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Whats the nicest way to turn someone down?
Does anyone else have this problem? Last year I put an ad up looking for art models. To my surprise I got a TON of responses. So basically I got lots of phone calls and had conversations with people stating what was involved and what I was looking for etc. Everyone was very nice. In the conversations I used terms like height/weight appropriate etc. The thing is, in one case the woman was not anything like she described herself. I decided just to shoot anyway, because I felt it would be too mean or possibly damaging to her self esteem to say she didn't meet my "standard". Anyway, this just started me thinking about how to nicely turn someone down? Jun 16 05 05:18 pm Link if it's of big importance that he/she looks in a specific way why not ask them for an email with 2-3 untouched photos. front, side and face. clean representative photos and then take it from there? Jun 16 05 05:30 pm Link You have to toughen up otherwise you'll have all sorts of problems. You can simply say I'm sorry but you don't meet my current requirements. As for the one who LIED about her stats, not only did you mis-represent yourself but you have completely wasted my time, have a nice day. Ask yourself, "how much time do I have to waste?" Jun 16 05 06:23 pm Link Chris..yes, I did ask for photos, but many of the people had never modelled before and actually didn't have any digital ones to send (yes, I was surprised to find this out too!). Fred..I'm plenty tough, but if there is a nicer way to let someone down I'm interested in improving on the people skills side. I have no problem being blunt or direct (check some of my other posts haha) but its that thing of when you find you are in more demand and you dont want to offend or worse $iss people off that might potentially be of help to you in the future. Anyway, thanks for both responses...  Jun 16 05 06:32 pm Link "Diplomacy consists of combining honesty and politeness. Both are objectively valuable moral principles. Be honest with me, but don't be mean to me." - Jimbo Wales Jun 16 05 06:42 pm Link Do you want your work floating around with models that are not "up to your standards"? No? Then don't shoot them. It reflects badly on you. If they don't have a photo, ask them to meet with you to discuss the project. If they are not up to your standards, tell them you will get back to them to set something up, and then you can let them down gently. That's one suggestion... Jun 16 05 06:44 pm Link I'm dealing with this right now, more than ever. I'm working on two projects, one reasonably high-profile in the circles in which I work. Unfortunately, those circles are filled with "goth" or "alternative" models, and I'm shooting more mainstream. I'm having to say no more often than yes. So here's what I've done, and perhaps this might give you some ideas: 1. I put up a web site outlining the project. Check it out: http://Revelation.AmblerPhoto.com - you'll see that I defined my genre and what I'm going for. This has tended to slow down the obvious not-right contacts. 2. I'm adamant that I want to see a profile (OMP, MM, etc) along with the expression of interest. No profile, or no pictures, and I have no way of knowing! 3. I'm shooting tests first if I've not worked with the model. NO PROMISES. We do a test and see. This way, if she's not appropriate I can say so, still take an hour to shoot a test, and go from there. 4. Most importantly - don't be afraid to say no. There's no rudeness in saying, "You know, you've got a great look, but it's really not what I need for this project. Can I keep your contact info and get in touch when my next project comes up where you'd fit?" Hope this helps! Jun 16 05 07:07 pm Link Unless I've seen some current work from a model/subject (and I mean within the last two months--because ANYTHING can happen in two months) I will set up a meeting. Because of the nature of my work, having some sort of rapport before they even see a camera is a good thing so I almost always have one face to face before a shoot with models I don't know. As important as their look--for me it's personality. If you were doing a traditional casting, someone would have probably seen your model in person before you booked them and could say, "Yeah, s/he looks just like this photo." It is important not to get guilted into shooting with someone. Your time could be better spent doing just about anything else that is of value to you. If someone shows up at a meeting and they don't match what you are looking for simply say, "I really appreciate your interest but you don't quite fit the look of the person I want to cast for this shoot." It's honest, it's polite and pretty kind. I've had to tell this to people I've met in person after looking at photos that suggested they looked otherwise. I could never let it get to the point that I was ready t shoot and couldn't guarantee that my model didn't look damned close to the photos. If this is too harsh for someone, it really isn't your problem. Jun 16 05 07:19 pm Link I almost always meet before the shoot unless she has reliable references from photogs or as a test from an agency. Even that has almost bit me in the ass once. "oh, I think I look better now that I gained 25 lbs" said the girl who's ultimate goal was to be in Playboy. It took everything I had in me not to spit my coffee out my nose! Needless to say, in keeping a good relationship with the agency, I meerly stated that my scedule was really booked and had limited times to shoot. Funny thing is, everyday she had available, I was booked *Wink* After a while, we meerly lost touch. Jun 16 05 07:31 pm Link Ed, hmmmmmm..... I think my agent would have a problem if i suddenly gained 25 lbs!!! heheheheehheheheehehehe, naturally, that meant she didn't look like her pics. did she think you wouldn't notice or something? RFLMAO!!! Geeeeeezzzzzzzzz! Zoe Jun 16 05 07:42 pm Link I had to deal with this issue once for my Game. I simple told the model, "I apologize for the confusion, but