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Nudity and the Ex.
Hello all - I'm pretty new to MM (about a month or so I've been on here), and I've recently run into a hiccup with my ex about the type of work I shoot. I've always been a predominately nude model - nude without being erotic. I've shot nudes of myself for a few years, and I find myself more comfortable in front of the camera that way. I'm unfortunately all too aware of the setbacks and the ideas of being a "nude" model and what it carries with it. Like...all of a sudden, you're a dirty or a bad person, regardless of what KIND of nudes you shoot. For a lot of people, there's no distinction. I know it seems a little trite, but my ex and I (and I know some people are already thinking, "Why are you still talking to your ex?" but that's something entirely different and not fitting for this website either way), got into the other night where he just threw a hissy fit that I had shot more nudes at a recent session. Despite my insistance that he knew me and that he knew I would never do something erotic in nature (as it goes against my own artist's statement), he wouldn't hear a word of it. We've gotten into tiffs like this before, but never as bad as this last one. So, I'm asking both models and photographers out there: what is the deal? Is there something offensive about my nudity or what? What is it that could unsettle someone so much about my body? Argh. Sep 11 06 09:31 am Link ha! your nudity is quite mild comparatively, if you ask me. Sep 11 06 09:35 am Link it's an insecurity thing... I know my GF has a lot of issue about me shooting model at all and really goes off the deep end when I do nudes. While my nudes are not the regular artistic type (so people say). Most don't understand the fact that I shoot with model at all, considering I shoot for car and truck magazines... My take on things is that I can't stiffle my creativity because someone else is not comfortable (besides the model I'm shooting with). I create my image for myself, and for the people who enjoy what I do... no one is ever 100% happy about everything. The choice is simple, could you live with out him, or can you live with knowing your not doing what you want with your modeling? Sep 11 06 09:39 am Link There is nothing at all "offensive" about your nude modeling, in fact the shots in your profile are quite conservative and tasteful. The problem is in the mind of your EX, which I suspect is a combination of jealousy, insecurity and a wish to control your actions. Many of us, both photographers and models run into that problem with our significant others. Several years ago I was having dinner with a lady who could have been very important to me. We had been seeing each other for a couple of months when she suddenly announced my nude photography was threatening to her and I would have to make a choice between her and my figurative art work. I left enough cash on the table to cover the bill, kissed her on the cheek and left without saying a word. We can't allow others to interfere with what we choose to do in our lives. Sep 11 06 10:48 am Link Sounds to me like it might be pretty complicated although others have had some good points. I have a question though ... you're female and your name is "David"? Just curious. Sep 11 06 10:56 am Link Sounds like you've got a choice to make. Either tell him to take a flying leap or tell him "OK, honey, here's my leash. You're in charge." If you're over 18 and haven't signed a contract for him to manage you then the only power he has over your modeling choices is the power you give to him. Sep 11 06 11:07 am Link i don;t see any nudes in your profile, just topless shots. either way, if i were in that situation, i'd tell the dude to shut up or fuck off. Sep 11 06 12:17 pm Link Curt Burgess wrote: Could be a boy named "Sue..." Sep 11 06 12:23 pm Link Why do you continue to give him free rent in yur brain over this. Are you not a grown woman? Do you need a male guidince in your life? This is simple, he either respects what you do, may be even try to offer encouragement or you accept that he doesn't and don't share that with him. Why waste time with some one that brings negativity to you and sucks the energy from you creativly and emotionally. Some people really get off on controlling people by doing just that. If it's so bad to the point that you have to post this on an interner fourm then you already have your answer: Move on. Sep 11 06 03:10 pm Link There is a reason why he is an EX, and there are results of him BEING an EX...one of which he minds his own damn business. End of Story. He does not own you. Sep 11 06 03:30 pm Link First off - if this is an ex, there *should* be no reason for him/her to be attempting to manipulate your life in whatever regards, and that's exactly what you are saying: Manipulation. Now, secondly...I've had a very similar problem from both sides of the shotgun barrel. One, because I am photographer that prefers to shoot artistic/sensual and even sometimes erotic imagery. Secondly, because I am a musician that works in a band that does solely original material and tours on occasion. Both of the above aspects have, at times in the past, been serious issues to one degree or another with my Significant Others. I'm a creative person and do what the Muses propel me to do creatively. If I don't have an outlet for my creative energies I get what would probably be about as close to serious PMS for a man one can imagine. But, as I said, this has been a serious problem for me. Just because I am photographing a pretty, nearly (or totally) nude woman DOES NOT mean I have any aspirations/intentions of sleeping with her. Likewise, just because I've written a song and play it live for an audience DOES NOT mean I have any particular desire to say "LOOK AT ME". I do what I do because I love doing it. The fact that other people enjoy my works on occasion is a Bonus - NOT a reason to do what I do! So, after many years