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When relationships get in the "Picture"
So lately I've been getting more into the industry as a model working more seriously at building a well rounded portfolio. The issue is not my manager or photographer but my boyfriend. We've been going out for about seven months now. He attended one of my car shows and saw what happens there with other girls. But I was stationary in my spot with my clothes on nothing skimpy jeans and a cute shirt. Finally we go out together as a couple and now after I've been having a lot to add to my portfolio he hates what I do... He claims he has no interest in my industry and that it's a "dirty" industry. Things like sleeping with people to get what you want. I don't in any manner do that but to him that's just the general idea. I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes. what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship?? PS i don't do nude or erotic or porn... A lot of you have been saying to dump him...now now...He has nothing wrong with him...he's an awesome guy to be with and we make a great couple but the only thing that'll set him off is when the subject of modeling is brought up. Usually he aks why I do it even though I don't get paid and I show my body for free and all that stuff...Yes I feel he's insecure but is there a way to calm his nerves about this? Jun 22 05 03:10 pm Link Get rid of the boyfriend. If it's not this issue, there will be another issue down the road that he'll feel similarily about and want to keep you from being a part of. I've seen this with several of the girls I've worked with. Eventually, they get rid of the boyfriend and are much happier, whether they continue modeling or not. Jun 22 05 03:23 pm Link He obviously has issues, please drop him now before it's too late! Also, what you do has everything to do with your relationship... Your career is what you like to do, and is a part of who you are. If you are ok with what you do, you should have a guy who is also ok with it. And just a head's up, you may not think that posing in skimpy clothing or lingere is erotic, but most men do. And by most men, I mean the average guy. Not the guys on MM. In this industry we can get "numb" to all the sexy stuff. I showed my mother my re-done website with my new "glamour" pictures and she was absolutely shocked! So, maybe you should find a guy who is equally numb. Jun 22 05 03:27 pm Link It seems like you will have to choose modeling or the boyfriend. Ask yourself which is more likely to benefit in the long run. P.S. He sounds controlling and insecure...not something I'd want in my life. Jun 22 05 03:27 pm Link Welcome to Incaration #4,567,656 of the "The Jealous & Insecure Boyfriend Topic." Here we go again.... Jun 22 05 03:54 pm Link I'd say he's a great decent guy that's just not fond of my modeling thing...to me it's something i'd love doing but to him he claims theres so much more to do out there...and he as well claims he's not open minded and i'd have to deal with it... But put it this way i've been trying to do more of fashion shoots and to him it's something he can deal with... Jun 22 05 04:00 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: You're beautiful....he's jelous. Jelousy is a dangerous place to go, stay away at ALL costs. Jun 22 05 04:03 pm Link You can't win the argument, cause he's not open to the facts. I once had a girlfriend who considered me too macho, just because I like fast cars. Now, if you knew me, you'd know I'm not the macho type. I couldn't make her change her mind, because somehow it was in her mind that any guy who likes fast cars is automatically some macho guy, with all that meant for her. You have the same kind of problem. No matter what you say and what the reality is, he won't believe it. So, if modeling is the end-all-be-all for you, then you better drop him. Better think twice about that, though, if you really care about him, because modeling can be a pretty flaky business. Jun 22 05 04:11 pm Link Is the relationship based on trust, love, understanding, loyalty, respect and support? If not, is it something physical and fleeting? Weigh what you want the relationship to be against what you want your modeling career to be. Which is more important, which is always going to be there improving your life's goals? As soon as I met my new girlfriend, I showed her my work and explained how I work. I invited her to some watch me work as long as the set is not closed, and she is the kind of woman who is way kewl and supportive. She's mature. Another woman I wanted to date didn't think highly of "naked pictures" and as a result we spared each other's time and emotions. Jun 22 05 04:22 pm Link With all due respect, and many have already stated this, but this is an issue of control and trust. And I bet if you look with clear and open eyes, you will see other subtle ways that he is controlling. This is so much like the guy who meets a stripper, they date and after a few months he wants her to stop because he doesn't like the idea of other men looking at her naked. Pardon me dude, but weren't you one of those guys? And for the cherry, he gets to keep on going to the clubs. This is also a case of someone who is insecure with themselves and no doubt feels threatend by people giving you attention as you will get from modeling. Doesn't matter if it's fashion, swim or nudes.. What he doesn't understand is that a photographer and staff have WAY too many things to be concerned with then just gawking at you.. Sure, a GWC may be that way, but a pro is looking to get an awesome image not a cheap peek.. Life is too short, live it for you.. Anyone who you choose to join you has to respect you and your lifestyle. Afterall, they are the invited guest.. Jun 22 05 04:44 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: As I stated in a previous thread on this topic. Jun 22 05 04:51 pm Link Posted by John Allan: Posted by Nyah Matela: As I stated in a previous thread on this topic. I don't think it's so much about not getting it as it is trust. I bet this guy and the BF from the other thread, get pissed off if some guy on the street or club looks at her. That's trust, not not getting it.. Hell, why not think of that look as a compliment; "lucky dude, he's got a hot girlfriend".. And say to himself "yea buddy, I'm lucky, I have her and you don't.." Jun 22 05 04:57 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: Really, did you look at your own photos? Jun 22 05 05:36 pm Link Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Nyah Matela: Really, did you look at your own photos? Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me. Looks mostly to be lingerie. Jun 22 05 05:44 pm Link If he cares about you, he'll let you do your thing. If he has a problem with it... maybe you're in a relationship with the wrong person. Jun 22 05 06:00 pm Link Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Nyah Matela: Really, did you look at your own photos? Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me. Looks mostly to be lingerie. Not erotic? Are those photos not meant to excite? Erotic to me so thus erotic, no. Jun 22 05 06:49 pm Link Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Nyah Matela: Really, did you look at your own photos? Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me. Looks mostly to be lingerie. Not erotic? Are those photos not meant to excite? Erotic to me so thus erotic, no. Yeah, but you're a dog, so a fire hydrant or anyone's leg is erotic! ;-> Jun 22 05 07:12 pm Link Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by Jack D Trute: Posted by Nyah Matela: Really, did you look at your own photos? Doesn't look like nude or erotic or porn to me. Looks mostly to be lingerie. Not erotic? Are those photos not meant to excite? Erotic to me so thus erotic, no. Yeah, but you're a dog, so a fire hydrant or anyone's leg is erotic! ;-> Let's answer to this myself...I think erotic is when one is in the extreme side of sexual where there's explicit poses involved. Here I'm pretty much laid back posing - not licking or doing anything more than PG. In this case I have to say that it's not the pictures that make one upset but it is the approach of which ignorance leads the blind... Jun 22 05 09:54 pm Link Posted by John Allan: Posted by Nyah Matela: As I stated in a previous thread on this topic. There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....Put it this was i wouldn't put up with this crap if he wasn't worth it...but i understnad u what to do with someone who doesn't even want to know??? Jun 22 05 09:57 pm Link I'm not being an ass but I had the same problem with my girl. She tried to make me choose, her or photography. I chose photography - she left! But she came back, and now she's my biggest fan. I tell her all the time that I rarely see the model when I'm shooting since I'm checking for so many other things that can ruin an image, and thinking about the touch ups and all the other things that are gonna make the picture a Hot Ass Image! Jun 22 05 10:05 pm Link I agree with the whole, its your life and he has no say and etc, of course. BUT I guess, putting myself in your boyfriend's shoes and, although you don't have nudity on your portfolio, most of it is lingerie, which in a boyfriend's eyes could be easily seen as something sexual. My boyfriend doesn't like the thought of me being naked or scantily clad in photographs either, but that's not my main forte, so he can't use it as his primary argument. Just saying I can kind of see both sides, I guess. I don't think it's fair for internet parties to call fault to said boyfriend and automatically assume he's crazy with jealousy. We cannot see the interaction between Nyah and her boyfriend. Once I explained to my boyfriend why I enjoyed modeling and why I did it, it seemed to help curb his feelings a bit (which were minor in the first place). I don't feel that I would say 'Dump him! Dump him!' unless you feel that after trying carefully to communicate your true desire in the industry and hoping he would understand, and he still continues to treat you in a not such a good mate way.. (Am I even making sense now?) I would hate to draw a hard and fast line at 'boyfriend vs modeling'. Uh.. yeah.. that's my two cents. Jun 22 05 10:19 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: Posted by John Allan: Posted by Nyah Matela: As I stated in a previous thread on this topic. There are time when he would tell me maybe i need someone of my field to understand me....Put it this was i wouldn't put up with this crap if he wasn't worth it...but i understnad u what to do with someone who doesn't even want to know??? "What to do with someone who doesn't even want to know???" Jun 22 05 10:23 pm Link Posted by EMG STUDIOS: I applaud you....that was a bold move now all i can say is that with everyone saying what they have said you have patience in explaining what you do...sometimes it's just a tad harder for us models here...and for the few photographers who do ruin it for all of us in the bin... Jun 22 05 10:35 pm Link Posted by Aurora: You're one of the only ones who spoke this way. I definitely would not have continued going out with this person if he was a total ass but then just saying that when it comes down to this subject all hell lets loose... Jun 22 05 10:37 pm Link Well I might suggest talking to him about it, and even find a 'tog who's cool with him coming along just so he can see that it's all kosher. I had my boy come along and I think it kind of helped him, he even said that he could tell I was good in front of the camera :p (and he isn't so great at taking pictures, haha) But I wish you luck! Jun 22 05 10:40 pm Link People are going to give you the knee-jerk reaction of "dump him immediately." I totally disagree w/ that. The modeling issue is the smoke-screen of deeper issues that are being brought to the surface. I think you & your guy have discussion on your hands. You know him a lot better than we do, only you can evaluate if your