you do not seem to meet the requirements as I specified them. As such, I can not do the shoot with you as it would be a further waste of both of our times, If something comes up that you would be apporpiate for, I will definately be in touch with you." That was it. She left with self-esteem intact, and I saved myself the trouble of dealing with a model that was a DD breast size when I specified A or B cup only. Jun 16 05 07:48 pm Link You handled that very well, IMO. Posted by Ty Simone: Oh, the irony! :-) Jun 16 05 08:04 pm Link Posted by Chris Ambler: Posted by Ty Simone: Oh, the irony! :-) Unfortunately, the morphing software would really go crazy on the shadow cast by big breasts. Jun 16 05 08:26 pm Link I will I will! You can wrap me in cellophane and give me a whole litany of cheesy sci-fi lines! Plus...I am a B! Jun 16 05 08:33 pm Link Posted by Studio200: That's really annoying. Jun 16 05 08:43 pm Link Well the best way to let somebody down, is to reply to them and tell em that they aren't what you're looking for at this time. Be professional and respectful about it. You don't need to tell them why in great detail or make comments about their appearance. Just tell em you aren't interested. Jun 16 05 08:44 pm Link Posted by marilyne: No need to wrap you in Cellophane, And you can come gracious my basement with your presence anytime. Jun 16 05 08:49 pm Link hey everyone...just wanted to thank you for your comments. This thread has given me some good ideas. -Dennis Jun 16 05 09:43 pm Link If it's for a paid job, just tell the model she's not what the client is looking for. If it's for submission/consideration by an agency or other client then tell the model she isn't exactly what you need for this particular shoot but will call her if you have something that fits her look. If it's straight TFP/CD for something you want to do then you can do as you did and shoot, then critique the images with the models and tell her what she needs to change/improve on in order to shoot with you again. Jun 17 05 12:05 am Link everytime i have put out a casting call..i tell everyone up front..dont call me..i'll call you if i am interested... i have never had to turn anyone down... Jun 17 05 12:10 am Link Posted by Fred Brown: I agree with you on that one. Jun 17 05 12:50 am Link I also have to say ... If you find a model that wants to work with you but may be a bit THICK, it is VERY VERY VERY rude to tell her she is fat! I've seen so many photographers actually say they have told models that they were "fat" or "too fat" yall need to learn some respect, cuase that is VERY rude. If you don't want to work with someone but want to put it in a nice way just say you're not what I need for this certain project/pictures. That just brings their self esteem down a lot unless they are proud to be a bigger women. Jun 17 05 12:54 am Link Posted by CO Model Amber: so whats a good word?..there are plenty of models that think they're "plus models"..(i work with plus models and they aren't fat..they are tall have flat tummies just like the skinny girls..just a larger dress size is all)..these models are fat..so what should we call them? Jun 17 05 01:15 am Link Well, some don't like to be called "fat" yeah some do prefer to be called a "plus size model" but just becareful who you say it to cause you might just call someone fat or plus size to the wrong person. Like I said if they arnt what you're looking for this just be like you're not what I am looking for this project or shoot that I'm looking to do. Jun 17 05 02:09 am Link Posted by Studio200: "Let's just be friends." Jun 17 05 03:13 am Link You mean you're supposed to be nice? I usually just say "thanks but no thanks" unless they ask fore a reason. Jun 17 05 09:06 am Link Posted by Doug Swinskey: I agree with this one to avoid that problem. I received this one.. Jun 17 05 11:34 am Link Posted by AshleyDanielle: Ashley, you should write them back and tell them they spelled the word wrong. Jun 17 05 11:45 am Link I simply tell them that they are not what I am looking for at this time. Jun 17 05 11:56 am Link Posted by CO Model Amber: There is a difference between being a plus sized model and being fat. You would not call a plus-sized model fat since she's in porportion. Jun 17 05 01:44 pm Link Nicest way to turn someone down? Well, Sweetie, I think you are beautiful, and you have great potential, but at this time, It just isn't what I am looking for. However, I have some other photographers that may be interested, can I pass your name along to them. Of course then someone else has to tell her she is not all that. :-P Right Mike? You here Mike? Jun 17 05 02:37 pm Link Posted by Joe K. Perez: Posted by AshleyDanielle: Ashley, you should write them back and tell them they spelled the word wrong. LOL yeah noticed that.. Jun 17 05 11:23 am Link Posted by Studio200: Charge them and up the costs. Jun 18 05 05:26 am Link I tell them I am booked for the next year and a half or so. Jun 18 05 06:22 am Link Posted by Anthony Citrano: Well said, and remember that you're not running a charity. Jun 18 05 06:49 am Link Posted by Chris Ambler: That is good advice, I liked Ty Simone's too "Well, Sweetie, I think you are beautiful, and you have great potential, but at this time, It just isn't what I am looking for. However, I have some other photographers that may be interested, can I pass your name along to them." Jun 19 05 09:46 pm Link Posted by Studio200: Be honest...if your booked..tell them your booked. If they are not what your looking for, tell them they are not what you are looking for on this project but would be happy to keep them in mind for any future projects. I always respond in honesty. I mean you shouldn't be "mean", if you don't think the person is that attractive..then just say. I'm sorry, I am no longer accepting models for this project. That one..yeah may be a little off the honest track, but it is kind of better than saying something mean. I have no problems whatsoever turning someone down. I am nice about it too. Jun 20 05 11:36 am Link |
