can't be healthy.

(shrug)

Then again, although I am admittedly concerned, I'm too apathetic to worry about it too much.

(chuckle)

Eric

You are an exceptional photographer, that goes without saying.  Your portfolio speaks for itself.  Only YOU know what you are feeling.  Take a break for awhile.  Maybe you haven't missed it because you haven't really stopped.  You haven't shot in a few weeks, that could be called 'complaicent' {sp}.  Try this....take your cameras, your lenses, all your equipment.  Pack it up GOOD.  Put it in storage.  If after a couple weeks you have forgotten about it, or find that you are in the same place you are in now, then you are burned out and need a break.  Leave it in storage and don't worry about it, it will come back again some day.  You might be surprised to find in a couple weeks, you are really missing it and it's time to get back at it.  Youre not missing it in now because it's all still there, where you can see it, you haven't had the chance to miss it.  When you get bored with one area of your life, it will affect every part of your life.

Best of luck Eric!

Eric Muss-Barnes wrote:
Life itself is boring as hell to me. I've done everything I ever wanted to do. Attained every dream and aspiration. Wrote and published a novel. Wrote and directed a movie. Moved to California. Learned to pilot hang gliders. Learned to ride motorcycles. Had art gallery showings of photography.

Eric,  it does sound like you might be depressed?  You have done some fantastic things, and experienced much in your life time ... so now you are feeling like "what else is there to life?" 

I was starting to feel that way too ... but then I came face to face with death.  It's not something I suggest, but when I was in the ER being told my heart could give out any time, that I had perhaps a matter of days of life left ... it completely changed me!  I love life, and fought back to live! Today I am healthy.

You don't need to have a near death experience to wake you up ... but Eric my Buddy, your life is NOT over! 

I have a very important suggestion ...  Maybe you should try shooting something else besides models?  The only thing that would keep me from being a photographer is if I went blind, then I would go much deeper in to the music industry.  You have done some things I have on my "to do" list, but I've been a concert journalist shooting and hanging with some of the greatest music stars a live ... and some dead.  I really enjoy concert photography and writing ... so you should look around.  What would you be doing if not shooting models?

Eric, only you know what you need to get your enthusiasm back ... and enthusiasm creates the motivation needed to go out and do things.  If you can not seem to find enthusiasm for life, then I do hope you get some help.  Life is a terrible thing to waste!

ART OF ARIANE wrote:
Time to eject yourself out of this stuck feeling. Get on your Motorcycle and drive off to somewhere new with no plans whatsoever, stop for an ice cream sundae at Midnight, act like James Bond at the Bar in Chateau Marmont, spend the whole weekend having sex, learn a foreign language, eat homemade cherry pie at Calico Ghost Town in the Mojave Desert!

This echoes what my advice would be as well: Jump on a bike (get one if you don't have one; sell the car if you have to, you won't be needing it for now), and head out. Try a 3000 mile road trip and see what it does for you. The road cures most ills, I've seen. I've figured out a lot of things while out on long trips - deep stuff, dark and scary, or just confusing, but I sorted most of it out while astride my bike. My life's been a little weird these past couple of years, but a ride to Texas and another into the Georgia mountains have helped keep things in perspective.

Some folks like to do a cross-country trip in a limited amount of time - I did 1000 miles in 22 hours, and the challenge of it was fun. Look up Iron Butt Association's website.

If you haven't done it already, try it. The open road is good for the soul. Bring a little digital point-and-shoot only, and forget the SLRs and lenses. You'll need the cargo space anyway. When you come back, I think you'll feel things are much clearer - and where that will lead, no one knows, but that's part of the fun.

Eric Muss-Barnes wrote:
I'm getting tempted to just stop shooting.

I sort of already have, accidentally. I haven't shot for weeks. And I haven't missed it.

Nothing excites me anymore. No models thrill me. No ideas entice me. I'm just bored to the point that I want to projectile vomit for emphasis.

It's part of a greater issue, I suppose. Life itself is boring as hell to me. I've done everything I ever wanted to do. Attained every dream and aspiration. Wrote and published a novel. Wrote and directed a movie. Moved to California. Learned to pilot hang gliders. Learned to ride motorcycles. Had art gallery showings of photography.

