greet people by sticking your nose in their crotch.

actually that isnt really creepy if your a dog.

On the way to a remote shoot location in the car, turn to the photographer and say during the first awkward pause:

"Y'know, if I shot you, no one would ever know..."

Drive 8 hours to the shoot in your '87 corolla all by yourself with everything you own in the car.

When the art nude shoot is almost over, start explaining how you're only 16 and your husband stole your 4 year old kid and kicked you out of the trailer in the hopes that you can stay at the photographer's place for a day or two at the most.

wow chaoa...you really know what not to do! how many times has all that happened to you!? LOL
i would say the worst thing could be for a she to suddenly be a he during an artistic nude shoot. yikes.

I think my two oddest moments were...

...when one model started explaining where all of her bruises came from... with lots of detail... several of them from photographers...

...when I asked a model if she wanted any water and she said "Um, do you have any alcohol?"

damn,  i've already seen a few things mentioned here -- and i've been shooting only 5 years i guess more fun ahead....

also, if photographers shoots polaroid film for proofing try to steal all of it right before you leave the studio, after all he/she doesn't need it anyway, right )

I hired a model, with which I had worked on several of her shoots, to assist me with another model's shoot.  The second model was driving from California to Washington, stopping to shoot with me before she went home the next day (she dumped her boyfriend at the local McDonalds and said to wait for her - I love her style).  Anyway, what I didn't realize was that the assistant-model was taking straight shots out of my vodka ... by the time the shoot-model got here, all the assistant model could say, in a very slurred voice, was "Be Hot! Look Hot!" ... then she went upstairs and crashed in my guest room. So much for an assistant.  Incidently, the shoot-model did look hot, but not because the drunk assistant told her to.  I was embarassed, to say the least, and that's the last time I ever used the assistant-model again.  She's great as a model; sucks as a drunk assistant.  /t

walk around all sneaky with your own music that says" buh dum bee dum buh dum be dum" with every step, then stop once someone stops to look and see if you are following them?