desire to model outweighs your desire to be w/ your guy. Or is there a compromise solution? Its one of those things you'll both have to figure out. In the meantime, best of luck to you. Matthew Jun 22 05 11:02 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: You're one of the only ones who spoke this way. I definitely would not have continued going out with this person if he was a total ass but then just saying that when it comes down to this subject all hell lets loose... What's kinda funny here, is it seems that the guys are saying to dump him and the females are taking to defend him. Granted, besides you Nyah, none of us know you're BF and are making judgements based on our experiences. Jun 22 05 11:14 pm Link Posted by Lisa Fortier: While I don't believe in his God, I can't think of anything more glorifying to God than glorifying his most alluring and magical creation. Jun 22 05 11:14 pm Link Posted by Nyah Matela: All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret. Jun 22 05 11:26 pm Link Posted by Keith aka Wolfie: They would tell any model to dump the boyfriend if he is getting in the way of her stripping for them. Jun 22 05 11:36 pm Link Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Keith aka Wolfie: They would tell any model to dump the boyfriend if he is getting in the way of her stripping for them. Man, that's bitter. Sounds as if you've been turned down for nudes by this girl or some girl and you're taking it personally. Jun 23 05 12:00 am Link Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Nyah Matela: All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret. Yes, I looked at her portfolio. It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio. If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares? Are you her boyfriend by any chance? Jun 23 05 12:01 am Link Posted by Nyah Matela: Start using accurate language like, "Nothing happens there that would threaten our relationship". It's a much stronger statement than "what I do has nothing to do with our relationship", which is exactly how a lot of young women prefer to say it. It sounds defensive, stand-offish, indifferent, indignant and, if you wanna get technical about it, high-schoolish. In other words, you're not engaging your partnah with equal respect. Jun 23 05 12:19 am Link I reviewed your portfolio. Your boyfriend has a point and if you are doing Import car shows, I REALLY understand his concern. Perhaps he cares about you more than the people that are saying dump him. Just a thought. Jun 23 05 12:25 am Link I've tried bringing him to my shoots but he refuses saying what is done behind the scens will not be shown in front of his eyes. He has trust issues. This is a topic for discussion between the two of you to find out why he would imply that things would be done behind his back. Without trust in a relationship there can't be a strong relationship. Maybe an issue in his past and something you can open up about to open communications. what to do when you feel you're willing to give up you whole modeling career just to gain his trust and keep your relationship? How should I handle explaining to him what I do has nothing to do with our reationship?? When you search in your heart you know the answer. Your relationship is relatively new so might be hard but ask yourself some questions. A lot of you have been saying to dump him...now now...He has nothing wrong with him...he's an awesome guy to be with and we make a great couple but the only thing that'll set him off is when the subject of modeling is brought up. Usually he aks why I do it even though I don't get paid and I show my body for free and all that stuff...Yes I feel he's insecure but is there a way to calm his nerves about this? you should be asking yourself the question he asks you and why you do. See what you come up with for your answer to yourself. Jun 23 05 12:30 am Link Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Nyah Matela: All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret. Yes, I looked at her portfolio. It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio. If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares? Are you her boyfriend by any chance? The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces. Jun 23 05 12:32 am Link Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Nyah Matela: All those lingerie photos sure look like they are heading towards porn...more so than Victoria's Secret. Yes, I looked at her portfolio. It's just as tasteful as the boob shot in your portfolio. If her portfolio isn't art to you, or isn't up to your standards, who cares? Are you her boyfriend by any chance? The boob photo is just a body part. That is different from a girl wearing underwear and wings and making sexy faces. That could easily be said about your portfolio as well. Don't be such a snob. It's beneath you. Jun 23 05 01:27 am Link Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: That could easily be said about your portfolio as well. Don't be such a snob. It's beneath you. It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point. Jun 23 05 01:43 am Link Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: That could easily be said about your portfolio as well. Don't be such a snob. It's beneath you. It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point. I honestly don't understand your point. Jun 23 05 02:00 am Link Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: Posted by Aperture Photographics: Posted by XtremeArtists: That could easily be said about your portfolio as well. Don't be such a snob. It's beneath you. It could be easily said, but not with a straight face. I obviously seem to have struck a nerve, which was my point. I honestly don't understand your point. If there was no truth to what I said, you wouldn't be so eager to respond over and over. If I was completely off base, you would have ignored me. I think there are enough people with an understanding of human nature to see that. Jun 23 05 02:12 am Link |