This is basicly a humor topic, and just wanted to see anyones respose to the question.  "Top Ten Things on what you would never say to a model"...

"To make YOU look pretty, we don't need a MUA, we need a special effects wizzard"

are you sure you want to eat that

those jeans look a little tight on YOU

i'll just crop your head off this picture to make it look better

boy, the make-up artist has alot of work to do today

turn your head a little more so I don't see you face

wow, your other model friend has a great butt (did this)

don't smile, it doesn't look good

aren't you going to change into wardrobe?
are those the shoes you are going to wear?
let's try a few shots with JUST THE OTHER MODELS.
are you going to fix your hair now?

  yikes!  hahahahahhaha

5) Is that all you brought?
4) I'm only a photographer.....not a magician
3) I don't think this shot really needs a model
2) Oh wait my batteries dead...
1) How do you remove the lens cap?

I have one which *seems* like it should be on that list, but isn't:

(To a model dressed in lingerie, a towel, or nothing:)

"Say, what do you suppose the odds are that a girl who looks like you would let a guy who looks like me see her like this if I didn't have this camera in my hand?"

It's actually my "Line of Last Resort" if I can't get a good expression out of a model. I absolutely guarantee you that that line will get a genuine expression out of a model, no matter how nervous she is. The question is, what *sort* of expression, and how fast you're going to have to duck afterwards.

Here are a few real "Don't say this to a model"'s:

1) "I'm sure glad you signed the release without reading it."

2) (Especially after #1) "It's not MY fault you didn't notice that your top had fallen down."

3) "That's not anything like enough makeup." (The *sentiment* is appropriate at times, just don't say it like that.)

4) "You don't look anything like the pictures on your portfolio." (Unless the next sentence is going to be "I'm afraid I can't use you.")

5) "Postdated check okay?"

M

10)  Go ahead. Touch it. It's clean.

9)  Oh man! I have a cousin whose eye does that same thing yours does!

8)  Let's try this with your back to me. Yeah...and now let's turn the face away too.

7)  They make a cream to take care of that...

6)  Do you ever say to yourself at night, "Sometimes we make bad career choices..."?

5)  Can you scratch that for me? Uh-uh--lower...no, lower...

4)  You know, I found prison wasn't as bad as they said it would be.

3)  That clause in the model release about "first born"--don't worry about it.

2)  No, c'mon! Really. You used to be a guy, right?

1)  I still don't get these digital cameras. Do you know where the film is supposed to go in this thing?

Sure it's ok to bring an escort, but we'll have to tie him up.

Those are really going to sag if you take them out, aren't they?

Have you ever gotten hair caught in your braces?

when she's just suited up in a full laced courset: Oh, no, that makes you look chubby, let's not shoot with that.

#1: No, this is a special camera that doesn't add 10 lbs!