Photography was the one thing that still held my interest.

And now that's fading too.

Emotional apathy towards every facet of life can't be healthy.

(shrug)

Then again, although I am admittedly concerned, I'm too apathetic to worry about it too much.

(chuckle)

Another photographer here in Arizona and I were discussing this very thing the other night. What it came down to is that none of the models in Arizona excited us anymore. All the girls we wanted to shoot, we all had already shot. So, we decided we would form a coalition of about 4 photographers and fly models in from other parts of the country and split the cost. It works out to be pretty cheap when divided 4 ways, and each photographer has the model 1 full day with the model.. We're still in the development stages of this idea and havent actually done it. but so far the numbers look pretty good to us.

Again, it wasn't photography we were bored with. It was the local models we were bored with. SWGPA.org (Southwest Glamour Photography Association) is being developed as we speak.

Samantha Grace wrote:
I think this isn't healthy. But I know alot of photographers and models who feel the same. This is most likely the most difficult business. I actually think movie people have it a little easier then us photography people.
I think it because you need a change. Maybe you need to travel and find other models and things to shoot.
I know that seems to be my problem. I am also in the north and the winters bring alot of depression for both models and photographers. Since, we aren't really working in the colder weather. So, it feels like our work is going no where.
I feel like I am in the same boat. But take this time to refect and think. To plan. I know that is what alot of us do during the down time in the winter.

Honestly, I think that musicians have it worse.  They have to travel all the time to make money.  They play gigs that are lousy pay like we do "tfp" until they can move up.  But most never make it up to the top.

What do I know about musicians besides shooting them?  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rock and roll star!  They get all the girls!  In high school, I was in a band and had a girl for each arm ... sometimes two more for my legs!  They called me octopus for a reason!  LOL ... but I came to terms with the fact that I just don't have what it takes to be a rock and roll star.  Musically .. I suck!

So at least I can shoot the stars!  I've managed bands before, I met and had the pleasure to become friends with many musicians.  I worked with the daughter of a popular jazz guitarist, the sad thing is that she had to introduce me to her dad by showing me a book of jazz greats before I could meet him.   It is because he is on the road constantly.  I've written for magazines .. interviewed some well known musicians ... and you'd be sad to hear how they miss "home"  ... especially if they are not able to bring their family! The two girls for every surfer boy ideal of the Beach Boys is just not reality. 

But in Eric's case, I think some change of scenery would be healthy.  Life is precious!

Michael McGowan wrote:
Reality check: If he quits, there's more work for everybody else.

OK, other reality: I tried to quit any number of times. Haven't succeeded, yet. Maybe one day. If it's really in you, you'll find yourself with a camera in hand, shooting something that moves you. If it isn't, you'll find yourself doing other things.

I'm in the process of shooting less so I can enjoy it more. If a model flakes, so what? (She won't get a second chance, 'cause I don't need her or any other mode.) But when I do have the chance to shoot, it's refreshing.

Real reality check: If there's something really pathological about this, don't hesitate to get help.

A reality check ... I guess that is what I had when I damn near died from congestive heart failure!  Life offers no guarantees!  There is a shit load of stuff I need to do before I die. The funny thing is that I am so driven to shoot that I was still shooting the day I went to the ER.  I had no idea what the symptoms of heart failure were ... and if I had gone home to bed after shooting that day of May 5th 2002, I might not have woken up!  That is how close I was ... now after having recovered ... and having surgery to fix the valve problem I was born with, I feel better than I can ever remember in my life!  I think I've been given a new life!

Eric ... you better get help if you don't see what a wonderful gift you have!  Yes, you need a reality check!  It could be worse ... I hope you get to feeling better soon!

geodiego wrote:
Get out of Hell-A and take a wild road trip. Hit up a few biker bars on the road. Live life for a few days. Camp out in the New Mexico desert for a few nights. Visit the mountians. Shit dude. You'll reach the end of your life before you know it and feel so stupid for moping around in a haze. Better yet sell everything and move to Europe (Italy or Spain are my preferences) for a year or two and see how life is supposed to be lived for a while. I think about it everyday but have my own obligations...

