Lapis wrote:
Last night, I got into a conversation with my boyfriend, who looks at maybe 10% of the photos of beautiful people that I do. He told me that sometimes he wanted to give them encouragement, tell them they are a great model, etc. but when I encouraged him to do so, he said he was afraid they would think he was hitting on them. How do you tell someone they are beautiful/a great model without hitting on them?

It`s all in the correct tone and expression, really. Just don`t sound like a lounge lizard. I also have a feeling he may be uncomfortable saying that to them in front of you and he may have sort of been feeling you out when he was telling you he was afraid they would think he was hitting on them. But I think the fact that the models probably know you two are together would make them understand he is not hitting on them. Besides, models are told that all the time.
There was one model I worked with a long time ago who, when complimented like that as we shot, would get the absolute sweetest smile and giggle when I told her she was beautiful, every single time. So if I wanted a smile all I had to do was compliment her. Fortunately I have never had to lie when using the word towards the model I am working with.

Lapis wrote:
Last night, I got into a conversation with my boyfriend, who looks at maybe 10% of the photos of beautiful people that I do. He told me that sometimes he wanted to give them encouragement, tell them they are a great model, etc. but when I encouraged him to do so, he said he was afraid they would think he was hitting on them. How do you tell someone they are beautiful/a great model without hitting on them?

It's all in the attitude.  For example, he could compliment a woman while he's leaning on you.

MarkMarek wrote:
The best way to say "you're beautiful" is with your credit card.

How much do you pay your models?

Lapis wrote:

How much do you pay your models?

no, no, you misunderstood. He uses the corner to tap "You are beautiful" in morse code on the table.

Marksora wrote:
Lapis is hot and we have missed her.

Next time, just tell me i am hot when you are shooting me! lol. We have been friends for a while and you have never told me I am hot. Thank you! I think some men just think women are told they are hot all the time, they don't realize that every guy thinks pretty girls get compliments all the time, and so they don't do it, but I love it when people tell me I am hot. Thank you!

Ian Weintraub wrote:
i point at the bulge in my pants and say "do you see how beautiful you are? Look what you've done to me!!"

LMFAO!

Lapis wrote:
Next time, just tell me i am hot when you are shooting me! lol. We have been friends for a while and you have never told me I am hot. Thank you! I think some men just think women are told they are hot all the time, they don't realize that every guy thinks pretty girls get compliments all the time, and so they don't do it, but I love it when people tell me I am hot. Thank you!

So am I wrong?!



(Although, now that I think on it, a photoshoot is not exactly out of context.)

Lapis wrote:

Next time, just tell me i am hot when you are shooting me! lol. We have been friends for a while and you have never told me I am hot. Thank you! I think some men just think women are told they are hot all the time, they don't realize that every guy thinks pretty girls get compliments all the time, and so they don't do it, but I love it when people tell me I am hot. Thank you!

in that case: Lapis = Uber Hot!!

Ian Weintraub wrote:
seriously, i use words like "lovely" and "beautiful" which reflect the quality i see in them and not words like "hot" or "sexy" which allude to being or capable of becoming aroused by them.

This makes sense. Also, yes, the photographers who get excited and say nice things during shoots, that helps too! After the shoot, bulges in pants, those can be misconstrued as being hit on more easily...

Ian Weintraub wrote:
seriously, i use words like "lovely" and "beautiful" which reflect the quality i see in them and not words like "hot" or "sexy" which allude to being or capable of becoming aroused by them.

exactly. Hell, even in the adult shoots I have done I ever used hot and sexy. Even the most jaded adult model likes to hear a "beautiful" now and then.

vanscottie wrote:
bettrer to say it rather than to write it

In the particular case I am talking about, it is a photo I took of a model that she posted. My bf said, she really exudes sexuality and is beautiful, and I want to comment on her pic, and I don't want her to think I am hitting on her. I said since she knew both of us, she probably wouldn't take it the wrong way, but also knew it would be a good thing to start a thread on.

pw-gii photographics wrote:
My sense is that it would be better to just let it go.