and several major problems with S.O.'s about this, I decided to try and get the bottom of it all (I am, after all, a scientist in real life!). After many experiments and research ideas, I have come to the conclusion that it's really not about any of the above to the S.O.'s - what it really comes down to is the fact that, in some strange but relatively real ways, I am being *intimate* with either the model and/or the audience. This *intimacy* isn't necessarily sexual at all, but it is a sharing of creativity with those that enjoy it...or maybe, more specifically, those that are relatively on the same wavelength as you are. This is something that, obviously, your S.O.'s are not tuned in to with you and, hence, feel left out of the loop. This is the root cause of the arguments, the jealousies, the accusations, etc. I think there is also another layer of *something* in there too. A lot of S.O.'s are generally not as creatively inclined - if at all - as their counterparts are. While they may not be as inclined, it doesn't mean that they don't *wish* they were. Some things you either have or you don't - and it doesn't matter whether you want them or not! So, you add this layer on to the intimacy thing, above, and I think you might have a pretty good view into the heart of the matter you are speaking about here. Then again...maybe none of this makes sense to you guys....but it certainly does to my experiences in life. There isn't much you can do about it either, unless you want to stifle your own creativity which, in the long run, is very bad for the soul. I think that, generally speaking, most creative people are never going to have very stable relationships with those that have no inkling as to what drives us, whether we want to be driven or not. My 0.02 -Rowen Sep 11 06 03:31 pm Link Whether he is your ex or your current boyfriend doesn't matter. If you're doing what you want to be doing and have no problems with it, then he has one of two choices: 1. Support and encourage you. 2. Shut up about it an move on. Beyond that you can't help but be who you are. Sep 11 06 11:38 pm Link That's always a rough situation. I know my boyfriend has lots of issues with me shooting anything remotely "risky" in nature, especially if a male model is involved. And it definitely is an insecurity issue. I can't really offer anything but empathy as I haven't discovered a healthy compromise on the issue yet. I'm not sure there really is any compromise. Either he needs to deal or you need to stop doing nudes. However, if you give in once, the next thing you know it may be "Don't do lingerie shots" then "Don't show your midriff or cleavage" and so on and so forth. That's how it's gone in my relationship. And trust me, it's an uphill battle all the way to regain the lost ground once you've given in to one of their demands. However, your situation does beg the question "Why are you letting your EX dictate your behavior?" If you approved of having him butt into your life, I'd think he'd not have the prefix... Sep 12 06 12:08 am Link what nudes? i don't see anything on your page that i'd call a nude. Sep 12 06 12:11 am Link date men instead of boys if this happens again, lose the dude permanently and get a restraining order against him. Sep 12 06 12:12 am Link what is he jealous for? he is your ex! he should get over it! also, did he ever see u naked? maybe he jealous becasue he never sawy ou naked. xxx gigi Sep 12 06 12:13 am Link David Lucas wrote: I understand where you're coming from. Some of my brother's friends were not being very good about my modeling.... they think it's "weird" as they don't get what it's about. And when he told me not to talk about it when a bunch of friends are over at his place. Which made me very angry, since I see nothing wrong with what I do, and happen to be very proud of my work. But the funny part is when I showed up at his place after a shoot, everyone was asking how it went, those that are chill with it, as well as those that aren't. So I had no choice but to talk about it. Sep 12 06 02:11 am Link I don't see any nudity at all, you have clothes on. I can't get how models think sometimes, if you say galmour they think swim suit, which is wrong, glamour is nude but not showing anything, like from the 50's pin up style of shooting. Nude means nude, no clothes nothing, not showing this but my bottom is covered and I'm tired of the hands covering the breasts, either show them or have something on, or possible shoot at an angle that doesn't shot the front of them etc. But just because you don't have gloves on your hands doesn't mean you are shooting nude, if you have any clothes on you are not nude. period! Sep 12 06 03:37 am Link Say good bye to this guy until he can understand and appreciate your passion. Thought they were more evolved than this in santa fe. Sep 12 06 03:43 am Link In the context provided: post hoc overinflated sense of entitlement. Or just a very restrictive, illogical moral standard. The End. Sep 12 06 03:52 am Link Nihilus wrote: Well-said. Sep 12 06 04:14 am Link I'll jump on the other side of the fence. Yes I shoot nudes, no I wouldnt want my gf (or someone i care about) taking topless or naked pics to be viewed by thousands of people. Its a double standard, but this is the way I feel. My 3 cents, Chris A Hughes Sep 12 06 04:25 am Link ChrisHughes wrote: Okay, but as a photographer who shoots nudes, wouldn't you realize that your feelings are irrational and keep them to yourself? How you feel about what your partner does isn't the only consideration. It's not your decision. We either accept each other or move on. Sep 12 06 10:48 am Link Rowen wrote: Very well said! I feel exactly the same thing when I shoot with models. In some ways, it is a more cerebral and superior to sexual attraction. Do musicians feel something similar with their audiences? My very limited stage experience (church muscials back in the late 70's) suggests that they do. Sep 12 06 04:56 pm Link |