-George Diego

George, you nailed it!  He should get a job as a roadie for his favorite band!

KM von Seidl wrote:
How about an enema?

After reading through this, the ego is probably sufficiently stroked, perhaps your suggestion is the perfect finishing touch.

area291 wrote:

After reading through this, the ego is probably sufficiently stroked, perhaps your suggestion is the perfect finishing touch.

HAHAHAHAHA................. SO FUNNY!!!!!!
But an enema might help. It can give him a nice inturnal cleanse.
Also, it's really good for your skin. Helps with pimples.
Hahaha, I know a ton of models who do enema's for that reason.(More then what admit. I can name at least 10! But I am not giving out names.) I can say Marilyn Monroe was a famous enema user.

Everyone can use a good spring cleaning at home and in the body.
Because sometimes we hide old fears and depression in our colons.

I may sound like a nut, but it is true.
I am very into natural and alturnative medicine. I am a vegan who eats all organic foods. I believe crap leaves the body, and only pure should enter.
I have also experenced non natural life vs natural.

Hehe, no one knew enema's could cause so much talking!!!

Jessica L wrote:
Go to your room and stop this nonsense!!!!! and don't come out until you're ready to shoot!

That may be a looooooooooooong time.

Craig Thomson wrote:
Eric, if you need a boost, come visit us in Seattle and shoot some underground fetish shows

OH DEAR GOD! No. No. No. No.

I was shooting fetish fashion shows 10 years ago. Fetish photography has to be some of the most trite, boring, uninteresting stuff I could imagine shooting. I'd rather shoot a roll of electrical tape on a table than some chick with electrical tape over her nipples.

DawnElizabeth Moderator wrote:
I'll come out to shoot with you.......

No. You won't.

Jessica L wrote:
You need a muse...

They don't exist, kid.

Artisan Exposure wrote:
When was the last time you took a real vacation?

I dunno. 15 years ago? That's not long, is it?

Glamour Boulevard wrote:
Is most of what you do paid work for clients and models?

Nah. I'm just a hobbyist. I do this for fun.

Visions Photography CA wrote:
My opinion - you lack three things: Vegas, booze and strippers. ;]

Never been to Vegas. I don't drink. And I really don't like strippers ... at all.

Richard Beebe wrote:
If you believe you're leaning towards any degree of depression, seek out some help you would trust.

Why do people think we need "help" to "escape" depression? Depression is a valid and natural state for the human psyche to experience. Are there therapists or drugs to eliminate happiness or contentment or optimism? No. But we have a slew of specialists and drugs to alleviate depression and anxiety and stress. No thanks. I'd rather experience the full range of life and emotions, good and bad, in as pure a state as possible.

Sonntag wrote:
So those are my thoughts... any and all of you clever space-wasters can make fun of me or the guy who started the topic - but that just ain't relevant :-P

To summarize - honesty with self, no guilt, selfishness, motivation... and - are you by any chance lacking *love*?

Greetings, old soul. At 19 you have shown more substance than anyone else so far.

Once upon a time, a friend of mine who was into palmistry looked at my hand and said, "Oh my God! I've never seen anyone with hands like yours! Do you have any idea how many lifetimes you've lived!?"

I laughed and smiled at her and calmly said, "Do you honestly think anyone who has lived as many as me doesn't know it?"

She smiled back and said, "That's a good point."

Welcome back to the playground, kid.

darvon wrote:
Most of what you said that you've taken up and achieved and eventually got bored with, though, were all about you and finding something to excite you.  How about doing something for someone else.

I already know what and where I need to go to do that. I've considered it for about 5 years but never done it. You're right. It may be time.

ART OF ARIANE wrote:
spend the whole weekend having sex

I propositioned my hand, but it rejected me. I thought maybe I could take advantage of it when it got drunk.

nineandnineteen wrote:
But I do know that I'll miss your photos (should you quit entirely.) and I think I can safely say that others will as well.

Thanks. But they're just pictures. They aren't that important.

Patrick Walberg wrote:
Eric, only you know what you need to get your enthusiasm back ... and enthusiasm creates the motivation needed to go out and do things.  If you can not seem to find enthusiasm for life, then I do hope you get some help.  Life is a terrible thing to waste!

