Perceptive Portraits wrote:
Stumped by what to write about yourself in your model bio? Maybe you have a good one but think it needs some more punch? I'd love to help spark some inspiration to come up with something great!

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Here's a sister thread to this one: https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=852462

This sounds fun, any ideas for me?

Perceptive Portraits wrote:
Stumped by what to write about yourself in your model bio? Maybe you have a good one but think it needs some more punch? I'd love to help spark some inspiration to come up with something great!

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Here's a sister thread to this one: https://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=852462

I am so lost on my bio...

third person writing was creative crap, additions of the same information twice isn't working well, a non-retouched photo is about the ONLY thing working in my bio...less credits/affiliations/published links...

I know I inquired before and I did what I could but...

HELP!!

ps- I HATE writing about myself

Autumn Rose Brightly wrote:
This sounds fun, any ideas for me?

Hi, Autumn. I remember reading your bio in the past and liking it. I still do. You have a good backbone for your bio; digging deeper might give it a boost.

I'd take out the first line  (after the quote, I like quotes ) and get right to why you're really here: "I am a curvy girl who wants to teach women to embrace their shape by being a role model for others like me."

_eMMe_ wrote:
Oh yes, please. My english is not so good and it's hard to write something decent. In Italian I'm a quite good writer and it SO frustrating to be unable to express myself in english...

Emme,

Don't worry, I think I understand what you are trying to say in your profile. Let's pump it up a little.

Maybe something like...

"I am an actress, stylist, and model who has worked many years in fashion, theater, and cinema. I seek to collaborate with other professionals to create interesting, artistic, and unique projects. You can contact me not only for modeling but also for styling and art direction. I'm glad to collaborate with photographers to develop their ideas and themes in creative ways."

Does that sound a little more like what you want to say?

Melodye Joy wrote:
I am so lost on my bio...

third person writing was creative crap, additions of the same information twice isn't working well, a non-retouched photo is about the ONLY thing working in my bio...less credits/affiliations/published links...

I know I inquired before and I did what I could but...

HELP!!

ps- I HATE writing about myself

Don't give up, Melodye! Let me think about it for a little while and I'll get back to you.

Love_mya wrote:
I just changed my bio recently and would love some feedback or anything there that might be confusing, i want to stamp out confusion!

Wow! Yours is a long one. Before I jump in, is your current profile working for you? Are you getting the kind of work you like or are the inquiries made to you not what you really want to do? Knowing this helps me give you better feedback.

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Wow! Yours is a long one. Before I jump in, is your current profile working for you? Are you getting the kind of work you like or are the inquiries made to you not what you really want to do? Knowing this helps me give you better feedback.

Yes..because it will stamp out the GWC and those that are serious about creating some really intense artistic images... I have only changed it in last few days, Before the change, most photographers were confused about the sort of images i do-all my shots are implied erotic, explicit images (whatever anyone wants to call it) ..does that help?

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Don't give up, Melodye! Let me think about it for a little while and I'll get back to you.

Okay, Melodye, I think I have a few simple things to help. It might be long but I hope you find it helpful. Before you try to rewrite anything, try to think of your bio in these terms...

1) Networking is important as a model and professional, absolutely no doubt about that. However, nobody is going to leaf through all of your sites to find out what is different, if anything, between each one. Just remember that if someone is reading your profile here on this site, you don't want them to wander into so many sites that they might not come back. My suggestion is to keep it simple. List your static site (melodyejoy.com, where your bio and body specs live) and include the ones with the freshest updates (likely Facebook and Twitter) and take out the rest.

2) First impressions are important. Introducing yourself before listing your work history warms up the cold facts to come. Something like this could do the trick: "I'm a girl with a die hard work ethic and do my best to rocket any idea thrown at me into orbit. I have split teeth and a lisp but I'm not afraid to smile or shout out words like "success" just because they're hard." (I'm making this up as I go so it might sound a little wild--I'm just trying to get you thinking.)

