Lance was born in 1972 in the trendy South Beach area of Miami. It was a difficult birth made even more so by the infant Lance's coarse hair and prominent cheekbones. His mother, Sunny, never fully recovered. Lance quickly grew tired of the warm climate and gentle sea breezes of Miami. He wanted something more for his family, but he wasn't sure what. Coal mining had always been a hobby of his, and he felt it was time to make it his career. He was getting older and it was no secret that few were able to break into the mining biz after 40. Goodbye South Beach, hello coal mining country, where the future has no limits if you simply believe in your dreams.

It was obvious from the start that Lance was a gifted child. He was also creative with his hands, often making up Harley; the family cat, to look like popular swimsuit models of the day. Mr. D Boils's dream was to have Lance work side by side with him in the mines. Of course, that dream died an ugly death when Lance was chosen as the poster boy for 'Stripple' a yeast based food staple popular in the finer coal mining communities. This drove an instant wedge between Lance and his father. In fact, 'Pops' was often overheard saying to his son, "You're dead to me, Lance. You're as dead to me as your dead Mother." Which struck many as odd because Mrs. D Boils had not yet expired.

During a family vacation to Mt. Rushmore young Lance became enthralled by the giant faces carved into the sandstone and spent many hours digging in the dirt at the base of the mountain, trying to uncover the torsos. He vowed to read everything he could find about these great men, but soon grew bored and instead decided to become a male model.

Lance was popular in high school though many described him as 'weird', 'scary' and 'stupid'. Because of his good looks Lance made of the cover of his high school yearbook four years in a row. By the nineties, Lance's modeling career was white hot. He became the first person ever to appear simultaneously on the covers of Forbes, Time, The Economist and Blueboy.

LANCE'S STATS

Height: Perfect

Weight: Pre purge, 192 - Post purge, 170

Age: You're only as old as the girl you're sleeping with. So I guess that makes me 18.

Favorite Look: If it's rainy, I'll go right for Blue Steel. If it's sunny, I'm all about Le Tigre. But I think that goes without saying.

Favorite Music: I like classical music, especially The Thong Song by Sisqo.

Favorite Movie: Anything with John Forsythe in it. The man's the greatest male model who ever lived, and he doesn't even know it.

Favorite Book: I just read the first two paragraphs of the novel by Britney Spears and her mother, and it's already my favorite book. Brava!

Favorite TV Show: Citizen Kane. I love John Candy.

Favorite Sport: Orgy-ing. Are you listening, Olympic people? Goodwill games people, anybody?

Favorite Exercise: See above.

Favorite Food: Anything that doesn't look too gross on the way back up. Definitely not meat loaf.

Favorite Modeling Location: The North Pole. I got to meet Santa. Nice guy. One of the few fat people that I didn't find totally disgusting.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?: You're only as old as the person you lose your virginity to. So, I guess I was 53.

If you could have lunch with any person, living or dead, throughout history, who would it be? I don't know. I mean, it really depends on where we're having lunch. For instance, I definitely wouldn't want to take Hitler to the Carnegie Deli.

What's your best feature?: My nose. Or my eyes. Actually, my cheekbones are pretty outstanding. But, honestly, my abs probably get the most attention. Unless I'm in a swimsuit, then my legs. Of course, my hair's nothing to sneeze at

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