I couldn't agree with you more on all counts. There is no greater crime than a wasted life. Awareness of that fact is what makes my situation all the more frustrating. It wouldn't be so bad if I was a mindless lemming like all those other drones in zombieland.

Patrick Walberg wrote:
But in Eric's case, I think some change of scenery would be healthy.  Life is precious!

I did change the scenery. Ohio to California. The story may have stayed the same, but the stage is a hell of a lot nicer.

geodiego wrote:
Get out of Hell-A and take a wild road trip. Hit up a few biker bars on the road. Live life for a few days. Camp out in the New Mexico desert for a few nights. Visit the mountians. Shit dude. You'll reach the end of your life before you know it and feel so stupid for moping around in a haze. Better yet sell everything and move to Europe (Italy or Spain are my preferences) for a year or two and see how life is supposed to be lived for a while.

That looks great on paper. I already packed up everything and moved from Ohio to California. Came here with no job, no apartment. Just loaded up the car and went. Creating a life of adventure and excitement is easy. But it doesn't really give the solutions that one would imagine are there. When you cross over those mountains in the distance ... nothing has changed.

To quote Buckaroo Banzai, "No matter where you go ... There you are."

Monsante Bey wrote:
I feel that way about glamour.

I'm just tired of shooting women that way. It's become incredibly boring and predictable, too many people are doing it (tacky, I might add) and new black models are always told it's the way for them to "get ahead" in modeling. I can't be a party to that hypocrisy anymore.

Back to my fashion roots. Now if you'll excuse me, i'm about to go have pizza with Model Sarah and her hubby.

I agree.  Glamour just bores me no end.  I am so glad I picked up a web master who shoots mostly Bw artistic nudes.  I have found I like shooting again and I have to actually think when shooting the BW artistic work.  So been there done that. bs

Eric Muss-Barnes wrote:
I'm getting tempted to just stop shooting.

I sort of already have, accidentally. I haven't shot for weeks. And I haven't missed it.

Nothing excites me anymore. No models thrill me. No ideas entice me. I'm just bored to the point that I want to projectile vomit for emphasis.

It's part of a greater issue, I suppose. Life itself is boring as hell to me. I've done everything I ever wanted to do. Attained every dream and aspiration. Wrote and published a novel. Wrote and directed a movie. Moved to California. Learned to pilot hang gliders. Learned to ride motorcycles. Had art gallery showings of photography.

Photography was the one thing that still held my interest.

And now that's fading too.

Emotional apathy towards every facet of life can't be healthy.

(shrug)

Then again, although I am admittedly concerned, I'm too apathetic to worry about it too much.

(chuckle)

wildly entertaining.....c'mon dude,
this has to be a joke.
right?

KM von Seidl wrote:
How about an enema?

Hahahhahaha that`ll work or maybe a roll of film through a Leica M6 that`s always a good "picker upper"

darvon wrote:
Most of what you said that you've taken up and achieved and eventually got bored with, though, were all about you and finding something to excite you.  How about doing something for someone else.

Eric Muss-Barnes wrote:
I already know what and where I need to go to do that. I've considered it for about 5 years but never done it. You're right. It may be time.

Don't put your answer in the same pile as all the rest. If you know what to do and where to go there is no mystery. You can't feel satified if you're not doing what your heart tells you.

XposurePhoto wrote:
Dude! you need a wife!

He has enough problems!!!!  Why compound them with THAT aggravation!?!?!?!  Just kidding.....

nineandnineteen wrote:
Alright. What I'm about to say isn't pretty, isn't "nice" in any way shape or form.

Wake the hell up.

Stop thinking for ONE second.

Stop making it a point to contradict what people have said.  Seems to me that you're making a lot of excuses, and it seems that you're pretty practiced at it. I should know I do the same thing. 

YOU are in charge of your own decisions, your own emotions, etc.  If you're not happy with your life. CHANGE IT.  If you're not happy with photography, why? Its not an outside source, its internal.  Its not models or subject or ideas..its inside.  Point blank. You're choosing not to like it. (Just like people CHOOSE not to like movies, or reading, or sex.) 

