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Phane wrote:
Sep 13 12 10:59 pm Link Kitty LaRose wrote: Ouch.... head ach Sep 14 12 09:30 am Link i think addicts are people who need to be avoided. they will just drag you down into their nightmare. i'm sorry they have problems but i can't fix them. no one can. they have to do it themselves (or not). Sep 14 12 09:55 am Link I'm just uncovering damage now from my most toxic relationship, which was my second high school boyfriend. I was with him for something around two years, and now, at 26, I'm still damaged goods. The trigger for me was when he gave me 2gm of oxycontin, and wouldn't take me to the hospital... I was unconscious for about 16 hours, and though I don't know what happened during most of that time, I woke up enough at one point to hear him denying to his father that he ever gave me anything. I sincerely believe he would've let me die. After almost two years of emotional manipulation and abuse, he would've just let me die to avoid getting caught with drugs... That was when I realized that there had to be something better out there, someone who didn't poison my relationships with my family, didn't tell me I was silly or uneducated or ugly, or make me do drugs when I didn't want to. My parents were so happy I left him, and so supportive, even though the whole time I was with him, I fought bitterly with them. I'll never forget crying in my mother's arms while she said, "honey, we weren't fighting WITH you, we were fighting FOR you". Now, I have to look out for places where I have emotional scarring, because I don't even know all of them yet. I'm in a good relationship now, and I'm terrified of it. I spent a long time avoiding being really in love, and now that I can't help it, I realize how frightening it is to be vulnerable to another person again. I do use cognitive therapy, and I think it works... I'm slowly retraining myself to think differently about relationships and love. I've surrounded myself with anger for a long time, because it's safe, but it's making *me* toxic, and learning to let it go feels like jumping out of a plane with no parachute. Sep 14 12 11:09 am Link Kitty LaRose wrote: I'm kind of the same way, and my boyfriend gets really sad when he can see it. He put his hands on my upper arms during an argument (not in an angry way-- he was actually trying to be comforting, and saying he loved me at the same time), and I was 10 feet away so fast he didn't even realize what happened at first. He said it was the only time he ever saw such a look of pure hatred on my face Sep 14 12 11:15 am Link i think i'm a fairly gentle type of male but i wanted to smack a girlfriend once. to my credit i just said some mean things but i was really angry. it scared me. it's bad to get so angry like that. it's very hard to control. at the end of the day we're animals and sometimes we do think with the reptile part of our brain. if you're with someone angry try to defuse the anger or just run away. don't keep pushing it. i think any of us can snap under the perfect storm of bad circumstances. Kitty LaRose wrote: Sep 14 12 11:22 am Link rhus wrote: That's how David was at first. He doesn't get too sad anymore since he understands I'm working through it, but I also don't flinch as often. Just when he raises his hands too quickly. Sep 14 12 04:22 pm Link twoharts wrote: Yeah, I think it is a natural instinct for humans in angry situations, which makes those who still fight to control themselves all the more precious. My husband, thankfully, isn't an angry type and is rather hard to infuriate. Sep 14 12 04:24 pm Link Kitty LaRose wrote: *squeeze* Sep 14 12 07:37 pm Link I've been "lucky" enough that I am disconnected to the point where I have no problem dropping someone out of my life rather quickly when it's not something I want. I guess it's the opposite of sticking around too long to let someone abuse you. Now I don't stick around long enough to give people a fair chance, hah. Sep 14 12 07:51 pm Link rhus wrote: No one here believes that. Sep 14 12 08:06 pm Link Laura UnBound wrote: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH...!!!! (wait no, don't shut it quite yet...) Sep 14 12 10:01 pm Link rhus wrote: i need to know more. are you going to put something big and firm in her mouth? deep in her throat. Sep 14 12 10:16 pm Link Damon Banner wrote: Just mashed potatoes. I'm biding my time. Sep 15 12 09:44 am Link rhus wrote: such a let down. I had my tissues out and everything. Sep 15 12 09:51 am Link rhus wrote:
Sep 15 12 10:14 am Link ASYLUM - Photo wrote: It's funny, I do the same thing. Sep 17 12 06:14 am Link |
wow
it is to feel vulnerable to someone again, but I found taking it one moment at a time really helped. 