Seems to me that any model (or any woman, for that matter) would be - while perhaps flattered on some level- basically confused to have someone they didn't know and with whom they had no connection to come out of the blue and comment on her appearance.

i disagree.  in my experience, if it's done in a very neutral way, it's generally accepted.  I don't think we express ourselves positively to others in this way enough. Sure someone might feel flustered or embarrassed but it's ultimately a very positive form of feedback.  If done with consideration and politeness it should leave the recipient of the compliment feeling very good about themselves.

Lapis wrote:
This makes sense. Also, yes, the photographers who get excited and say nice things during shoots, that helps too! After the shoot, bulges in pants, those can be misconstrued as being hit on more easily...

and "chimping" just plain gets you weird looks. Or,,,,,,annoyed ones if she is bound in a fetish shoot,lol.

Lapis wrote:
Next time, just tell me i am hot when you are shooting me! lol. We have been friends for a while and you have never told me I am hot. Thank you! I think some men just think women are told they are hot all the time, they don't realize that every guy thinks pretty girls get compliments all the time, and so they don't do it, but I love it when people tell me I am hot. Thank you!

Lapis is hot

Zendragon wrote:
Well early on when working with models, I mention my wife a lot

"If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"  ;-)

Uh...well, that sounds a little different than 'not hitting on me', but since you are married, I know you don't mean it because married men never hit on women other than their wives....

pw-gii photographics wrote:
You have an interesting point.

But I also disagree.  I'm not against compliments.  But there is a time and a place.  What I was saying is that I don't think it's a good idea to just appear and say - as in the original post of this thread - 'You're beautiful'.

To say 'Lapis is hot' during a photosession could be great and lead to some wonderful shots.   But to have someone come out of the blue and say that could indeed make her/you wonder about the motives!

yes, I see your point as well, but if a man is commenting on a womans photos, and he thinks she really exudes or looks beautiful in a photograph, is there a proper way to express that? This is a bit different than coming out of the blue. I must admit having homeless men tell me I am beautiful, while it may make me a little bit smily for about 20 seconds, is creepy if they stare and start to follow me. Just coming up to a woman in a bar sitting by herself and saying 'you are beautiful' can also be (and usually is) construed as hitting on her...not that there is anything wrong with hitting on chicks in bars.....

I am talking about finding a situation that reduces the chance of ulterior motive or misinterpretation.

Lapis wrote:

Uh...well, that sounds a little different than 'not hitting on me', but since you are married, I know you don't mean it because married men never hit on women other than their wives....

lol... so true...

pw-gii photographics wrote:
My sense is that it would be better to just let it go.

Seems to me that any model (or any woman, for that matter) would be - while perhaps flattered on some level- basically confused to have someone they didn't know and with whom they had no connection to come out of the blue and comment on her appearance.

Actually, and I hope this doesn't come across as conceited, I get compliments from strangers frequently.  I would assume that it's the same for most models.

I agree that it's the tone in which it's said that makes it creepy/not creepy.  Something about what's in their voice is what makes me feel like I've been given a genuine compliment or what makes me feel like I'm being hit on.

Lapis wrote:

yes, I see your point as well, but if a man is commenting on a womans photos, and he thinks she really exudes or looks beautiful in a photograph, is there a proper way to express that? This is a bit different than coming out of the blue. I must admit having homeless men tell me I am beautiful, while it may make me a little bit smily for about 20 seconds, is creepy if they stare and start to follow me. Just coming up to a woman in a bar sitting by herself and saying 'you are beautiful' can also be (and usually is) construed as hitting on her...not that there is anything wrong with hitting on chicks in bars.....

I am talking about finding a situation that reduces the chance of ulterior motive or misinterpretation.

Then go for it.  Your point about commenting specifically about images makes sense.  And there is probably a good way to do that.  Your friend could easily say something like I noticed your portfolio on MM and was impressed.  Or intrigued.  Or interested.  What would be even better might be to say why!

(With respect to chicks in bars, though - let's not go there!)

Lapis wrote:
Uh...well, that sounds a little different than 'not hitting on me', but since you are married, I know you don't mean it because married men never hit on women other than their wives....

Now I'm really ROFLMFAO.   So Lapis is both beautiful and funny...


Shawn

Lapis wrote:
Yes, I think many men are so scared of the minority of women with the 'of course I am beautiful and everyone wants to fuck me attitude' that they are afraid to be positive. Most women that really do want to be told (especially by their mate, but others as well) that they are beautiful, and have it not be in a 'I'm trying to fuck you' context. Just a compliment for the sake of verbalizing something you feel.