Will I shed a tear when you're gone? Nope. I don't know you, just like you don't know me.  I won't be falsely nice.  Will I miss the pics? Yeah, they ARE just pics, but I enjoy seeing new things, even if they ARE just pics.  Just like the Sistine Chapel is JUST a church, and just like earth is JUST a planet. 

Be depressed.  Shoot.  Its your life. 

But step back, stop making excuses for your life and for why you do or do not like something, or that it lacks this or that.  Things are as blah or exciting as we make them.

(And so you know I'm not just blowing smoke up your butt...I've lived with depression for 15 years, and for a long time I did nothing.  Literally.  I got up, went to school, came home and slept.  College, almost failed out because I literally never left my room.  The only reason I BARELY passed is because I was more afraid of being homeless than anything....so I know what its like.)

Dead on......

In Off-Topic Discussion there is a thread started by Harrison Sweazea MM#46572 titled "Strange Thing Happened On The Way To Work" you need to read this....so I am quoting:

Harrison Sweazea wrote:
I went to get some blood drawn today (nothing serious, just a checkup) and when the nurse finished with me, I was still sitting there, and this tiny, old, frail woman shuffled slowly around the corner towards me. She looked a bit disheveled and probably didn't weigh 75 pounds. Obviously an elderly patient.

Oh, and she had this huge ball cap on that was way too big for her, with light wisps of gray peeking out from under. She still had a sparkle in her eye, though.

"Get your butt up outta that seat, boy!" she barked at me, but with a gentle sense of humor.

"Are you kicking me out?" I said, playing along with her.

"Yep," she said, "You're just takin' up space. Now git so's I can sit down."

I rose up out of the chair and she said, "Whoa!! You're a big tall handsome young man ain'tcha?"

I said, "I'm not that young, I'm 52!"

She goes, "There I go again - flirting with a man HALF MY AGE!!"

The whole room busted out laughing...I guess you had to be there...but I told her she made my day brighter having met her. As I got into the car, I thought, here's this frail old woman, obviously in ill health, heck she could barely walk, and I know and she knows she doesn't have a lot of time left.

But she was so positive and upbeat and funny and spunky and just happy to be alive, I guess, that I realized that she was living every day as if it were her last.

And I thought about how cranky, selfish, and generally negative I can be sometimes, and yet how fortunate I really am, and I sobbed for several minutes realizing I had met an angel today, that led me out of myself and into the light of day.

On the drive to work, the sun was a little brighter. The air was a little fresher. And my life is better for having met her. I sure wish I'd had my camera with me.

Now pick up your camera and go do some shootin' !!!

nineandnineteen wrote:
Alright. What I'm about to say isn't pretty, isn't "nice" in any way shape or form.

YOU are in charge of your own decisions, your own emotions, etc.  If you're not happy with your life. CHANGE IT.  If you're not happy with photography, why? Its not an outside source, its internal.  Its not models or subject or ideas..its inside.  Point blank. You're choosing not to like it. (Just like people CHOOSE not to like movies, or reading, or sex.) 

Will I shed a tear when you're gone? Nope. I don't know you, just like you don't know me.  I won't be falsely nice.  Will I miss the pics? Yeah, they ARE just pics, but I enjoy seeing new things, even if they ARE just pics.  Just like the Sistine Chapel is JUST a church, and just like earth is JUST a planet. 

But step back, stop making excuses for your life and for why you do or do not like something, or that it lacks this or that.  Things are as blah or exciting as we make them.

I love this reply.

As you said, we chose our own perceptions. You may perceive what you wrote as not being "nice", but by my perception, it was very kind and touching.

Sharing a helpful opinion does NOT mean giving a gentle, sugar-coated reply. That's not nice or helpful at all. True kindness is saying what needs to be said, and that is exactly what you did.

Beyond photography rests underlying issues of perception and attitude and perspective and more. Therein are you correct. People are assuming this is about photography or depression-veiled-behind-apathy. But it's none of that ...

It's about the capacity to alter the course of one's journey by changes in outlook and viewpoints and thought.

Thank you for the reminder.

My advice to you is to continue giving your blunt advice throughout your life. Lots of people will hate you for it. But when you give it to the right people, they will truly respect your character.