(Side note..."toe headed" is actually "towheaded". Seeing your pictures and what you look like I would never compare you to a toe. ).

3) Publications. It's very, very important to demonstrate your experience and past work; however, it's also important not to scare away a potential client with every single gig. I suggest picking the ones that demonstrate your diversity best, listing those on MM and making the full list available on your website. That way a curious client still has full access to all the details if they want to look deeper.

Here's how I imagine a successful profile, structured in the way you've already established, to go...

Introduction
Image of your current self
Expertise
Invitation to contact you
Anything else you want to share

In my opinion, the shorter the better. Potential clients really just want to get a feel for who you are (via your profile), how you might be to work with (maybe a brief comment from a previous client), and what kind of results they can hope to achieve (your portfolio).

I hope I didn't overwhelm you. If you do make any changes I'd love to read your bio again. Don't give up! I'm sure you'll do great.

Best regards,

Wendy

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Emme,

Don't worry, I think I understand what you are trying to say in your profile. Let's pump it up a little.

Maybe something like...

"I am an actress, stylist, and model who has worked many years in fashion, theater, and cinema. I seek to collaborate with other professionals to create interesting, artistic, and unique projects. You can contact me not only for modeling but also for styling and art direction. I'm glad to collaborate with photographers to develop their ideas and themes in creative ways."

Does that sound a little more like what you want to say?

Thanks, it sounds good I'll be glad to add something more, if you will help me.

_eMMe_ wrote:

Thanks, it sounds good I'll be glad to add something more, if you will help me.

Sure! What else do you want to say?

Beth Chambers wrote:
Anything you think I should change?

Your bio is clear and to the point. I wouldn't change a thing.

Christina Sanchez wrote:
I'm up for sugestions

(Whistles) Your opening paragraph overwhelmed me with data. I suggest trying something like this instead:

My name is Christina and I have a passion for fashion, getting in front of the camera and testing my limits.

The rest of the info about your backstory is interesting but if you really do want to keep in there I suggest hard core summarization. Simpler is always better for a bio, as you want people to spend more time looking at your portfolio than reading your life story.

Good luck!

Acanthus Tattoos wrote:
I'd like some feedback on my bio, thanks!

"my tattoos are leafy and somewhat inspired by the style of leaves on stone carvings on old buildings"

^ I love this line! I think it should be part of your opener.

"My tattoos are leafy and inspired by the style of leaves on stone carvings on old buildings, which are as majestic and timeless as the images I like to create."

Cristal Bell wrote:
Help away! I do appreciate other creative suggestion

You need a good opener. How about something like...

"My body is my canvas, and I was recently crowned the MISS TENNESSEE TATTOO 2013."

Scarlett de la Calle wrote:
Oh god please do! I never know what to write for these things and I know mine personally sucks!

Your bio isn't all bad, just be more specific.

"Looking for a model with muscle definition and grace? I'm your girl. My style is to flow from pose to pose to make artistic images. TFP will only be accepted if your style helps me reach my goal."

Something like that.

winking_wonder wrote:
Sure, I was told I need to add some more of my personality to my bio!

Actually I thought your bio had plenty of personality to it. You include pertinent details and have organized your thoughts well. There are a few sentences that feel a little long but that's probably just how you talk, and since the rest of your bio matches your "voice" it doesn't distract me. My only suggestion, and this is being nitpicky, is to shorten the longest sentence in your first paragraph so it's not so run-on. You have a lovely avatar by the way.

Danielle Reid wrote:
I could use some help

You start with this:
"Hello everyone! My name is Danielle and I'm 23 years old. I've never been the type to just ramble on about myself so I'll give it a try. For starters I want to be a model...."

...And by now I've moved on to your portfolio or another profile. You need a good opener. 

Tell me something I can't find anywhere else on your profile. Your second paragraph, the one that starts with, "Yes, my hair is red..." is a great way to begin. Just taking out that first paragraph makes it better already! 