Besides, different people think different things are beautiful. So if you find someone attractive that might not be getting attention from everybody, telling them will go very far in terms of positive interaction.

Yes. And I used to be afraid of being taken for a sleezy wannabe player, etc. Not anymore. I'm used to telling women they're beautiful (and I only say it when I mean it), I can do it without self-consciousness. So most of the time they accept it with flattery. Every now and then someone takes it the wrong way, but not often enough to worry about it, and hey, if they can't enjoy a compliment for what it is, that's their problem, not mine...

Marko Cecic-Karuzic wrote:
When younger I used to feel like a complete dork telling women they were beautiful. And they'd react that way too. Because I was self-concious about it and they picked up on it, hence, I WAS a dork.

But I've been a photographer for a long time, and beautiful women are my game. So I can tell models, women in the check-out line at the supermarket, the receptionist, my sister's friends, etc that they're beautiful, or perhaps some compliment on their looks (ie "Hey, you have really beautiful hair") and now they tend to smile and blush. Whether or not they know what it is that I do. It's all in the attitude.

i'll add that my attitude has changed since i was younger as well.  Being a very visual person, it's hard not to be struck by people who's look appeals to you.  When i was younger and i saw someone, let's say a grocery checker with beautiful eyes, i'd be so struck by their eyes that it may haunt me for weeks afterwards and I'd feel weird about how powerfully i'd been affected.  I thought there was someting wrong with me.  Now, I come right out and just say how i feel... in a respectful way, and this helps me to process that powerful visual reaction and I can let it go... not carry it around with me and have to feel weird over it.  Does that make sense?
oh.... and i know this isn't what the OP was asking about ... so, i'll shut up now.

{That Lapis is sooooooo Hot!!!]

Ian Weintraub wrote:
i'll add that my attitude has changed since i was younger as well.  Being a very visual person, it's hard not to be struck by people who's look appeals to you.  When i was younger and i saw someone, let's say a grocery checker with beautiful eyes, i'd be so struck by their eyes that it may haunt me for weeks afterwards and I'd feel weird about how powerfully i'd been affected.  I thought there was someting wrong with me.  Now, I come right out and just say how i feel... in a respectful way, and this helps me to process that powerful visual reaction and I can let it go... not carry it around with me and have to feel weird over it.  Does that make sense?
oh.... and i know this isn't what the OP was asking about ... so, i'll shut up now.

This falls within the OP's accepted realm of conversation, and it is also part of what I am saying...i think people (not just men) should verbalize about the beauty they see in something, and that if someone is beautiful in a moment, or something strikes you as beautiful, it should be able to be said without snickering.

Ian Weintraub wrote:
i'll add that my attitude has changed since i was younger as well.  Being a very visual person, it's hard not to be struck by people who's look appeals to you.  When i was younger and i saw someone, let's say a grocery checker with beautiful eyes, i'd be so struck by their eyes that it may haunt me for weeks afterwards and I'd feel weird about how powerfully i'd been affected.  I thought there was someting wrong with me.  Now, I come right out and just say how i feel... in a respectful way, and this helps me to process that powerful visual reaction and I can let it go... not carry it around with me and have to feel weird over it.  Does that make sense?
oh.... and i know this isn't what the OP was asking about ... so, i'll shut up now.

{That Lapis is sooooooo Hot!!!]

Absolutely. I honestly could've written the same thing and it would've been just as autobiographical.

You forgot just one part of the process of letting it go, though. (Though simply saying it helps.) The desire to remake and thus have mastery over what affected you. (Hence, making it art.) I swear that's how I ended up being a photographer, though I hadn't thought that all through at first, and fashion was not my first subject. Wasn't until halfway through art school (like, oh, 5 or 6 years after I first got serious about my interest in photography) that I admited to myself that I loved fashion photography, and that I loved to shoot women in general, and that's what I should do.

(And my "long time in photography" is on the underside of 15 years. I'm 33...)

Shawn Kuck wrote:
So Lapis is both beautiful and funny...

From the proportion of compliments I would get, I would say I am 10x funnier than anything else....(also 4x as weird, if you consider that a compliment, which I do)