I hope this helps. 

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Actually I thought your bio had plenty of personality to it. You include pertinent details and have organized your thoughts well. There are a few sentences that feel a little long but that's probably just how you talk, and since the rest of your bio matches your "voice" it doesn't distract me. My only suggestion, and this is being nitpicky, is to shorten the longest sentence in your first paragraph so it's not so run-on. You have a lovely avatar by the way.

Thank you so much!

Cynthia Serrano  wrote:
Sounds fun let me know

Hello my fellow MMer's! Thank you for checking out my page!
Here is a little info about myself I am very easy going, kinda
goofy tongue and extremely professional. See below for references.
I am looking for paid work however I will consider very selective TFP.
Please contact me for rates.

*I am currently unavailable to shoot until further notice*

Your intro is informative but not super exciting--not that it has to be, this is just for fun so I'll give you an exaggerated response.

Maybe you could try being creative with the specifics. Any time someone reads about how a model is interested in TF*, like it or not their mind wanders to what they can get for free. You might help them out by saying what kind of TF you're willing to consider. So many people say stuff like "I'm willing to do TF only if it contributes to my portfolio" and to that I say "any work you do will 'contribute' to your portfolio." I uploaded a picture; tada! I added to my portfolio.

You could set yourself apart by saying something like, "I will consider TFP for any shoots that include but are not limited to jumping out of planes (yes, plural), swinging from bungee cords (also plural), and/or other creative ideas that tickle my fancy."

Kind of out there but at least you'd get someone's attention. Hope you come back to modeling soon, your portfolio is lovely.

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Hello my fellow MMer's! Thank you for checking out my page!
Here is a little info about myself I am very easy going, kinda
goofy tongue and extremely professional. See below for references.
I am looking for paid work however I will consider very selective TFP.
Please contact me for rates.

*I am currently unavailable to shoot until further notice*

Your intro is informative but not super exciting--not that it has to be, this is just for fun so I'll give you an exaggerated response.

Maybe you could try being creative with the specifics. Any time someone reads about how a model is interested in TF*, like it or not their mind wanders to what they can get for free. You might help them out by saying what kind of TF you're willing to consider. So many people say stuff like "I'm willing to do TF only if it contributes to my portfolio" and to that I say "any work you do will 'contribute' to your portfolio." I uploaded a picture; tada! I added to my portfolio.

You could set yourself apart by saying something like, "I will consider TFP for any shoots that include but are not limited to jumping out of planes (yes, plural), swinging from bungee cords (also plural), and/or other creative ideas that tickle my fancy."

Kind of out there but at least you'd get someone's attention. Hope you come back to modeling soon, your portfolio is lovely.

Thanks! Haha I love this I might just copy and paste it

"I will consider TFP for any shoots that include but are not limited to jumping out of planes (yes, plural), swinging from bungee cords (also plural), and/or other creative ideas that tickle my fancy."

Cynthia Serrano  wrote:
Thanks! Haha I love this I might just copy and paste it

"I will consider TFP for any shoots that include but are not limited to jumping out of planes (yes, plural), swinging from bungee cords (also plural), and/or other creative ideas that tickle my fancy."

Go for it, I hope it works! Haha

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

Go for it, I hope it works! Haha

Check it out I added something to it

Perceptive Portraits wrote:

You start with this:
"Hello everyone! My name is Danielle and I'm 23 years old. I've never been the type to just ramble on about myself so I'll give it a try. For starters I want to be a model...."

...And by now I've moved on to your portfolio or another profile. You need a good opener. 

Tell me something I can't find anywhere else on your profile. Your second paragraph, the one that starts with, "Yes, my hair is red..." is a great way to begin. Just taking out that first paragraph makes it better already! 

I hope this helps. 

Thanks ill fix it

Maria Susanti wrote:
yes pleasee

For yours maybe you could add something more specific about the kinds of concepts you like llamaing for; bridals with bright colors, or editorials on the beach, or something like that.